Tips On How To Start Dating After A Breakup

Whether it was your first breakup from your high school sweetheart who you thought you'd be with forever or a long-term relationship that crumbled when you were in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s, many people have experienced heartache. How do you start dating again after a breakup? Along with feelings of loss and pain, you might also experience high emotions, and sometimes the last thing on your mind is dating after heartbreak. To be emotionally healthy when entering the dating scene, it can be helpful to understand what happens to the mind after a breakup, steps you can take to heal, and, finally, steps toward dating again.

Things to remember after a breakup

You Might Not Be Thinking Clearly. You likely just went through a challenging experience. You might feel gloomy and sad, and this can make you want to isolate yourself or be impulsive. If you had a routine before the breakup, try to stick to it. If you didn't, think about creating one.

When we experience a breakup, our brains can lose their regular supply of feel-good chemicals like serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine, and we may go through neurological withdrawal. As a result, the deficit in these chemicals can make us feel anxious, depressed, and can cause us to isolate ourselves from others.

Have a support group. Try not to isolate yourself and go through this grieving process alone. Call or meet up with friends and family or consider joining a support group.

Let your feelings out. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Doing so can lead to physical ailments like stomach discomfort, migraines, and neck or shoulder pain. Also, these suppressed emotions could eventually erupt. Researchers have historically found that people who have sustained anger or chronic stress may be more likely than others to acquire heart disease. So, if you need to cry, do it. If you are emotionally hurting, try writing about your feelings in a journal. This can help allow you to see the situation and your feelings objectively.

Give yourself time. There's no rush with the healing process. Some heal quicker than others, so be careful not to compare your progress against someone else's. Everyone can be different, and everyone's breakup may be unique, as well. Give yourself grace and plenty of time to heal.

Now that we've discussed ways to help your heart heal after a break-up, let's look at tips on how to start dating again.

Tips on how to start dating after a breakup

Here are some effective tips to begin dating post-breakup:

Have fun

Relationships usually don't break apart overnight. It's normally a slow decline that occurs over some time. So, if you just had a breakup, there may be a good chance that things weren't going that great for you for a while and you weren't having much fun. Now can be a great time to commit to having fun. One way to have fun may be to try new things. Perhaps especially if you were with your ex for a long time, chances are that you had routines and places you frequented. Instead of returning to the old, consider trying new places, new routines, and new experiences with your dating life. Have fun with it!

Be your authentic self

When you were in the previous relationship, you might have compromised and became different in some ways, however big or slight they were. Whether it be your wardrobe, health habits, social habits, or interests and hobbies, you may have veered off from your authentic self. Now may be the time to recalibrate and be authentic in who you are. Bring your wonderful, authentic self into the dating scene. Being who you are can be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your dating life.

Take things slowly

After a breakup, give yourself some credit–you have just recovered from a challenging experience and have gone through a tremendous emotional marathon. You might not want to rush into a relationship when you decide to start dating again. You might be subconsciously replacing the void from the breakup with someone else. Take your time, enjoy the journey, and don't worry about the result.

Take time to heal

Say you've done the work in healing from your breakup, and you're feeling better about yourself and your future. But there still may be underlying wounds within you that need healing. Give yourself time, grace, and permission to heal. And remember to not be hard on yourself if you still have emotions or feelings about your ex. You're doing the work and moving forward; give yourself kudos for that.

Don't compare new partners to your ex

Simply stated, your previous relationship likely ended for a reason. You probably don't want to be with someone who embodies parts of your ex that you disliked. Some people may be more inclined to date someone who is the opposite of their ex. However, when we start dating again, with the most recent reference point held by our ex, we might be inclined to compare–consciously or subconsciously. Why? Well, the role that was once held by the ex has been recast. It's similar to television shows changing out original characters for new actors; you likely can't help but compare the new ones to the originals. While we can learn from our ex to enhance our new life, we generally should not focus on comparisons. The person sitting across from you at the restaurant is not your ex. Comparing could prevent you from enjoying the present moment with your new dating life and keep you emotionally tied down in the past.

Become a healthy version of yourself

You've probably got more free time than you've had in quite a while. There may be no better time for self-reflection than in between relationships. Be purposefully selfish with what you want to do and what you always wanted to try. Make a list of things you want to try. Go to the gym, ride a bike every morning, change up your diet, or whatever else suits your fancy. Not only can it make you a better person, but it may help prevent you from slipping into isolation or depression.

Have a positive outlook

Keeping a positive outlook on your future can not only help you heal, but it may also give you hope for dating again. Write down a list of all your amazing attributes and list out all the things you want to do with your new life. Embrace your future and bring that positivity into your dating life. You probably will, in turn, attract positive people.

Set realistic expectations

While it can be helpful to have a positive outlook when dating after a breakup, it's not always good to have unrealistic expectations. For example, expecting to find the love of your life right away can prevent you from living in the moment, enjoying the journey, and embracing dating. You may feel awkward or out of place, especially if you haven't dated for a while. You may have to put your dating training wheels back on and learn the ins and outs of the dating scene. Be sure to give yourself time to relearn things and be realistic with your expectations.

Breaking up is seldom an easy thing, and healing from it can be equally challenging as your emotions and self-discovery bubble up to the surface. Now you're thinking of dating again, and that may be confusing or scary. You are not alone. If you have questions about what you're going through, what you're feeling, getting back into dating, or anything else, online therapy can be available to those in need of help. 

With online therapy, you can have connection to your therapist in ways that many in-person options don’t have. With chat, text, phone, and video chat options, you can speak with a therapist in a way that is most convenient for you.

Partners with high self-worth have often been shown to have more fulfilling and healthy relationships. For many people, raising their self-esteem can be achieved by speaking to an online mental health professional. Taking time to work on yourself can go a long way as you re-enter the dating scene and try to form meaningful, genuine connections with others.

Takeaway

There may be no one-size-fits-all approach to start dating again after breaking up with an ex. For many people, being deliberate and thoughtful with their thoughts and expectations can help them flourish in wonderful, fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, being happy yourself often translates into happy relationships.