Important Divorce Advice For Women: 7 Things To Keep In Mind
By: Robert Porter
Updated February 23, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
If you're currently going through a divorce, then you know just how difficult it can be. You might feel as if you're going through a rollercoaster of different emotions right now. It's normal to feel simultaneously lost, sad, and angry due to everything that is going on. You can get through this trying time and get yourself into a better position, though. Take a look at the following pieces of important divorce advice for women that will help you to move forward in life.
1. Make Sure It's What You Want
This sort of goes without saying, but you definitely want to make sure that divorce is what you want before moving forward with the proceedings. Relationships go through ups and downs, so you might be wondering whether or not your marriage can be saved. Many people have been able to successfully navigate tumultuous waters with the help of skilled marriage counselors. If your marriage is in a bad place but you don't want to lose it, then you might want to consider this option.
Of course, this might not even be an option if your issues with your spouse are severe. If you're leaving an abusive marriage or one that is simply not fulfilling for you in any way, then you might be better off going the divorce route. Some marriages aren't built to last, but that doesn't mean that it will be easy to accept. You're going to feel emotional about it in certain ways and so will your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
2. Think Of Your Children
You absolutely shouldn't stay in a loveless marriage simply for the sake of your children. Even so, your children do need to be on your mind during this divorce process. Getting divorced might be the best option for your family, but that doesn't mean that your kids are going to understand. They are likely going to be scared and they might even worry about whether you're going to love them in the same way once the divorce is finalized.
Children might need some extra attention and assurances in order to make it through trying times like this. Try to talk to your kids about what is going on. Let them know that you love them very much and that this divorce isn't going to change the fact that you're their mom. It should help to set their minds at ease and you'll be able to keep them from having too many problems.
Just be understanding if your kids have a hard time adjusting to life being so different. If they're used to living with their father in the house, then they might be sad about him not being around all the time anymore. It's possible that this might make you feel bad at first, but you just need to love your kids while ensuring that they still have the opportunity to have their father in their lives. This is why it's important to try to work together as a parental unit even when your marriage is not capable of moving forward.
3. Try to Cooperate With Your Ex-Spouse
Trying to cooperate with your ex-spouse can actually be beneficial in several ways. Firstly, if you have children, it can ensure that your children's lives will be disrupted as little as possible due to the divorce. Being able to cooperate on issues such as co-custody and child support will be helpful. It can allow you to avoid a drawn-out legal battle while keeping your kids happy and healthy.
It can also be good to be civil when it comes to dividing the assets. In some situations, this is not going to be possible. If your marriage ended in a very dramatic way due to infidelity or some other reason, then you might not feel like cooperating with your ex-spouse. Being able to cooperate can help by allowing you to get through the divorce proceedings quicker. If you can be amicable about dividing assets, then you'll be able to start moving on with your life faster, so do try to keep that in mind.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to get what you deserve. It can be beneficial to hire a divorce lawyer if you feel that matters are too complicated to sort out on your own. You also shouldn't be expected to cooperate with your ex-spouse if he was abusive to you or your children in any way. Just keep in mind that there are caveats like this for many pieces of divorce advice.
4. Focus On Self-Care
Focusing on self-care is going to be a very good idea during this trying time. You're going to be feeling very emotional about everything that you're going through. You might feel sad one day and then find that you're feeling incredibly angry the next. Emotions like this are normal and you can deal with them as effectively as possible if you're able to focus on self-care.
Aside from taking care of the kids, if you have any, self-care is going to be the most crucial aspect of getting through a divorce. You want to be able to keep yourself going even when you don't feel at your best. This means ensuring that you're eating right and trying to get enough exercise. Doing simple things like this can help you to focus on what is important.
If you're struggling with depression or anxiety due to the divorce, then you should make sure that you're talking to someone about it. Your doctor should know what you're going through so that he or she can take the appropriate actions. You might need to talk to a therapist about what you're going through so that you can get things straight in your own head. Doctors can also prescribe medicine to help with depression or anxiety if you're in need, so it's beneficial, to be honest with your doctors about what you're going through.
5. Don't Be Afraid to Talk to People About Problems
As mentioned above, talking to a therapist can help you to get through the emotional trauma that is associated with divorce. If you need that type of help, then know that therapy is readily available. You can also talk to people in your family or close friends if you just want to vent. Everyone needs to have a support system in life and you should be able to rely on yours during this difficult time.
Having people you can trust is going to matter a lot. When you're going through a divorce, you're going to feel emotionally vulnerable. There might be moments where you'll feel very frazzled and will need a shoulder to lean on. Try to rely on the people that you know you can count on during these moments. You'll be able to get through even tough times this way and it'll feel good to know that others have your back.
6. Avoid Dating Until You're Ready
Dating is something that many women start to think about once the divorce has been finalized. You might feel a strong urge to get out there and meet a new man or woman to connect with romantically. This might be a good idea eventually, but that doesn't mean that you're ready right now. You see, you're going to be very emotionally vulnerable until you deal with all of the issues that the divorce has caused. It's smart to wait to start dating until you've had time to heal.
Healing from a divorce can take a significant amount of time. Some women feel like they can date again within a few months whereas others might just want to stay single for several years. How you feel is really up to you to decide. Regardless, you should know that jumping into a relationship before you're emotionally ready can be harmful to you. You also might unwittingly hurt someone else if you try to enter a serious relationship before you have gotten over your ex-spouse.
Everyone has a sex drive and physical urges, but it's best to avoid putting yourself into romantic situations for a bit. Take a step back from that side of yourself and try to focus on other things. You can find new love when the time is right. Not now doesn't necessarily mean not ever. Just use your gut instincts and keep your wits about you once you decide to start dating once more.
7. Learn to Enjoy Your Independence
Learning to enjoy your independence is a very important part of being divorced. Some people even discover that they quite like being alone. You likely haven't been by yourself much in a long time. Being married to someone comes with a lot of responsibilities and this can cause you to lose focus on some things that you love as an independent person. Now that you're divorced, you can learn to enjoy these things again.
Get back into the hobbies that you love so much. Spend more time with your friends and go out to do things that make you smile. It's important to be able to enjoy life to the fullest and you can get back to loving life again. It might not happen immediately and you might need more time to process the divorce, but you can start enjoying your independence.
Finding a hobby to involve yourself in can really help out a lot. Whether you're spending time crafting things or if you're working on your physical fitness, it will be very satisfying. Your independence is something that you should cherish and you don't have to lose it once you start dating again either. It's possible to find someone that will be more accepting of your individuality and need to have a life outside of a relationship. When you decide to date again, just be sure to find a match that doesn't try to monopolize your time if that isn't what you want.
Online Counseling Can Help Too
Online counseling is another thing that could prove to be very useful to you. If you want to work on getting over the emotional baggage that has built up in your head due to the divorce process, then you can count on online counselors. These licensed therapists know how to help people cope with emotions and they can even address issues such as depression or anxiety. With the help of these professionals, you'll be able to move on from divorce more effectively.
If you want to try to save a marriage instead of pursuing a divorce, then online couples counselors can help with that, too. They have worked with many couples and have helped them to overcome many hurdles to save their marriages. Whatever it is that you're looking for, understand that online counseling can help you out. It's convenient and you won't even have to leave your home to get the help that you need.
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