How Often Should a Guy Text if He Likes You?

By Aaron Smith|Updated May 4, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Chante’ Gamby, LCSW

Text messaging has changed the way we communicate. Whereas we used to have to wait for a response from a phone call, letter, or email, text messaging puts conversations into more real-time. Perhaps especially when it comes to dating, this has changed the way we interact with each other.

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Text messaging can be an indicator of interest, romance, and desire. Without being able to read body language, how often someone texts you can serve as a barometer to the relationship, no matter the stage of a relationship. 

Advice for texting can be especially confusing depending on who you receive dating tips from. There is so much information out there regarding dating tips for women, or dating tips for men, but dating advice doesn’t have to be gender specific. If they are texting you often, chances are they want to pursue a relationship with you. Conversely, if they hardly text you and seem aloof, then they probably aren’t that interested in you. As far as dating tips go, this seems to be a universal truth, but let’s get into the details. 

When You’re Just Starting Out

Not everyone might love dating. And likewise, not everyone might love texting. When you’re just starting in a relationship, the text messages can sometimes fly back and forth. Other times, getting the other person to respond may seem like pulling teeth. When it’s the latter, you can reasonably assume that they aren’t interested in you. When the text messages come freely, though, it’s a sign that the other person wants to pursue a relationship.

So how do you know what the right amount of text messaging to indicate a real interest in you? Dating tips often say that sending too many messages might make the other person feel suffocated and might make you seem too needy. Too few messages, and you can feel that the relationship is doomed before it starts. Dating advice when it comes to text conversation can be tricky, especially in the beginning. Take some time to figure out how each of you prefers to communicate. 

The Way Guys Text

Sometimes, guys and girls text differently. From emoji’s and abbreviations to the frequency of the response, texting can differ between the sexes. Plus, tips for men and women dating can often be very different. 

Guys can tend to be briefer in their messages, useless emoji’s, and take a longer time to respond. Brief messaging doesn’t mean that he’s not interested in you; it may be a different style of communication. Generally, the guy isn’t overthinking these things. This might not even change during the relationship, which can make it hard to tell how guys text when they like you.

So, how can text messages tell you if a guy likes you or not?

What He Says

The most obvious way to tell if a guy likes you is by what he says in the text messages. However, it may not be entirely as straight forward as, “I like you a lot.” Sometimes men, dating or in love, might struggle to express their feelings. 

Often questions reveal a guy’s true feelings. If he is asking things about you, it means he wants to get to know you. “What do you like to do for fun?” can even be a guy’s way of probing for date ideas. When he asks about you, he is showing interest in you and your life. “What do you do for work?” can be a hidden way of trying to find out how much free time you have. 

Of course don’t forget – guys text differently, depending on the person. That said, questions that show interest in you are a good sign that he likes you. You don’t spend your time getting to know someone that you don’t like. A guy that spends the time getting to know you usually does so for romantic reasons.

So, how do guys text when they like you? They might texts you good morning, send multiple texts throughout the course of the day, texts you when he’s leaving work, start texting you before he goes to bed at night, or he’ll simply say, something like “have a good night.” These are all signs that he’s texting you because it means he likes you. How guys text when they like you is not necessarily the same as how girls text; however, unless you have multiple unanswered texts to him over the course of a few days (not just during the day, such as when he’s working), he’s texting because he wants to get to know you more. A guy likes you if he makes it a habit to text you every morning or every evening. While guys aren’t typically one to write novels via text, a guy likes you when he texts you more than he texts his best male friends. 

How He Flirts

How flirty are his messages? Is the tone playful and fun, or is it more serious? Asking yourself these questions can help in figuring out what he might be thinking. How guys text when they like you can be in a flirtation tone or a serious, “I miss you” context. Guys don’t typically beat around the bush with their feelings, unless they are trying to gauge if you like them back. If you’re texting your crush and he’s not into you, he’ll text you simple unattached messages when he gets around to it. How guys text when they like you is a different story. Guys like to engage in flirtation conversations that may be descriptive or what you are doing, where you are doing it, what you plan on doing later. They want to get to know you and want you to open up to them. 

Remember: different people flirt in different ways. However, you can tell by the tone and vocabulary of the messages if he is playfully flirting or being friendly. Is he asking flirty questions?  Is he suggesting things like getting together? Is he telling jokes and lol-ing at yours? Maybe he’s sending lots of emojis. That can be a sign he’s trying hard to flirt with you.

There are many signs of flirting, and the more you see, the more confident you can bet that he likes you.

How Often Should He Text?

No matter his tone, his flirting, or his outright message of liking you, the question remains: how often should he be texting you if he likes you?

Dating tips will vary depending on the relationship, and while there are no hard and fast rules to this, there are some indicators that you can go by to tell he likes you. The one thing guys don’t like is rejection, so if a guy likes you and he’s texting you often, try not to break his heart and don’t text him back. He’s putting himself out there and that’s not always easy for men. 

Morning Texts

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When you wake up to a text from a guy, it’s a good sign he likes you. It’s how guys text when they like you. It means you were one of the first things he thought about in the day and if a guy likes you he’ll send you a simple hello or smiling emoji. To start a conversation in the morning can indicate that he wants to know about your day. Maybe he can’t get you off his mind. It could even be that he’s sending that good morning text wishing that he could be saying it in person.

Whatever the reason, the text first thing in the morning is a good thing. It’s even better if it becomes a conversation. Early morning conversations can give off the feeling of in-person conversations over coffee. It also means that the guy wants to talk to you, which means he wants to keep getting to know you, and maybe even set up plans to see you. How guys text when they like you is a key to how they want their relationship with you to go, as well. If a guy likes you he’ll try to get to know what your favorite things to do are, where you like to go to escape, what your favorite flower is, etc. When a guy likes you he’s texting you to understand more about you before he sees you in person. 

Women sometimes think that a long text, or double text, is the best way to tell how well a text conversation is going. But, if he texts you before he goes to work, or the gym, or school, it’s another good sign that he likes you. He’s getting in a final word before he gets too busy to effectively text. It can mean that he wishes he could keep texting you, that you were going with him, or even that the guy wishes he could kiss you goodbye.

Midday Texting

While most people get busy with their days and can’t carry on a continuous conversation, there usually comes a few times when a text message can get sent. These may not be part of a conversation, but they let you know he is thinking about you during his day.

At the very least, look for a lunchtime text. The guy may not be texting you every chance he gets free, but he may text you at least once in the day if he likes you. Just remember he has a life, a job, or maybe school and can’t always text as often as you may be able to with your life. Just because he doesn’t respond right away doesn’t mean he’s lost interest. It may mean that he is busy. Assuming anything else unnecessarily can lead toward a more toxic relationship. However, in the middle of the day, how guys text when they like you can be a telltale sign that he is really into you and cannot get you off his mind. 

Texting After Work

Some gossip publications that give dating tips often forget to acknowledge how difficult texting can be with a busy day-to-day life. If he has been thinking about you during his day, as he gets done with his day, he’ll probably give you a text. At the end of the day is the time when more conversational texting can happen. People usually have the least responsibilities and most free time. How guys text when they like you is a critical sign of his feelings. If a guy likes you and spends the better part of his email sending emojis, gif, or text back and forth with you, it’s a good sign. 

So look for him to start or continue a conversation in earnest. Now is the time for banter back and forth, the flirting, and the “getting to know you” questions.  Flirty questions can keep conversations engaging while learning more about how that person likes to show affection. While at the end of the day may not be the only time conversations like this happen, it certainly is the most prime time for this type of texting.

Maybe he texts you about the TV show he’s binge-watching or a movie. Maybe he’s telling you about his day. Maybe he says, “Hey. How was your day?” Whatever it is, texting at the end of the day, especially when it becomes a conversation, is always a good sign of his feelings.

Goodnight Texts

While an early conversation is appealing, the goodnight text is always the right way for a guy who likes you to finish off the day. It might be a wrap up to the evening’s conversation, or a stand-alone text message. Either way, it shows that you are what he is thinking about as he wraps up his day.

Bedtime is a time when he might get a bit mushy. It might not be a long text, but he may say things like, “I wish you were going to bed with me” or “If I were there, I’d give you a goodnight kiss.” This is how guys text when they like you. These are distinct ways you know he’s into you. In addition to showing you he’s still thinking about you, these can be a bit more vulnerable statements where he shows his feelings with a bit more candor than other text messages. When texting has completely gone from simple phrases to a complete, open conversation, someone is crushing on you hard. 

For men, dating tips can often shy away from vulnerability, but if you’re interested, keep encouraging vulnerable behavior. It’s ok to get a bit more vulnerable with your responses as well. If the guy is showing his feelings, you can show yours too. Dating tips for women sometimes suggest that you should keep your feelings at bay. But showing your feeling is an excellent way to break the barrier of unspoken romantic or sexual tension. If you can be honest with each other about your feelings, it’s going to make for a better start to a relationship than if you keep everything under wraps.

What to Look For

So, how often should a guy text you to show he likes you?  What is the guide to texting? It’s going to vary from guy to guy. Some guys are more talkative than others. Still, a few text messages a day are proof that he likes you. You should look for three to five messages a day, unless you strike up a conversation, then look for more. The most important thing to look out for is whether or not it seems like you’re on his mind. 

Remember, these are simple guidelines, and there is no hard and fast rule. Instead of counting the number of texts, look at the content, the quality of the texts. If the guy is telling you things that make it clear he likes you, but only texts you twice a day, he’s sending mixed messages. If you feel like you would like to talk to him more often than he is texting you, tell him so.

Honesty and openness in communication (even at the flirting stage when you’re getting to know each other) is essential so that there are no missed expectations, hurt feelings, or mixed signals.

After the Relationship Starts

If you and the guy you’re texting decide that you like each other and want to take things to the next level, texting can continue and probably will increase in frequency. Whether you’re in love, dating, or just chatting, whatever happens with your communication, it’s essential to remain open and honest with each other.

This can be difficult due to past hurts, ways each of you were raised, social expectations, and fears you may have. Navigating these problem areas is where dating tips from a licensed online therapist can help. Relationship advice can be stressful to receive from friends or family. With the help of the therapist, you and your partner can receive dating tips, and navigate the things that cause bumps and problems in relationships and aid you in achieving and maintaining open and honest communication. Getting relationship advice from a professional is a great unbiased way to solve even the most complicated of problems.

Responding to the Texts

Remember, especially at this stage, the guy’s texts are only half of the equation. Dating tips for men often times suggest that the man play it “cool.” So, don’t be afraid to take the matter into your own hands. How you respond and how often you text sends a message. Don’t be clingy but do feel free to reach out and text the guy as often as you like. You can be the one to send the good morning, midday, after work, and goodnight texts. Taking the initiative and texting first shows where you stand in your feelings and lets them know you like them. Once you take that step to begin and show the guy you like him, he may be less hesitant to reciprocate the actions.

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