How To Pleasure A Guy: Ways To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

Updated August 17, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

A relationship requires give and take. Both partners want to make sure that their significant other is satisfied in the bedroom. That said, you may not know exactly what you are doing when you are trying to please your boyfriend or husband, which can make things stressful for both you and him. 

Many other people – including men and women – have had this issue as well, and there is more than enough information out there that can help you learn more about how to guarantee his pleasure and your own. For those who are looking to better connect with and please their male partner, here are some ways you can spice things up in the bedroom.

Talk About What You Both Want (And Set Boundaries)

Foreplay, Novelty, And Communication Can Be Highly Arousing

You can’t have a healthy and pleasurable sexual relationship with someone if you both are not clear on what you are looking for in the bedroom. From fantasies to kinks, you and your partner need to have a serious discussion on the things that you most enjoy and what you want to receive from intercourse. 

Keep in mind, however, that this is also a time to set expectations and boundaries. You should never feel pressured or forced into doing anything, and neither should your partner. There may be some things that you and your partner are not comfortable trying. Come up with a full list of expectations, boundaries, and desires. This way, when you and your partner do go to bed, you are guaranteed to have a respectful, enjoyable time each time.

Focus On Intimate Areas Other Than The Genitals

Believe it or not, males have other erogenous zones besides their genitals, and you can use these areas to increase his pleasure and improve his sexual experience. For example, you might rub his nipples or scratch his scalp while you are in bed. Run your fingers through his hair slowly, and you are likely to get a response. 

Similarly, his nipples are just as sensitive as yours, and you can touch them while you are in bed. Men have many different erogenous zones that you can explore. Learn more about these different areas and use them when you have sex to show him the different sensations he can experience.

Communicate During Sex

Article Visual

Communication is key! If you have a shy partner, they may not be vocal when asking for what they want when they are in the middle of intercourse. If something is not being done the way they like it, but they are too afraid to ask for what they want, this can make intimacy less than desirable and lead to problems down the road. 

Let your partner know that it is okay to speak up during sex. Ask him how he is feeling and if there is anything that is not feeling so good. When you know what to do, and you know that he is getting pleasure from it, the two of you are going to have much better sex.

Make Eye Contact And Focus On Visual Stimulation

Men respond strongly to visual stimuli during sex. Although it can be easier to have sex with the lights off on some days or wear clothes rather than getting fully undressed, your man will have a much better time when he can see and enjoy everything that is going on. 

Along with this, you can also focus on making eye contact with him and engaging with him while having sex. These types of intimate encounters can make sex far more fun than times when you can’t see anything, or when there is little engagement between partners.

Tease Each Other With Foreplay

Great sex often begins with foreplay because it prompts blood flow and heightens sexual arousal. You can get him excited by sending him sexy texts, talking dirty, or undressing him with your eyes. 

Extending this foreplay gets you both sexually aroused long before your clothes come off and can make it so that sex is more exciting when it finally comes down to it. Foreplay provides a fantastic opportunity to explore and incorporate other sexual acts, like roleplaying.

Show Your Partner That You Are Enjoying Yourself

Foreplay, Novelty, And Communication Can Be Highly Arousing

Your partner wants to know that you are getting just as much pleasure out of the experience as he is. However, that can’t happen if you are generally quiet during sex or if you tend to have very little expression during the act. 

When you remember it, try to make more noise and show that you enjoy yourself through your face or body. When he sees this, he will also get into what you guys are doing, which will bring you more into your sex. If both partners are visibly enjoying themselves, they will likely want to put more into their efforts.

Bring Sexual Fantasies To Life

Fantasies are perfect ways to increase sexual experience because we already know that these fantasies arouse us. In some cases, you may have a partner who is looking to do something that involves roleplay. 

On the other hand, some men may be looking to fulfill fantasies that involve doing sexual acts somewhere besides the bedroom. Regardless of what type of fantasy your man has, try speaking with him about it and learning more about whether it is something the two of you can explore. Sexual fantasies, when fulfilled, will be pleasurable for your partner.

Slow Things Down So That He Can Feel Everything

Getting through certain sexual acts can make it so that you can go back to other things, but it doesn’t make for great sex. Mind-blowing sex will typically involve each of you slowing down so that you both can get the full experience of what the activity has to offer. 

When you and your partner are in bed, try taking things down to a much slower pace and let you and your partner feel what is going on between each other. Mindful sex can allow you to enjoy your sex more and be a turn-on for both partners.

Try Out A Dominant/Submissive Situation

BDSM is so popular because many people want to relinquish or gain more control in their lives. The problem, however, is that many couples are reluctant to try out these sexual fantasies because they are concerned about the stigma that the term carries. 

The funny thing is that you may already be incorporating these types of activities into your regular sex. Just by using bondage toys such as handcuffs or ropes or taking a dominant or submissive role in your sex lives, you have already dipped your toes into the pool. If this appeals to you, try talking about it with your partner to see if this may improve your relationship.

Explore Places He’s Never Considered 

For this suggestion specifically, this section is talking about the area that some men consider a no-go: the anus. Inside of the anus is the man’s prostate, which, when stimulated, is known to increase their sexual pleasure and improve their orgasms. Although some men have never considered exploring this region, many men of all sexual orientations have tried it and have found that it is one of their favorite places to explore. 

On the other hand, some men have decided that they don’t want to explore or have tried and still don’t enjoy it. Bring it up to see the response. Some lubricant might be necessary, depending on your ideas for stimulation. If anal play does lead to something, you now have another way to spice things up in bed!

Use Toys To Get Him Excited

Although female sex toys are far more popular and less stigmatized, the number of toy offerings for men is growing. Take some time to explore these types of products and see if anything piques his interest. Here are some kinky things to try

You can try using it in the bedroom as foreplay or even for sessions where you are only trying to make him orgasm. Even though some people are resistant to toys at first, there are plenty of options that appeal to a wide range of people and may be right for your partner.

Show A True Interest In Having Sex With Him

Some partners give their partners sex to keep a relationship going or simply because they feel as though they are obligated. When you have sex with someone who isn’t truly interested, the overall experience can be mediocre, at best. You should never have sex with someone because you feel an obligation. 

Instead, wait until you are both ready to have sex and you are both excited about it. When he can see that you are excited for him in the bedroom, he may be just as excited in response.

Switch Things Up Regularly

You and your partner are going to have your favorite positions, which can become quite stale if you always use them in the bedroom. Have fun investigating other positions that might intrigue you both. Is there anything you haven’t tried or that looks especially exciting? Are there any that you could easily incorporate? Once you find something that works, try to switch it out with some of your regular positions. Novelty is great at helping to build sexual excitement.

Try Online Couples’ Therapy To Improve Your Sex Life

Having a great sex life is something important for many couples. However, not every couple may be equipped with the right skills to improve their sex life or address the issues contributing to poor sex quality. Are you and your partner in need of direction to improve your relationship and your sex life? If so, you may want to reach out to a counselor on Regain. 

Regain is a relationship-focused, online counseling platform that helps couples get the guidance they need on any topic. You can meet virtually with your licensed therapist at convenient times and from any location with a secure internet connection. Whether you attend individually or alongside your significant other, your dedicated counselor will support you both in meeting your sex goals and they can validate your decisions to go outside of the box.

Online sex therapy has helped many couples improve their sex lives. In one study, researchers evaluated the effectiveness of web-based interventions for couples experiencing sex-related challenges. Conclusions show that online therapy is effective for treating a variety of sex-related problems in both men and women, though additional research is needed.


It is normal and acceptable to feel nervous, concerned, or unclear about new adventures in the bedroom. Perhaps you grew up in an environment that chastised sexual autonomy or experienced sexual trauma in your past. Regardless of your challenges or history, you can achieve a happy and fun sex life in the bedroom. There are licensed therapists at Regain who can support you in overcoming trauma, closed-mindedness, or uncertainty when it comes to sex acts, toys, and stigma. When you are ready, reach out to a Regain therapist to start building a better sex routine.

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