10 Insights Into What Men Find Attractive

Updated April 9, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

There may be a feeling of calm that overtakes you when entering a crowd filled with friendly faces. The warmth and kindness can be welcoming, making almost everyone seem instantly approachable. Each person may seem to have a uniqueness about them that separates them from others in the room. However, you may feel an instant connection to one person in particular. This could be the result of attraction. You might wonder, though, what exactly men are attracted to in a partner.

It may not always be easy to identify what attracts you to a person. Attraction can be instant or can develop over time. In either case, there may be what feels like natural energy that draws you to a certain person, or even to a certain type of personality.

How do you know he’s the one?

What is attraction?

You may wonder what makes a guy attractive or what people find attractive about a girl.  Attraction can come in many forms. What people find attractive is personal and can vary from individual to individual. Essentially, a feeling of attraction may lead to a desire to have a connection with someone. There can be many types of connections and attractions. For instance, the attraction might be physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, or a combination of these things. There may be no scientific formula that defines natural attraction, but various studies indicate certain qualities that many people find attractive. Below are some tips on how to sexually attract men.

10 researched-backed insights into what people find attractive


A study published by the American Psychological Association showed that smiling could make people more attractive to others. In fact, a study conducted in Sweden demonstrated that the stronger and bigger a smile was, the more attractive the smiling person seemed to others.

Being nice

Hearing that someone is nice can make them seem more attractive. In one study, participants were shown pictures of various people. Some of the people pictured were described as “decent” or “honest”. In contrast, other people pictured were described as “mean” or “evil”. Pictures in a third group weren’t associated with any words at all. In the end, participants tended to rate the people described as “nice” as more attractive.

Ilona Titova/EyeEm

Being surrounded by friends

Participants in a 2013 study rated individuals who were seen with a group as significantly more attractive than those who were solo. This may be a result of the “cheerleader effect,” a visual illusion that may make others perceive people in a group as more attractive than when they’re viewed outside of a group context. Individuals who are part of a group may also be seen as likable and friendly, which may also be considered attractive traits.

Laughing at others’ jokes or telling some yourself

Many people find a sense of humor attractive. A study revealed several points about gender and sense of humor. Men tended to be attracted to women who found them funny, and women tended to be attracted to men who they found humorous. The study also showed that different genders tend to define a sense of humor differently. Women in the study were more likely to say that a person with a good sense of humor is someone who could make them laugh. Men were more likely to say that someone with a good sense of humor is a person who could laugh at and appreciate other’s jokes.

Wearing red

A 2008 study showed that the color red might enhance attraction. While wearing red did not affect what others perceived as a person’s likeability, intelligence, or kindness, it enhanced what people considered sexually attractive. Another study showed that lips adorned with red lipstick caught and kept attention more often and for longer than lips sporting pink lipstick.

Body language

Research shows that using body language that makes people feel comfortable can be attractive. An open body posture can be a sign of confidence that others may find attractive, for instance. Eye contact and a smile might also be considered attractive.

Vulnerability without neediness

Experts suggest that being vulnerable without needing constant validation is considered attractive by many.

Showing genuine interest in the other person

Asking questions about the other person and listening to their responses is considered an attractive trait by many. Another term for this is being “other-oriented”.


Just as laughter and smiling can be attractive traits, so can optimism—focusing on the positive and seeing the good.


Confidence (but not arrogance or over-confidence) is widely considered an attractive trait, and research has confirmed this. Part of the reason why confidence may be appealing is that it may show that a person knows themself well and can also make others feel at ease.

Do opposites attract?

The concept that opposites attract may be a time-honored tale. Still, this might not always be the case. Research shows that people tend to be attracted to and interact more with those who have similar personalities. But there are also theories about why opposites may attract in some cases. For instance, perhaps it’s exciting and enlightening to see the world from a different perspective. It may also be inspiring to spend time with someone who introduces you to new activities or adds a spark that’s outside of your routine.

In other cases, though, opposites may repel rather than attract. For instance, those with  vastly different opinions, perspectives, goals, values, or habits may experience conflict. They may also feel discomfort if they feel that their way of thinking or behaving is being challenged or judged.

Regarding physical or sexual attraction, there doesn’t seem to be definitive evidence suggesting whether opposites attract (such as whether tall people are significantly more physically attracted to those who are shorter, for instance). 

Physical attraction is likely not the foundation of a healthy relationship

According to research, while physical attraction can be an essential or valuable part of a relationship, other traits may be ranked as more significant. Physical attractiveness may elicit sexual attraction, for example, but not necessarily love. According to a review of studies on love, relationships, and attraction; ratings of love and affection do not increase based on physical attraction. The research showed that physical attractiveness might create physical attraction, but not necessarily love or lasting relationships.

Attraction and healthy relationships

Whether a couple has just met, have dated a while, or are in a more serious, long-term relationship, they may feel some attraction to one another. Along with attraction, certain healthy traits in a relationship may enhance attraction:

  1. Good communication: Feeling comfortable voicing thoughts and opinions and what is happening in your life can help relationships thrive. Listening to your partner and trying to see things from their perspective can also be healthy in relationships.

  2. Trust: Trusting a partner and feeling safe with them may be important in relationships. Feeling that your partner is honest and has integrity can be a sign of strength in the relationship, especially when this feeling is mutual.

  3. A sense of yourself as a separate person: While you may be in a strong, healthy relationship and be attracted to your partner, keeping your unique identity can be important for a balanced relationship.

  4. Confidence in spending time apart: If you’re in a relationship with someone or are strongly attracted to them, spending time with them can bring joy. However, it’s also okay (and can even be healthy) to take time and space for yourself—whether to do things you enjoy, meet obligations you have, or spend time with others.

  5. Fairness and equality: Partners who feel equal to each other may have a balanced, healthy dynamic. While one person may have strengths in an area that another is not as strong in, feeling “less than” may be detrimental to the relationship.

  6. Teamwork: Working together and supporting each other can strengthen a relationship.

  7. Comfort with being yourself: Being yourself and making your true self known are both personal and relationship strengths.

  8. Embracing and respecting differences: Differences can complement each other.

How do you know he’s the one?

Learn how to form healthy, positive connections" above this sentenec:

Feeling chemistry with a person can be energizing, as can the desire to form connections with others. If you want to work on forming healthy, positive connections—or if you have relationship concerns—you may find therapy helpful.

When you have concerns over dating or relationships, it may not always be easy to express them to a stranger, even when that stranger is a licensed mental health professional. You might find online counseling beneficial since many people report feeling more at ease in these settings. Internet-based therapy also offers added convenience since it can be accessed from home. 

Some may worry about the legitimacy of online counseling, but it is backed by research. A comprehensive meta-analysis of studies regarding the effectiveness of this form of therapy showed no significant differences in outcomes when comparing in-person sessions to those attended remotely. 


Dating can be challenging, but it might be helpful to know that licensed mental health professionals are available to support and work with you through Regain. Online therapy can be affordable, accessible, and comfortable, and it can help you develop healthy relationships. Reach out today

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