How To Ask A Girl To Hang Out When You Want To Get To Know Her Better

By Aaron Smith|Updated June 22, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Whitney White, MS. CMHC, NCC., LPC

Asking someone to hang out can be a scary thing. There is something far more personal about hanging out one on one with someone you are interested in than merely texting with the person. It's taking a step of possibility towards a relationship.

Asking Someone Out Can Be Scary
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However, it doesn't have to be terrifying. There are easy ways to broach the subject. It doesn't have to be a huge deal. By relying on open and honest communication, you can make the ask and hopefully score a "hang out" date. There are some simple things you can do to ask her out.

First Things First

Before you begin to think about asking a girl to hang out, you must recognize the possibility that she could say no. The possibility of rejection is not meant to dampen your spirits, but it is acknowledging that she has her agency and her reasons. Consent is necessary, and you should never assume that you have the right to demand anything of the girl.

If a rejection is the result of your offer to hang out, it doesn't mean that there is no chance for friendship. If she is someone exciting and fun in your life, it is okay for the relationship to progress as friends.

Be Honest With Yourself

Before you can ask her to hang out, you have to be honest with yourself. What feelings are you experiencing towards her? Is it casual interest? Could it be infatuation? Whatever it is, the more honest you are with yourself, the more equipped you may be to ask for exactly what you want from her.

If you don't ask for exactly what you want, you run the risk of missing out on a great girl or getting stuck in a hangout you don't want to have. Be honest with the girl, and you can't be honest with her unless you are honest with yourself first.

Communication Is Key

When you begin to ask if the girl wants to hang out with you, you need to be clear and transparent with your words. You don't have to play it off as a joke or say it in a sly way. If you are direct and honest, it conveys a clear message that you want to be around her. She may appreciate the clarity of communication.

If you're nervous, it's okay. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you feel. Don't think you need to put on a false sense of bravado or anything. Honesty is always best, even if you feel a bit embarrassed. You may find that you may get over your nervousness or embarrassment and feel better for having asked the girl to hang out.

Have A Plan

Asking her directly, "Do you want to hang out sometime?" may get a response from her. However, it remains nebulous, and there is a good chance it may never happen. So, have a plan. Have an option or two to present to her. Include a few dates and times you are available. When you have a plan, it provides an actual time and activity for her to respond to, rather than a nebulous hanging out sometime in the future.

If she says no to your plan or idea, she's not necessarily saying no to hanging out with you. She may not be able to do what you suggested when you suggested it. Having her say no to a date you suggest can open up a conversation about when you two may be able to get together. Be flexible with your plan. You can't expect her to drop everything in her life all of a sudden.

When you come up with a plan, make sure you are doing something that allows for conversation. Since you want to get to know the girl more, you need to talk. Going to a concert, a loud club, or a movie doesn't facilitate conversation. Perhaps hitting a local happy hour, taking a walk, or going to dinner are better options for having a good conversation where you can get to know her more.

Have An Idea

Since this is a girl that you want to get to know better, having a conversation is an excellent way to avoid both awkward minutes of silence and stalls in the conversation. A fun thing to do is to write down some questions for both of you to answer. These can be basic questions about work, family, and hobbies, but you can also get fun with things like "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?" Be creative with them. Not only will you get to know her better, but you can show that you put some thoughtfulness into the hangout.

You could also ask her to come up with five questions for you that you have to answer no matter what. Asking five questions you have to say yes to is a fun game, but it also gives her a chance to get to know you better. The more you two get to know each other, the more likely there can be more hangouts and possibly more.

Have A Memory

You have probably been talking via text, chat, or the phone for a little while now. There are things you have said that she responded to, and vice versa. Go back through the messages and pick out a few memories you can reference during the hangout. Maybe there was a funny joke you both laughed at; that would be fun to bring up and shows her that you are listening to her and value the conversations enough to remember them.

Asking Someone Out Can Be Scary

If there is something she said that brought up a question, the hang out is a perfect time to ask about what was said. Maybe it was something about work or her friends. Whatever it is, if it provoked curiosity in you, ask. Asking questions about things she says is how you are going to get to know her.

Asking Questions

Since this is someone you want to get to know better, you need to ask questions. Be transparent and open-ended with your questions. Try and get her to tell you stories, not just pieces of information. Stories are how we get to know each other the best. Through stories, we get to know how people react, what they care about, and what kind of humor they have.

Also, don't be afraid to share your stories as well. The more open you are, the more the girl may feel comfortable asking you questions.

Two Way Communication

Getting to know someone is as much about you telling them about yourself as it is about listening to their stories. While the girl is talking, you should listen, not plan the next thing you are going to say but instead pay full attention to her words. Then, when she finishes, you can respond, and that may be a time to share stories of your own.

Let her lead the information you offer. What this means is don't spend the whole time talking about yourself. Let her ask you questions and answer them. Don't brag or try to impress her. Be honest and open with what you have to say.

You should ask her your questions so you can get to know her, but also let her get to know you. As you get to know each other more, you can see if there is chemistry for another hangout or a full-fledged date.

Communication Breakdown

If the hang out turns into more, there may come a point in the relationship where communication breaks down. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and hurt can cause discussions to escalate into arguments and fights.

While this happens in every relationship, having someone to help you navigate the conflict and misunderstanding is important. Navigating conflict is where the licensed online therapists at ReGain can help. Therapists can help bridge the communication gap between both of you. With a therapist's help, you can continue to grow in communication skills in your relationship.

Where It Starts

Getting to know a girl better boils down to communication. You have to ask her if she wants to hang out before you can ask her all about herself. Communication is vital, and the more open and honest the communication is, the better off both of you can be.

Communication being vital is true even when you are first connecting with a person in text or on a dating app. If you find you only want to be friends, make that clear, so there are no misunderstandings, which lead to hurt feelings. However, if you find that you want to get to know the person better, asking them to hang out is a non-threating way to encourage conversation, getting to know each other, and testing for chemistry.

Communication is essential at any point in a relationship, from start to finish. Without it, we won't know who the person we have a feeling for actually is, we won't know their feelings towards us, and we probably won't ever see them because it takes communication to ask them to hang out.

Find Support

If you’re struggling with dating, relationships, meeting new people, or anything else that’s on your mind, a counselor or therapist can help. The counselors and therapists at ReGain are licensed professionals who are here to support you and protect your privacy. You can talk to the mental health providers at ReGain from the privacy of your own home or anywhere else with a reliable internet connection. Whether you see a provider in your local area or work with someone remotely, don’t be afraid to reach out. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How Do You Make New Friends?

There are a lot of ways to make new friends, but even so, making friends isn't always easy. You can make a new friend through a hobby or class, such as rock climbing or an art class. To form a new friendship, start a conversation. For example, if you go to a rock climbing gym, you can say, "how long have you been climbing for?" to a person that looks like someone you'd want to be friends with or who seems friendly. Sometimes, you'll click with someone right away, but there's no need to get discouraged if you don't. Spend time talking to people, and eventually, you'll hit it off with the right person or group. Another common way to meet a new friend or to form a new friendship is through current mutual friends. If you think about how you've formed new friendships or romantic relationships in the past, it's likely that you'll remember meeting at least one person this way. Social relationships are an important part of our well-being, so as hard as it is to put yourself out there, it is beneficial. 

How Do You Ask Someone To Hang Out?

You might ask people to hang out differently depending on how you met them. For example, if you met your new friend through a mutual friend, and you ask your current friends to hang out, you might include the new person and make it a group activity. For example, you can invite the person over by saying, "Hey, would you like to come over on Saturday to play some video games with me and ___?" after checking it over with your current friend. Inviting people over will be more appropriate in some situations than others. Sometimes, when you first form a new friendship, you will want to meet in a public place, especially if you met them online and don't have any mutual friendships. 

How Do I Ask Someone From A Dating App To Hang Out?

If you ask people to hang out that you met through a dating app, it's best to go about it by inviting the person to meet you in a place that's open to the public, such as a coffee shop. That way, you'll both feel safe about meeting up. To ask someone from a dating app to hang out, you can simply say, "Hey want to hang out this Friday? We can grab a coffee. My treat!" Mainly, this works if you've been talking for a while and things seem to be going well. It's best to wait until you've spent some time chatting and have an idea as to who they are as a person. You might even follow each other on social media first. If they say no or ask to meet up at a different time, respect it.

Some dating apps give you the option to set your profile to "looking for friends" instead of looking for a relationship, so it's common for people to make friends with people through dating apps nowadays rather than finding partners or hookups alone. If you're looking for a new friend to hang out with rather than a date, use your profile to specify what you're looking for. If you specify that you're looking for people to hang out with as friends, you'll be able to avoid confusion and find a new friend to hang out with. If someone on the app disrespects your wish to meet friends and tries to initiate a romantic or sexual conversation with you, feel free to block them. You might even reiterate what you're on the app for when you start messaging someone to make sure that you're on the same page. 

How Do I Stay Safe When Meeting Up With Someone From A Dating App?

If you're wondering how to ask someone to hang out after meeting them online or through a dating app, it's best to spend time thinking about safety precautions, too. Here are some things you can do to stay safe when meeting up with a new friend or potential partner:

  • Hold off from going to each other's home when you first meet. Pick a public place to hang out instead.
  • Video chat first so that you know that they are who they say they are and vice versa. 
  • Share your location with a trusted friend or loved one.
  • Ask said friend or loved one to have their phone handy in case of an emergency.
  • Establish a safety plan preemptively and share it with said friend or loved one.

Remember that taking safety precautions is important regardless of your gender, age, or geographical location. 

How Many Dates Until I Can Invite Someone Over?

There's no standard number of dates that you should go on before you invite people to hang out at your place, but it's best to wait until after the first or second date. You want your initial meet up to take place somewhere that's open to the public to ensure your safety and to give your date peace of mind as well. When you go to someone's house or apartment for the first time, tell a friend or trusted loved one even if you feel secure enough to visit a person's home and have met up with them prior to the fact. Even if you never need to use your safety plan or believe that you'll never have to use it, it's crucial to have one. 

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