The Most Important Couples Questions To Ask To Spark Intimacy

Updated April 4, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

A relationship has several phases. One of the most anticipated and equally intimidating phases is intimacy. Many people may feel a significant amount of pressure during this phase, and the thought of progressing to a more intimate relationship can be overwhelming.

That said, intimacy does not always require physical interaction. There is intimacy involved in the mental and emotional aspects of relationships, as well. If you are involved in a relationship and face issues regarding intimacy or other factors, talking with a relationship therapist could help. It’s important to gain a positive perspective on intimacy and how to navigate intimate conversations throughout your relationship.

Factors That Impact Intimacy In Couples

One Question Can Launch Your Relationship Into New Territory

Couples who engage in lengthy relationships may feel sentimental regarding the initial intimate encounter with their partner. This takes place because of the many changes that occur between couples from the beginning of the relationship to the present. The intimacy and butterflies might fade, and it’s common to miss those intimate moments. 

You may long to return to the time where the best questions were asked, both of you listened interestingly to each other, and each other’s thoughts and feelings were always considered.

It is common for couples to allow themselves to become complacent in the relationship. Couples may begin to skip the chats and little talks that brought them closer. These conversations are supportive mechanisms for intimacy. A decrease in communication can cause emotions to be repressed, which may result in negative feelings within couples. 

Intimate Questions To Improve Intimacy In Couples

So, what can you do to bring back those feelings of closeness in a way that does not feel forced or inauthentic? Try engaging in intimate conversation with each other during lunch or dinner dates. Ask those intimate questions that show you’re still interested in each other. Do not feel obligated to ask all the intimate questions at one time. In fact, it’s best to spread out these intimate questions over some time. 

We have listed a variety of questions you might ask your partner, based on different categories. Allow your partner to elaborate on their answer. Choose to learn from the answers they give in hopes of learning more about them or possibly discovering better ways to make the relationship work. 

Intimate Questions To Ask About The Past 

Have I ever said or done anything to make you feel uncomfortable? This one of the questions that allows you and your partner to grow and discover things that should be addressed in the relationship. If you’re not sure about the way you make them feel regarding intimacy, they should be able to express it when answering this question. It opens the door for an effective narration of intimate feelings caused by the other person.

What were your thoughts or questions following our first date? This one of the questions may seem minimal, but the answer can be quite revealing. The goal is to obtain as much insight on the person’s first impression and to possibly find out what their intentions may have been once the date ended. Some people feel obligated to continue seeing a person even after a bad first impression. You should want to know if this was the case with your partner.

Is there something about you that you’ve never told anyone? This one of the intimate questions that requires a yes or no answer, but if they elaborate on a yes answer, chances are they’re really into you. Especially if the elaboration details the specifics of what that secret may be.

What impact did your parents have on your approach to couples and relationships? It’s important to understand what type of inspiration a person has from their parents regarding relationships. Most people who have been around parents who were married or together for years may find it easy and enjoyable to be in an intimate partnership.

At what moment did you realize that you loved/liked me? If the partnership has advanced to this point, ask your partner about their true feelings and what brought them on. It’s interesting to understand what motivated a person to fall for you in the first place, and it can provide perspective on the things they likely admire most about you.

Intimate Questions To Ask About The Future

Do you think we have an intimate and forever love? Be sure you’re prepared to hear the answer to this question before presenting it. Couples need to be on the same page about the plans for their relationship and where it’s progressing. Too often, couples have differences in wants and needs regarding relationship goals.

What plans do you have for us? This allows you to see if their plans include you or only them. You may get an answer that reveals they do not think that far ahead or that they’re motivated to move forward with you. Whatever answer you receive, it’s one that you need to know the answer to before becoming too invested in an intimate partnership.

What career goals are you working towards? Always gain a clear perspective on what your partner wants out of their career. Some relationships fall short because one partner isn’t willing to support the other’s career choice or changes. If your career requires you to travel, and your partner isn’t willing to do so, then you may need to rethink the future of the relationship.

What is your financial status? This is one of the rawer questions that should get a raw response. It is challenging to discuss finances with your romantic partner, but failure to do so could smother the intimacy in the relationship.

What do you respect most about me? This is one of the questions that can be difficult to answer, but it should be asked. You want to know that your partner respects you, especially as a woman. It can also be difficult for a man to see exactly what a partner sees in him. This question can help him to see this.

Intimate Questions To Ask About Personal Matters

One Question Can Launch Your Relationship Into New Territory

What would you change about our sexual relationship? This is one of the questions that can help improve the physical intimacy of the relationship. Talk openly and honestly about the intimate encounters and listen to what your partner tells you. It is important to understand the differences that your partner would like to see in whatever you’re currently doing.

Is the physical intimacy with me enough, or do you want to ask for more? Find out if your partner wants more from you than you’re giving. You may be doing more than you need to and can change that aspect of it. This should not be a one-sided conversation.

Do I compliment you enough? This is one of those intimate questions to ask a girl or a guy. Everyone likes to be complimented. Ask your partner if you give them the type of compliments that they like to hear. It is important to know what your partner thinks about your appearance and character. These are both areas that can be complimented.

What is your favorite scent on me? Find out what makes your partner attracted to your scent. It may be a fragrance, an oil, or something simple like a body wash. Certain scents may turn your partner on and make them want to be around you even more. Let them know what you like to smell on them, also.

What is your ultimate relationship fantasy? Fantasies can bring a thrill to relationships. Find out the intimate thing(s) that your partner dreams about taking place in your relationship. Talk about how living out that fantasy will impact your relationship. If this is something you’re not open to doing, be honest about it and consider alternatives.

How Intimate Questions Can Bolster A Strong Partnership

Intimate questions are one of the best ways for couples to connect with their partners. They allow you to discuss the most personal details of the relationship and your feelings about them. Make it a practice of having an open dialogue that allows you to ask these questions. Doing so can break down barriers and sometimes persuade your partner to be more vulnerable than they normally would.

A strong intimate connection can help a partnership to last longer. It’s a foundation that must be nourished continuously throughout the relationship. Couples who connect well in an intimate way are usually together for a longer period or forever if they pursue commitment. Every aspect of a relationship is important, but the intimate aspect is one that should be examined and addressed by both parties. 

Online Therapy For Improving Relationship Intimacy

Therapy is not just for people who are living with diagnosed mental health conditions. Online therapy may be a useful alternative for individuals or couples who face barriers to accessing traditional in-person therapy, or who would feel more comfortable discussing topics regarding intimacy in a virtual setting. 

One of the great things about online therapy platforms like Regain is that it enables users to connect quickly with licensed therapists and schedule appointments at convenient times. You can also meet from any location with a secure internet connection. So, for example, if you and your partner are struggling with intimacy issues within a long-distance relationship, you both can meet with an online counselor from your own locations.

Many couples have experienced positive outcomes from seeking online therapy for intimacy-related concerns and other relationship challenges. In one recent study, participants in relationships were divided into two cohorts – a face-to-face therapy group and an online therapy group – with the intent to evaluate the effectiveness of the online intervention compared to the in-person approach. 

Results of the study showed that couples in the videoconferencing condition did not report significantly lower scores than those in the face-to-face condition, reflecting a strong alliance with their therapist. If you’re interested in hearing from people who have worked with the licensed therapists at Regain, consider reading some of the counselor reviews below.

Counselor Reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a unique way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”


Sometimes it may seem difficult to open up a conversation with intimate questions. However, doing so can strengthen the bond between you and your partner. Set aside a time each day, week, or month that will allow you and your partner to talk with each other or ask each other questions intimately. Keep the conversation simple and maintain a cordial tone. Most importantly, connect emotionally, physically, and mentally. Should you desire support in fostering intimacy between you and your partner, you can reach out to Regain for compassionate, professional guidance.

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