It Is Possible To Love Again After Heartbreak? Here's How
Updated February 11, 2020
Reviewer Karen Devlin, LPC
If you are currently dealing with heartbreak, there is good news- you can, and will, love again. However, the next time you are in love will probably feel different than it did before you had your heart broken. The experience will change because you have changed.
One way to love again is to shift the way you look at your heartbreak. Rather than thinking of it as something to be feared or avoided, remember that your heartbreak makes you strong and courageous. To feel heartbroken, you must first feel a lot of love. Some people are so closed off that they never feel strongly enough about someone to get heartbroken. Your experience with heartbreak should not turn you into one of those people.
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It will take you some time to recover from heartbreak. You will feel sad, angry, or confused. Do not try to ignore those feelings. Rather, be patient with them and give yourself time to process them before letting them go fully. Remember that you can love deeply. Just because it did not work out before does not mean you should be afraid to do it again. It takes bravery to give your heart to someone, even more so after a heartbreak. But you do have the courage to love again.
Unfortunately, there is no way to safeguard yourself from heartbreak. But, every time it happens you grow emotionally stronger. You know you can get through heartbreak and come out of the other side with your ability to love intact. The only thing that can cause you not to love again after heartbreak is you letting your fear stop you from opening up to another person.
Getting Over Heartbreak To Love Again
Getting over your heartbreak and loving again will not happen overnight, but with some time it is possible. While everyone gets over heartbreak at their own pace, there are some ways to speed up the process and ease your transition from heartbreak to loving again.
Look To Your Support System
It is an important life skill to be self-reliant and to feel comfortable being alone. But, when dealing with heartbreak, there is only so much you can do for yourself. During this time, it is best to lean on your support system or build one up if you lack a strong support system.
Everyone has different people with whom they feel most comfortable. Your support system may be entirely comprised of friends, or you may prefer to turn to family, or maybe a mixture of the two. Regardless of who your go-to supporters are, make sure you have two or three people who you can text or call when getting over your heartbreak becomes too much to handle on your own.
Along with emotional support, these people can prevent you from going back to your ex. Whenever you feel tempted to reach out to your ex, call or text a friend instead. Your support system can help keep you in line so that you do not make any regression in your process of healing from your heartbreak so that you can love again.
It is best to have multiple people you can count on, rather than just one friend, so that you do not have to worry about burdening your friends and family too much. You may even want to tell your close friends and family upfront what you will need from them while you get over your heartbreak. The people in your life with whom you are close will most likely be more than happy to help.
It is also a good idea to seek help from a mental health professional. Online therapy or counseling is a great option when recovering from heartbreak. Your therapist or counselor can be a valuable member of your support system and are trained to give you advice that can help you through hard times. With an online platform, you will be able to contact your therapist or counselor at any time, rather than having to wait for a weekly appointment. Even if you have a support system of friends and family, a trained mental health professional is a wonderful person to add to your list of supporters.
Journal For Release
Expressive writing, or writing about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, is proven to help people cope with the negative feelings brought on from break-ups, like depression and anxiety. It can also be a useful tool for getting over heartbreak so you can love again. Writing is a great way to process your emotions and release anything you have been holding in. Seeing your thoughts and feelings out on paper can also help you see things from a different perspective and can be a valuable tool in helping you to learn to love again.
If you feel that it will help you, you can write a letter to your former partner expressing all your feelings about the breakup and your relationship. This can include positive memories as well as any feelings you have about the breakup that you want to get off of your chest. Think of your letter as a way to say goodbye to your ex and get closure. You may decide not even to send the letter, but writing all of your emotions down on paper can be a very useful step towards getting closure on your past relationship so that you can love again.
The way we think and talk to ourselves can have a huge impact on our emotions. This is especially important when recovering from a breakup. To ease the process of healing so that you can learn to love again, you need to think positively about the future of your love life.
Choose a mantra that will aid you on your way to feeling ready to fall in love again. It may seem cheesy, but mantras do work. They keep your mind focused on your goal, which in this case is preparing your heart and mind to love again, rather than letting your thoughts spiral into negative territory.
Effective mantras for getting over heartbreak and finding love again include, "I love myself," "no relationship is a waste of time," or "I am strong." You may need to experiment with a few mantras until you find one that resonates with you. You may also find that you want to change your mantra as you move through the process of recovering from your heartbreak and get closer to feeling ready to love again. The exact words you say do not matter; what matters is how they make you feel.
Meditation, Yoga, And Exercise
Meditation, yoga, and exercise all can significantly help you during the "healing from heartbreak" phase of getting ready to love again. Meditation and yoga focus on deep breathing techniques, which reduces anxiety and tension. In addition to moving your body, the practices also try to encourage living in the present moment.
This is particularly useful while recovering from heartbreak when your mind tends to wander into the past. Meditation and yoga are an effective way to get your mind off of your breakup without resorting to harmful behaviors, like drinking, to give yourself a distraction.
Other, more intense forms of exercise like cardio and weight-lifting are also great ways to help yourself get over a breakup. It is a productive way to spend your free time. Plus the rush of endorphins brought on by exercise is sure to boost your mood, something anyone going through heartbreak needs. Exercising and getting stronger is also a big confidence boost. If you are hesitant to love again out of fear of getting your heart broken once more, a confidence boost might be what you need to feel ready to put yourself back out there.
Give It Time
In some cases, you may be eager to love again after a breakup to replace the companionship that you felt with your former partner. While loving again after heartbreak is a great feat, it is best not to rush into it. If you try to fall in love again too quickly, you are likely to be still holding on to some emotional baggage from your past relationship that could be detrimental to your attempts to love again.
Even if you think you are ready to love again very soon after enduring heartbreak, it actually may be harder to find someone to date, as many people unconsciously put up some emotional barriers in the wake of heartbreak. Trying to date too soon after a breakup can make you feel even more discouraged about the possibility of finding love again in the future.
One study suggests that it takes most people about 11 weeks to see their past relationship in a new light and truly feel ready to move on. Try giving yourself about three months to heal before starting a new relationship so that you give yourself the best shot at finding love again with the right person.
Get Out There
Once you have given yourself adequate time to heal, you have to put yourself out there to meet new people. Try picking up a new activity or sport that you have always been interested in, or attending speed dating or networking events in your city. Putting yourself in situations where you meet new people can help you get comfortable with the idea of dating and ultimately falling in love again.
Heartbreak can make you want to give up on love, but you will love again. Give yourself adequate time to heal and engage in productive behaviors to aid the process of emotionally recovering from your breakup. Most importantly, remember that no matter how unlikely it may seem in the wake of heartbreak, you can love again. If you find yourself heartbroken and feel as though you'll never love again, working with a licensed counselor can help you work through these emotions and can help you prepare your heart for your next love.
A licensed counselor has been trained to help you work through your heartache. They'll ask you questions and listen to your experiences. They will help you reflect and uncover what it is that you miss about your past relationship or partner. Together they will also help you identify the values you hold important. This can help you when you are ready to start your next relationship as you know what you are looking for in a mate. Additionally, a professional can help you build the necessary skills that make a relationship successful, such as the ability to communicate well, to express yourself, etc.
If meeting a counselor face-to-face seems overwhelming to you, you always have the option of online counseling. This is a much more relaxed method of getting help from a licensed professional. You can talk to them in the comfort and privacy of your own home (or wherever you have an internet connection). Additionally, you don't have to worry about finding time for your appointment, commute times, not having an office nearby, or anyone else seeing you go into the office. It is completely private and you can get the help you need comfortably. The online nature also helps you open up and discuss things you may have been too embarrassed to discuss in person. The more comfortable you are with discussing the issues you are facing and your feeling, the more personal growth you will realize by working with a counselor. Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors from people experiencing similar issues.
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As difficult as it may be to imagine, a broken heart can heal, but it will take time and often a bit of self-reflection. With the right tools, you can move forward, love yourself, and prepare for the next love to come your way, which will happen when you are ready. A professional counselor is here to help you heal your heart.