Dating After Divorce: When And How To Find New Love

Going through a divorce may mark one of the most difficult times of your life. It may come as no surprise then that finding love again after a divorce isn’t easy either. When you’re trying to move on after your previous marriage didn’t work out, you might not even know how to approach finding someone new to love. If it has been quite some time since you have dated, it can be a somewhat scary process. Still, it is possible to find a new love interest and to reignite the flame of romance in your life. Here are some things to keep in mind: 

Don’t rush into a new relationship

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes people make after getting divorced is rushing into dating someone new too fast. Some people say that when they tried dating while separated, they got even more confused. You might feel like you want to connect with someone new romantically, but your heart might not be ready yet. You may need to try to give yourself some time to process what has happened. This might allow you to feel more prepared for a new relationship instead of going into it while you’re still emotionally vulnerable.

There are situations where people will try to find someone new to date to make their previous lover feel jealous. Even if you think this will make you feel good, it may not be advisable. Finding a new romantic partner can be a good idea, but only if you do it for the right reasons. 

When it comes to the post-divorce healing process, everyone is different. Some people may feel ready to date again after a few months. Other people might need to take a year or more to enjoy being independent again. You may want to avoid rushing yourself or comparing your trajectory with others. It could also be detrimental to concern yourself with whether your ex-husband or ex-wife is dating again already. Focus on yourself and what you need during this time.  

Dating doesn’t have to mean sex

You might also keep in mind that divorced dating doesn’t necessarily have to mean sex right away. Becoming comfortable with someone new might take you a bit of time. Once you meet someone nice, you might want to enjoy getting to know them for a while. Going out on dates can build emotional connections, and it doesn’t have to lead to sexual intercourse. Your relationship might become sexual later on, but it could be a good idea to take things at your own pace.

You don’t have to date exclusively

Finding the right partner can take some time, and you might not always know if you have a connection until you’ve had a few dates. You might want to consider avoiding an exclusive relationship at first, so that you can meet multiple people and keep your options open. Limiting yourself to one person at a time and getting exclusive too soon might end up being counterproductive.

Consider going out with several people casually to see if you have a connection with them. Eventually, it may become clear if you’re feeling a romantic inclination. Once you start feeling this way, you can see if they’re interested in dating exclusively, and things can progress from there.

What about my kids?

Another problem that recent divorcees may encounter is figuring out how to move on while still raising children. If you’re taking care of your kids, then bringing someone new into their lives might feel like a bit of a problem. You don’t want your kids to feel like you’re trying to replace their mom or dad. Even so, you deserve to have a partner who loves you, and you shouldn’t have to hide that once you find someone that you mesh well with.

If you start dating, you can take your time to get to know this person before introducing them to your children. Of course, it’s imperative to date someone comfortable with the fact that you have children. If the relationship is more than a fling, they must be able to get along with your kids. When you introduce them, be patient and understand that your kids might need some time to adjust to this new dynamic.

Your kids may still be reeling from the divorce, and this could be another reason not to jump into a relationship right away. If you have adult children, then it might be less of an issue. Even so, it can still be a bit awkward introducing the new person in your life. It may be best to wait until you know that your new partner is someone special who may be sticking around for a while.

Meet people in natural ways when possible

Meeting someone to date might feel like the most intimidating part of the process. If you were married for a long time, then you might feel like dating is completely different than what you remember from a decade or two ago. Things are indeed a lot different than they used to be. In modern times, many people date using dating apps or online dating websites. These can be good ways to find people to go out on dates with, but you don’t have to go this route if it doesn’t feel like a natural fit for you.

For example, you might encounter single men or women while attending church or through other types of social groups. Meeting people at the gym or engaging in a volunteer activity might feel like a more natural way to connect. If you are interested in certain hobbies, you might meet people just by doing what you love. Music lovers often meet like-minded individuals by attending concerts. 

Dating apps can be good, too

If you’re serious about finding a new partner, then a dating website or app could be a fast way to meet other singles who are also looking. Depending on your level of comfort with such things, this might even feel natural. In fact, many people date this way, and some say that it’s more convenient.

Remember to take time for yourself

Dating after divorce can be good, but perhaps not at the expense of taking some time for yourself. As a recent divorcee, you might not want to feel like you’re putting yourself back into a situation where you aren’t free to do as you please. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spread your wings to experience life from new perspectives. For this reason, you might want to take time out for yourself, even when you do start seeing someone new.

Consider taking the time to focus on your hobbies and have fun with your friends. Romance can become a part of your life rather than being something that takes it over completely. You may want to try to nurture your own interests and enjoy the new, more independent you.

Counseling might be necessary

Healing after going through a divorce can take time, and you might even need professional help to get over certain issues. Still, the pain of divorce can make reaching out for mental health services challenging, especially in person. You may feel uncomfortable talking about your emotions in a clinical setting like a therapist’s office. Many people report feeling more at ease with these types of discussions in an online environment. Online counseling is also more convenient since you can access it from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. 

Researchers have proven the effectiveness of online counseling. In fact, a meta-analysis of studies compared outcomes experienced by individuals attending therapy sessions online and in person and found no significant variations.  The review was comprehensive and included nearly 10,000 individual cases. 

Takeaway

Reaching out to one of the many licensed and compassionate online counselors here at Regain could be a good way to prepare yourself to find love again. These professionals can help you process the emotional trauma of divorce while getting in touch with your own needs and plans for the future.