How To Build A Strong Connection With Someone You Just Started Dating
Starting a relationship is an exciting time because there’s so much to learn about each other. The stronger your connection with someone is from the start, the easier it can be to overcome challenges along the way. It’s vital to build an environment of trust, honesty, and intimacy for a relationship to continue in the long run.
That said, it’s not a good idea to try to control the other person. Sometimes relationships simply won’t work, no matter how hard you try. Accept that not every person you date will be compatible with you or feel the same way you do in the relationship. These skills will be useful when you find someone who wants to help you build a strong connection and become your life partner.
Embrace Your Single Life
The sooner you can be the real you around your partner, the sooner you can potentially form a deep connection. That means being okay with who you were when you were single. Just because you’re in a relationship now doesn’t mean the rest of your life needs to go on hold.
Oftentimes people who are being happy before dating are great in relationships. It reduces the relationship’s pressure if you have other interests and are fine without spending all your time with one person. Don't be so emotionally needy. If you depend on one person to entertain you and make you feel good all the time, it can eventually put too much strain on everyone involved.
Keep spending time with your friends, volunteering, and participating in things you did before you met your new partner. They can learn so much more about you when you’re willing to other parts of your life. Ask them to join you every once in a while, and also be sure to participate in things on your own. They won’t love everything you love, but a respectful partner will support your interests.
Not giving up your life for them also sets boundaries. If you get together with your family every Sunday night, put your phones on silent, and play board games, keep doing that. It shows them that you take certain rules and traditions seriously. This example also shows that you care about your family. Having family as a core value is important to many people, and you’re not only saying it—you’re living it.
Of course, this goes both ways. Respect your partner’s boundaries as well and try to also support their interests. Even if you don’t want to participate in all of their hobbies, show a willingness to try new things. Showing interest, even if you don’t ever come around to it, shows that you care. There’s a lot you can learn about someone based on their interests.
Practice Open Communication
If you’re a quiet person, that’s perfectly fine! Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in the middle, you can make conversations work to your strengths. Here are a few ideas you can use to communicate more effectively with your partner.
Ask Questions And Give Honest Answers
For introverted men, it’s often easier to listen than it is to do all the talking. Ask lots of questions and show your interest in what they’re talking about. Be curious about their past and their future. If you want to build a deep connection, getting to know them is a big step in the right direction.
Here are some questions you could ask:
- What are your biggest dreams in life?
- What are you most afraid of?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- What are your favorite childhood memories?
- If you could have three dinner guests, dead or alive, who would you choose?
- What are your core values? And why?
- What are your religious beliefs?
- Who would you say has had the biggest impact on your life? And why?
- Do you have a favorite hobby or sport?
- What would a perfect day look like for you?
- Where do you want to visit in the next ten years?
Even if your partner brings up topics you don’t know anything about, and you don’t know how to ask a question about it, you can use this little trick: All you have to say is, “Tell me more.” They’ll be able to fill in the blanks with the parts that interest them. This will give you a jumping-off point to ask more questions or change the subject if you don’t have anything to add.
Extroverts, on the other hand, will likely find it easier to talk. personal things about you that aren’t common knowledge. your dreams, desires, fears, and life lessons. The other person will appreciate learning about you.
Once you feel a little more comfortable, be sure to flip the equation. If you’ve done most of the listening, things about yourself. Try to go into more detail than you might normally. If you’ve done most of the talking, be sure to ask about them. Let them talk without interruption.
Being able to respectfully will start building trust. Even if they have different views than you, be open to what they have to say. You may not agree in the end, but if you’re able to disagree respectfully, they’ll take notice, and it goes a long way towards connecting on a deeper level.
It can be hard to open up if you’ve been hurt in the past. Don’t let those past experiences define your future. Even if your last partner was disrespectful when you were vulnerable and your feelings, that doesn’t mean this new partner will be the same way.
Beyond verbal communication, physical or nonverbal communication is important as well.
Being open and receptive to another person requires you to be an active listener. Your body is a good indicator of whether you’re listening as well as you think you are. Often without thinking about it, our bodies are acting out our thoughts. So if you want your relationship to work out, practice good listening for dating.
If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a conversation and want to tune it out, your body might show it. You may hunch your shoulders, slip back into your chair, and cross your arms. Faced with a threat, closing your body would be a realistic stance. Yet, other people will recognize and feed off it, even if they aren’t doing so consciously.
A 2012 study found that people are more likely to act when they see other people in “emotional” poses. Participants in the study were shown pictures. Some were of landscapes, some were of people in static poses, and some were in emotional, active poses. The participants’ hand muscles were observed as the pictures were shown to measure their motor response. Seeing other people in an emotional state primes us for action.
The more positive and relaxed you can be in any interaction with your partner, the better. That doesn’t only apply to fights. You haven’t known each other for very long, so you might still feel nervous around them. The more you use calm, positive body language, the calmer you are likely to look and feel. The way we look on the outside does have a big impact on how we feel inside.
Here are a few positive body language signals you can use:
- Make eye contact
- Have good posture
- Uncross your legs
- Uncross your arms
- Face towards them
- Relax your shoulders
- Relax your hands
Connecting with a new partner is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Not only does your body language matter in the physical aspect of that equation, but it also matters how you interact with your partner’s body too.
Respect Their Body
Even the lightest touches can say a lot about how you feel for someone. A light kiss on the cheek, brushing your legs together under the dinner table, or holding hands are simple acts of affection that can go a long way toward building a strong bond between the two of you. And when you're dating an emotional girl or boy, all these gestures are magnified.
The elephant in the room when talking about respecting bodies is respecting boundaries. For some people, touch is more important than it is for others. Ensure you are both consenting to any contact. They might not feel comfortable with PDA (public displays of affection) or much touching in general. Relationships are built on trust, so you will build a bond faster by respecting their boundaries, even if there isn’t much physical touch going on.
The way you talk matters as well. Texting and digital communication are relatively new inventions that we haven’t necessarily evolved for. So much nuance can be missed in a text or DM. The more you can talk to your partner in person or over the phone, the better you can understand each other. The inflection in our voice can tell a lot more than our words alone. Especially if you must have a difficult conversation, do so in person as often as possible. At the very least, call them on the phone.
Communication is a visceral experience. We hear our partner’s voice, see their body language, and feel their touch. The more you can keep communication a visceral experience, the stronger your connection can be.
Relationships are important keystones of our lives, but that doesn’t mean you have to take them so seriously. Romantic relationships can be the most uncertain type of relationship for many people, but that doesn’t mean you have to take the fun out of it. By opening up and being yourself instead of making sure everything’s perfect, you can strengthen the connection with less effort and more fun.
Let Go Of Control
Allow your partner to be their authentic self. It can be hard to accept the unknown, and some try to control everything they can to eliminate those feelings of uncertainty. Learning how to deal with that discomfort and stop controlling everything may allow the relationship to flow more organically.
The fewer expectations you put on your relationship, the less pressure there will likely be. You can practice letting go of control by trying something new together once a month. It can be as simple as going to a new restaurant to something more involved, like a weekend adventure. Trying new things together will make you feel more connected like starting a couple hobby that you both enjoy. Those places will be attached to your partner and the memories you made together. And while you’re trying new things, you’ll have more to talk about.
Nothing stays the same for long, so you might as well embrace the change. Challenging yourself in this way will make it easier to cope with unexpected changes that you didn’t plan for.
It’s also good training for when you start to notice your partner’s bad habits. You’ll be more open to accepting them. That can be a game-changer for your relationship. We all have bad habits. You’ll have to distinguish whether your partner’s bad habits are ones you can live with or whether you might have to go your separate ways. Not all relationships work out, but the work you do to build a connection isn’t wasted. You’ll learn how to build a connection for the next time and have a better sense of what exactly you are looking for. It can also make goodbyes easier if your relationship is built on trust and respect.
While it’s necessary to talk about your future together, not every conversation has to be so serious. A lot of people value their partner’s sense of humor. If you are curious to know how to be a good man for your partner, a good sense of humor is definitely one of the traits you should have. Make time to laugh together and see where that takes you. Your relationship should be celebrated. What’s a better way to celebrate than to laugh and enjoy each other’s company?
You can ask things like:
- “Would you rather” questions (e.g., “Would you rather have one get out of jail free card or a key that unlocks any door?”).
- If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
- What cartoon character do you relate to the most?
- What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?
- If you could have any pets, what animal would you choose?
- What would your superpower be?
Having lighthearted conversations can make your partner look forward to talking to you and spending time with you. The more positive you can make every interaction with them the better. Just be yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
Engage In Friendly Competition
What friendly competition means is to engage in play. Do you both enjoy playing baseball or board games? Have you ever played a game of chase or tag? As long as the games stay lighthearted, competition can add some fun variety to your relationship.
You can use play to get the laundry done by seeing who can fold their clothes faster. Or you can use it to discover new hobbies you enjoy doing together. It could even be a joke between the two of you. One study found that couples who secretly played footsie under the table felt a stronger attraction for their partner than those whose game of footsie was not a secret.
While the highs you get from playing a secret game of footsie or chasing each other across the yard are short-lived, those short-term feelings can be the catalyst for stronger feelings. Keeping things fresh and new in your relationship will help you get to know each other better and grow closer.
How your partner reacts to competition can also tell you a lot about their character. The strongest married couples tend to be happy for their partners when they achieve their goals and support them through their losses. This is one way to establish a deep connection with your spouse. On the other hand, couples who are less likely to stick together are ones who tend to only care about their partner’s achievements if they’re also relevant to themselves. They may also be more likely to gloat when they outperform their partners.
Learning to connect with your partner can also be a tool to connect with yourself. When you learn how to be there for them, it can make you a better person. You start to acknowledge when you’re judgmental or stubborn. You learn how to make compromises without getting in as many fights and being a better friend.
Connecting with your partner isn’t a one size fits all equation. Everyone has their preferences and personalities. The more time you spend with them, the more you’ll pick up on them. Strong connections aren’t built overnight, but they can be more likely to grow faster with more love, effort, and attention.
Reach Out For Support
If you find yourself having trouble forming an emotional connection with a new romantic interest, ReGain is an online therapy resource that can help. Fill out a short questionnaire, and you’ll be connected with an experienced therapist who fits your needs. The licensed therapists at ReGain can provide you with insights into your partnership and tools to better communicate. Consider reaching out to a ReGain therapist and get started on the journey to more fulfilling relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you know if you have a real connection with someone?
You’ll know you’ll have a real connection with someone because you’ll feel a strong connection or a deeper connection that doesn’t feel forced. Often, a strong connection feels like warmth and understanding. When you feel a strong connection with someone, it feels like you could tell them anything. One of the signs your connection is real is that you feel comfortable, autonomous, and safe to be yourself around the person you feel strongly connected with. It’s vital, too, to remember that a strong connection or a real connection will always be a respectful one. If you feel a strong connection with someone, but there’s no mutual respect, that is a red flag. In a world where many of us crave soulmate connections, it’s important to know the difference between soulmate connections and toxic or abusive relationships. Rather than being a real connection, a soulmate connection, or a strong connection, if there’s a lack of respect, the relationship has volatile ups and downs, or if there are signs of abuse* of any kind, it is something to look at out for. Additionally, while you may feel a strong connection with someone you meet quickly, it is still crucial to pace a relationship appropriately. If you feel a strong connection right away, that is excellent, and it may very well lead to a fantastic long-term relationship. Still, it’s important to use the care and steady pacing you would like in any other partnership. When you feel a strong connection with someone, one of the signs your connection is real is that you can be your own person and feel supported by others. The sense of closeness is there, but you’re both individuals, which is appreciated within the partnership. Close connections and soulmate connections should never be suffocating and should not make you uncomfortable, as though you’re walking on eggshells or pressured to move faster than you want to.
*If you’re experiencing abuse or think you might be, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
Why do we feel connected to someone?
Having a real connection, soulmate connection, or a strong connection with someone is special. However, people often wonder why some people develop a soulmate connection with particular people but not with others? There are a number of things that drive connection. Often, it hinges on emotional intimacy and understanding. When you feel a strong connection with someone, there’s likely a sense of trust, and you feel as though you could tell that person anything without judgment. Kindness, openness, empathy, and other similar traits can lead you to feel connected to another person. Soulmate connections aren’t just for romantic partners. Many friends feel that they have soulmate connections as well.
When you have a strong connection with someone?
When you think you feel a strong connection or a soulmate connection with someone, you might be looking for signs that your connection is real. First, when you feel a strong connection with someone and are looking for signs your connection is real, check to see if there is mutual respect, appreciation, and affection. If these things are present and you feel a strong connection with someone, it’s a sign that you really do have a strong connection or a real connection with a person. You appreciate who they are as a person, and they appreciate you. You treat each other well, and you have the ability to or what’s on your mind without judgment. Another one of the important signs your connection is real to look for is that you can talk about difficult topics. You might wonder why this is one of the signs your connection is real. Still, it’s actually a very important part of any strong connection, whether that’s a soulmate connection or another type of connection. It’s one of the signs your connection is real because if you’re able to talk about difficult things and come to a resolution, it is a sign that you will be able to keep a healthy bond long-term. If you are looking for strong connections or a soulmate connection, this is, of course, something you want. A soulmate connection doesn’t need to look grandiose and dramatic like it does in the movies; sometimes, a soulmate connection is simple and special instead. Additionally, it’s not something to rush. But how long does it take to get to know someone? Every person and relationship is different. So, if you want to build a strong connection with someone you just started dating, let things progress naturally and communicate. The bond will grow over time.
How do you develop a connection with someone?
Many of us crave soulmate connections or to have a strong connection with someone. It’s natural to want to feel connected to others. Here are some tips for developing a connection with someone:
- Don’t rush it. When you want a deeper connection, you have to let it form naturally. Trying to rush or go deep right away can actually be a warning sign, so let things progress at a steady pace.
- Ask questions. The questions that are appropriate for someone who wants to develop a deeper connection with another person will vary depending on factors such as how long you’ve known each other and how close you are already, but asking for a person’s thoughts and opinions as well as talking about each other’s life experiences will help you get closer.
- Spend time together. experiences, and try to do fun things together that you will look back on fondly. This could mean playing games together, having deep conversations, going to the zoo, taking a walk, or something else that you both enjoy doing. Spending quality time together is important for those who wish for a deeper connection with someone and those who already have soulmate connections.
- Get nostalgic together. This is a great way to bond with people you want a deeper connection with. Say that you were both kids in the 80s or 90s; if that’s the case, you might be able to bond over cartoons or popular songs from those decades.
- Please don’t force it. Like not rushing soulmate connections or deeper connections, you can’t force so make connections or a strong connection with someone in general. The most important part of a real connection is that it’s genuine, so let things unfold and don’t force it. Make an effort to connect and be yourself.
How do you know if he feels a connection?
Many people are after a soulmate connection or a close connection with a special person. As a result, many people want to know what the signs of a soulmate connection are or how to tell if another person feels connected with you. Here are some signs your connection is real or some signs that another person feels a connection with you:
- They treat you with respect. One of the best and most important signs your connection is real is mutual respect.
- They listen closely. The person cares about what you have to say, asks about your day, and shows genuine interest in your thoughts and feelings. Be mindful that people show that they’re listening in different ways and get an idea of how this person shows it.
- They want to spend time with you and don’t expect anything in return. If they feel a strong connection with you, quality time with you will make them happy, and when you spend time together, both of you feel good.
Even those with the best connections have problems at times. Regardless of if you’re seeking an individual counselor or a couples counselor, consider getting counseling online through a website like ReGain. It is a way to get the support you need from your own home’s , whether you want to talk about the connections in your life or anything else it’s on your mind.
Are soulmate connections intense?
How do you know you have a deep connection with someone?
Can you sense if someone is attracted to you?
When you feel a connection with someone do they feel it too?
Why do I feel so drawn to someone I barely know?
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