How To Find Love Again After Heartbreak
Experiencing heartbreak can be devastating, and love may seem impossible or out of reach after a breakup. The most challenging part of a breakup for many people is accepting that they must move on and accept a future without their former partner. If they consider dating, embracing an unknown future with someone else can be even more distressing. It takes bravery to give your heart to someone, even more so after a heartbreak. But with the right perspective and support, it is possible to love again.
Recovering From Heartbreak To Love Again
Getting over a heartbreaking relationship and loving again will probably not happen overnight, but with some time, it is possible. While each person recovers at their own pace, there are some ways to speed up the process and ease your transition from heartbreak to loving again.
Look To Your Support System
It is an important life skill to be self-reliant and feel comfortable alone. But, in times of difficulty, it’s often best to lean on your support system or build one up if you lack a robust support system. Everyone has different people with whom they feel most comfortable. Your support system may be entirely comprised of friends, or you may prefer to turn to family or a mixture of the two.
Whenever you feel tempted to reach out to your ex, call or text a friend instead. Regardless of who your go-to supporters are, it’s helpful to have two or three people whom you can text or call when your feelings become overwhelming. Along with emotional support, these people can help you stay strong in the face of temptation to get back together with your ex.
Even if you have a support system of friends and family, reaching out to a mental health professional could be very helpful in developing healthy coping strategies. A therapist can provide an unbiased view of your situation and identify ways to process your pain.
Journal For Release
Expressive writing, or writing about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, is proven to help people cope and move on from heartbreak. Writing is a great way to process and release emotional difficulties. Reading your thoughts and feelings on paper can also help you see things from a different perspective and can be a valuable tool in helping you to learn to love again.
Our self-talk can have a significant impact on our emotions. Positive, compassionate inner dialogue is critical when recovering from a breakup. To ease the healing process so that you can learn to love again, try to identify any hurtful ways you may be speaking to yourself internally.
For example, blaming yourself for the relationship’s ending or deriding yourself for your perceived faults can go a long way toward inhibiting your ability to recover and move on from your heartbreak. If you have difficulty isolating such internal thoughts or dialogue, journaling is an excellent way to uncover the subconscious ways we are cruel to ourselves and begin cultivating self-love.
Meditation, Yoga, And Exercise
Meditation, yoga, and exercise can help significantly during the "healing from heartbreak" phase of preparing to love again. Mindfulness meditation and yoga focus on deep breathing techniques, which reduces anxiety and tension. In addition to moving your body, the practices also try to encourage living in the present moment.
This is particularly useful for grounding your thoughts and preventing rumination while recovering from heartbreak when your mind tends to wander into the past.
Other, more intense forms of exercise, like cardio and weightlifting, are also productive ways to spend your free time, and the endorphins produced by movement will help boost your mood. Exercising and getting stronger is often also a big confidence boost.
Allow Yourself Time
Some people are eager to fall in love again after a breakup to replace the companionship that they had with their former partner. While loving again after heartbreak can serve to soothe our bruised feelings in the short term, it is best not to rush into it. If you try falling back in love too quickly, it’s likely that some of the past “emotional baggage” could be detrimental to a new relationship.
One study on love and heartbreak suggests that it takes most people about 11 weeks to see their past relationship in a new light and truly feel ready to move on. Try giving yourself about three months to heal before starting a new connection to provide yourself with the best chance of finding love again with the right person.
How long feelings linger after a heartbreak depends on many factors, like how long the relationship was, how serious the relationship was, or the individual. Some people may have an easier time letting go of a failed relationship than others.
If you are struggling or feel your feelings will never disappear, understand that breakups are often hard to process. Even if the separation isn’t a surprise, it can still be tough to let go of someone you loved. Give yourself the time you need to grieve your loss. It may take weeks, or it may take months. There is no time limit on personal healing. Be kind to yourself and remember those you have in your life to support you.
As difficult as it may be to imagine, a broken heart can heal, but it will take time and often a bit of self-reflection. With the right tools, you can move forward, love yourself, and prepare for the next love to come your way, which will happen when you are truly ready.
Once you have given yourself adequate time to heal, the next step may be to make yourself available to meet new people. If you’re unsure how to do this, many resources are available for suggestions. You may try a new activity or sport that interests you or even attend speed dating or networking events in your city. Putting yourself in situations where you meet new people can help you get comfortable with dating after heartbreak and ultimately falling in love again.
If your feelings are overwhelming and your emotional state substantially affects your ability to function in other areas of your life, it may be time to reach out to a counselor.
Licensed counselors are trained to help people cope with complicated feelings that, when left unaddressed, can lead to more serious mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. In therapy, you’ll discuss your experiences and emotions. A therapist will help you reflect on your past relationship to better understand the situation. They’ll likely ask questions about your life and background that can help uncover the disproportionate thoughts that cause difficulties processing your feelings.
Beyond coping with the heartbreak, working with a licensed counselor can help you find self-confidence and balance when you are ready to start dating again. Additionally, a professional can help you build the necessary skills to make a relationship successful, such as communicating well, expressing yourself, etc.
If meeting a counselor face-to-face seems overwhelming, online counseling is a convenient, affordable option with many benefits that traditional counseling can’t offer. You can talk to a mental health professional from Regain in your home (or wherever you have an internet connection). Additionally, you don't have to worry about finding time for your appointment, commute times, not having an office nearby, or awkward encounters at the office. Online therapy helps many people open up and discuss things they may feel uncomfortable discussing in person. Studies indicate it’s as effective as traditional therapy for treating mental health issues related to traumatic life events like a heartbreaking split from a partner.
You don’t have to cope with heartbreak alone. Below are some reviews of Regain counselors from people experiencing similar issues.
"He's amazing - he's gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I'm not made of super human strength - that I'm human with normal emotions and it is in fact okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup."
"Lakesha was absolutely amazing! She helped me find myself and realize my self worth in such a short period! I highly recommend her services she is FRESH and has amazing insight!"
Love After Heartbreak - Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why is toxic love bad?
Sometimes, there is only one toxic person in the relationship. This person can be abusive, and no matter what you do, the relationship does not get any better. However, there are some times where both parties are toxic for each other. This might not be due to any particular major problem with either of them, but rather it is simply not a good match.
With a toxic relationship, no one’s needs are being met, which is vital in any relationship. A relationship should be about meeting each other's needs and pushing each other up. Signs of disrespect in a relationship is something you should be mindful of, and leaving the relationship should those signs show up is not a bad move.
If you are more often unhappy than you are happy in your relationship, then ask yourself why you are there. A good, healthy couple will make each other better, build each other up. With toxic love, one or both partners make each other worse.
If you feel that your love is not adding to your peace and happiness, then it may be toxic. In a good relationship, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. What does that mean? That together, you are stronger than you are apart. Even in a healthy relationship, you will go through tough times. In fact, it is even necessary to growth. But if things simply are not getting better, and your partner only brings you down, then you may not be well-suited for each other.
What are signs of disrespect in a marriage?
Even in a happy marriage, you and your partner will disagree now and then. That is healthy and normal. In a healthy relationship, there is no lack of respect. When you disagree or butt heads, you speak calmly and work things out. Neither of you resorts to name-calling, making threats, gaslighting, stonewalling, and so on. You might take time to cool off before you talk about what is going on, but ultimately, you work through concerns instead of letting them brew under the surface or letting microaggressions slip out due to unresolved problems. You are willing to hear your spouse's side, and they are willing to listen to yours. There is no hierarchy. You are equal.
Disrespect in marriage, on the other hand, is not normal or healthy. How do you know if your spouse does not respect you? There are some things to look out for.
Signs of disrespect in a marriage include:
- Emotional invalidation
- Stonewalling or using the silent treatment
- Inequality in terms of give-and-take
- Controlling behavior
- Refusal to recognize your point of view
- Trampling your (or each other's) boundaries
- Picking fights
Some signs of disrespect are subtle, whereas other signs of disrespect are overt.
For example, if your spouse calls you a name that you do not like, and you say to them, "I feel hurt when you call me ___. Can you please stop?" but they laugh it off or continue calling you the name that you aren't comfortable with, they are crossing your boundaries. They might say, "You are overreacting" or "It is just a joke." This is one of the signs of disrespect; your spouse is attempting to make you feel as though you are overly sensitive, and therefore, wrong. This is called gaslighting. When someone does this, they are disrespecting you, and they are not taking your feelings seriously. When someone respects you, they are not going to continue with the name-calling, and that's that.
How do you deal with a disrespectful husband?
First, recognize the signs of disrespect that are present in your relationship. If you have not already, you can have a conversation with your spouse about the specific signs of disrespect you notice in your relationship.
Bring up specific instances and use "I" statements when you have this conversation. For example, "I felt hurt when ___." Again, in a healthy relationship, this information will be received, and your partner will talk through it with you.
That said, if you are reading this, you have likely tried to have that conversation. Things need to change. Love, respect, and communication are vital in relationships.
You are not crazy; the signs of disrespect you notice are real issues that need to be dealt with.
The best thing to do is to seek help from a professional to deal with a disrespectful husband who will not listen or recognize the signs of disrespect that occur on his side of your partnership. They will not be biased toward either one of you, so they will be able to see signs of disrespect for what they are. In therapy, you will learn communication tactics and other skills that can help you have a happy marriage. With that said, couples counseling requires investment from both people. If your husband refuses to go to counseling or work through these issues one-on-one and the disrespect continues, it may be time to leave. It could be the healthiest thing you ever do for yourself.
A relationship has two sides, and you have more control than you realize. This does not mean that you constantly bend to the will of your husband, but rather that you put your foot down when you see signs of disrespect. Now, when we say ‘put your foot down’ that does not mean screaming and shouting and making a scene. When it comes to marriage, consistency is far more effective than force. Mention it every time you see a sign of disrespect, mention how you feel, and also be open to hearing his side. This is far more effective than letting resentment build up until it reaches a boiling point and you have a breakdown over a minor instance. Know your standards, and your boundaries, and defend them with tranquility, confidence, and grace. You have every right to feel comfortable in your relationship.
Another tip is to avoid stooping to his level. We all get mad and frustrated sometimes. These emotions are normal, and you should not feel guilty or wrong for experiencing them. But you can manage how you handle them. You can build healthy habits around your angry emotions, and thusly control them instead of letting them control you. Express your anger but do so respectfully. Lead by example. Show your partner that he has a lot to learn from you. However this will, of course, involve taking a lot of difficult, personal responsibility.
And if nothing works, and your relationship is toxic for both of you, do not feel wrong about leaving. You can survive without this relationship, and it might be the best decision of your life. Sometimes being alone is worth it if it means setting yourself free.
What does respect look like in a marriage?
Respect requires that you understand the autonomy of another person. It is a concept that engages multiple factors to ensure that people in a relationship feel loved, heard, and able to maintain the sense that they are their own person. When it comes to love respect is necessary. Love without respect is a toxic relationship waiting to happen. Respect should always be mutual. It must exist on both sides for relationships to function.
Here are some essential components of respect in a relationship:
- Valuing each other's autonomy and personal space
- Listening to each other's perspectives
- Honoring each other's needs and boundaries
- Treating each other with kindness
- Mutual support
- Showing interest in each other's lives
- The absence of controlling behavior
If you struggle with mutual respect in your relationship, seeing a couple's counselor or therapist can help.
How does a husband show respect to his wife?
To show respect to your wife, show interest in her life, her thoughts, and her emotions. When she speaks, listen, and be willing to work out compromises that consider both of your needs and that work for both of you. Ask how her day was, and let her know that she is appreciated. Learn her love language and make an effort to communicate. When she is upset, nervous, or pursuing something new, ask how you can best support her.
Be grateful and when she works hard to take care of herself and you, express that gratitude. Let her know what you admire about her, and which qualities she has that you hope to replicate. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable and compliment her when you see her putting in an effort. Life is hard for everyone sometimes, and it is good to have a cheerleader. The more love you put into this person, the more you will see them blossom and thrive.
What is a man's role in a marriage?
A man's role, as well as a woman's role or a non-binary person's role, is to show mutual respect in a relationship.
Every relationship is unique because every person is unique. We all come with different personality types, quirks, needs, desires, and so on. Your role in a relationship is to consider both your spouse and yourself and to work together to create a dynamic that is loving, respectful, and reciprocal.
If something arises and you realize that you are doing something that makes it seem as though you do not respect your spouse, work to fix it. If your spouse says that they feel hurt by something you did, look for signs you are engaging in behavior that is not respectful.
If you do not respect someone, your marriage is not going to be a healthy one, so even if you do not see it at first, it is important to put your pride aside and take responsibility for your actions.
How can I be a better mother and wife in marriage?
The answer to this question is very similar to the answer to, "how does a husband show respect to his wife?" When you want to show someone respect, the very best thing to do is to make it known that you value their perception and perspective. Ask your partner questions, and ask your kids questions, too. When they answer, listen carefully. Be attentive, put down your phone or any other distractions, and soak in all of the information you get. When you don't understand, ask more, and allow them to teach you something new. Engage in a conversation with your loved ones and let them know that their thoughts and feelings are of value to you. Live in the present, be grateful for what you have right now, and let your love and affection show.
Why are people disrespectful?
Often, people are disrespectful due to poor self-esteem. When people show signs of disrespect toward others, they might be putting people down in attempts to lift themselves up due to their own lack of confidence. People attack others out of jealousy sometimes, but their jealousy is not an excuse to continue the behavior. Instead, it is something they need to work through themselves so that they can maintain healthy relationships and improve their behavior. It is also possible that a person who shows signs of disrespect was raised in a family where disrespect was the norm. They might have been raised in a toxic home environment and could've adopted the traits of the people around them growing up. Again, a person in this situation must work through the issue. They may lack emotional intelligence or struggle to control their emotions and act out as a result. However, one thing is always true; you have the right to disengage from situations where you're being disrespected. You can't control other people, but you can control your response.
How do you build respect?
To build respect, engage in the behaviors affiliated with the essential components of respect in relationships such as communication, listening to your spouse, valuing their thoughts, opinions, and interests, and making an effort to show them kindness and appreciation in a way that makes them feel loved, safe, and comfortable. If you ever feel the need to bring someone down when they are happy, ask yourself why. Work through any barriers you have to showing affection or respect. Where do those things stem from? Does it happen when you're in a bad mood, or does it stem from family patterns? Do you have secretly low confidence? When you figure out what's holding you back, you can work through these roadblocks. Both individual counseling and couples counseling can help you to do this. Individual counseling can help you work through your own barriers or difficulties, whereas couples therapy is a great place to work through marriage problems. There is a lot of marriage advice pertaining to love and respect out there, and it can certainly be helpful in building respect as a couple, but counseling will offer you an individualized way to approach things with an experienced professional present. Going to couples counseling shows that you are putting in the effort and that you want to change anything in a relationship that's causing undue pain. To build respect in a relationship or to heal a relationship where there was a lack of respect at one point, couples counseling can be a game-changer. You and your partner need to have the respect you deserve, and you can get there when the desire to progress is there on both sides.
Can you fall in love again after heartbreak?
Experiencing a heart break can be devastating, and love after heartbreak may seem impossible or totally out of reach. The hardest part of a breakup for many people is accepting that the future they envisioned with their former partner is no longer there, and it can be very hard to want to pursue anyone else for a while.
Like any other emotional event, mending a broken heart takes time. Dating after a breakup can be a good idea but do not push yourself to rush into love too quickly. Take the time you need to heal and focus on yourself. The best way to enter a new relationship is as a happy and healthy version of yourself.
The good news is that it is totally possible to fall in love again after a heart break. Throughout life, you will meet people of all sorts of backgrounds with all sorts of experiences. If you find yourself struggling to let go of a failed relationship (like constantly comparing your new love to your old, or having trust issues), you might not be ready to start dating again.
You might also consider speaking to a counselor or therapist to work through some of the issues and stressors you feel as you go through the process of healing heartbreak and starting new relationships.
Can a man learn to love after heartbreak?
Anyone who experiences a heart break is capable of loving again, men included. Relationships can be hard to get over, especially if you were on the receiving end of the breakup. But it is important to remember that being in a relationship isn’t the only thing that matters; there are ways to enjoy life on your own or, eventually, with someone else.
Men may sometimes feel less comfortable expressing their emotions as they process a breakup and mend a broken heart. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to keep emotions and feelings to themselves, even those surrounding a heart break, but this is incredibly unhealthy.
Do not be afraid to have conversations with friends or loved ones as you work through this difficult time. Communication and reflection are very important parts of healing.
How long does love last after a breakup?
How long feelings linger after a heart break depends on a lot of factors, like how long the relationship was, how serious the relationship was, or even just the individual. Some people may have an easier time letting go of a failed relationship than others.
If you feel like you are struggling or that your feelings will never go away, just know you are not alone. Sometimes breakups are very unexpected and hard to process. Even when you see it coming, it can still be incredibly hard to let go of a person you loved.
Give yourself the time you need to grieve what is very much a loss. It may take weeks, or it may take months. There is no time limit on personal healing. Be kind to yourself and remember those you have in your life to support you.
How many days does it take to forget someone you love?
There is not really a concrete timeline for falling in and out of love. How you process your heart break, the circumstances surrounding it, and a variety of other factors will likely impact your personal experience.
You may never forget this person you loved, but there will be days when they are not the most important person in your life anymore. You will fall in love again, you will probably also get hurt again, and all these experiences blend to make you a stronger and more experienced person. You learn from everyone you meet, and your relationships with people will grow and change. With time, you will learn to feel gratitude and peace about breakups from the past.
See “how long does love last after a breakup?” for more details.
How long should you wait for love after heartbreak?
There is not really an exact number of weeks, months, etc. that heartbreak ends and it is safe to begin a new relationship. It really depends on you, your feelings, and the process you have to take to recover from your heart break. If you're newly single after a breakup, it might take weeks, months, or even years before you start dating again.
When you miss being in a relationship, it can be tempting to hop into a new one without giving yourself the time you need to recover from one in the past. You might want to fall in love quickly again to help cover up the pain of having to give that feeling up.
Rushing into a relationship with someone who might not actually be that great for you – or someone you do not really like all that much – will likely only lead to more pain. Being single can be hard, but it is important to remember to take care of yourself. And while sometimes being single can feel lonely, it is also extremely liberating and the best time for personal growth. There may be a day when you meet someone who you want to get serious with and you fall into a rhythm of being together every day and making sacrifices for each other. When that day comes, you will want to be able to say that you appreciated and took advantage of your time as a single person.
Who hurts more after a breakup?
There is no definitive answer to this question either, because, like many of the topics discussed so far, it depends on a lot of factors. Who broke up with who? Why did the breakup occur? How long was the relationship? Was the breakup thoughtful and considerate, or was it unexpected and poorly executed?
The reality is that, in general, both parties usually feel some degree of hurt or heart break after a failed relationship. It can be really frustrating when it seems like your ex-partner is doing better than you in a time of pain but looks can be deceiving.
Even if you think your breakup more hurts you – and you very well may be – you do not need a justification to feel the way you do. If you are worried you are overreacting, remember that you are losing something that was likely a big part of your life. It is okay and normal to have ups and downs as you go through the process of healing heartbreak.
There is no need to compare yourself and your pain to the other person. You are both going through completely different processes right now, and you will handle those processes differently. You have no idea what your ex-partner is feeling, and maybe they are struggling in the same way you are. But remember that person is not your responsibility in the same way they might have been when you were together. For at least a little while, put some time into taking care of YOU. Treat yourself with love, empathy, and affection. Use this time to let your confidence and hobbies blossom. It might be time to redecorate your apartment, get a new wardrobe, a new workout routine, or a new interest. Heartbreak can be an extremely powerful catalyst for change.
Why do I still love someone who broke my heart?
Love is not something that is easy to turn on and off. Sometimes we fall in love with people we wish we had not, and sometimes we struggle to get over our feelings for someone regardless of whether or not we are even dating them. Remember that it is not your fault that you feel the way that you do; love often means loving people even when they hurt us or do something that is less than desirable.
You can still love someone as a person and love the memories you made together even following a breakup. During the time right after a breakup, it might be difficult to consider being friends or having contact, and that is okay. Over time, your feelings will begin to fade and become manageable.
Give yourself the time and care you deserve. It is hard to stop loving someone you may have thought was your one true love, or someone you thought you were going to marry. Even if things were not that serious, letting go of love is no easy task.
Take some time for self care. Build up your self-image and confidence. If you are filled with self-respect, you will not accept a partner who does not treat you with the love you expect and deserve. Throw yourself into the present moment. Take a trip. Re-do your apartment. Buy a new wardrobe. Take up a side hustle. Being single also means that you are free. Get to know, and fall in love with your new self.
Can you fall in love after heartbreak with the same person?
When you fall in love with someone, the feelings might linger even after a breakup. Or perhaps you move on only to fall in love with your ex-partner once again. Whatever the case may be, love can be finnicky. The same things about someone that made you fall in love in the past may still be there, especially if you remain friends or keep in touch.
If you are happy on your own or do not want to pursue your ex again (or if you should not pursue them again), these feelings might be frustrating. You can employ some of the techniques we have discussed throughout this guide to help you through your emotions.
How do I stop loving my ex?
If you are struggling to let go of feelings for someone, you might find it helpful to focus on other parts of your life. You can spend time on hobbies, spending time with friends, traveling, visiting family, and more. Reviving these other parts of your life and investing time in other relationships may help you take your mind off of your ex.
Even so, you may still have moments of sadness or hurt as you process your breakup. You may have sleepless nights, lots of feelings of doubt or loss, or other emotional challenges. This is an excellent time to confide in those who you are close to about how you feel. They may not be able to completely erase the pain, but their support can be extremely useful in your time of pain and need.
For More Information About Love After Heartbreak And Mental Health:
Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.
If you're still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org. ReGain specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you're interested in individual therapy, please reach out to email@example.com. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) - 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health, please see:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter,NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram
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