9 Signs That Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Updated January 17, 2022
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC

Are you worried that your spouse might be cheating on you? If things haven't seemed normal lately, then your gut instincts could be correct. It's important not to jump to conclusions, though. You can take the time to look out for various signs that your spouse could be cheating on you. Before you can definitively say, "my wife is having an affair," you're going to want to know for sure. Read on to examine these nine signs that your spouse is having an extramarital affair.

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1. Your Spouse is Acting Distant

Perhaps the most common sign that your spouse is having an affair that you will notice is when he or she starts acting distant. When people are having affairs, they often feel out of sorts. Your spouse might not be comfortable around you any longer because they know they're cheating on you. This could cause them to act cold or rude toward you. Sometimes you might even notice that your spouse will act uneasy out of fear that you will catch on to their secret.

If your spouse were always a warm and loving person before, this would set off some alarm bells. This means that something significant has changed, and there is going to be a reason for it. Your spouse might be cold toward you because he or she feels connected to this new lover now. Whatever the case is, it's something that you should see as a sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair.

2. Changes In Sex Drive

Changes in someone's sex drive should also be considered a sign of an affair. Sometimes people who are having affairs will go through sex drive changes. You might notice that your husband or wife starts avoiding sex with you. They might be avoiding intimacy due to having those needs fulfilled elsewhere. This can also go the other way too.

Some people get sexually reinvigorated due to having an extramarital affair. They might start trying to sleep with you more, and you might notice that they have greater sexual endurance than usual. These changes to your sex life might not be a mere coincidence. Try to ascertain whether your spouse is cheating you when you notice changes to their sexual appetites. It might also be strange if they start doing new things in bed after many years of complacency.

3. Physical Signs Of An Affair

There are also potential physical signs of an affair to look out for. Some of these are sexual in nature. When people have sex, there will often be little marks left behind. You could notice marks on your spouse's body. Some people might even try to hide things such as stubble burn or marks from being spanked sexually. If you see signs like this, it's probably obvious that your spouse is cheating on you.

You might also notice signs such as the scent of perfume or cologne on your spouse's clothing. If the scent isn't coming from you, then that is not a positive sign for your spouse. Other things to look out for include lipstick marks and stray hairs.

4. Your Spouse Spends A Lot Of Time Away From Home

Is your spouse spending lots of time away from home? You might have spent most of your evenings together for the last several years. If you don't seem to see your spouse as often now, it could be a bad sign. They might be spending several hours out of the week with a new lover. This isn't always the case, but sudden changes in the amount of time you spend together are alarming.

5. Sudden Appearance Changes

Sudden appearance changes could also be a sign that your spouse is cheating on you. Has your wife always dressed a certain way or kept her hair in one particular style? If so, it might seem weird if she suddenly changes her appearance after many years. Both men and women can indeed change their styles without it being related to infidelity. It's simply worth considering whether these changes might be happening to please a new lover.

People often make appearance changes when they are having an extramarital affair. Someone might start dressing more provocatively, or you might notice someone wearing perfume or cologne more often. You might want to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, but it's important to be honest with yourself, too. Think about whether their change of style is a normal thing or whether it's a potential sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair.

6. Work Schedule Changes

Work schedule changes might seem innocuous at first, but it could be a sign that your spouse is lying to you. If your spouse's work schedule suddenly changes dramatically, isn't that a bit unusual? Long hours at the office and sudden business trips might seem a bit out of the ordinary if your spouse's schedule always used to be consistent. It's possible that your spouse could be trying to use work trips and work hours as a way to cover for an affair.

Of course, this is a lie that could be verified by looking for some information. You could call the hotel where your spouse is supposed to be staying, or you could call your spouse's place of employment to verify if they are working or not. Unless someone is covering for your spouse's lies, you might be able to find out if they're having an extramarital affair one way or the other. This can be tough to come to terms with, but it's certainly better to know the truth.

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7. Your Spouse Is Acting Defensive

People who are having affairs will often be very defensive as well. They might wind up getting really mad or defensive when you question them about something. If you ask your spouse where they're going or why they look so tired and get a defensive response, that is a red flag. It isn't normal for people to respond to simple questions like this. It's especially problematic if your spouse never used to get defensive in the past.

8. Your Spouse Is Openly Flirting With Others

Is your spouse much more flirtatious than usual? Perhaps you have noticed them checking out other men or women lately. You might even find that your spouse is bold enough to flirt with the waitress at the restaurant or something else like that. If this type of behavior is not standard for your spouse, it could signify something has changed. Sometimes people become more sexually charged when they're having an extramarital affair, which can present itself through personality changes like this.

If your spouse seems to be acting funny, then you should take note of it. Some people are just funny individuals who come across as being flirtatious. Since you should know your spouse pretty well, it'll be easy to tell if this behavior is unusual or not. Trust your instincts, and don't be afraid to ask your spouse why they act this way.

9. He Or She Doesn't Wear Their Wedding Ring As Often Now

Lastly, if your spouse seems to be wearing their wedding ring less often than usual, this could be a bad sign. This is only a potential sign of an affair if your spouse always wore the wedding ring before. If you are just now noticing that they seem to have it off fairly often when you see them, this could be a sign. They might be slipping the wedding ring off to see their lover and then forgetting to put it back on before going home.

Being aware of these changes could help you to catch your spouse in a lie. There could potentially be a reasonable explanation for someone not wanting to wear a wedding ring any longer, too. For example, the ring might not fit great any longer if your spouse's hands have become puffier due to weight gain. Regardless, this is still a troublesome sign that you should look out for. If you can combine this sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair with some of the others mentioned above, then your fears might be very real.

Consider Online Couples Counseling

Whether your spouse is having an extramarital affair or if you are having marriage problems, it's going to be smart to get help. Online couples counseling is a perfect way to work on your marriage issues. Professional online therapists can help you overcome even significant problems preventing you from having a happy marriage. They work with married couples to help them learn to communicate better while strengthening the connection that they share. If you are worried about your marriage, then reaching out to skilled online counselors could help turn things around.

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This is a very discreet form of couple's therapy that will be easy to take advantage of. You can talk to therapists without even having to leave your house. It's also possible to reach out to these therapists at any time. It's quite convenient for busy professionals who need marriage counseling. There is no need to worry about strict office hours, and the counseling is truly top-notch. Give these online counselors a shot if you want to fix the issues in your marriage.

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