How To Have A Deep Connection With Your Spouse

Updated May 15, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Tiffany Howard, LPC, LCADC

Everyone would like to have a deep connection with their spouses, but some married couples have difficulty in maintaining the deep connection they once had. On the other hand, some married couples are always looking for ways to deepen their connection. Either way, there is always an opportunity for people to deepen their connection with their partners. If you are struggling to feel connected with your spouse, try to stay motivated and don't feel hopeless. There are many options for every relationship to improve in most circumstances. In this article, we will discuss these different ways to get some ideas on how to have a deep connection with your spouse.


Why Is Having A Deep Connection Important?

Knowing what the benefits are can help you stay motivated. While different marriages will benefit from having a deep connection in different ways, here are a few of the most common benefits.

A More Satisfying Marriage

When you and your spouse share a deep and meaningful connection, you will see a great improvement in how satisfied you feel with your marriage. You will understand each other's emotions much more easily, and you will know what makes each other happy. A deep connection can mean you two have fun being together and feel comfortable around each other. When you feel more connected to your spouse, you are likely to feel much more satisfied overall with your marriage.

Better Communication

A deep connection with your spouse can lead to better communication between the two of you. As mentioned, you will have a deeper understanding of each other. You will understand what makes your spouse happy, upset, and mad. Additionally, you will be able to recognize your spouse's emotions before they can verbalize them. These are important factors for having healthy communication.


Less Stress

When people have stressful days, they want to have a relaxing evening to unwind from the day's events. On difficult days, spending time with the ones you love the most sounds like the perfect way to let off steam. When you and your spouse are having difficulty connecting, this can be not easy. Feeling like a stranger to your spouse or not getting along with them can lead to even more stress on top of everything else you are going through. You want coming home to your spouse to be your favorite place, where you can recover from a hard day. Having a deep connection with them is a great way to ensure you feel this way.

How To Have A Deep Connection With Your Spouse

If you are struggling in your relationship and want to get a deep connection with your partner back, be sure to try out the methods below. Every relationship experiences seasons where the two partners feel a lack of connection with each other. Over many years of being together, it can become difficult to reignite the spark you two once had. Physical connection is very important, but marriages need more than just the physical attraction to last. A marriage needs a deep connection that will be sustained over the years. Luckily, there are many ways you can deepen your connection with your spouse, starting today.

  1. Provide Acts Of Physical Touch

Whenever you have the chance, try to touch your spouse. Simply walking past them in the kitchen or sitting next to them on the couch are great opportunities to show some physical touch. Place your hand on their back or hug them. This will let them know you love them and are happy to see them.Sit close to them when you are out to eat or hold hands when you are in public. When they walk into the house, greeting them with a smile and a hug helps them see that you are happy they are there. When they leave the house, try giving a hug and wishing them a good day. When you are giving your spouse physical touch daily, it helps strengthen your relationship and gives both of you a feeling of security. It eases stress and strengthens your bond. The act of physical touch is a great way to deepen your connection with one another.

If you and your spouse can go days, or even weeks without touching each other, work to change that. Your acts of touch do not need to be anything extreme or intense if you don't want to be. As mentioned above, simply holding their hand or rubbing their back while watching T.V. can work wonders. These acts of affection are a sure way to help your connection grow and help your relationship blossom into something amazing.

  1. Show Gratitude Towards Your Spouse

Let your spouse know how thankful you are for them by showing gratitude for them. Tell them "thank you" when they have done something for the household, even if it is doing the dishes or paying the utility bill. Other than simply saying thank you, there are many other ways to show gratitude towards your spouse. You can make their favorite meals or take over some housework that they routinely do. Write them a letter and put it in their lunch box to see at work or send them a text when you know they have had a difficult day. Surprise them, whether it be a small or big surprise. Doing these simple things can be a great way to have a deep connection with your spouse. Just let them know that you see how much they do and that you are grateful for them.

  1. Do Acts Of Love

Showing love and kindness to your partner helps deepen the connection of your relationship greatly. According to Dr. Jamie Long, people who have successful relationships show each other expressions of love and kindness. Simply saying you love them helps reassure them that they are loved and are cared for. Always be kind to your spouse and do acts of love to show them how much they mean to you. Something as simple as making eye contact when you two are talking shows your spouse that you are giving them your full attention. Facial expressions and posture are another way to show them you're attentive towards them. When they see that you are interested in them, they become more interested in you.


Another recommendation is to learn your spouse's love language. There are five love languages based on the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, each being a preference of the way people like to receive love. These love languages are very helpful in knowing the best ways to show your spouse you love them. When you show your partner that you love them, especially through learning their love language, they will want to return the favor to you. Whether your partner's love language is acts of service, gift-giving, or physical touch, you can be intentional about showing your partner that you love them.

  1. Date Your Spouse

It doesn't matter if you have been with your spouse for one year or decades; just because you are married does not mean that the dating should stop. Many married couples use the excuse of not having enough time to go out and do things as a couple. Marriage is constant work, and it is hard work. It takes time and energy. 'Dating' your spouse is worth it, as it will make your marriage more fun and will deepen your connection.


Try to aim to go on as many date nights as you can this month. Some people have very busy work or school schedules, kids, or many other responsibilities. Workaround these responsibilities to schedule a few date nights. If you don't have time to leave the house, you can always have a date at home. Cook a meal together, from start to finish. Flirt with each other, have a conversation while eating the food you cooked. Remember, dates don't have to be expensive. You can take the dog on a walk to the park and share a nice conversation watching the sunset. If you don't have the money to hire a babysitter, take your kids with you on the date, but stay as focused on your spouse as possible. There are ways to make date night work with any schedule and budget; you have to get creative.

  1. Marriage Counseling

If you are having trouble deepening your connection with your spouse, you can always go to marriage counseling. You don't have to wait until you have a huge conflict in your marriage to start seeing a therapist. In fact, it is better to seek out counseling before a bigger issue arises. Your counselor can help teach you and your spouse how to implement new habits in your lives that will help you deepen your relationship. Your therapist can help you improve your communication skills so that you and your partner can talk to each other about the changes you want to make in the marriage. You and your spouse can learn how to resolve issues on your own so that you can work things out together as a team and become closer. If you seek marriage counseling early on in your marriage, you can learn the tools of how to navigate through the hard times. This will make it easier for you two to deepen your connection and know how to communicate your needs to each other.

Seek A Deep Connection With Your Spouse

Considering you are already trying to have a deep connection with your spouse, you are on the right path. It may feel difficult to reconnect with your spouse, but the effort is well worth it. Once you two establish a great connection again, you will have a much higher level of marital satisfaction and better communication.

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