What To Do When You’re In A Relationship With No Chemistry

Updated December 21, 2022by ReGain Editorial Team

Being in a romantic relationship is supposed to be exciting. You want to be able to feel those butterflies in your stomach every time you’re close to the person that you love. You may be dating a shy girl but still you love her for being gentle and understanding, or you could be with someone with a strong personality yet you feel like you really click. When you’re in a relationship with no chemistry, it can be tough to figure out what to do. There are no electric feelings that you were hoping for. Is there any way that you can fix this so that your relationship can become what you desire?

What Causes Chemistry Between Two People?

The science of attraction states that you need to feel some sort of chemical reaction with someone you love. To figure out what you should do or how to find out about it, it’s a good idea to examine what causes chemistry between two people. Simply put, chemistry is a word that is used to describe an emotional connection between two people. Sometimes you will just meet someone, and you’ll feel like you can connect with them easily. This means that you have good chemistry with one another.

In the context of a romantic relationship, chemistry is something that makes you feel drawn toward your partner. When you have good chemistry, it will make you feel like you absolutely love spending time together. You might even find that your thoughts will drift toward your partner when he or she isn’t around. For some couples, chemistry is going to be an instant thing. Others might have no chemistry at first.

As for what causes chemistry, that question is a bit harder to answer. It’s usually going to be a combination of different factors. Some people might have good chemistry due to having compatible personality traits. Others might have the right chemistry for a romantic relationship based on a mutual attraction. It comes down to the individuals, and people value different things in relationships.

Can Chemistry Develop Over Time?

Can A Relationship Survive Without Chemistry?

If you're constantly questioning, "Why is my husband not attracted to me?" or "I'm not attracted to my boyfriend or husband, what should I do?" your relationship may be experiencing struggles with the connection. It’s definitely worse if you’re the one saying, “I’m not attracted to husband at all.” That being said, your relationship might have some chemistry to work with.. It just might be a smaller amount than you’re used to. Some people need to be able to warm up to each other for a while before the true chemistry of a healthy relationship can present itself. Many people are even a bit shy until they get to know a new romantic partner. After you’ve spent some time together, the dynamic of the relationship might completely change. Chemistry can develop over time, but it might not be easy if there is no connection there at all. If your relationship truly has no chemistry, then you might be wondering whether or not it is worth trying to save. If you just aren’t feeling like your relationship is going anywhere, then your partner likely feels the same way. Chemistry goes both ways, and your partner is going to be able to tell if there is no chemistry as well as you are.

Being attracted to your partner is important, but that isn’t the only thing that matters. You can have a slight attraction to someone and wind up developing amazing chemistry. You might want to spend some time doing fun things together and see if any sparks start to fly. They just might if you’re willing to let your guard down and give someone a chance.

Try to give your relationship a little bit of time to see how things develop. If you have spent several dates with your new partner with no connection, then you can decide together if it’s time to move on. There’s a good chance that chemistry will develop as you strengthen your bond and get to know one another. The chemistry may not have been instant, but that doesn’t mean there's absolutely no connection there.

Compatibility Matters Too

Compatibility is also something that matters in a relationship. People can be very compatible with one another without having much chemistry. There is a common misconception that compatibility and chemistry are the same due to the terms erroneously being used interchangeably. These two things differ quite a bit. Compatibility is referring to how similar people might be when it comes to their lifestyle choices and values.

Your chemistry with someone does matter, but compatibility is huge in a relationship. Many people even think that compatibility is much more important for the long-term success of a relationship than chemistry. Chemistry is something that can develop, but your compatibility with someone will be tougher to change.

Whether or not someone is compatible with you has to do with their personality and their background. Important things, such as a person’s values and life goals, will play a role in how your relationship plays out. Don’t write someone off because the chemistry isn’t as strong as you like. That chemistry could develop over time, and your high compatibility might wind up, making you happier.

Chemistry Isn’t the Same As Love Either

You should also know that chemistry isn’t the same thing as love either. Love develops over time, and it is about building a deep connection with someone. Chemistry has more to do with the initial connection that you have. It’s about the vibe that you’re feeling when you’re spending time with someone. Having good chemistry can lead to you developing love, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll wind up loving each other.

Some people with good chemistry wind up having short-term relationships that are more about physical lust than love. Others will use their chemistry to nurture a true bond that will grow into something long-term. The reason for pointing out the distinction between love and chemistry is to give you hope. Chemistry can grow over time, just like love does. Your feelings for the people in your life can change, so you might not have to give up just because you aren’t feeling that chemistry with your new lover just yet.

Advice For Developing Chemistry

The best advice for developing chemistry with a new lover is to spend more time together. You should try going on dates and doing more fun activities together. Sometimes you’ll discover that people are completely different when they decide to let their hair down. Plan out some fun activities that both you and your partner will enjoy.

This is going to give you a chance to get to know your new partner. You’ll be able to get a feeling, or no feelings, for what makes your partner who he or she is. Once you’ve had more time together, you’ll likely notice that your feelings will start to change. You might become attached to your partner, depending on how well these activities went. It just depends on whether the connection is going to be there once you’ve had time to get to know one another.

If you're still feeling no connection after several dates, then it’s likely that you just aren’t that into each other. At this point, it’s going to be important, to be honest about the chances of your relationship’s success. Not every relationship is going to wind up being long-term, and that’s okay. Just don’t give up too soon if you feel like your partner deserves a chance.

Here’s the Science

Everyone wants true love and some can even say most people live their lives for it, changes their behavior for it, is interested in it, or hopes to find deeper meaning in their current relationship, and people in the world today may forget (in their quest for it) that there are chemicals in the brain involved here. It’s not just about romance, intuition, and passion. Science has a role in how we love others. The three major chemical players at work are dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. These three chemical components determine the growth, or no growth, of romantic human connections. When you have spent time with your love interest, there’s a better chance of bonding with them. Your brain releases these loving chemicals. Love is a roller coaster of emotions, but it’s also scientifically driven. Romantic chemistry is highly influenced by what our brains are telling us. Your heart rate increases when you see someone you like because they’re releasing pheromones. You crave interacting with that person since they trigger the dopamine response in your brain. It’s essential to have that primal chemistry with your love interest. That’s what sparks the intense chemistry between you and the one you’re crushing on. Chemicals are powerful and can influence the way we relate to others. When the dopamine flows through your brain, after you meet someone you like, you crave them more and more. It’s a love high, and you’re willing to do anything you can to keep that brain sensation going. Of course, it’s not just about hormones and chemicals. It’s important to take into account that insane chemistry has to do with an emotional connection as well as a physical one. Science and love are interconnected, but it’s not the only component to making chemistry that lasts.

Good Chemistry Doesn’t Mean True Love

Were you fooled?
You may have strong chemistry someone, and everything seems perfectly fine at the beginning of the relationship. You like them, and they’re attracted to you. It feels like things are progressing nicely, and you’re ready to see where the relationship goes. When you see them, your heart rate increases, you blush when you make eye contact with them, and they take you out of your comfort zone. It’s new love, and you’re excited to learn more about the person. You want to get to know them on a deeper level and see if that romantic love is there. You also don’t want it to feel awkward and forced. Once you have that physical chemistry, it’s time to see where it goes. There are practical tips to get to know your new interest, and you can ask a relationship expert or a marriage and family therapist to learn more. But you probably know the basic ones. You don’t need a relationship expert or sex therapist to tell you if you vibe, or if there are no vibes with your new crush. It’s a lot easier to dive in and find out if you can see yourself falling in love with this person. Take a leap, and see if you connect or if there's no connection with this person. Trust your gut, and keep spending time with them. You’ll discover what the truth is. Let’s say you go for it and start to date them. You realize that there's no connection or chemistry with them. It’s confusing because you thought the chemistry was there in the beginning. It could be that you’re not into them as a person. There was an attraction there, and that was perfectly fine, but now there's no attraction. That’s a different feeling. You’re nervous about making eye contact with them because they will know that you’re not into them like you once were. There will be broken hearts all around when the two of you realize that there's no connection. The reality is that physical chemistry doesn’t mean there will be long term relationships ahead. You could be super attracted to someone and then realize you have no similar interests, or you’re not intellectually stimulated by the person. For many people, that’s a major factor. Every person is unique, and you need to decide what you need for romantic chemistry. When your needs are met, that will keep the chemistry going.

When you’re searching for love, you want to find someone who matches up with what you need. Woman, man, non-binary, gender fluid - everyone deserves to have a person that loves them for who they are. You’re seeking a love interest that you have been envisioning, one who has particular qualities. The person is physically attractive, stimulates you intellectually, and challenges you. When you meet that person, it’s a relief. You have a romantic love with a person who understands you. But, when you think you found the one, the chemistry is there, and after some time, there's no more spark. Now you’re perplexed. You don’t understand why you were once super attracted to your love interest, and now there's no connection. That’s a strange feeling, and it’s understandable that you’re confused. You didn’t imagine that physical chemistry or connection. Those feelings were real, but unfortunately, they were fleeting and not enough to sustain a long term relationship. There are many elements that go into a successful partnership, and it’s not only physical attraction. Initial physical chemistry is exhilarating, but it’s unlikely that it will result in a long term relationship. Eventually, there's no more connection because it fizzles out. That’s why you may be confused. It’s upsetting to think you found someone you could be with indefinitely, and now that connection is no more. What happened? You thought you found a person you clicked with, who wanted you, and you wanted them. It turns out you were mistaken. You weren’t fooled or duped, the initial connection was there, and it wasn’t strong enough to last. The short answer is, no, you weren’t fooled. But this person wasn’t the one. There’s a person out there who you will have great chemistry with that includes a physical, romantic, and intellectual connection. You can keep looking for someone who has the full package.

Moving On From The Relationship Is An Option

Sometimes you do have to know when you need to move on because there's no connection. If your connection with your current significant other is lacking, then you might not think that it’s worth continuing to try to work things out. There are going to be relationships in your life that simply won’t last. There isn’t anything wrong with deciding to move on when you feel it is the right choice to make.

You might wind up needing to find someone that you have better chemistry with to feel comfortable in your relationship. When chemistry doesn’t seem to be developing between you and your new partner, it can be disconcerting. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about your chemistry concerns. It’s always going to be best, to be honest about things rather than to lead someone on for too long.

The truth is that staying together could wind up holding you back from finding someone that is a better fit. You also might be holding your partner back from finding a better love connection. It’s tough to say what the right decision is without knowing more about your situation. You might be able to develop chemistry, or you might want to start seeing other people. You must examine your relationship with a critical lens and then go with whatever option your gut instinct says is right.

Online Couples Counseling Can Also Help

Can A Relationship Survive Without Chemistry?

This is always going to be very convenient for you, as well. If you’re a busy professional, then you might not have time to seek out traditional therapy. This is completely different since it allows you to get therapy from the comfort of your own home. You’ll be able to reach out at any time and will be able to get the help that you need on your schedule. Consider signing up for couples therapy today if you want to work on building your chemistry or if you need to realize that there's no connection with your partner. Online couples counseling is another option that you can consider. If you want to try to work on your relationship and develop your bond, then a counselor might be able to help you. They can work on issues that might be present in the relationship and can also give you important advice. These professionals understand romantic relationships, and they’ll be ready to help you with the best possible advice.

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Can A Relationship Survive Without Chemistry?

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is Sex Life Chemistry?

A good sex life in a relationship can take your relationship and intimacy far. While sex isn’t everything, it’s important. In online dating, you can talk about your sexual interests and sexual feelings, but the sexual chemistry is only revealed once you’re together.

Good sexual chemistry means that you’re willing to try new things, enjoy similar sexual moves, and both feel satisfied at the end of it. Now, during the beginning of the relationship, it’s common for the sex to be a little awkward; you’re still figuring each other out. However, if you’re deep in the relationship and there's no sexual chemistry, that could be a deal breaker.

As mentioned earlier, mutual respect when you spend time to communicate your deepest desires is extremely important. Whether it is with a current partner or a potential partner that you’ve been on multiple dates with, respect between two individuals or perhaps several, is vital to form or create trust. Some people during these conversations hold hands to connect emotionally but this is dependent per situation.

  • Identifying your photo. Some online dating sites may use face scanning technology to identify your face and figure out your information.
  • Finally, an online dating site could sell your information to advertisers.

Can You Have a Relationship Without Chemistry?

While healthy relationships typically start when chemistry exists, no romantic chemistry does not mean that you cannot have a stable relationship. Since compatibility and chemistry are two different things, a couple can have a great deal in common with no sexual chemistry.

What Does No Romantic Chemistry in a Relationship Mean?

Some people never feel chemistry in a relationship. These couples are often together more out of convenience than anything else. The couple typically seeks no relationship advice because they do not have a relationship that needs repairing. They simply exist as a partnership with no sexual, no physical, or no emotional attachments.

People will engage in a long-term relationship without chemistry because:

  • They do not want to be alone
  • They are in an abusive relationship and do not know how to getaway
  • The couple has children and stays together so that the kids aren’t raised in a broken home
  • The couples cultures and customs frown upon divorce
  • The social status of the couple is more important than their relationship; separation would have a negative impact on their public image.

While people can maintain a successful relationship without chemistry, typically, there are outside factors that force or encourage the couple to stay together, even with a lack of chemistry.

What is Chemistry in a Relationship?

Great chemistry exists when two people feel a connection when they are together. The best way to explain chemistry in a relationship is to think about the people that you love and the people that you have no interest in.

When you are around the people you love, you are able to be yourself and let your guard down. However, when you are around people that you have no feelings for, you tend to feel a sense of discomfort and hostility.

In a successful relationship, most couples have both compatibility and chemistry. They quickly feel the positive energy when together and crave that chemistry when apart.

Sometimes chemistry is instantaneous; you feel an immediate attraction to someone when you meet them. Other times, chemistry can take time to develop. You may be an acquaintance of another and there's no sense of great chemistry right away; chemistry isn’t instantaneous. As you get to know the other person, you may develop a sense of compatibility and chemistry or come to find out there's no connection.

Does Chemistry Matter in a Relationship?

The majority of the time, chemistry should exist in a relationship. It is essential not to mix up sexual chemistry and physical chemistry. Many partners can live happily in a sex-free relationship. Perhaps there are medical reasons that the couple cannot have a sexual relationship; however, they have great compatibility and chemistry on an emotional level.

How Long Does Chemistry Last in a Relationship?

Relationship advice experts agree that compatibility and chemistry can last a lifetime in healthy and loving relationships. While some couples do reach an impasse and reach a point where they no longer feel a connection, others never reach this point.

People who feel that they are with their soulmate understand what it is like to be with someone who they have compatibility and chemistry on a physical and emotional level.

Those who have no connection or chemistry with another may not have a long-term relationship with their partner. They may eventually part ways because the chemistry isn’t there and there's no connection left to keep them engaged in the partnership.

Can Chemistry Go Away?

Sometimes chemistry does fade. Mutual interests change, desires change, and people change. If the compatibility and chemistry are no longer there, then the relationship will typically end.

A lack of chemistry, however, does not mean that the relationship should exist no longer. Plenty of couples maintain a relationship without feeling the chemistry they had when they first met. It is natural for sexual and physical chemistry to change over time. If, however, you still have emotional chemistry, that is exceptional.

Emotional chemistry means that you care a great deal about someone else and that you never want to see them hurt or in pain. Having emotional chemistry with someone is just as crucial as having sexual chemistry and physical chemistry.

Can You Force Chemistry?

When chemistry doesn’t appear to exist, you cannot force it. A relationship can exist when there's no romantic chemistry evident, but typically when compatibility and chemistry are absent, there is not much to keep you together.

Some people just refuse to be alone, and even when chemistry doesn’t exist, they still stay in the relationship.

Counselors who give relationship advice are often puzzled why people would stay together when there is no compatibility and chemistry in a relationship. However, to those who live without chemistry, they would rather stay together, even with no connection, than to be single.

Can you feel chemistry in a kiss?

Kissing is one way to feel chemistry with your partner. You can feel the connection you have when you kiss someone. It’s important to have chemistry with the person you’re dating. You can get all the dating advice you want, and it will likely include looking for chemistry and compatibility. There is a direct connection between the spark and how you relate to your partner. When you’re making out with someone you like, there’s something tangible in the air. Whether you’re a guy or girl, you can experience that intense feeling of true love. You don’t care what’s around you. All you feel is the connection between you and your love. Even as early as high school, that chemistry can happen between two people. Teenagers don’t give it much thought and go with their intuition. Sure, they may ask for dating advice from their friends, but ultimately a teen can spot someone they like after dating a lot of people. There’s always one person who stands out among the many. There’s an individual who you’re drawn to, and you can’t wait to be around. Maybe they’re intriguing or mysterious. Chemistry has a lot of elements to it. You could have a fascinating connection with one person, and your friend could find that same individual boring. Chemistry is individual, and it’s unique to each person. Maybe your friend made out with a guy, and it didn’t work. You kiss him, and it feels like there are fireworks going off even though it’s silent in the room. When you kiss someone you have chemistry with, there’s nothing like it. You will feel it, possibly for days!

How do I know if I have chemistry with someone?

It’s an important question: do you have chemistry with someone? The only way to know is by dating them. If you feel drawn to a particular person, and want to know more about them, follow that instinct. There’s a connection between intuition and chemistry. Both of these things are gut reactions. Your stomach is considered a second brain. That’s why you feel it in your belly when you like someone. If you’ve heard of the “butterflies in the stomach,” that’s what that’s about; chemistry. You feel excited to see that person. You may have incredible chemistry with them. You can imagine the connection, or fantasize about what it could be like, or you can try it out. Even if you get expert dating advice, that can’t account for chemistry. You can search for someone you’re compatible with, who understands you, but it needs to click. Dating advice can only go so far. It would help if you found a partner that gets you, and you understand them. You can tell if there’s chemistry with the person if you feel excited to be around them. If you want to touch them, and you can’t wait for them to caress you. These are signs that the spark is there, and it can get better and better over time.

Can a relationship survive with no chemistry?

Chemistry is one of the qualities that makes a relationship thrive. When there’s an intangible connection between two people, that can go a long way. It’s something that is there or is absent. If you don’t have that connection, it’s not something that can be created. A relationship won’t survive if there’s no spark between the two people. If you’re feeling a lack of spark or the other person doesn’t feel connected, it’s likely that it will fizzle out. You may get dating advice from friends where they tell you not to continue a long distance relationship. You don’t necessarily have to be physically close to someone to feel the attraction. Some people feel that spark by having an intellectual conversation with the person that they’re dating. And these conversations can happen over video chat, text, or phone. You can maintain the connection you already have with someone, whether it’s in person or long distance. But you have to have that connection in the first place. There has to be something between the two of you where you feel connected wherever you are. There are some instances where you think about your partner, and they call you. Some might argue that it has to do with the incredible attraction between the two of you. You’re so connected that you feel when the other person is thinking of you and need to reach out.

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