How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested In You? Keeping The Conversation Going
By Sarah Fader
Updated February 12, 2020
Reviewer Lauren Guilbeault
Text messages have increasingly become one of the most popular forms of communication, and like it or not, we all text each other in relationships. When you're dating someone, texting can be playful, sexual, a simple way of making plans, and more. One thing that you need to be aware of is how interesting your conversation is with your love interest and how to keep it going so that they want to continue talking to you. Let's talk about things to avoid when texting a girl if you're going to keep the conversation flowing.
Improper Grammar Is A No-No
Even if you are communicating electronically, it's essential to be aware of the written word. When you text using improper grammar or misspell things, it makes you look like you're not put together. It could communicate that you're not making the effort to elaborate on how you think, what you feel, or that you don't care to make a good impression on them. It's a turn-off and might even be a deal-breaker if you're not taking the time to communicate real thoughts and feelings via text messages. That doesn't mean that you need to write emotional novels when you're texting a girl, but keep your grammar on point.
Pick and choose your emojis carefully. There are instances where you can overuse emojis in place of words. Some people love emojis and use them all of the time, whereas others aren't a fan. They can be a lovely accent to the conversation, but relying on them exclusively to communicate how you're feeling isn't advisable. For example, if you're flirting via text, you might use a winky face, and it can add something to that banter.
On the other hand, you don't want to use them in a way that is overkill or in a way that is meant to replace language. If she receives a text with only a winky face or just an animal, for example, it might limit the conversation and cause things to die down because there's not much that she can say in response to that. Again, you want to show that you're making an effort to come across as well-read and thoughtful. Think of emojis as an accent to what you're saying rather than the centerpiece of the message.
Anxiety And Texting
Remember that people can only internalize so much information at one time. Keep that in mind when you're talking to your girl. You don't want to look like you're too invested early on; it can read as obsessive. Give her space to respond to what you're saying. If you inundate her with giant blocks of texts without giving her a chance to reply, it's going to make it difficult for her to respond in a way that makes sense or address everything that you're saying. Keep it short and straightforward, and if you're wondering how often to text a girl or how much to say to her, use this simple rule; mirror how much she's texting you. For example, if she texts you one paragraph, send one paragraph. If she texts you a sentence, text her a sentence. If you go at her speed, you'll avoid overwhelming or underwhelming her. Make sure that there's no imbalance in the exchange because if she becomes overwhelmed or under-engaged, the conversation is unlikely to prosper and continue in the way that you'd like it to.
Less Is More, But Too Little Is Not Enough
A simple "how's your day going?" text goes a long way. You're showing her that you care about her wellbeing. You want to know what's happening in her world. You can text her, "I was thinking about you." Depending on how romantic you want to be, there are ways to flirt via text even when you're just checking in. Try to avoid monosyllabic responses when she gets back to you. If you text "okay," or "yes," you may come across as cold. There's a balance when it comes to texting. Depending on your response, they will reply and mirror your enthusiasm. If you appear disengaged from the conversation, the girl will be less likely to reply and keep up the banter.
Timing In Text Is Important
When she texts you, don't respond right away. Give it a moment to think about what you're going to say back to her. There are times when you have a gut reaction to a message, and you think of a witty reply. If that's the case, respond immediately. Sometimes, a quick response is appreciated. You want to be careful not to look too eager, but also not to appear too detached. You have a life, and you want to include the girl in it. Make her feel like you're allowing time for her, and also prioritize the things that are important to you. The reality is that we can't focus on one person all of the time. Texting with someone you care about is an enjoyable part of life, but shouldn't monopolize your time. Trust your intuition, and if something in the conversation seems off, take a break. You don't need to respond instantly, you can take some time to craft a reply that makes sense, and expresses your feelings accurately.
How Do You Talk To Your Friends In Person?
Texting isn't all that different than talking to someone in person in many ways. Remember how you speak to your friends in person and communicate naturally. You don't have to draw up a Shakespearean play when you're texting the girl of your dreams. Instead, text her in a way that feels organic to you. Be yourself and keep things light and simple. One of the most important things is that you show genuine interest in what she's saying. For example, if she shares with you that she's a Sociology major, you can say, "Oh, cool! Tell me more about that. What are your classes like?" Ask her how her day was, or tell her about something interesting that happened to you today. You can talk to her as you'd speak to one of your friends. Trying to be someone that you're not is extremely clear via text; you'll look like you're trying too hard. You want her to like her for you, so be authentic.
Flirting Via Text Message
Texting can be a great way to engage in flirtatious banter, or if you're involved in online dating, it might be one of the primary ways that you speak to someone before meeting up in person. It can also be something that makes someone want to see you. You can entice people via text. You can keep messages light and also allude to what you'll be doing in person when you see your girl. It could be a preview of something that you're doing romantically, like holding hands or going on a date, or, if applicable to your relationship, you could allude to something that you might be doing in the bedroom when you see each other. Keeping it light and flirtatious can be a great way to make someone feel at ease with you and set expectations for what you'll do together in person. If you do choose to hint at something sexual via text, use the mirroring rule once again; only do this if she feels comfortable talking about physical intimacy via text, and don't push it if she isn't.
Setting Up Dates
Texting can be a low maintenance way to suggest going on a date. You can say something like, "Hey, I'd love to take a walk in the park with you. Are you free to do that on Friday afternoon?" When you text her, keep things light, and if you ask her out or ask her to hang out with you, be sure to state a specific time and location. Not only does this make it easy for her to respond; it also shows that you're considerate of her time and that you're putting in the effort to make plans, which is very attractive. Sometimes, the pressure to keep a conversation going occurs in the first place because the other person isn't sure how to respond to what you said. There are ways to avoid that, and one of them is to ask clear open-ended questions.
One way to surely make a conversation stop is to ask questions that can only be answered with a yes or no answer. You can use sarcasm and be funny, but don't rely on that for the whole conversation, either. Ask her questions like, "How are you doing?" and "How is your day going?" Again, remember to avoid multi-texting. Multi-texting is the term for what we talked about earlier with regard to sending multiple large blocks of text in a row without a response from the other person. It's okay to give someone time to reply, and she doesn't have to reply right away. It's okay to wait to see if someone responds, and nothing terrible will happen if she doesn't respond.
She Doesn't Hate You
Just because a girl doesn't respond to your text, it doesn't mean that she hates you or never wants to talk to you again. It could mean a variety of things. Maybe, she's busy. Maybe, she doesn't know what to say. Perhaps she's socially anxious. There are a lot of things that could be going on, so don't assume that you know what's going on. A lot of people have their phones on them at all times, but just as many people put their phones away for hours while they're working, socializing, or simply need a break from technology. Some people are more talkative in person than they are over text, so get a feel for what's normal and natural for her.
Know When Not To Text
Although texting is an excellent medium to communicate with a love interest, it's not always an ideal mode of conversation. There are certain conversations that are better had in person or over the phone. If something is an emotional matter, and you see that the text conversation is going in that direction, it's smart to stop it right there and say, "I would like to discuss this in person when you have time." This is important because having an emotional text conversation can get confusing. You can't hear a person tone via text, nor do you necessarily know what's going on around them when you're speaking to them via text, which can lead to things getting more heated than they need to. Messages can be misconstrued, so talk to your partner in person about serious or emotional topics.
Online Counseling And Dating
Online counseling is an excellent place to discuss issues surrounding dating and romance. The counselors at Regain want to help you communicate with your love interest or partner effectively. If you find that you're having trouble communicating or getting across what you want to say, that is something that you can work on in therapy. Perhaps, you and your partner experience differences in communication regularly and want to go to couples counseling to work things out. Search the network of counselors at Regain and find the best fit for you.