I Was Cheated On! Is There Karma For Cheaters?
By Russ Womack
Updated July 08, 2020
Reviewer Aaron Horn
"Karma's just sharpening her nails and finishing her drink. She says she'll be with you shortly."
One of the most degrading and trust damaging acts that can occur is being cheated on. Whether with a high school crush or infidelity after 20 years of marriage. Being cheated on can rip the very threads of love and cause distrust for the remainder of the relationship. Also, the damage it does to the victim is horrendous. Psychologists are now studying the effects that infidelity can have on a person's mental and physical health. People who experience more emotional and psychological distress after being cheated on engaged in more risky behaviors were more likely to eat less or not eat at all, use alcohol or marijuana more often, have sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or over-exercise.
A person who has experienced infidelity goes through the same five stages of loss as someone who has lost someone by death. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And just like someone grieving through the death of a loved one, the grief process is not linear, and no two people experience it in the same way. You might take longer in some stages and shorter in others, and you might skip a stage or revisit a stage you thought you had healed from.
For instance, you might think that you're over the anger stage and have healed from it. Then out of nowhere you find yourself raging mad again after being triggered by a honeymoon photo or a picture on social media. And it's in this stage of anger where you might wonder, hope, and even pray for karma on the person who cheated on you.
So, is there karma for cheaters?
- What does karma really mean?
We talk about karma casually as a cause and affect, but it really entails how good actions can produce good outcomes elsewhere, and how bad actions can produce bad outcomes elsewhere.
The original idea of karma in South Asian religions and philosophy was actually far more complex. It referred to the process of properly performing your life’s purpose in your designated caste in order to be a member of a higher caste, or have a better life, after death, in your next life. Fulfilling your purpose in this life by living properly meant a better life next time. According to this philosophy, you keep moving up the latter (or around a spiral, as original Sanskrit writing portray it) until you eventually reach enlightenment.
But in modern, colloquial use, karma means that positive reactions lead to positive experiences later on, and the same goes for negative, or hurtful actions.
- What is the original meaning of karma?
You’ve probably heard the phrase “instant karma,” but karma isn’t oatmeal, it has a rich cultural background. Real karma comes from the Hindu and Buddhist religions and is explained as the fate of your future existence based on how you behave in your current existence. In this case, karma works on a much larger scale and considers the collective of your actions.
- How do you increase your good karma?
You can increase your good karma by just simply doing good deeds. In the theory of karma, people who have bad karma deserve it, because it reflects the nature of their worldly actions. You might have heard the phrase “karma is a bitch,” because most karma stories involve when bad people (in theory) get what they had coming.
You can also stop looking to outward experiences as your source of joy. You already have the emotional tenacity to be grateful and look for the positives in life, you do not need to wait for circumstances to change. Find the things to be grateful for right now. Take time to slow down and do the things you love. That is enough to change your whole outlook, and get a lot of good karma in the works.
- Does karma work in relationships?
Often, but not always. Karma stories within relationships are probably the most common. As you’ve probably heard, the golden rule goes: do unto others as you would like done unto you.
Things might not be quite so direct and philosophical, but you are your partner spend a lot of time together, and you are intrinsically connected. It is logical. Your mood affects your partner, which affects you in return. Do you want a loving and attentive partner? Try pouring in love and attention.
There are, however, times when a person does not pick up on those cues and does not return the favor. People like that can suck the energy out of you after a long time, and they are not worth the waste that they cause.
- How do I stop negative energy from affecting me?
It can be difficult to get away from negative energy, especially if you find yourself exuding it. Take a look at the people you surround yourself with. Are they bringing out their best, and are they bringing out your best? Usually, negative energy can be quickly adjusted by just changing your environment.
Another option that is probably the most realistic is working on your confidence, your perspective, and your emotional intelligence. The energy that comes from around you is not just a result of your situation, it also has a lot to do with your perspective. It is very likely that there is a lot of positivity in your life, and you might be ignoring it.
Consider your life like a garden. There are flowers, but there are also weeds. Sometimes you just want to tear the weeds out, but that is not always an option. Sometimes you just need to neglect to water the weeds with your attention. If you dwell on something difficult, like a fight, anxiety, or a negative experience, you are giving it attention, and helping it grow. But if you simply remove your focus from the source of anxiety, and instead dedicate your time to something that brings you joy, the weeds will eventually die out from lack of water.
- Do cheaters always cheat again?
Not necessarily. A cheating ass is the worst. But it doesn’t mean they’ll be a cheating ass forever. That said, don’t feel compelled to stay with them while they figure themselves out.
- How do you deal with being cheated on?
If you are with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend, revenge can be super tempting. You might want them to understand the pain they inflicted on you. There are so many justifiable reasons to get angry, especially if the situation is heightened. For example, if he has been cheating on you more than once, or, if you know the man she cheated with, you might be tempted to make a rash, vengeful decision. Don’t. Take a step back, remove yourself from the situation, and evaluate what you can do to remove that negative energy from your life.
Even if that person never cheats on you again, is it worth nurturing a relationship with a person you may never trust again?
There are three things you need to understand before we can move on.
- It is not your fault.
- Cheating is a symptom of a greater problem. And while neglecting a relationship to the point that it was not fulfilling enough on its own was a decision of both you and your partner, the response to cheat was a decision only made by one of you. Remember, you did not react in the same way. Blaming yourself for cheating may make you feel undeserving of love, guilty, frustrated, or embarrassed. But truthfully, your partner should be embarrassed for cheating.
- You are worthy of love.
- Your self-image is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are only worthy of half-hearted love, that is probably what you will find. But if you recognize yourself as the whole, affection human you are, then you will not accept weak treatment; you will find someone who measures up.
Is the cheating a result of a deeper issue in your relationship? Sometimes cheating can actually be a wake-up call to problems that you were both ignoring. This might be the chance to finally open up the communication, look at those issues, and decide if you want to put the time into solving them. If you decide to go that route, then do not focus on the morbid details of the affair. Let go of feelings of anger and vengeance, and focus on the love between you and your partner that you both want to rebuild.
Sometimes cheating is not a symptom of a greater problem and, rather, it is the problem. There are people who, even in a loving, fulfilling, serious relationship, simply cannot be with one person. If monogamy is important to you, then people like this are not worth your time. Find someone who better suits your needs. There are a lot of people out there. Believe that you are a catch, because if you believe it, it becomes reality!
Put time into yourself. If you do not love yourself right now, then fake it until you make it. Treat yourself to the things you love most. Exercise, meditate, and eat well, making yourself the best version of you. Do not do it as a form of revenge, but rather as a way to move onto a bigger and better future.
- How can I attract positive energy?
Have you ever heard the phrase work begets work? Positive energy operates in the same way. The more of it you exude, the more that will come into your orbit. To clarify, that’s not karma, that is just developing emotional resilience. The stronger you are emotionally, the more positivity you will begin to find in your everyday life.
You can’t wait for good situations to come to you out of nowhere. You control your perspective and your actions. Take time for the things and the people you love. If you really feel like you can’t change your situation, then enhance it. Give yourself a makeover, a new wardrobe, and redo your house. Fill your every day with everything you love. Do not look at it as attracting positive energy, but rather as being a source of positive energy!
I Was Cheated On! Is There Karma For Cheaters?
Countless stories are hovering around the internet, coffee shops, and bars where the cheater was seen recently with their home in foreclosure, their relationship in shambles, and that they too were cheated on. Yes, there is karma for cheaters.
But instead of wishing for karma to bite them, it's better to work on yourself and understand some things that you do have control over. You can in turn heal and better yourself while karma does its thing. Here are some things to work on, pay attention to, and ponder.
Don't Wait For Karma
One of the worst things you can do is spend every minute waiting for karma to strike. You're angry, and that's understandable. But you don't want to stay angry until karma strikes the unfaithful. That only damages you and prevents you from healing from the grief process. While your ex is living their life to the fullest, you're stuck in a moment in time that you can't get past. It's similar to the saying about unforgiveness: "Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
In fact, suppressed, unexpressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression, high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. You're already going through enough to add emotional and physical ailments.
The hard truth is that you might never see the ill effects of karma on the other person. Maybe you've lost all contact with them and have no way of knowing how they are doing. Don't wait around and waste precious time wondering whether karma will strike at the risk of further hurting yourself.
See Them For Who They Really Are
Now is a great time to step back and look at your ex for who they are. They weren't perfect. They have made some bad choices that will follow them throughout their life. You are currently suffering because of those bad decisions. Furthermore, because of their risk factors, the chances of them having karma strike back is multiplied. Let's look at some of these factors.
- Addiction: Substance abuse issues, whether alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex, are clear risk factors. Alcohol, in particular, can reduce a person's inhibitions so that a person who wouldn't consider having an affair when sober, may cross the line while under the influence. But the cheater is playing with fire with any of these addictions. Getting drunk or on drugs and having sex can lead to being uncareful and unprotected, which can lead to sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancies. Karma?
- Previous Cheating: Chances are you weren't the first to have been cheated on. It shows you how truly empty your ex is to use sex to fill a void that they have within themselves. There's a good chance that karma might come in the form of a miserable life, going from relationship to relationship while cheating on them all, waking up unhappy.
- Personality Disorders and Psychological Issues: Your ex might have narcissistic traits,and the affair may have been driven by their ego and a sense of entitlement. In addition to being self-centered, narcissistic people often lack empathy, so they don't care who they hurt. Narcissistic people hate seeing others do well. First and foremost, true happiness comes from within, and narcissistic people are unable to feel genuine happiness because they lack a sense of genuine self. As a result, they are chronically miserable people who desperately try to medicate themselves through control and belittlement of others to manage their fragile sense of self-esteem. They seek certain external rewards that they perceive increase their status-material things like cars, boats, sex (infidelity), power, money. They don't understand true happiness and will most likely live the remaining days of their lives unfulfilled and empty. Sounds like karma to me!
Understand Why People Cheat
Sometimes understanding why someone did hurtful things to you can help you see what you did, or didn't do. This is important because as you're going on with your life improving yourself and putting back the pieces. You'll gain more self-esteem by realizing how their shortcomings, not yours, was the reason they cheated. You're not alone with being cheated on. In fact, upwards of 40% of married couples are impacted by infidelity. Here are some reasons why people cheat:
- They Want To Be Someone Else: Translation-they don't like themselves. The person who cheated on you was unhappy with who they were. Karma will surely catch up with them through continued depression and seeking something, like happiness, that they'll never find.
- They Want A Change Of Scenery: For some cheaters, it's about the mere thrill of the chase and living life on the edge. But once they catch their prey-the other cheater, the thrill is gone, and they're onto something new. Once again, we see the continual pursuit for happiness that they'll never reach as long as they continue with their selfish and destructive ways.
- There's A Lack Of Emotional Connection: As mentioned previously, a person who cheats likely has a narcissistic attitude, and with that comes an absence of emotional connection with others. Staying faithful with someone requires commitment, perseverance, and an emotional connection, and someone who cheats lacks these qualities. Karma once again is on their heels with never having the chance to experience what true love is.
- They're Aging: From the moment we're born, we're dying. That's a fact. The inevitable will surely happen, and before death finds us, we'll slowly lose the flawless porcelain skin, thick hair, and full set of pearly whites. Karma is breathing heavy on the backs of cheaters with this inevitable fact because time is running out. They've spent their life trying to fulfill something that can't be fulfilled and pursuing something that doesn't exist. One day they'll look back and realize how miserable they've always been. Now that's karma in full force!
Make Your Own Karma
Ok, we've saved the best for last. Honestly, no one knows if karma will repay the damage the cheater did to you. But the beautiful thing is that you can make your karma. How? Get healthy, set boundaries, respect yourself, be happy and joyful every morning when you wake up, put that beautiful smile on your face even when you don't feel it, do all the things you've always wanted to do, live life as if it's your last day on earth, take your power and self esteem back! You see, in all actuality, you won! So celebrate! You've done the work of soul searching and finding who you are what you'll accept and not accept, from future relationships. And all the while, the person who cheated on you is miserable, and even more furious because they see you living a life in a healthy, joyful, happy way-something they can never achieve. They know it. And that's karma!
You've been cheated on. It's not something that should be watered down or lessened, because it's devastating and can have real, long-term effects. Remember that you're not alone. Not only do the statistics prove it, but you're also not alone because there are caring and understanding professional counselors who can relate to situations like this. At ReGain, there are online counselors available seven days a week, 24/7,if you need help or have questions about cheating, relationships, or anything else you may be experiencing. Decide for yourself if it's time to make that call. The counselors are available right now and are standing by ready to help you.
FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions)
What is the Karma for cheating?
Some people believe that what goes around comes around. That’s the idea behind Karma. When it comes to cheating, some individuals cannot stop their unfaithful behavior. They may (or may not) experience karmic punishment for what they’ve done. Of course, it’s natural to want a person who cheated on you to get burned in the same way. But, ultimately, it doesn’t matter what they do; what’s more critical is how you respond. In a new relationship, you don’t know what to expect. You want to believe the best about your partner. You could have trust issues from previous partners who have been unfaithful. Even if you don’t want to bring that baggage into the new relationship, you could do it anyway. No matter how faithful you are, the reality is no one is safe from infidelity.
How does cheating affect the cheater?
Some people who cheat don’t care about how it impacts others. Pop culture would have us believe that many cheaters feel remorse for their actions. There are movies where people have torrid affairs, their partner discovers them, and they beg for forgiveness. Unfortunately, that’s no how things go down a lot of the time. Some cheaters get away with it and don’t feel bad. Other times, people who cheat feel guilty and try to overcompensate by being especially kind to their partner. Health wellness culture encourages us to dump the cheater and move on. It’s not that simple, and many people struggle to do that. If you’re the one cheating, and you feel no remorse, that’s a problem, and you need to figure out why that is. You can see a licensed therapist, and find out the reason that you’re unfaithful. Alternatively, if you feel bad, that’s another reason to work on yourself in therapy.
How does Karma work in love?
Some people who cheat get what’s coming to them. They might enter into a new relationship, and their next partner is unfaithful. One might argue that’s an example of Karma in love. It depends on what you believe. Some people think that there is no karma in love. Maybe the cheater will be discovered, or perhaps they won’t. Regardless of what happens to them, it’s more important to focus on you and what you need out of a relationship.
How does a cheater feel after being dumped?
Someone who cheats may feel powerless after a breakup. They had all the power going into the affair. They were evasive by cheating, and now their plans have been discovered. They no longer have the security of their relationship, and that is a blow to their ego. They have to live with what they did and find a way to move forward.
Do cheaters feel guilty?
Some people who cheat feel remorse, while others don’t. Individuals who cheat may feel guilty because they took advantage of their partner. They hid a secret from someone innocent or unsuspecting. That’s a bad feeling. Other people who cheat find a way to rationalize their actions. Maybe they feel like they’re getting enough attention in the relationship, or they believe their partner is cheating, so they believe they can do the same back. Maybe the cheater is incapable of feeling guilt because of their mental health issues. The only way that people can know if they feel guilty is, to be honest with themselves.
Is it worth forgiving a cheating partner?
If the person cheated and they want to change, that could be a sign that you can forgive them. One way to work on these issues is by seeing a couple's therapist. That person is impartial and can help the partners work through issues surrounding infidelity. If you decide to forgive a cheater, remember that there is a chance they could do it again. You’re taking a risk, and you need to work on rebuilding trust in the relationship.
Do cheaters ever change?
A person can change their behavior if they want to do so. A cheater can modify their behavior if it’s important to them. They need to decide whether cheating serves a purpose in their life and if they’re willing to let it go in exchange for an honest relationship.
How do you process being cheated on?
There are many ways to deal with the pain, anger, or other complex emotions surrounding cheating. One way is to seek out your support system and talk to them about your experience. Another way is to work with your partner in couple’s therapy and process the issues together. You may find that journaling helps you gain clarity on these issues. The most crucial aspect of healing from being cheated on is self-care.
Does Karma get everyone?
Some people believe that Karma comes around and impacts a person who has done wrong. Unfortunately, we live in a world where some individuals get away with toxic behavior, and there are no consequences. You can’t control what happens to another person. The only power you have is over your actions and doing the best you can at this moment.
What does Karma really mean?
Karma is about doing the right thing and getting rewards by the universe. Theoretically, if you do the wrong thing, Karma will punish you.
How do you get over the pain of being cheated on?
There are many ways to work through being cheated on, and one of them is to go to therapy. A licensed therapist is an expert on how to manage the feelings after a partner is committing infidelity. Some people find that faith counseling helps people get through these issues. If you’re a religious person, and you seek out people who observe your faith, that can counsel you, that may be a great way to work through the scars of cheating. Whatever healing path you take, you can get through these difficult emotions, face the pain, and find yourself again. You deserve to be with a partner who is loyal and true to you. Seeing a therapist can help you get back in touch with who you are and heal from what you’ve been through.