Keeping The Conversation Going: How Often Should You Text?

Updated March 29, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Many men have spoiled a potential connection with a woman through inappropriate texting etiquette. If you can’t get her off your mind, you may want to text her constantly, but many women don’t appreciate that behavior. Read on to learn how often you should text a woman and some techniques you can try to keep the conversation flowing so you can get to know her. 

Do you have trouble communicating with women over text?

Why is texting so popular?

Text messaging has exploded in popularity in the past two decades, offering global communication with the touch of a button. It is a low-cost method to connect with other people on your schedule without the disruption of a phone call requiring an immediate response. However, along with the many benefits, you should know the potential pitfalls and the basics of texting etiquette. It can also be crucial to remember that text messages don’t offer tone or inflection, so you can lose some contextual cues. Studies show that adolescents send and receive an average of 67 text messages per day, with 45% to 65% communicating with romantic partners. 

Benefits of text messaging

  • A cost-effective, accessible communication method
  • Fast access to others worldwide
  • Allows communication with convenience
  • Many people prefer to text over a phone call
  • Responding is easy

Offers a direct line of communication

Study about text messaging vs. face-to-face communication

How often should you text a girl you like?

If you’ve recently connected with a girl you like and gotten her number, take it slow with your texting—and let her take the lead on how often you talk. Answer her messages, but don’t send several if she doesn’t answer yours. Be patient; people get busy, and she doesn’t know you yet. Be polite and friendly in your texts and ask questions that require more than yes or no answers to inspire conversations that allow you to get to know each other. 

Texting a woman you’re dating

The frequency of texting expectations can change once you’re officially dating. By this point, you should have an idea of how often she likes to text and can identify a healthy balance between bombarding her with messages and making her feel ignored. Texts wishing her “good morning” and “good night” will likely be appreciated, and you may want to send a simple “How’s your day going?” message in the afternoon to let her know you’re thinking of her. 

How often you should text your wife

By the time you’re married, you almost certainly have a solid idea of how often your wife expects you to text—and if you don’t, ask her. She will likely appreciate it when you answer all her texts and may especially like it if you send a text in the middle of the day to check on her. It could make her feel valued and appreciated. Before you go home for the day, send a quick message to see if she needs anything. 


Tips for holding a woman’s interest through text

Once you get her number and start texting, you still have to keep the conversation going and hold her interest. If you have trouble talking to women over text, try some of these tips.

“Text messaging has been identified as the medium of choice for continual relationship maintenance, and text messaging from mobile devices overshadows all other media forms for the support of social connections.” — Exploring Generational Differences in Text Messaging Usage and Habits

Pay attention to your grammar

Many women will value you taking the time to send complete sentences with proper grammar. Take the time to reread your message before sending it. Ungrammatical texts with misspellings may make it look rushed or like you don’t care enough to make an effort. Your text messages should express the same level of interest, curiosity, and emotion that you would use in person. 

Balance your emoji use

Emojis can be a helpful tool for expressing your emotions, but it can be essential to find a balance. Use them sparingly, creatively, and carefully. A winking face can add a lot to a flirty text. Sometimes, you can use an emoji instead of a word or phrase, but she may not like emojis if she never uses them. Avoid going overboard with them—and remember that a message with just emojis doesn't give the conversation anywhere to go. 

Pay attention to and follow her texting cues

You can gain a lot of insight into how often you should text a girl by the type and frequency of her response. If you constantly send long blocks of text without waiting for her to text you back, it can be challenging for her to keep the conversation going. Follow her cues. For example, don't answer with a paragraph if she sends a single sentence. If she sends a paragraph, she may be frustrated with one-word answers. If you send open-ended questions and only receive short responses, she may not be interested in the conversation. 

Remember—less is more, but too little isn’t enough 

Simple texts can start a conversation. A quick message to ask about her day can lead to more and demonstrates that you care about how she is and what she’s experiencing. Many women like receiving occasional messages that show they're on your mind. By contrast, she may feel like you don’t care or are ignoring her if long stretches of time pass without communication. 

Your timing matters

When she texts you, take some time to consider your response. Don’t keep her waiting for a long time, or she may think you’re not interested, but texting right away can make you look too eager. Try to find a healthy balance. 

Keep it light and flirtatious

In a world of online dating, much of the flirting before an in-person meeting is done through text. Finding a light, flirtatious tone can be difficult, but it is often a necessary part of modern dating. Flirting is another area where paying attention to her tone and matching it when texting is wise.

Getty/Luis Alvarez
Do you have trouble communicating with women over text?

Use the opportunity to set up a date

Texting is a fantastic way to set up a date with a woman you’re interested in without putting extra pressure on her to accept in person. Texting keeps things light and makes it easy for her to respond. When you text to suggest a meeting, try to include a specific date and time to show that you're considerate of her time and are willing to make an effort to form plans. 

Ask open-ended questions that inspire conversation

One of the best ways to keep the conversation going and get to know each other better is by asking questions that require more than simple yes or no answers. It can help you learn more about her and potentially give you information that makes it easier to continue talking. 

People get busy, don’t panic if she doesn’t answer right away

While some people may constantly be on their phones, everyone isn't, and one of the significant benefits of texting is that you can wait to answer. Remember that it’s easy to get busy during everyday life, and she may not always be able to answer immediately. If she doesn't respond right away, avoid getting angry or worried. 

When you should text her

  • Showing that you remembered an important event, such as a birthday, anniversary, job interview, or big presentation 
  • Asking for her opinion
  • Sharing information about yourself
  • The many ways to say you’re thinking of her
  • Reacting to something she posted on social media
  • Reminiscing about a shared memory
  • Telling her good morning and good night

Reach out for help

Many men have trouble keeping a healthy conversation going with women through text. If you have problems engaging her interest and moving a relationship forward over text messaging, you may benefit from speaking to a therapist for the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

How therapy can help you communicate more effectively

If you struggle to communicate effectively when texting women, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a relationship-focused virtual therapy platform like Regain. Therapy can help you learn healthy communication skills so you can keep the conversation going when you’re trying to connect with a woman you like. If you are a parent seeking online therapy for a child from 12-19, contact TeenCounseling.

According to the American Psychological Association, research shows no significant difference in online and in-person therapy outcomes. Virtual treatments are typically less expensive and involve shorter wait times. Many patients reported the physical separation from their therapist made sharing personal details easier, leading to a more trusting therapist-patient relationship. The convenience of attending from home made it possible for patients to participate more reliably, leading to increased therapeutic outcomes. 


Knowing how often to text a girl you like can be challenging when she's the only thing on your mind. However, what you see as charming can be smothering if you’re not careful. The information in this article offers insight into the frequency you should text at various stages in the relationship and insight into how therapy can help you develop communication skills. 

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