How To Recognize And Understand A Pathological Liar, And What To Do About It

Maybe we all have told a lie in our lives, most of which are considered 'white lies.' Sometimes, it could be to spare someone's feelings, shield ourselves from embarrassment or pain, or avoid getting in trouble. It can reflect a pro-social attitude and be used to facilitate positive contact.

However, there can be a big difference between harmlessly lying and constantly lying—also known as compulsive lying, mythomania, or pseudologia fantastica.

The concept of the pathological liar first appeared in medical literature by German scientist Anton Delbrueck in 1891 but remains unclear in its exact definition. It can be a controversial topic as experts debate whether it should be considered a distinct, separate psychological disorder.

What is a pathological liar?

Simply put, a pathological liar is an individual who compulsively and habitually lies. The lies they tell are typically disproportionate to reality, can be complex, and are often manifested over an extended period.

For these individuals, telling a lie may be more natural than telling the truth, so much so that their whole history and existence can be a fabrication. Lying can feel like an addictive game to them. 

Sometimes, these individuals even start to believe their own fabricated stories, with some experts observing that they do not know the difference between fact and fiction. They may be 'functionally delusional' and integrate their lie with truth so much they can even pass a lie detector test.

The lies they tell tend to be grandiose and outlandish to make them appear as either the hero or the villain. They may intentionally and consistently create false stories for no apparent reason or gain. They are also not deterred by getting found out or by feelings of guilt (That’s not to say they don’t experience anxiety around being discovered, rather that they are not stopped by it).

Consequently, these individuals' relationships often fail due to a lack of trust and respect. Their lying can lead to serious problems, such as fraud, libel, and bankruptcy, and land them in legal complications. Moreover, it can destroy their career and harm any prospects they may have.

Understanding a pathological liar's need to lie

There are some reasons and factors to consider when discussing why an individual pathologically lies.

Their stories may be largely fabricated to boost their ego, seek sympathy or admiration, or live out a fantasy. They may also lie to attract attention and alleviate boredom. 

These individuals tend to have deep-seated anxiety, low self-esteem, and a fear of rejection, which can cause them to tell elaborate fibs. They may have trouble accepting the truth for what it is and might even believe that their lives are not interesting enough. As a result, they may use lying as a kind of unhealthy defense mechanism to their psyche and meet their need for acceptance. However, this can cause more anxiety for the individual as the facade they have created must now be remembered and maintained.

This behavior typically stems from a young age, with one review suggesting that the average onset of pathological lying is around 16 years of age. It may also be the result of a traumatic environment or upbringing.

Repeated extortion or abuse from a partner or spouse can develop a reflexive need to lie. Some of them may have grown up in neglectful and abusive homes in which persistent lying was developed as a coping mechanism. 

Furthermore, there are physiological factors that may contribute to why someone repeatedly lies. A study found that pathological liars have the opposite ratio of cortisol and testosterone than most people, perhaps enabling them to act aggressively without concern for risks. Another study in 2007 revealed that they had increased prefrontal white matter, which can predispose them to pathologically lying.

Interestingly, compulsive lying is connected to a variety of other disorders.

A study in Pseudologia Fantastica by B. H. King and C. V. Ford found that 40% of patients with pathological lying tendencies also reported abnormalities such as epilepsy, ADHD, and head trauma. It can be connected to personality disorders such as antisocial, histrionic, and narcissistic disorders, which may come as no surprise; most people who compulsively lie may possess narcissistic traits that enable them to do so with ease. Pathological lying has also been linked to anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

How to recognize a pathological liar

It can be difficult to identify these individuals as not all of their lies are always elaborate or over-the-top. They may not exhibit the signs of someone lying, such as avoiding eye contact or long pauses. This can make them good and sometimes exceptional liars.

On top of that, it can be very frustrating for these individuals' friends and family as they may tell fabricated stories that appear to have no external motivation, benefit, or purpose. Before we talk about how to deal with a pathological liar, we need to know the signs you're dealing with one.

Here are some signs you are dealing with a pathological liar:

• They are fantastic, animated storytellers and know how to captivate and shock an audience. They tell tales that are elaborate, outlandish, and dramatic while remaining convincing at the same time.
• They like to talk about achievements and experiences that make them appear heroic or elicit sympathy from others using stories that make them appear as a victim, and rarely the villain or antagonist. They may only elaborate on detailed stories that support the image they want to portray and elicit admiration or sympathy. For example, they may lie about knowing many famous people or how much money they have to present themselves as powerful and influential.
• They are very eloquent and know how to engage with others charmingly. But even though they may be talkative, they may not be very specific when answering a question and instead give a vague answer.
• They might not be able to tell the same story right more than once as they can forget previous details. They might further embellish a story because of this issue.
• They may lie about their medical conditions to seek sympathy or care one might get in a hospital, potentially leading to them getting treatments done that they don't need. This is called a factitious disorder.

Moreover, these individuals might possess above-average verbal skills and can be dramatic with their words. They might tell lies with a seemingly high level of confidence, which enables them to do it successfully. And because of the nature of compulsively lying, they tend to be quick-thinking and creative.

What to do if someone is a pathological liar

A pathological liar may be an expert at concealing their true personality and skillfully dressing up their lives to make you believe what they want you to believe. Even though being around them can be frustrating and even infuriating, there are things you can do to cope with being around one.

Be patient

Even if you know someone is lying, don't exacerbate it by getting angry. Instead, be understanding and firm.

Expect denial

Even if you confront them, they will likely deny that they are lying and possibly become angry or shocked at the accusation. They typically do not like to be doubted and may become defensive or evasive when questioned.

Show empathy

Keep in mind that pathological lying is probably not a way to hurt you but may be driven by an underlying disorder. Considering that, remind them that you value them for who they are and not what they have done.

Do not engage with the lie

If you notice they are lying, stop engaging with the conversation. You may even walk away from them.

Encourage them to consider getting help

If someone you care about is a pathological liar, it may be worth expressing your concern for their well-being, as this may encourage them to seek help. They can benefit from a mental health professional's support, like a therapist, who can help them learn healthier coping skills, reduce impulsivity, and treat any underlying disorders. Studies continually show that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy in treating many mental health concerns, such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, and more. And if you are more concerned about mental health symptoms in your relationship, consider talking to a counselor about that relationship, either alone or with your partner. 95% of couples going to online therapy say that it’s been helpful to their relationship, so online therapy can help ease some of your worries and offer you a more peaceful life.

Takeaway

Dealing with these individuals effectively should begin with an understanding of why they do what they do. Although adult pathological liars may be more difficult to treat than children, they can get the help they need and deserve by remaining supportive and firm.