How To Pleasure A Guy: 13 Ways To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

By Dylan Buckley|Updated June 16, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Maria Abada, LPC

A relationship requires give and take. Both partners want to make sure that their significant other is satisfied in the bedroom. That said, you may not know exactly what you are doing when you are trying to please your boyfriend or husband, which can make things stressful for both you and him. Luckily, many other women have had this issue as well, and there is more than enough information out there that will help you learn more about how you can guarantee his pleasure and your own. For those who are looking to better connect with and please their male partner, here are some ways you can spice things up in the bedroom for your significant other.

1. Sit Down With Your Partner And Talk About What You Both Want (But Set Boundaries)

Pleasure Can Be Different For Each Person
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.

You can’t have a healthy and pleasurable sexual relationship with someone if you both are not clear on what you are looking for in the bedroom. From fantasies to kinks, you and your partner need to have a serious discussion on the things that you most enjoy and what you want to receive from intercourse. Keep in mind, however, that this is also a time to set expectations and boundaries. You should never feel pressured or forced into doing anything, and your partner shouldn’t either. There may also be some things that you and your partner are not comfortable with. Come up with a full list of expectations, boundaries, and desires. This way, when you and your partner do go to bed, you are guaranteed to have a respectful, enjoyable time each time.

2. Focus On Intimate Areas Other Than The Genitals

Believe it or not, your partner has other erotic areas besides his genitals, and you can use these areas to increase his pleasure and his sexual experience further. For example, some areas such as his nipples and head could be areas that you could use while making out in bed. Run his fingers through his hair slowly, and you are likely to get a response. Similarly, his nipples are just as sensitive as yours, and you can touch them while you are in bed. Men have many different erogenous zones that you can explore. Learn more about these different areas and use them when you have sex to show him the different sensations he can experience.

3. Make Sure To Communicate While You Are In The Middle of Sexual Acts

Communication is key! If you have a shy partner, they may not be vocal when asking for what they want when they are in the middle of intercourse. If something is not being done the way they like it, but they are too afraid to ask for what they want, this can make intimacy less than desirable and lead to problems down the road. Let your partner know that it is okay to speak up during sex. Ask him how he is feeling and if there is anything that is not feeling so good. When you know what to do, and you know that he is getting pleasure from it, the two of you are going to have much better sex.

4. Make Eye Contact And Focus On Visual Stimulation

Men are much more visual than women, and they need to see you during sex. Although it can be easier to have sex with the lights off on some days or wear clothes rather than getting fully undressed, your man will have a much better time when he can see and enjoy everything that is going on. Along with this, you should also focus on making eye contact with him and engaging with him while having sex. These types of intimate encounters can make sex far more fun than sex, where you can’t see anything, or there is little engagement between both people.

5. Tease Each Other With Foreplay

Sex isn’t something that you should have right off the bat if you are looking to have better intercourse. Great sex begins with foreplay. You can get him excited by sending him sexy texts, by dirty talking with your partner, or even by making contact with him through his clothes. Extending this foreplay gets you both sexually aroused long before your clothes come off and can make it so that sex is more exciting when it finally comes down to it. Foreplay provides a great opportunity to explore and incorporate other sexual acts, like roleplaying.

6. Show Your Partner That You Are Enjoying Yourself

Pleasure Can Be Different For Each Person

Your partner wants to know that you are getting just as much pleasure out of the experience as he is. However, that can’t happen if you are generally quiet during sex or if you tend to have very little expression during the act. When you remember it, try to make more noise and show that you enjoy yourself through your face or body. When he sees this, he will also get into what you guys are doing, which will bring you more into your sex. If both partners are visibly enjoying themselves, they will want to put more into their sex.

7. Try Out His Fantasies Or Spice Things Up Outside Of The Bedroom

Fantasies are perfect ways to increase sexual experience because we already know that these fantasies arouse us. In some cases, you may have a partner who is looking to do something that involves roleplay. On the other hand, some men may be looking to fulfill fantasies that involve doing sexual acts somewhere besides the bedroom. Regardless of what type of fantasy your man has, try speaking with him about it and learning more about whether it is something the two of you can explore. Sexual fantasies, when fulfilled, will be pleasurable for your partner.

8. Slow Things Down So That He Can Feel Everything

Getting through certain sexual acts can make it so that you guys can go back to other things, but it doesn’t make for great sex. Mind-blowing sex will typically involve each of you slowing down so that you both can get the full experience of what the activity has to offer. When you and your partner are in bed, try taking things down to a much slower pace and let you and your partner feel what is going on between each other. Mindful sex will allow you to enjoy your sex more and be a turn-on for both partners.

9. Try Out A Dominant/Submissive Situation

BDSM is so popular because many people want to relinquish control or gain more control in their lives. The problem, however, is that many couples are reluctant to try out these sexual fantasies because they are concerned about the stigma that the term carries. The funny thing is that you may already be incorporating these types of activities into your regular sex. Just by using bondage toys such as handcuffs or ropes or taking a dominant or submissive role in your sex lives, you have already dipped your toes into the pool. If this appeals to you, try talking about it with your partner to see if this may improve your relationship.

10. Explore Places He’s Never Considered Before

For this suggestion specifically, this section is talking about the area that most men consider a no-go: the anus. Inside of the anus is the man’s prostate, which, when stimulated, is known to increase their sexual pleasure and improve their orgasms. Although many men have never considered exploring this region, many have tried it and have found that it is one of their favorite places to explore. On the other hand, some men have decided that they don’t want to explore or have tried and still don’t enjoy it. Bring it up to see the response. If it does lead to something, you now have another way to spice things up in bed!

11. Try Out Toys That Get Him Excited

Although female toys are far more popular and less stigmatized, the number of toy offerings for men is growing. Take some time to explore these types of products and see if anything piques his interest. Once you have it, you can try using it in the bedroom as foreplay or even for sessions where you are only trying to make him orgasm. Even though some people are resistant to toys at first, there are plenty of options that appeal to a wide range of people and may be right for your partner.

12. Show A True Interest In Having Sex with Him

Some partners give their partners sex to keep a relationship going or simply because they feel as though they are obligated to. When you have sex with someone who isn’t truly interested, the overall experience can be mediocre at best. You should never have sex with someone because you feel that you need to. Instead, wait until you are both ready to have sex and you are both excited about it. When he can see that you are excited for him in the bedroom, he will be just as excited in response.

13. Switch Things Up Regularly

You and your partner are going to have your favorite positions. But these positions can become quite stale if you always use them in the bedroom. Grab your partner and look up some other positions that the two of you may be interested in. Is there anything you haven’t tried? Is there anything that looks especially exciting? Are there any that you could easily incorporate into your bedroom style? Once you find something that works, try to switch it out for some of your regular positions. Novelty is great at helping to build sexual excitement.

Having a great sex life is something important for many couples. However, not every couple may be equipped with the right skills to handle their sex life and the issues contributing to poor quality. Are you and your partner in need of direction to improve your relationship and your sex life? If so, you may want to reach out to a counselor on ReGain. ReGain is a relationship-focused, online counseling platform that helps couples get the guidance they need on any topic. If you want easy access to counseling and you want to improve your bond with your partner, visit ReGain using the link above to start your journey now!

Helpful resources for relationships & more in your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak With A Licensed Therapist
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.