“Why Do You Love Me?”Exploring The Reasons Behind Romantic Feelings

Updated May 3, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

In many relationships, one partner may be curious about what makes the other love them. If your partner asks, “Why do you love me?” it may be helpful to think about what you want to say. Read on to explore why people fall in love with their partners and how therapy can help you learn healthy, effective ways to express your feelings. 

Do you have trouble expressing emotions to your partner?

Why do people fall in love?

In general, humans fall in love as an evolutionary response to ensure the continuation of the species. Humans are social creatures, and we form emotional attachments for support, a sense of belonging, and the biological drive to care for and protect loved ones. Psychologist John Bowlby developed attachment theory to explain how humans develop lifelong methods for forming attachments to others during infancy and childhood, primarily based on the type of care they receive. 

What love does to your brain

During the early stages of a relationship, your brain releases large amounts of oxytocin, a neurochemical related to the pleasure and reward centers. Studies show that the brains of couples in a new relationship produce significantly more oxytocin than those without a romantic partner. The neurochemical is often called the "love hormone" because it creates positive feelings and makes you crave more time close to your partner. 

How oxytocin affects you

  • Sexual activity increases oxytocin production, leading to further positive associations with your partner. 
  • Oxytocin can inspire loyalty in relationships. 
  • Sperm motility improves with oxytocin.

Exploring the reasons to love someone

Listing every reason one person could love another is only possible if you talk to everyone worldwide. However, some common themes appear among those asked to explain why they love their partners. 

They treat you well

It’s easy to fall in love with someone who treats you well. If your partner considers your thoughts, feelings, and how their words or actions will affect you, that's a solid reason to develop romantic feelings that grow into love. Many people who have been in previous relationships where they were poorly treated may need time to adjust to and trust being treated with love and kindness. 


They treat others well

Many people are attracted to kindness in others, and you may develop romantic feelings for someone who you frequently see treating people well. You may appreciate how they care for the people around them, especially if you have children together and they are a loving, attentive parent. Your partner will likely enjoy hearing about the facets of themselves that draw you to them—and knowing you value their kindness could help when they’re having a day they feel less-than-generous. 

You love the sound of their laughter

Many people value a sense of humor in a partner, so it’s not surprising that you might love to make them laugh because the sound is music to you. Laughter means you’re having a good time and helps you form positive mental associations connected to your partner. 

Researchers at the Mayo Clinic suggest that laughter can be an effective form of stress relief and a mood booster. If your partner frequently laughs and makes you laugh, it can inspire romantic feelings because your brain associates them with stress relief and pleasant emotions. 

They have a great attitude and outlook on life

Is just being in your partner’s presence enough to make you feel better? Do they “recharge your batteries” in a way no one else can? Perhaps their sunny outlook on life helps you persevere on your most challenging days. It can be easy to love someone’s view of the world and their place in it, even if you don’t necessarily share the same ideas. 

You’re able to understand and communicate with each other

Effective communication skills may allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings clearly, making it easier to share yours. They may help you navigate conflicts as a couple and help you develop a stronger sense of emotional intimacy and literacy so you can better understand and express your feelings. Open, honest communication is often at the heart of successful relationships and may help both of you avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. 

“Aspects of communication drive relationship satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction sets the stage for more constructive communication and conflict resolution. Conversely, relationship satisfaction could stabilize relationships, allowing couples to experience a greater proportion of negative communications because overall satisfaction might render the relationship more resilient to internally-generated stressors.” — Grant Hilary Brenner MD, DFAPA

They are generous and selfless

Is your partner the kind of person who would give the shirt off their back to someone in need? Do they go out of their way to make life easier for you or act in other selfless ways that show they care? Feeling loved and cared for is a common reason to love someone. 

Their intelligence

Many people fall in love with someone who has a brilliant mind and can engage them in intellectually stimulating conversation. You may be drawn to the way their minds work or enjoy seeing how they work through problems to find practical solutions. Studies show that many people are attracted to intelligence.

You love how they tell a story

Human beings have always been drawn to narratives. According to recent data, our brains undergo a phenomenon called “narrative transportation” when we hear a story that engages enough of our senses that we can almost feel the sensations described. If your partner tells a fantastic story, you may fall in love with listening to them talk and experiencing what happened through their eyes. 

Their unconventional personality

Is your partner a free spirit with a unique view of the world that you adore? Perhaps you fell in love because they are so unlike anyone else you've ever known, and you like glimpsing the world through their eyes, particularly if their outlook is vastly different from yours. 

How confident they are

Research shows that many people are attracted to confidence. You may find it a lovable quality if your partner is confident and secure in who and how they are. Confidence can inspire a sense of security and stability you can depend upon reliably. 

They make you feel safe and loved

It's easy to see how someone could fall in love when they feel safe with and loved by their partner. If your partner provides a sense of safety and security in the relationship, it could make falling in love feel simple and natural. 

What To Say When You Don’t Know Why You Love Them

If you know you love your partner but don’t know how to put that love into words, it can be difficult to know how to respond when they say, “Why do you love me?”

It may be helpful to first try to explain that while you struggle with talking about your feelings, you are certain you love them. You can also try some of these:

  • I am still learning the things I love about you. 
  • There are so many unique things about you I don't know where to start. 
  • I may not be good with words, but I know I’m lucky to have you in my life. 
  • I love you every second of every day. 
  • I love the little things that make you who you are. 
  • I love who I am with you. 
Do you have trouble expressing emotions to your partner?

Reach out for help

Many people struggle to express their feelings, particularly if they weren’t raised in an emotionally expressive or supportive environment. So, if you need help recognizing, understanding, and sharing your emotions, you're certainly not the only one. You may benefit from attending therapy, where you can learn to identify, process, and express your feelings with the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

How therapy can help you communicate your feelings

If you have difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform focused on relationship issues like Regain. Therapy can help you identify and understand your emotions while developing coping skills to manage stress and learning communication techniques to express your thoughts and feelings to your partner. 

According to recent research, there’s no substantial difference between the outcomes of in-person and online psychotherapy. Virtual therapy tends to be less expensive and involves shorter wait times. Many patients have said the unmatched convenience of attending from home made it possible to participate more reliably. 


There’s a good chance that at some point in your relationship, your partner will ask you to explain the reasons you love them. Many people have trouble putting their feelings into words. The information presented in this article explores several reasons people can fall in love with someone and how online therapy can help you learn to express your emotions. 

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