Are You Wondering, “Is It Normal To Still Love My Ex?”
All relationships end on different terms. Sometimes, all we need is a clean break and a fresh start to bounce back from a partner we once cared for deeply. But other times, the pain from going separate ways lingers uncomfortably, haunting our innermost thoughts and wreaking havoc on our mental health. In these situations, we tend to wonder what that pain means and why it will not go away. At one time or another, we have all wondered, “is it normal to still love my ex? Do exes come back?" Here is what you need to ask yourself so that you can decide.
Is It Love?
Before you can jump to a question like, “Why do I still love my ex?” or "Why do I miss him?", you must make sure the feelings you have are those of love. When going through a breakup, lines are easily blurred between anger, love, lust, and grief (as well as many other emotions). Some of you may already think of how to get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, and some might still have feelings left. You might believe you still have lingering romantic feelings for a person, but in reality, the thoughts could come from someplace else. It is normal to interpret these other emotions incorrectly, but in most cases, with enough insight, you can draw the line between love for the person and other subconscious ideas. So yes, it is normal to still love your ex, but it is also normal to lust after them or miss their company.
Honestly, ask yourself the following:
Do I Still Love My Ex Or Just The Person I Thought They Were?
Break up can force someone to show their true colors. While during the relationship, your ex might have seemed like the perfect match for you, the breakup may have revealed a side of them you had never seen before. When a loved one’s personality changes right in front of your eyes, it is often painful. Instead of love, you might be feeling grief or betrayal over the loss of who you thought your ex was.
Do I Love My Ex Or Am I Just Grieving The Loss Of What Could Have Been?
When we are with someone for a long time, we naturally begin to imagine what the future looks like with them. You may have discussed life plans like marriage, buying a home together, or starting a family. Now that this future is no longer an option, it is important to understand if you are still in love with your ex or if you are mourning the life you no longer will have with them.
Do I Love My Ex Or Just A Version Of Them I Have Created?
Why do I miss my ex? Time has a way of playing tricks on our memory. During your relationship, all your ex’s flaws were in your sight every day. But, their absence in your life might be leaving you with a sense of nostalgia. Make sure you do not simply forget their bad qualities and only remember the good ones. If you can only recall the best things about them, you might be creating a version of them in your mind that is better than the original. It’s important to remember all aspects of someone, positive and negative.
Do I Love My Ex Or Am I Attracted To Them?
There is a difference between love and lust. It is important to find out where the line is when it comes to your ex. Are you missing them or just your physical relationship? If the thought of them being intimate with someone else bothers you, but you don’t mind them starting a new relationship, you might just be dealing with leftover feelings of attraction.
Do I love My Ex, Or Do I Feel Like There Is No Resolution?
If a relationship ended particularly abruptly or angrily, it might be difficult to deal with the frustration of being unable to speak mindfully. If your relationship did not have a solid “end,” you might be convinced that you still need your ex in your life. It is normal to feel bothered by the lack of resolution, but it does not mean you are still in love.
Whatever your answers to the above questions are, know that your responses are completely okay. Even if you still truly love your ex, it does not mean that something is wrong with you or that you will not get over your pain. Ask yourself the following to make sure your feelings are nothing to worry about.
Is The Grief Stage Over?
If you love what you are feeling, realize that it takes time for that feeling to go away. There was a reason this person meant so much to you during your relationship. Those feelings will not go away overnight.
Remember, it is okay to grieve the loss of a relationship, and in most cases, it is normal to love still a person you are not quite ready to let go of. Many rules float around when it comes to breakups. Well-intentioned friends might say something like, “it will hurt one month for every year,” or “one week for every month” you have been together. Know that this is not always the case. Emotions do not change or go away based on a hard and fast rule.
If you are still in love with your ex because you are deep in the process of grieving, allow yourself to feel those painful emotions. Trying to bury them in your mind will only force them to grow and potentially show up in other areas of your life. To connect with these feelings, try:
- Journaling
- Art
- Meditation
- Talk therapy (including online therapy)
- Online counseling
Do You Still Have Perspective?
An important part of accepting your feelings as normal is keeping them in perspective. If you can understand why you still love your ex but can move on comfortably with your life having that knowledge, there is likely nothing to worry about regarding your lingering emotions.
You need to see your relationship for what it was, good and bad. It is okay to mourn the loss of the good and find peace in the idea that the bad will no longer affect you. If you have perspective, you will accept the feelings of love you have for your ex and know they do not have to mean anything.
Can You Remember Why You Broke Up?
Remember, there is a reason you and your ex broke up. Maybe you both wanted different things. Maybe your personalities were not compatible anymore. Realize that as painful as it is to admit, there is an explanation for why the relationship did not work.
Signs Your Feelings Need Help
For the most part, loving your ex after a breakup is a normal part of the process of separating. However, in some circumstances, those lingering feelings might be holding you back from moving on. If any of the following situations apply to you, it is time to start healing.
Your Mental Health Is Suffering
If thoughts like “I still love my ex” are taking over your mind and causing anxiety, depression, or any other mental health crisis, reach out to a professional for help. While some degree of sadness or anger is normal during a breakup, feelings of hopelessness, extreme irritability, or thoughts of harming yourself or others need immediate attention. Keep an eye out for symptoms of depression and anxiety, such as:
- Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or self-blame
- Bursts of anger or frustration
- Loss of interest in self-care, hobbies, or things you love
- Problems sleeping
- Difficulty eating/unexpected weight loss
- Weight gain/eating too much
- Back pain, neck pain, headaches, chest pain, heart palpitations, or other unexplained physical symptoms
- Excessive worry or fixation on worst-case-scenarios
- Panic attacks
- Unwillingness to leave the house
- Feelings of hopelessness
You Can Not Start Over
As difficult as it is to imagine life without someone you loved very much, you should not put your life on hold (especially if you are doing so “in case” they come back). If you are turning away opportunities like fun with friends, career advancements, even new relationships, simply because it seems too hard to move forward without your ex, it is time to reach out to a professional for help. Doing talk therapy online is a great place to start. However, it is important to remember that online therapy does not replace in-person talk therapy, as online therapists cannot prescribe medications or fulfill court orders.
You Are Obsessed
Still checking their social media every day? Clinging to the idea "Does my ex want me back?" Do you have a mild panic attack if you accidentally attend the same party? Driving by their home, place of work, or favorite spots? If you know more about your ex’s life now than you did when you were together, you might be heading down a path that will not end well (legally and socially speaking). As tempting as it is to try to stay one step ahead during the breakup, both you and your ex must have room to move forward. Cutting them out of your life might seem impossible, but a licensed counselor can help you work through that challenge.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Asking yourself, “Do I still love my ex?” or "What does my ex think?" can be scary, even intimidating. You might have a lot of fear of the answer, whether it be “yes” or “no.” In most cases, it is totally normal to have lingering feelings for someone you once loved deeply. But, when those painful emotions prevent you from moving on with your life in a healthy way, you should know it is okay to ask for help. In many cases, the end of a relationship is a huge life change. Reaching out to a licensed mental health professional is a recommended response to whether your feelings of love are normal or not.
Working with a licensed counselor can help you sort through your emotions and get to the bottom of how you are really feeling. They are not there to judge you and are trained to deal with anything from a panic attack to mania streaks associated with bipolar disorder. They are there to help you understand why you feel the way you are and help you work through it. A counselor can help you reflect on your relationship and the value you feel you lost when the relationship ended. They can also help you identify and reflect on issues that were present in your previous relationship. By going through this process, you can begin to understand what you are looking for in a new partner when you are ready to move on. Additionally, working with a professional can also help you grow as a person. They can help you understand what motivates you and what you want out of life. They also help you build new skills and habits to prepare yourself for a future relationship. All this will help you heal from your past breakup and help prepare your heart for the future.
This is where online counseling services like ReGain offer solutions. This can make you more relaxed and more willing to open up about the issues or problems you are facing. In turn, this can result in you making progress more quickly than you would with face-to-face help, where it often takes longer to get comfortable enough to really open up. Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors from people experiencing similar issues who solicited online counseling.
Counselor Reviews
"He's amazing - he's gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I'm not made of superhuman strength - that I'm human with normal emotions, and it is, in fact, okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup."
"Lisheyna is an amazing person with really beautiful insights. I was struggling with my separation, and she helped me regain new insights, which helped me become friends with my ex-wife again and understand her perspective. I am grateful to Lisheyna for her support and would highly recommend her to anyone seeking any personal or relationship counseling."
Conclusion
It’s normal to continue having feelings for your ex after you have broken up. If you find that you are struggling to move on, getting help via online counseling with ReGain can help you work through how you feel about moving on finally. While it may not be free online, it is crucial to remember that your mental health is ALWAYS worth investing in.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is it OK to still love your ex?
It is absolutely okay to have feelings of love towards your ex still. Love is not a feeling that comes and goes at will- it is a strong connection between two people. The fact that a relationship ended- howbeit abruptly- does not mean the feelings would automatically disappear as quickly as your ex did. After being close to someone and being intimate with them, you build a deep connection with them, and after a breakup, it is natural that this connection and the feelings of love, care, and warmth that you have always had for this person still lingers on. A good percentage of people still stay in love with their exes over some time after break up has happened, so if you still feel this way, please note that you feel normal.
What do you do when you still love your ex?
There is no easy way to no longer love someone- it is no ‘cakewalk.’ It will be a difficult journey. However, you need to accept what’s happening, evaluate the situation, and work towards moving on. This sounds easier said than done, right? But it is the best thing you can do for yourself for the sake of your happiness. You can confront your ex and analyze the situation, and if "my ex wants me back" is also the case, you may give it a try. You need to understand that relationship requires two people who are willing to commit to it, and so if one of the involved parties doesn’t want to be in it anymore, there is no relationship. In a case where coming back together isn’t an option, you need to remove them from your life by creating distance so you can give yourself time to heal and move on. You should also surround yourself with friends and family who will help you fill up on the love you may have lost. You can also seek the service of professional counselors to help you get over the hurt, and walk the process to help you find love again.
Why do I still love my ex?
Love is a powerful feeling. If it is- or was, as the case may be really true love, it is not some emotion that walks in and out at will. This is someone you probably committed quality time, resources, and emotions to, and these feelings won’t just walk out of your heart as easily as your lover did. The capacity for love is still in you. Some people keep loving their ex for months or even years- even after the ex has moved on! Breakups can be tough, depending on the time and level of commitment that has been invested in the relationship. You have probably committed months or even years of emotion and resources to this relationship, so your heart is tied to them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you feeling like this. You must, however, try to focus on yourself, seek help, heal up, and move on with your life in a healthy way.
What percentage of exes get back together?
According to past statistics,? Chances of exes coming back together range between ten to sixty-five percent, depending on the circumstances surrounding the breakup, age of the people involved, marital status, etc. this is important to note, however, that people come back for different reasons. In some cases, this could result from some sense of guilt, ownership, or attachment, while some come back because they want to confirm if their ex is still receptive to them, want attention, or even seek control. They don’t come back because they are willing to change and make it work. While in other cases, the partner has sincerely had some time of reflection and deep thoughts about the breakup and is willing to make amends and work again.
Will my ex ever come back to me?
While there may not be a fast ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to this question because many factors have to be considered, there is, however, every possibility that your ex may come back to you. Various studies and researches prove this. Depending on age, marital status, and the circumstances or situation surrounding the breakup, a rebound can happen between exes. If both parties are willing to seek help, make amends, and put in the work, the broken relationship can still work. Sometimes, it isn’t easy to let go, and you still find yourself hoping that they come back to you. However, beyond asking if an ex will come back, you may want to ask if they’ll stay this time and if giving the relationship another chance is worth it. It is very important to weigh your options, critically analyze the situation, and seek professional advice to guide your decision.
Can you ever stop loving someone?
As difficult as this may sound, the truth is that it is possible to love someone no longer, especially if they are no good for you. Love is a beautiful feeling, but when it seems like it continuously brings you pain and hurts, this may be a good time to move on. Perhaps, you’ve had a very terrible breakup, or you find out you are in love with someone who wouldn’t love you back- like in the case of an ex who has moved on and even gotten married. This can be a very painful situation, and you are wondering if you can move past it and be happy again. Yes, you can. It all starts with you. Letting go of someone who used to mean the world to you can feel like an impossible task, but with determination and the right help, you can. Creating a distance between you and this person, focus your mind on moving on, and giving yourself time to heal are some of the things that can help you.
Can exes fall back in love?
Most definitely, yes. Getting back with an ex is not an uncommon thing, and with some factors rightly put in place, a previously broken relationship can still work. Love is a strong feeling, and when you commit to someone in a relationship, your emotions are tied to them. You a great bond with them, and they are a great part of your life. Except in a case of abuse or if respect for one another is lacking, exes can still fall in love again and possibly even build a good relationship together. Breakups can happen due to numerous factors, and sometimes, time and distance can make you gain a clearer perspective on a relationship that you may not have had when you were in the thick of the relationship. Some exes, after a breakup, find out they are still in love with each other and can’t do without one another. In such cases, if both parties are willing to put in the work, seek help, and take the right steps, there is a possibility that the relationship may work.
Do soulmates break up and get back together?
Absolutely- life is full of ups and downs, and relationships are no different. It is totally normal for a couple to break up, only work things out and get back together.
However, if this happens with great frequency or becomes very cyclical, it might be time to reconsider the relationship or seek counseling. Online counseling is available through betterhelp.com.
When should I give up on my ex?
Moving on from a relationship is never a walk in the park- even if you were the one who initiated the breakup. We understand that sometimes, you may wish for things to go back to how they were. You may have realized, after some time, that you truly love this person and can’t do without them. You secretly stalk your ex, beg and plead with them, send frequent “I still love you” messages to them. However, it seems like nothing is working. While these things take time, and patience can be a good virtue, you may need to let go at some point. Yes, letting go is never easy. However, you need to realize when it is time to move on with your life. A relationship will only work if both parties are willing to commit to making it work, so if after all attempts, the other person is simply uninterested or has moved on- probably is in a relationship or married- then you need to give up and also move on with your life. A relationship gone sour does not mean another won’t work. You need to put yourself first and focus on your happiness. No matter how painful or traumatizing your breakup may have been, finding love again is possible, but this may not happen if you are still holding on to your past.
How do you know if you still love your ex?
People who still love their exes may or may not even be aware of it. Some signs of still loving your ex include
- Constantly thinking about them.
- Asking mutual friends about them.
- Missing them
- Feeling regret over ending the relationship.
Online therapy is an excellent resource for figuring out emotions within yourself that you may not understand.
Is it normal to still love your ex after 2 years?
It is fairly normal to still love an ex for long periods of time. Generally, time heals all wounds, so sometimes it will require nothing more than patience to get over someone. However, if it seems as if it is not getting any better and has a detrimental effect on your mental health, it may be time to seek online therapy to make things better.
That being said, there is no solid set of norms in the realm of love- it is normal to still love someone for any quantity of time.
Can you stop loving someone if you truly love them?
Absolutely- as was mentioned earlier, time heals all wounds- and if you make a point to not fixate on someone, you are off to a great start in your mission to no longer love them. However, do be cautious and take care of yourself- illnesses such as anxiety and depression will often bubble up when trying to “get over” someone.
How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?
Ultimately, there is no sure-fire way of knowing this—however, some signs to look out for include.
- Receiving text messages/calls from them frequently.
- Hearing from friends that they ask about you frequently.
It is fairly common not to hear anything from an ex who misses you until well after the breakup has occurred. This is because bargaining-the third of five stages of grief is rarely immediate. Bargaining is the stage in which they try, sometimes only internally, to restore things by making sacrifices (think of the typical “I promise I will change” trope).
Normally, this is a non-issue. However, if your former partner appears to be following you, then it may be time to set some boundaries with them or even call the police. While stalking after breakups is not an extremely common phenomenon, it is one of great gravity, especially if your former partner has a history of domestic violence or volatile mental health.
How do you know your ex isn’t coming back?
Again, there is no surefire way to tell if your ex is truly over you. However, signs that they will likely not come back include
- The ex-entering another relationship.
- The ex appearing much happier after the breakup.
- The ex moving away or making extreme lifestyle changes.
All of this being said, the best policy for your own mental health and for keeping things peaceful and un-complicated is to believe them when they say they are over you.
Why can’t I stop loving my ex?
It is sometimes difficult to no longer love someone with who you once deep, intimate connections. If you cannot stop loving them, it may be time for you to occupy yourself with other people and things. Oftentimes, people remain infatuated because they have nothing else to occupy their minds.
In other instances, it can be due to deep-seated mental health or attachment issues. In this instance, it is crucial to pursue some treatment to better your mindset, such as online therapy. If you are interested in soliciting therapy online, then regain.us. It is an excellent resource.
How do you know if a breakup is final?
Frankly, a breakup is final once at least one of the parties says it is final. If your significant other clarifies that the relationship is over, then it is on you to respect that. It’s crucial to respect the other person’s wishes, which can be hard- even if you love that person with all your heart.
However, you should also consider the relationship to be over if the breakup involves any degree of domestic violence. If something like that occurs, then it is crucial to get out immediately. Granted, it is normal to love still an abuser- which can make the situation more complicated. However, at the end of the day, your safety is of utmost importance.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder after a breakup?
Sometimes, yes.
While it is not absolute, it is totally normal to feel more fondly toward someone after a breakup. This is because it is easy to forget someone’s flaws once you no longer have to deal with them.
Can you move on but still love someone?
Absolutely- emotions are a complicated thing, and love is not a unidirectional phenomenon. It is possible to be very much “over” someone yet still have residual feelings of love toward them. It is important to be clear while falling in love with someone new if you still have feelings for your ex, as sweeping it under the rug will only cause further issues. Many people can love more than one person, and you have to stay focused on the one who it is wisest to invest in (which is rarely your ex!)
- What should I do if I’m still in love with my ex?
Sadly some relationships end, but oftentimes the feelings don’t end when the relationship does. It is easy to fall in love but harder to move on from real love. If you’re thinking, I still love my ex, that is completely normal. It can be not easy getting over an ex, especially if you felt it was true love. All individuals need to go through a grieving period when a relationship ends. Real love is hard to get over, but time heals all wounds. A little patience is necessary. If you feel it’s true love, try telling your ex. Real love is hard to find. It is possible the love you feel; your ex feels the same. If you’re still in love with an ex and are struggling to move on from the relationship, there are some things you can do to help you get over your ex. Cutting off contact is really important if you’re having trouble getting over someone. If you stay in contact with an ex and speak to them regularly, it keeps you from moving on. Dating can also be a great way to get out there and meet new people. It may take some time before you’re ready to start dating again, but dating after a breakup can be helpful to get over someone and boost your mood. It’s important not to start dating as a way to find someone to replace your ex and fall in love again right away. That can be really unhealthy and unfair to the potential new partner. Yet, dating can be a great way to get out there again and boost your self-esteem. Now that you’re single again, you’ll have a lot of extra time to nurture friendships that you’ve probably neglected while you were in a relationship. Make an effort to spend time with friends and family. They are there for you to support you in times of need. This is also a great way to get your mind off the relationship. Try a new hobby or travel somewhere you’ve never been. Opening yourself up to new experiences is a great way to distract yourself and create new memories that don’t involve your ex. If you’re still in love with an ex and having difficulties moving on, it may be beneficial to speak to a licensed therapist or relationship expert. They can offer guidance and support so you can begin to move on from your past relationship.
- Can I still be in love with my ex?
There are many reasons why relationships end, but it doesn’t mean the feelings for that person always end, especially if it was true love. It is completely normal to love an ex still after the relationship is over. For many people, it can be hard to move on from real love. When we fall in love, everything seems so perfect, and we feel it will last forever. Unfortunately, that’s not always true, and sometimes relationships do end. If the relationship has ended, and you’re thinking, I still love my ex, that is okay. Some people need more time to heal—every individual grieves relationship at a different pace. Time and patience are needed to fully move on from a relationship and the feelings of love for an ex to fade. If you’re thinking I still love my ex, it could be true love. Sometimes people break up and get back together. Relationship experts claim that 50% of all couples get back together. All relationships have ups and downs. Tell your ex about the love you feel. They may feel the same. It could be possible to fall back in love and rekindle the relationship. If you’re having difficulties moving on from a past relationship and think you still love your ex, a relationship expert or licensed therapist may help you work through your feelings and what went wrong in the relationship.
- Does love for an ex ever go away?
If you’ve gone through a breakup and are still in love with your ex, you may be wondering if that love you feel will ever go away. It can be easy to fall in love and much harder to fall out of love. Usually, with time the love for an ex will go away. If you had a good relationship and a strong bond, you might continue to love an ex but in a different way. There are different types of love. You fall in love, but possibly, your relationship didn’t work as a couple. You may still have deep mutual respect, which is a platonic type of love. It could be beneficial to look back at your relationship and distinguish what type of love you feel for your ex. Maybe you think it is real love and romance, but what you actually feel is a platonic type of love. You’ve many memories with your ex-partner, so it is normal for you to be thinking I still love my ex.
- Is it normal to still have feelings for an ex?
Sometimes we fall in love, but it doesn’t last forever. After a breakup, it is normal to have feelings for an ex still. Most likely, you’ve many intimate moments and memories. It’s completely normal to love an ex still, especially if it is true love. Does love fade or should I be worried? After a time, that love can fade, especially if you meet someone new and you’re falling in love again. Sometimes, we may always have a love for an ex. There is a reason you fell in love with them in the first place. There are also different types of love. Sometimes the love you once felt for an ex, which was true love, can change into a platonic love, and you care for them deeply as a friend but don’t have any romantic feelings anymore. If you had a strong connection and mutual respect, it is normal you can still love them. Sometimes couples even fall back in love after they’ve broken up. It can be difficult if you’re still in love with an ex and they don’t have mutual feelings and have broken the connection with you. If you’re still in love with an ex and it’s affecting new relationships and hindering you from finding love again, this can pose an issue for you. Time heals all wounds eventually, but it could be helpful to speak to someone if you’re having a difficult time moving on and it’s affecting other aspects of your life. A licensed therapist or relationship expert can help you work through your feelings and offer support and guidance.
- How do you tell if an ex still loves you?
Sometimes people break up, but one person may still be in love with their ex-partner. Sometimes both partners are still in love. This is true love. There are many reasons why relationships end. Often, pride gets in the way, and people don’t want to admit they still love that person or how they really feel. They may pretend not to be in love with their ex as a way to their heart and their ego. An individual who still loves their ex may not admit it, fearing that the other won’t feel the same. If you’ve broken up with an ex and wondering if they still love you, there may be ways to tell. An ex may still love you if:
- They haven’t gotten into a new relationship yet.
- They find reasons to contact you and message you often still.
- They ask to see you or try to find ways to see you.
- They frequent places they know you’ll go as a way to bump into you.
- Your mutual friends tell you that your ex asks about you.
- They post cryptic messages on social media referring to your relationship together.
I still love my ex?
still love ex?
still in love with ex?
I love my ex?
still in love with my ex?
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