How To Handle Being Newly Single After A Breakup
Breakups are rarely easy. In most cases, when you have been in a relationship with someone, particularly for extended periods, many memories and emotions are involved in splitting ties. When you find yourself being newly single after a breakup, it doesn't have to mean the end of your happiness forever. Knowing how to cope with newfound singleness can be a fantastic experience that allows you to grow as an individual.
What to do when you’re newly single after a breakup
For some, single life can seem like a punishment, but shifting your perspective can make a big difference. Instead of a “failed relationship,” you can view the situation as a valuable opportunity to learn more about yourself, grow as an individual, and explore the different things that life offers.
After your breakup, you now have time to reflect, get to know yourself, and consider how your relationship has contributed to your personal growth. Sometimes, being newly single allows you to get to know yourself again and discover the various traits, characters, and qualities you may have put on the back-burner during your relationship. This phase of life has the potential to open the door to a more robust social life and greater mental growth.
Here are a few steps to help you address the complex feelings associated with a breakup, rediscover the things that make you happy outside of a relationship, and move forward vibrantly and confidently:
Don't be afraid to grieve
Depending on the nature of your relationship and subsequent breakup, you may feel sad, angry, or otherwise upset. This is entirely normal, and allowing yourself the grace to experience those feelings is a healthy part of the healing process. People often feel they must immediately bounce back or act like they don't care about leaving a relationship. This isn't realistic, and you should never feel ashamed to process things on your own time and in your way. Grieving after a breakup and gradually returning to life will benefit you now and later.
Take up a new hobby
One of the best things to do when you're newly single is to engage in activities you love. A new hobby can add a new dimension and excitement to your new single life. Even as you're giving yourself time to process things after a breakup, it isn’t healthy for the split to be all-consuming. When you're newly single, there's still nothing wrong with living your life, going out, and enjoying yourself. Taking up a new hobby can help give you something to focus on at such a critical time.
Deem the breakup as a learning experience
Regardless of who you are or your relationship's nature, there is always something to be learned. Sometimes, the information reveals itself later; in other cases, the revelation may immediately come to you. Determining what you learned from the relationship and breakup not only makes you wiser, but you can also anticipate what you do and don't want in future relationships. It may take some time to figure out what you learned from your breakup, but there's no rush. Going at your own pace is perfectly normal.
Surround yourself with positive people
When you're newly single after a breakup, you may be emotionally fragile for a while. Now is an excellent time to surround yourself with positive people who have your best interests at heart. These people can be friends, relatives, coworkers, or others that you are close to. Positive people have a way of lifting you even when times are trying or challenging. Furthermore, a supportive network reinforces that life and happiness can exist even after a breakup.
Avoid contacting your ex
In many cases, it may be tempting to contact your ex fresh after a breakup. Ultimately, it would be in your best interest not to give in to this temptation; the relationship ended for a reason, and continuing to remain in contact with your former significant other will probably only complicate the process of letting go. In many cases, a clean break is imperative for moving on, living your life, and potentially having better relationships in the future.
Write
Writing can be a terrific mental and emotional outlet to release your feelings. You can write a letter to your ex that you don't intend to send or take notes of your feelings in a journal. Releasing bottled-up emotions healthily and constructively is another choice that will help you in your newfound singleness. If you like, you can always keep your written notes to yourself, especially if they contain personal details you don't wish to share with anyone else.
Travel
If possible, get out and see as much of the world around you as possible. Even if you can’t go somewhere exotic or far away, there will likely be exciting things to see and do in your city that you haven’t found yet. Taking a road trip is also an easy, often affordable, way to explore. Even if it’s just a day trip to a local city or a nature park, try experiencing new places.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally
A healthy diet and plenty of physical activity not only stimulate chemicals in the brain that make you feel good but also boost self-esteem and mental well-being- often in short supply after a painful breakup. There are other benefits beyond these; for instance, if you don’t already cook, learning to make healthy meals may be your next favorite hobby. Or if you’ve never played a sport, joining an intermural sports team or league is a fun, casual way to get some exercise and potentially meet new people.
It's okay to ask for help after a break-up
No two individuals handle breakups in the same way. Some embrace it quickly; some take a long time to adjust. Whatever the circumstances, a split can be highly emotionally challenging. Even if you have a support system, there are times when speaking to a mental health professional is the best avenue to healing.
Working with a therapist comes with many benefits. They can develop a treatment plan tailored to your specific needs, targeting to identify the thoughts that don’t serve your personal growth. A therapist can also provide you with the tools necessary to move forward and cultivate a healthy, balanced lifestyle post-breakup.
But despite the benefits, some people don’t seek treatment, even for help during difficult times. Depending on your schedule, you may not be able to visit a therapist's office each week consistently. You may assume you can’t afford therapy or that it won’t work.
Online therapy is the best solution to these obstacles to treatment. With platforms like Regain, you can talk to a mental health professional online when it’s convenient for your schedule via online chat, video chat, text, and phone from the comfort of home. Online therapy is often less expensive than conventional therapy without insurance coverage. Virtual therapy is as effective as traditional therapy in treating various mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and more.
But you don’t have to consult a therapist just to seek a mental health diagnosis. Many people use the expertise of a counselor for guidance in coping with significant life events such as a painful separation or the loss of a loved one. If you need help regaining your self-esteem and well-being after a breakup, a mental health professional from Regain can provide the tools you need to move forward confidently.
Frequently asked questions
How do you deal with being newly single?
Being newly single can be tough, especially if you’ve gone through a breakup that was nasty or otherwise emotionally trying. After a situation like this, it can be easy to view single life as a punishment, but this doesn’t have to be the case.
Why am I single? What can I do about it? One of the best ways to deal with being newly single after a long relationship is to observe the opportunities that singlehood can present. As a newly single person, you have the chance to learn more about yourself, grow as an individual, and explore different things that life has to offer. Another great way to deal with being newly single is to fill your free time with a new hobby, traveling, or other adventures that you may not have had time for in your previous relationship.
Being newly single is not a bad thing, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of; instead, a single life is a chance for you to embrace a new stage of life and possibilities.
How do you become newly single after a long relationship?
Becoming newly single after a long relationship can be quite an adjustment. It can also be a time for you to think about the positives and negatives of the past relationship; likewise, being newly single allows you to reflect on how your previous relationship helped you grow, what it taught you, and how you can apply those lessons in the future.
You should also know that being newly single after a long relationship works differently for everyone. Being single after a long relationship doesn’t require much time to get into a new groove for some folks. For others, it takes them time to fully process the transition from being in a relationship to being single. During this time, it’s best not to compare yourself to others. Breakups can be challenging to work through, especially depending on the nature of precisely what happened.
Why is being single so great?
There are many reasons why being single can be great. Believe it or not, being newly single means entering into a fresh stage of life. Post-relationship status can give you a new lease on life, open up doors that previously weren’t available, and help prepare you for a future relationship later down the line.
When you’re newly single after a breakup, it may not feel great, but with time, this can change. Looking at the positives of being single, as opposed to the perceived negatives, is another awesome way to take on a single life. You may also find that a positive outlook on singlehood makes it easier to view the single life as a great opportunity rather than a punishment.
How can I be happy single?
There are a series of ways that you can find happiness as a single person. Using a single life as a chance to focus on yourself is one of the best ways to be happy. This could mean spending more time with family and friends, devoting more time to your work, traveling more often, or even making certain lifestyle changes that you’ve always wanted to make.
Far too often, society tells people that singlehood is something to be ashamed of or miserable about. This isn’t true, and you shouldn’t let this misconception adversely impact your happiness as a single person. Being single is a great way to find yourself, discover new parts of yourself, and decide what you do or don’t want in a future relationship.
How do I adjust to single life after marriage?
Adjusting to single life after marriage can take quite a bit of time. Giving yourself time to heal and process your emotions is very important after being single following marriage. Healing is something that should happen emotionally, mentally, etc. There’s also not a designated time period in which healing will happen. Some people can heal and adjust to single life after marriage relatively quickly, whereas others require substantial time.
Additional ways to adjust to single life after marriage include getting to know yourself, surrounding yourself with loved ones, and even getting involved in social groups that interest you. Some days of adjustment might be easier than others, and that’s nothing to be ashamed about. Don’t be afraid to make the adjustment process day by day and at your own pace.
How can I stay single forever?
If you believe that staying single forever is in your best interest, this is certainly something you can do. Being single after a long relationship may or may not make you decide that you are not interested in any other romantic entanglements...and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Should you determine that staying single forever is the right choice for you, don’t let anyone talk you out of this. You shouldn’t be afraid to let people know that you’re committed to staying single should a situation arise where someone is interested in a romantic relationship with you. Staying single forever is a personal decision and at the end of the day, if this is best for your well-being and mental health, go for it.
HowLongshould you be single before dating again?
Different people handle relationships and breakups in various fashions. There is no one set time period for how long you should be single before dating again; however, there are certain boxes you should consider checking off while you are single before re-entering the dating world.
For starters, being fully over your past relationship is generally advisable before returning to the world of single mingling or dating again. If you’re single yet still processing your breakup, it might be a good idea to hold off before getting back into dating again. Specific periods of processing relationships, breakups, etc., can vary.
Some people can get back into the dating world after weeks or months, whereas others require years to process things fully. Don’t be afraid to go at your own pace and take things in stride.
Is it better to be single?
After a breakup, some people decide that it’s just better to be single and enjoy single life. Others are eager to get back into the dating world and find a new partner.
Ultimately, the decision to be single or enter into a new relationship is up to you. If you’re unsure about whether you’re ready for a relationship, then it may be better for you to be single...at least for now. You may also find that the single life is best for you and then change your mind once an opportunity for a new relationship presents itself later down the line.
If you’re just unsure whether you’re better off being single, there’s no rush. Take time to work through your emotions, figure out where you stand, and determine what you want.
Is it okay to be single for the rest of your life?
If you want to be single for the rest of your life, there is nothing wrong with this. Far too often, the societal stigma around singlehood makes people think they have to be in a relationship no matter what. This isn’t true.
Should you determine that you’d like to be single for the rest of your life, you can do this. You should also feel comfortable and confident in this decision, even if it varies from other people’s choices. At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for you. If you feel within yourself that the single life for the rest of your life is what you want, fully embrace this and stay true to it.
Should I marry a divorced woman?
If you are considering marrying a divorced woman, you may have questions...and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Ultimately, the decision to marry a divorced woman should be determined by the quality of your relationship with this woman. Are you two compatible? Do you both want the same things? Do you two love each other? Does this divorced woman also want to get married to you? What is your relationship like with this divorced woman?
All of these questions are worth asking yourself, and if it takes time for you to arrive at the answers, there’s nothing wrong with that. Marrying anyone, divorced or not, is a huge step, and you want to be 100% sure before you enter into any marriage.
Is life better after a divorce?
If you’ve experienced a poor-quality marriage, you may very well find that life is better after divorce. At the end of the day, no two people have the same outlooks or experiences with divorce; although, more often than not, when divorce happens, it’s because one or both people in the marriage have decided that it cannot be saved.
If you are in a marriage where you feel unhappy or unloved, divorce may be something that you’re considering. Some marriages can be salvaged, whereas others cannot. When it’s all said and done, though, only you can figure out whether or not your life will be personally better after a divorce. Because divorce is such a huge life decision, taking time to think things through and determine what you feel best about is critical.
Are second marriages more successful?
Certain studies assert that second marriages are likelier to end in divorce than first marriages. However, every marriage is different, and multiple factors contribute to whether a second marriage succeeds or fails.
Granted, some second marriages have ended in divorce, but other second marriages have lasted for a lifetime. If you are considering getting married for a second time, it’s important for you and your partner to both be on the same page. Ideally, you should both love each other, want the same things in life, and feel compatible with one another.
How do I date again?
Having a positive outlook towards dating after a breakup is great. However, figuring out how to date again can be understandably challenging. If you’re interested in dating again, you should start by figuring out how you want to date. Are you interested in a long-term relationship or want to date casually? These are questions worth asking yourself.
Other ways to start dating again involve putting yourself in situations where you can meet like-minded people and focusing on doing what you love. Being open to dating again is awesome, and as you put yourself out there, you will have the opportunity to date again.
On the same token, some of the best relationships happen when you least expect them and are simply living your best life.
How can you completely accept the fact that you're single?
What are things you can do to comfort someone after a breakup?
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