What To Say When Your Partner Asks, "Why Do You Love Me?"

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated June 23, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Karen Devlin, LPC

A woman holds a pink balloon that spells love. She is in love and smiling at someone.

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It happens to even the most confident among us: We wonder what makes us lovable to those close to us. It could be that we’re having self-esteem issues, noticing a lack of affection from a partner, or seeking validation for another reason. No matter where this curiosity comes from, it often leads to the straightforward question, “Why do you love me?”

When we care for someone, we want to make them feel special. So, if your partner asks you why you love them, it can be important to come up with a thorough and heartfelt answer to the question. One of the best ways to do this (and to remind yourself of your partner’s virtues) is to give them a short list of reasons why you love them. You don’t have to tell them all the reasons at once; it can be done one by one. However you do it, though, it’s a great way to show you care.

Not only can it be used as a loving response, but a list like this can also act as a thoughtful pick-me-up for a partner who might be experiencing lapses of self-esteem, hitting a rough patch in life, or simply having a crummy day. No matter what we are going through, hearing a list of reasons why we are loved and what makes us good people can be a salve for negative feelings.

If you would love to tell your partner everything that makes them special, but you can't seem to find the words, reading some of the following reasons to love someone may help you out.

Reason To Love #1: How They Treat Others

Maybe they aren’t going to ascend to sainthood any time soon, but your partner is likely kind in specific ways that you love. Their little acts of kindness are wonderful, and they deserve to be celebrated! If you have ever found yourself remarking to friends about how courteous or charitable your partner is, pass the compliment on to your partner. It shows them that not only do you pay attention to how they treat other people besides yourself but that you also appreciate and respect their manner of doing so.

Maybe you like how they help your mom bring in her groceries when you're visiting so that she doesn't have to do the heavy lifting, or you get the warm and fuzzies watching them help your little brother out with his homework. Telling them these things that you love about them can strengthen your relationship as well as their self-esteem. On those days when they may not be feeling so great, a reminder like this can encourage them to think better of themselves, and it can serve as a reminder that they are a genuinely good, kind person.

Reason To Love #2: How They Treat You

It’s an obvious thing to value in a partner — and it should be standard — but the gentle or courteous manner with which your partner treats you might be something that really makes you melt. It’s not always a given to find someone who is ready to treat you with care, and sadly, it can feel like a rare trait; but when you find someone who knows how to love you, it’s certainly worth celebrating.

If you think about it for a moment, you’ll probably be able to come up with a running list of things your partner has done for you over time. Maybe they’re a phenomenal listener, they respect your boundaries, they’re patient with your feelings, or they show up in other ways. These don’t have to be huge things — small gestures that have made your life more pleasant are absolutely worth noting. Maybe it’s just that they notice you’re sad and reach out to touch you without you having to ask. If they make you feel like you’re the luckiest person in the world, they deserve to feel that way, too.

Reason To Love #3: That Laugh

A man smiles and loves someone - the woman standing next to him in the sunshine. They are in love.

It doesn’t matter what their laugh sounds like to other people; when it’s coming from someone you love to share moments of joy with, even the loudest, most boisterous laughs can warm your heart and make you feel at ease.

Does your partner's laugh never fail to crack you up or make you smile, too? Especially when they get super giggly, or better yet, when they laugh so hard that no sound comes out? If your partner's laugh has picked you up on even your worst days, then this is a great thing to share with them. You can even remind them of something funny you guys went through so you can hear that laugh again right now!

An added bonus? Laughter has a great deal of health benefits, so it’s a positive thing to encourage in your loved ones.

Reason To Love #4: Their Positive Attitude

Has your partner's positive attitude saved you on some of your toughest or saddest days? Have you often wondered how your partner could stay so upbeat, but appreciate it nonetheless? Your partner being that bright ray of sunshine that the world often needs is a great reason to love someone. They’re the kind of person who enhances your life, and they can help you dispel the gloom when you’re feeling down. Their positivity can melt away your stress, and you live to hear their spin on even particularly bad news.

It’s not to say that they never feel sad or that they’re positive all of the time; but if you appreciate their authentic positivity and gratitude for life, tell them.

Reason To Love #5: Their Communication Skills

Does your partner ask you how your day was and genuinely care about the answer? When you fight, is it something that generally blows over quickly because you two are so constructive in talking it out, taking responsibility, and trying to understand each other’s side? A lack of communication is a common hurdle in romantic partnerships, so if you have open lines of communication with your partner, this is something to show your appreciation for.

Being solid communicators can not only help you and your partner live in harmony, but it is also part of what makes them so fun to talk to. Their ability to communicate — to say exactly what you’re thinking, to articulate shared dreams in ways that you might not be able to, or to put their thoughts on even trivial topics into words that make their meaning clear — is a wonderful trait. It may seem cliché (“They can finish my sentences!”), but it’s awesome when you have a partner who can be in sync with you when it comes to language. Even if it’s not quite to the extent of predicting what you’re going to say before you say it, they get you in a way that others might not, and they put in the effort to do it.

Reason To Love #6: Their Selflessness

Is your partner the very definition of that person who will lay their coat over a puddle so that your feet don't get wet? Okay, maybe no one does that outside of the movies, but there could be other selfless acts that your partner performs without a second thought. Those can speak to the content of their character.

Maybe they make you a separate dinner because what they want is different from what you want, but they don’t want you to have to cook after a long, hard day. Or they go the extra mile to accommodate something like a food allergy. Maybe they do your laundry for you so you can take that much-needed nap after spending all day watching the kids. Maybe your partner makes a special stop to pick up coffee for you on the way home, even though it's a bit out of the way — just because they know it makes you happy. Gestures like these happen all the time in our lives and can sometimes be taken for granted, but they really shouldn’t be!

Selfless acts are one of the most powerful ways a person can show another person that they love them. It is therefore appreciated when you show your appreciation for your partner's selflessness. They didn't have to do your laundry or grab your coffee when there was nothing in it for them, but they did it because they love you, and how sweet is that?

Reason To Love #7: Their Mind

A couple in love smile in the kitchen. He is someone holding her, and she is someone sitting on the counter. They both love each other.

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Most people find that compatible beliefs or values are important to them when it comes to finding a romantic partner, and a lot of us are drawn to those who can teach us something. It’s not to say that you share every opinion, but when it comes to the stuff that truly matters, your partner is a person whom you admire for their mind. They’re intelligent, and their mind operates in such a way that it makes you think that the world is a better place because they’re in it. When you point this out to your partner, tell them the specific thought processes you respect and admire in them to make the sentiment memorable.

Reason To Love #8: Their Confidence

Research proves it: Confidence is indeed a trait that many people find attractive. Most of us aren’t confident all of the time, but many of us show confidence in different ways or in different parts of life. Maybe, your partner is confident in a hobby or in the workplace. Perhaps, they’re confident in the way that they stand up for other people in the world or live according to their values. It’s incredible to see the ones we love do what makes them shine, and it’s a great thing to highlight for your partner when you want to share some of the reasons you love them.

Reason To Love #9: How They Tell A Story

Storytelling is often seen as a charismatic skill. Your partner might have stories from their own life to tell, or they might remember sweet moments in your relationship and share them in an engaging, lively way that makes you feel special. When your partner tells a story about you, and they pay attention to the details, that can show that they love you. If they recall certain things you said or did, that is meaningful. It can make you feel supported and loved. Take comfort in the fact that your partner wants to talk about the memories you share together. Storytelling and paying attention to details is often a sign of how much your partner loves you.

Reason To Love #10: Their Unconventionality

Maybe your partner is a free spirit who sees the world in ways that other people don’t, maybe they pursue offbeat hobbies without apology, or maybe they just have a unique approach to solving sudoku puzzles. Whatever they are, your partner’s unique qualities might make them seem like the only person in the room in your eyes. If you ever find yourself telling your friends how endearing you think their quirks are, it’s definitely worth it to tell them, too.

A couple in love hold each other on the beach. Someone snaps a picture of their happiness and love by the sunset.

We all have quirks, and we all have things that set us apart or help us stand out from others in some way. In romantic relationships, we tend to view those differences as part of what makes a partner special. If you love the unique traits your partner has — the skip in their step when they feel happy or excited, the way they wear their heart on their sleeve, or the way they truly seem to think for themselves — the chances are that your partner loves your unique traits, too.

What If You Don't Know Why You Love Them?

You may be at a loss when asked why you love your partner. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them, though. It can be overwhelming to try to think of why you love someone, but the answers may be simple.

Some people would prefer to write a letter expressing why they love their partner. Ask for time to reflect if you cannot answer right away. Every love story is different, and people are unique. At times, you are inexplicably drawn to someone.

You may know you love your partner based on the time you share together. There could be happy or romantic memories that allow you to bond. Plus, some people aren't good with words but show love through actions. If this applies to you, here are things you can say to your partner, some of which could be unconventional, to verbalize your love:

  • I can't believe how loud I love you.
  • There’s something truly special about you.
  • It’s a privilege to have you in my life.
  • There are so many things, big and small, that make me love you.
  • I love you every second of every day.
  • With my heart, I love you.
  • Even when you're grumpy, I love you.
  • I often find myself thinking about you and smiling ear to ear.
  • I imagined I love you, and it happened!
  • I want to tell the world I love you.
  • You are the meaning of love to me.
  • When we watch the sunrise together, I am reminded of how much I love you.
  • I never question your love for me.
  • I want to whisper in your ear, “I love you.”

A couple in love, hugging and loving each other. Someone takes a picture of them in the kitchen, where they love cooking.

Need Support?

One thing not everyone realizes is that it is okay to not know exactly how to express your love. On the other side of the coin, it means a lot to most people when you tell them why you love them.

You don’t have to ask a direct question. You can make a list for each other with different traits or reasons you love the other person. Affection, after all, is a vital and strengthening factor in the health of relationships — so showing it isn’t something to take for granted.

If you need support or help of any kind — in your relationship or with your personal mental health — don’t hesitate to reach out to a local mental health professional or find one to work with by signing up for a platform like ReGain, where licensed counselors and therapists can help you and your partner express yourselves to the fullest.

More Resources About Love And Relationships:

  1. What Is The Difference Between Love And Respect?

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/what-is-the-difference-between-love-and-respect/

  1. Is It Too Needy to Think, “I Want Your Love?”

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/is-it-too-needy-to-think-i-want-your-love/

  1. Ask These Questions To Fall In Love

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/ask-these-questions-to-fall-in-love/

  1. Is this Love that I'm Feeling? The Signs?

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/is-this-love-that-im-feeling-the-signs/

  1. What Does Real Love Look Like? Best Relationship Quotes To Answer That Question

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/what-does-real-love-look-like-best-relationship-quotes-to-answer-that-question/

  1. 13 Signs You Know How to Love Yourself

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/13-signs-you-know-how-to-love-yourself/

  1. Finding The One: Quotes To Keep You On The Right Track While You Search For Love

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/finding-the-one-quotes-to-keep-you-on-the-right-track-while-you-search-for-love/

  1. I Love My Boyfriend, But How Do I Show Him? Learn Your Partner’s Love Language

https://www.regain.us/advice/relationship/i-love-my-boyfriend-but-how-do-i-show-him-learn-your-partners-love-language/

  1. Is Young Love Really A Lasting Experience?

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/is-young-love-really-a-lasting-experience/

  1. How To Get Over Unrequited Love

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/how-to-get-over-unrequited-love/

  1. 10 Tips For Loving Someone With Depression

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/10-tips-for-loving-someone-with-depression/

  1. What To Do When You’re In Love With A Married Woman

https://www.regain.us/advice/relationship/what-to-do-when-youre-in-love-with-a-married-woman/

  1. How Is Infatuation Vs. Love Important For Your Future?

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/how-is-infatuation-vs-love-important-for-your-future/

  1. How To Choose Love For Yourself & Others

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/how-to-choose-love-for-yourself-others/

  1. Facts About Teen Love

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/facts-about-teen-love/

  1. It Is Possible To Love Again After Heartbreak? How To Find Love Again

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/it-is-possible-to-love-again-after-heartbreak-heres-how/

  1. How To Stay In Love: Goals To Set -- And Reach -- In Marriage

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/how-to-stay-in-love-goals-to-set-and-reach-in-marriage/

  1. Is Love At First Sight A Real Thing?

https://www.regain.us/advice/love/is-love-at-first-sight-a-real-thing/

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