How To Handle Being Newly Single After A Breakup

Updated October 4, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Breakups are rarely easy, especially after a long term relationship. In most cases, when you have been in a relationship with someone, particularly for extended periods, many memories and emotions are involved in splitting ties. When you find yourself being newly single after a breakup, it doesn't have to mean the end of your happiness forever. Knowing how to cope with newfound singleness can be a fantastic experience that allows you to grow as an individual.

Getty/Xavier Lorenzo
Being single can be empowering

What to do when you’re newly single after a breakup

For some, single life can seem like a punishment, but shifting your perspective can make a big difference. Instead of a “failed relationship,” you can view the situation as a valuable opportunity to learn more about yourself, grow as an individual, and explore the different things that life offers. 

After your breakup, you now have time to reflect, get to know yourself, and consider how your relationship has contributed to your personal growth. Sometimes, being newly single allows you to get to know yourself again and discover the various traits, characters, and qualities you may have put on the back-burner during your relationship. This phase of life has the potential to open the door to a more robust social life and greater mental growth.

Here are a few steps to help you address the complex feelings associated with a breakup, rediscover the things that make you happy outside of a relationship, and move forward vibrantly and confidently:

Don't be afraid to grieve

Depending on the nature of your relationship and subsequent breakup, you may feel sad, angry, or otherwise upset. This is entirely normal, and allowing yourself the grace to experience those feelings is a healthy part of the healing process. People often feel they must immediately bounce back or act like they don't care about leaving a relationship. This isn't realistic, and you should never feel ashamed to process things on your own time and in your way. Grieving after a breakup and gradually returning to life will benefit you now and later.

Take up a new hobby

One of the best things to do when you're newly single is to engage in activities you love. A new hobby can add a new dimension and excitement to your new single life. Even as you're giving yourself time to process things after a breakup, it isn’t healthy for the split to be all-consuming. When you're newly single, there's still nothing wrong with living your life, going out, and enjoying yourself. Taking up a new hobby can help give you something to focus on at such a critical time.

Deem the breakup as a learning experience

Regardless of who you are or your relationship's nature, there is always something to be learned. Sometimes, the information reveals itself later; in other cases, the revelation may immediately come to you. Determining what you learned from the relationship and breakup not only makes you wiser, but you can also anticipate what you do and don't want in future relationships. It may take some time to figure out what you learned from your breakup, but there's no rush. Going at your own pace is perfectly normal.

Surround yourself with positive people

When you're newly single after a breakup, you may be emotionally fragile for a while. Now is an excellent time to surround yourself with positive people who have your best interests at heart. These people can be friends, relatives, coworkers, or others that you are close to. Positive people have a way of lifting you even when times are trying or challenging. Furthermore, a supportive network reinforces that life and happiness can exist even after a breakup.

Avoid contacting your ex

In many cases, it may be tempting to contact your ex fresh after a breakup. Ultimately, it would be in your best interest not to give in to this temptation; the relationship ended for a reason, and continuing to remain in contact with your former significant other will probably only complicate the process of letting go. In many cases, a clean break is imperative for moving on, living your life, and potentially having better relationships in the future.

Getty/Xavier Lorenzo
Being single can be empowering

Write

Writing can be a terrific mental and emotional outlet to release your feelings. You can write a letter to your ex that you don't intend to send or take notes of your feelings in a journal. Releasing bottled-up emotions healthily and constructively is another choice that will help you in your newfound singleness. If you like, you can always keep your written notes to yourself, especially if they contain personal details you don't wish to share with anyone else.

Travel 

If possible, get out and see as much of the world around you as possible. Even if you can’t go somewhere exotic or far away, there will likely be exciting things to see and do in your city that you haven’t found yet. Taking a road trip is also an easy, often affordable, way to explore. Even if it’s just a day trip to a local city or a nature park, try experiencing new places. 

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

A healthy diet and plenty of physical activity not only stimulate chemicals in the brain that make you feel good but also boost self-esteem and mental well-being- often in short supply after a painful breakup. There are other benefits beyond these; for instance, if you don’t already cook, learning to make healthy meals may be your next favorite hobby. Or if you’ve never played a sport, joining an intermural sports team or league is a fun, casual way to get some exercise and potentially meet new people. 

It's okay to ask for help after a break-up

No two individuals handle breakups in the same way. Some embrace it quickly; some take a long time to adjust. Whatever the circumstances, a split can be highly emotionally challenging. Even if you have a support system, there are times when speaking to a mental health professional is the best avenue to healing. 

Working with a therapist comes with many benefits. They can develop a treatment plan tailored to your specific needs, targeting to identify the thoughts that don’t serve your personal growth. A therapist can also provide you with the tools necessary to move forward and cultivate a healthy, balanced lifestyle post-breakup.  

But despite the benefits, some people don’t seek treatment, even for help during difficult times. Depending on your schedule, you may not be able to visit a therapist's office each week consistently. You may assume you can’t afford therapy or that it won’t work. 

Online therapy is the best solution to these obstacles to treatment. With platforms like Regain, you can talk to a mental health professional online when it’s convenient for your schedule via online chat, video chat, text, and phone from the comfort of home. Online therapy is often less expensive than conventional therapy without insurance coverage. Virtual therapy is as effective as traditional therapy in treating various mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and more. 

But you don’t have to consult a therapist just to seek a mental health diagnosis. Many people use the expertise of a counselor for guidance in coping with significant life events such as a painful separation or the loss of a loved one. If you need help regaining your self-esteem and well-being after a breakup, a mental health professional from Regain can provide the tools you need to move forward confidently.

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