7 Things Divorced Women Can Do To Move Past Their Marriage In A Healthy Way
By: Robert Porter
Updated February 27, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH
Being recently divorced can be difficult to come to terms with. You might even still feel like you're married in some ways, and this can make it difficult to move on with your love life. If you're having trouble getting over your ex-spouse, then you need to figure out ways that you can start to move past what is holding you up. Take a look at the following seven things that divorced women can do to move past their marriage healthily. It should help you to take important steps toward healing.
1. Give Yourself Time To Heal Emotional Scars
Moving on too soon is one of the biggest mistakes that many women make after a divorce. You see, it's going to take time for you to heal emotionally after going through a divorce. You might be very used to spending most of your time around your ex-spouse. Some people even miss their ex-spouses due to the sense of familiarity that they had with them. The divorce might have been necessary, but this doesn't mean that you won't mourn the loss of your marriage.
Being sad about your marriage ending is perfectly fine. Many people struggle to come to terms with the fact that the marriage is truly over. You have to give yourself a bit of time so that you can process everything that has happened. You might even need to talk to someone to work through problems that you're having. Many women spend time talking to a therapist about feelings of anxiety or depression that stem from getting divorced.
Even if you don't decide to speak to a therapist, it will be beneficial to talk to close friends and family. Don't shy away from talking to people about things that might be bothering you. Sometimes venting or opening up about an issue can help you move on. You can't just bottle things up inside. If you hold in your emotions, then you're going to be prevented from being able to move past your marriage.
2. Get Rid Of Constant Reminders
It can also be problematic to have things around your house that constantly remind you of your ex-spouse. If you see his clothes in the closet, then that's going to bring back memories. Even photos on the wall can take you to a very dark and emotional place. You might want to get rid of these reminders to save yourself some emotional trauma.
If you find yourself going through old photo albums or pictures on your phone, then deleting them might be healthier than keeping them. Delete old text messages from your ex-spouse and try to stop focusing on the past. When you focus on the past, it tends to anchor you to that point in time. You want to be able to start moving on after a divorce, so it's important to take this step.
Sometimes pictures will have more sentimental value than just being associated with your relationship, though. In this situation, it might be appropriate to store the photos away rather than deleting them. An example of this will be when you have kids with your ex-spouse. You're not going to want to delete photos that might have value to your children, but you can give them to a trusted family member to hang onto.
3. Learn To Love Your Independence
You might be tempted to start dating again sometime soon. It's fine to want to find a new romantic partner, but it might be healthier for you to learn to love your independence first. It might have been a long time since you have been living by yourself. Even if you have children, it's going to be a new dynamic for you to get used to. You'll be living as the only adult in the household, and you'll be responsible for more things than you might be used to.
There will also be a lot of good things about being independent. For example, you don't have to worry about doing things that make your partner happy. You probably spent a lot of time focusing on pleasing your husband or wife when you were married. Now you can watch the shows that you like and focus on doing things that you love doing.
This new level of independence can be very liberating. You'll be able to spend more time with friends, and you can focus on pursuits that you abandoned in the past to focus on your marriage. This can be a whole new lifestyle, and you don't necessarily need a new man or woman to be happy. Learn to be happy alone, and then you can add a new romantic partner to the mix if you decide that is what you truly want.
4. Get Into Better Shape
Focus your energy on positive things so that you will start to feel better. You might want to put some effort into getting into better shape. It's good to love yourself for who you are and to be confident about your body no matter what. Even so, getting into better shape can be a huge confidence booster, and it can also make you feel better physically. You can have more energy than usual, and you'll feel like you're ready to take on the world.
Get into a new exercise routine and then do your best to stick to it. Some divorced women decide to sign up for yoga classes, and others take up jogging. Just pick an exercise style that will be fun for you while still giving you a good workout. It's also smart to pick something that is within your current physical capabilities. Over time, you're going to become much stronger, and you'll be capable of even more.
5. Get A Fun Hobby
Hobbies can be really satisfying, and they can help you to use your energy positively. Much like exercising, hobbies will give you something that you can spend time on. There are many different types of hobbies, and you might even find that you'll become very passionate about the one that you choose. Whether you choose to learn how to make jewelry or if you want to learn a martial art, it can be fun to have a hobby.
Some hobbies are even going to be social. This is going to allow you to get out more so that you can start having fun again. Being able to enjoy yourself is important, and once you can start sincerely smiling again, you're going to be that much closer to getting over your divorce. Consider hobbies that might interest you and don't be afraid to give them a shot.
6. Spend More Time With Friends
Many people wind up losing touch with old friends after getting married. This is likely especially true if you were stuck in a bad marriage. Reconnecting with old friends can help you to find yourself again. You can start enjoying life with people that you can relate to. Go out and have some fun together and spend time doing the things that you love.
Your friends are going to be able to be your support system during this trying time. If you want to be able to move forward, then you need to have people you can count on. This will be great for when you're feeling down in the dumps, and your friends will be able to lift your spirits. Don't underestimate the importance and the power of friendship.
7. Find A Partner That Is A Good Match For You
Finding a new romantic partner is not something that you have to do, but it can be nice if you still desire a romantic connection with someone else. If you're feeling amorous and you want to find someone to date, then you should do your best to find someone that is a good match. A good match is going to be someone that shares similar values to you. It's nice to find someone that you're attracted to, but if your values don't match up, it's going to be hard for the relationship to go much further than being a fling.
Look for a partner that wants the same things out of life that you do. If you can find a man or woman to date that is a good match like this, then you might be able to build something special. Even if you're looking for a casual relationship, you want to make sure that your intentions and goals will match up. This can help you to avoid further heartache while giving you something new to look forward to. You want to be compatible in the right ways with your new partner, so focus on seeing how you match up when you're getting to know someone new.
Divorced dating isn't always easy when you have kids or when you have emotional baggage from your last marriage. Even so, you can work on building a strong bond with your new partner. It might be best to consider taking it slow so that you don't get overwhelmed. Give the relationship some time to breathe and let it develop naturally.
Remember That Online Therapy Can Help Too
Always remember that online therapy can be beneficial when you're moving on from divorce. You might need some help to get through the emotions that you're experiencing. Online therapy is very convenient because you're going to be able to talk to a licensed therapist from the comfort of home. They know how to help you cope with what is happening, and you'll feel much more capable of moving past your problems.
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