How To Deepen Your Emotional Connection With Your Spouse
By: Hailey Davis
Updated September 27, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Tiffany Howard, LPC, LCADC
Your emotional connection with your spouse is one of the strongest links you have with another human. You need to be connecting with your spouse in various little ways throughout your day. Couples who do this have lower rates of divorce and are happier with their marriage. Having a deep emotional connection with your spouse is also a great tool for a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage. Let’s discuss some ways that can help deepen the emotional bond between you and your spouse.
How To Deepen The Emotional Connection Between You And Your Spouse
Healthy relationships take work. Part of that work is maintaining a deep emotional connection with your spouse. Once you intentionally make efforts through small but meaningful actions, it can become second nature to you. These actions can be as simple as holding your spouse’s hand, a gentle touch, a quick kiss, saying “I love you,” a compliment, or even just sharing something that you did today.
When you both are actively trying to connect, you will see a great improvement that you will feel. Try to practice the below suggestions daily until they all become habits. Having a deep connection with your spouse is all about keeping the excitement and spark alive in your marriage even when you have been together for years.
Go On More Dates
Dating your spouse even after marriage is one of the greatest things to improve a marriage. Devoting special time with your partner will help your relationship stay strong and keeps things exciting, as you make special memories together regularly. Mark a day on your calendar and stick with it. Do your best not to cancel your dates with your spouse. Try to have a date night as often as your schedules and budget allow you to.
To make things even more exciting and fun, you two can take turns with who gets to plan the date and what you will do. This will ensure that you get to do something that you want to do while you leave the other partner guessing. Make your dates fun and try something new that you have always wanted to do. Go to cool places that you have always wanted to go to or stay home for a cozy night with the food you cooked together. Remember, date nights do not have to be expensive or a big outing if you do not want them to be. Get creative, and do something that fits your budget and schedule.
Encourage Conversations About Emotions
Talk to each other on a deeper level by encouraging each other to talk about your emotions. Many people can struggle with talking about their emotions, but it is important to have these conversations. Make it a safe place where things can be said and not repeated to anyone else.
Tell Them You Are Thankful For Them And What They Do
Tell your spouse you are thankful for them and for what they do to help you and your children if you have any. Whether they are the primary income provider, stay at home and take care of kids and house, or you both share these roles, it is important to let your spouse know that you are grateful for all that they do. It makes them feel good and that they aren’t being taken for granted.
Practice Physical Touch With Your Spouse
Physical touch is an amazing way to deepen your emotional connection with your spouse. In fact, it is one of the five love languages. Practicing physical touch with your spouse can be giving them a light touch on their shoulder when you walk past them. It could be sitting close next to them when watching T.V. or holding their hand when in public. These little things are a great way to show them you love them and deepen your emotional connection.
According to Jamie Long of Psychology Today, you should try to touch your spouse for 30 seconds straight, no matter what type of touch it is. It could be a hug, kiss, cuddle, or anything else that shows them you love them, increasing your sense of connection and letting your spouse know that you enjoy being near them. After being married for several years, the habit of showing love through physical touch can be forgotten”. When you are trying to deepen your emotional connection with your spouse, try touching them more often.
Respond To Your Spouse’s Attempt For An Emotional Connection
Sometimes, when people are stressed or overwhelmed, it can take a lot of effort to respond to their spouse’s attempts for emotional connection. Everyone gets busy, and life can seem to move too quickly to pay attention to minor details. This is when many people brush off or ignore their spouse’s attempts for emotional connection. When this happens, the spouse attempting to connect can feel hurt and rejected. If this happens enough times, they could stop trying to connect, making it very important to respond to these attempts.
According to the Gottman Method, when your spouse tries to connect with you, it is called an “emotional bid.” These bids are small deposits into your marriage, and they should not be ignored. When you take the time to notice and respond to your spouse’s bids, it can make a world of difference in your marriage. For best results, always respond to your spouse’s emotional bids positively so they will continue with the attempts. Responding to your spouse, whether you want to or not, will encourage them to continue connecting with you. This will strengthen your relationship and will deepen your emotional connection with them greatly.
Why You Should Deepen Your Emotional Connection
There are dozens of reasons you and your spouse should be intentional about building a stronger emotional connection. When you take the time to deepen your emotional connection, your marriage will be much stronger, you both will be happier, and you will feel more secure in your relationship. You and your spouse won’t have any doubts about each other since you will have a special connection and talk about each other’s emotions. Here are some great reasons you and your spouse should put great effort into deepening your emotional connection:
To Make Your Marriage More Enjoyable
When you and your spouse prioritize making your relationship stronger, your marriage will be much more enjoyable. Your spouse will become your very best friend as you share such a deep connection. Making physical contact throughout the day, giving each other kisses, and going on dates together will greatly improve your marriage satisfaction.
Additionally, when you and your spouse are making an effort to deepen your relationship, your marriage will become more exciting. According to Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, sharing exciting memories and activities will make your marriage more “alive” and keep the spark between you two ignited. This means your marriage will be much more enjoyable and more fulfilling once you start being intentional about dating.
To Help Manage And Resolve Marital Conflict
Marital conflict can be hard to resolve on your own if you don’t know how to communicate with each other. If you have a deep emotional connection, speaking about your emotions and how you are both feelings during an argument or discussion, you will likely find it easier to get over the situation. Your deep connection can also help motivate the two of you when you are experiencing marital conflict. You will want to get back on the right foot with your spouse and get along.
Marriage counseling is an amazing resource if you don’t know how to talk through arguments or other forms of marital conflict. It will help you both learn how to talk and get through to the other without hurting feelings. Marriage counseling has a high success rate at helping couples communicate better as well as helping to improve marriage satisfaction. Once you learn how to have effective conversations, you will solve many cases of marital conflict.
To Have A Long -Lasting And Healthy Marriage
Married people who put a lot of focus and time into their relationship tend to have long-lasting and healthy marriages. Your marriage is not something that should be forgotten about or put on the back burner. You must put time and care towards it for it to be successful. So, keep the spark burning and the romance going. Do not fall into a routine where there is no intimacy. Becoming bored and disconnected from your partner does not create a happy and satisfying marriage.
Many people who have deep connections with their spouses feel that their marriage is much healthier. Being emotionally connected and present when spending time with your spouse can lead to a very healthy marriage. It is normal to feel disconnected from your partner at times. But, making an effort to improve your emotional connection daily will help keep your marriage healthy.
Have A Deep Emotional Connect With Your Spouse
If you are trying to improve your emotional connection with your spouse, be sure to try out some of the tips above. Your marriage is very important and is worth the effort to connect deeply with your husband or wife. When you start to improve your connection with them intentionally, you will feel much more satisfied with your marriage, and you will be helping your marriage be successful.
If you do not feel emotionally connected with your spouse, do not panic. Every marriage goes through seasons of disconnection due to busy schedules, stress, or any emotional hardship. Feeling disconnected does not mean something is wrong with your marriage, but you should try to reconnect as soon as possible. As soon as you two feel connected again, your marriage will be much more fulfilling.
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