Why Do I Still Love Her Getting Past An Ex
Updated July 08, 2020
It is safe to say that the vast majority have been in a situation where we have a long-term relationship come to an end and yet still can’t process it. After all, putting that much time into something and seeing it suddenly can be an emotional shock that isn’t easy to deal with.
While walking away from a meaningful relationship is difficult, it can be even more difficult when you aren’t the one to make that decision. And what is worse is that no two breakup situations are quite the same.
For instance, a person may be oblivious to the fact that their deep love may not be felt by both parties. The other person may be thinking, “I had a love for that person once, but it just isn’t there anymore.” And the other party may not be any the wiser.
There are plenty of situations where we fall in love but can’t sense the underlying tensions that may be bubbling just under the surface. And while it is easy to fall in love, it is never easy to go through a breakup.
Even when you are the one doing the dumping, it can still take a while to get over a breakup or feel like you will fall in love again. But far too many of us have been left on the other side of the equation, wondering just what happened, what we could have done differently, and how we are supposed to move on from this jarring change to our lives.
Why is it so hard to let go?
Again, no two situations are the same. One person may feel hit particularly hard by a breakup for entirely different reasons than another person or still love that person. But there are plenty of common reasons why it can be particularly difficult to move on in the wake of a devastating breakup.
Loneliness is one of the major factors of pining for your ex. Depending on the amount of time that has passed, that time spent pining for someone else can lead to a serious feeling of loneliness. Instead of focusing on things that you enjoy, spending time with friends, or getting back out there, all your focus is directed towards something that will not reward you.
When we are lonely, it can make us strive for any affection, attention, or want to fall in love again. This is what leads to wanting to go back to an ex: we think about all of the positive times we had with that ex and don’t consider the negatives of how that person made us feel with the breakup.
Technology also makes it vastly difficult to get over an ex. Before the advent and popularity of technology, you might have to worry about running into an ex, but that would be the end of it. But with social media, it is possible to see your ex everywhere you look.
Social media has made it possible to see what a person is doing everywhere they go. Instagram allows you to see photos and videos featuring the ex (including if they have found someone else to fall in love with), Twitter lets you know what they are thinking, and Facebook is an old school combination of the two.
One of the major struggles of getting over an ex is because there is no distance from them. Being able to see what they are doing – and who they are spending time with – can only exacerbate the feeling of desire for them. And that does no good for getting rid of those wanting feelings.
It can also be a struggle to get over an ex because we tend to only remember the good times in most breakup situations. Sure, there are instances where a relationship is so toxic that neither side is upset that it has come to an end, but more often than not, one party will be left pining.
When we are especially sad about the loss of that person, we will want to take a focus off of the issues of that relationship and view it through rose-colored glasses. This only leads to dwelling on the relationship and can make it difficult to move forward.
And perhaps the biggest reason that there is for a failure to move on is that most of us are afraid of being alone. Even for the youngest of us out there, it may seem there will never be another person out there that can love us the way that our ex did.
That fear of being alone is enough to motivate us to pine after that ex for far longer than is healthy or positive for us. And when we continue to strive to get back with that ex, it only makes the attachment to that previous relationship that much stronger.
Even though it may not seem like there is anyone else for us out there, it is important to look towards the positives, focus on ourselves, and try to move forward with our lives. Staying fixated on that failed relationship rarely has positive effects or leads to positive growth.
So, how do you move on?
Each person is different, and some of these may work better for some than others. Still, these are some of the best suggestions for getting over an ex because they are fairly simple. Keeping it simple is a great way to get over your ex because any kind of complication can only lead towards getting lost in thought, and getting lost in thought ultimately leads back to your ex.
Before getting into these suggestions, it is important to note that professional help is just a click away. Finding that professional help means contacting the crew at ReGain.
As mentioned in the section above, social media can make it incredibly difficult to get over an ex. It becomes easy to obsess over a former flame when you see everything that they are doing and thinking. It can be all too easy to want to see what they are doing or who they are spending time with, and that can only lead to further obsession. Unfriending or blocking your ex’s profile is the best way to escape this obsession.
One of the most difficult but ultimately beneficial steps to take is to get rid of any reminders of your ex. It can be so beneficial because it means jettisoning those reminders from your life and starting with a clean slate in your life.
This can be particularly difficult because we want to think about all of the good times that we had with an ex, not cutting them completely out of our lives. But getting rid of those reminders is the best way to move forward. Anything that reminds you of them is a string that keeps you attached to them in some way.
There can also be something cathartic about getting rid of those items from an ex. It can represent a metaphorical wiping of the slate and can make it feel as though you are embarking down a fresh, new path in life.
Contacting an ex can seem like a good idea, but that is one of the biggest pitfalls when it comes to getting over them. It may take everything you have to not contact an ex, but try to restrain yourself. Contacting an ex can only lead to those overwhelming feelings of longing remaining for far longer than is good for you.
Getting support from your friends is perhaps one of the best suggestions out there for getting over an ex. This can be for a number of reasons. Maybe one or more of your friends wasn’t fond of your ex; they can be there to provide the negative comments about your ex that can make it seem like a bad idea to want to go back to them.
Most of all, friends are there to support you. They want you to feel better and want you to get through this hard time in your life. That means that they will be there to talk you through the bad times, to take you out to get your mind off of things, and reinforce the positives about you as a person.
Simply put, friends are the best way to get over an ex because they remind you of the important people in your life that are not your ex. They will be there for you even when your ex has dealt you a psychological blow.
When your friends aren’t able to be there, making a change in your life can be highly beneficial. Maybe redecorating a room in our homes can lead to that change. Going on vacation is a great method of implementing some change as well since it means literally getting away from the area where your ex happens to be.
The ultimate goal of moving forward from an ex is to grow as a person, learn about ourselves and what makes us happy, and to look towards the positives that we have in our lives. This is more difficult for some, but moving forward is possible. Though it can be difficult to move forward from what seemed like an important relationship, a little pain and personal growth can go a long way.