Going on a date with someone is a great way to get to know them and see if there is chemistry between you. Sometimes, the date may go well, but you both realize there isn't a spark. Other times, one person may enjoy the experience while it falls flat for the other one. Sometimes, however, the magic happens, and you both want to see each other again for the 2nd date.
When that happens, it can be intimidating. Some people may feel unsure of what should happen on a second date. It can be hard to know what to talk about on a second date or what to do on a second date. First dates are about getting to know each other. Second dates can be about doing something together.
Before we talk about second date tips, we need to talk about getting to the second date. Just because a first date goes well doesn't mean a second date is automatically going to happen. You need to be intentional about setting it up, planning it, and asking the person out for a second time.
In all actuality, securing a second date starts with the first date. If the first date is boring, tedious, or some disaster, the chances of a second date are slim.
So, take your time planning the first date. Don't merely jump at the first idea. Decide what the purpose of the date is and make your plan. Do you want to talk to each other on the first date? It may be a great way to get to know each other a bit more beyond the flirting that may have already been happening. Do you want to go out and do something where there may not be as much talking but more spending time together?
Whatever your purpose, make sure that you don't get too intense on the first date. Keep it light and comfortable. Sometimes something as simple as getting coffee and talking is a great first date. Remember, when the first date goes well, a second date's chances are much more likely.
If your date is centered around talking, make sure you let the other person have more talk time than you do. You don't want to talk so much about yourself that your date feels shut out of the experience. If your date is more event-based, make sure you check in with the other person making sure they are having a good time. It may even be a good idea to have a backup plan if something goes wrong or the other person isn't having a good time.
When you want to get the second date started, you need to initiate it. You can't just expect it to happen automatically. While you do want to express the good time you had on the first date, right after the date may not be the best time to schedule the second date. You may want to give a day or so before you broach the subject beyond saying something like, "let's make sure to do something again."
Ensure that you have a plan in mind when you text or call the person you're getting the second date up with. Otherwise, you are putting the responsibility for planning the date on the other person. Alternatively, even worse, no firm plans are made because things remain nebulous, and thus a second date never happens.
While it is essential to have a plan, don't be afraid to be flexible. Maybe the other person has an idea of something they would like to do with you. You can always save your idea for another date. Flexibility shows mutual respect and care about what the other person wants and needs. Compromise is an integral part of any relationship, even a dating relationship that is just starting.
An event drove your first date, so let your second date be more about a conversation and vice versa. You don't want 2nd dates to feel like a replay of the first date. You want variety, so you can get to know your date in various settings.
If you are going for a second date conversation, a fun thing can be to have prewritten questions you can answer together. They can be serious or silly. It can be trivia or personal questions. Prewritten questions are a great way to encourage conversation, keep the date moving, and get to know each other differently. Just remember, the questions you ask may make the other person uncomfortable, so proceed with caution and ask before you start the questions.
If your second date is an event, do something you can do together, like bowling or mini-golf rather than a movie. This way, the second date doesn't turn into a time where there is no conversation, which leads to stagnation in seeing if there is chemistry and getting to know each other. The general bonding you are looking for as a dating relationship solidifies.
So, what are some things you can do on a second date? Here are a few ideas:
Make It A Combination Of Things
One of the great things about a second date is that since you both know that there is at least an initial attraction you would like to build upon, you can plan to spend more extended time together.
First dates are usually dinner and drinks - a couple of hours tops. A second date can be drinks, a concert, and dinner - alternatively, hiking and a picnic, even going to a pottery class and a museum, followed by dinner.
If time allows, you can do a few things together for a second date. It may take more time, but it's a great way to spend some quality time together to see if the sparks fly.
Whatever you plan for your second date, make it fun. Just like you need to make the first date an experience that makes the other person want to spend more time with you, the second date needs to be more of the same. If you want there to be a third or fourth date and beyond, show the person you have more in mind than dinner and a movie.
What About A Kiss?
The second date may be a good time to think about kissing your date if they are open to it. The second date kiss can be one of two things: another good kiss following what you had on the first date or a way to introduce a bit of physicality into the relationship.
It is important to remember that the other person never owes you a kiss. They are in no way required to kiss you, and the same goes for you. If it doesn't feel like the right time, if you are uncomfortable or aren't getting signals that they want to kiss you, it's better to hold back. If you are getting signals, then the second date is a great time to go in for that kiss.
When it comes to kissing, trust your intuition. Does it seem like the other person wants to kiss you? Are they leaning into you, lingering with their eye contact, or touching you more than usual? All of these can be signs they want to kiss you. It's up to you to take that chance, and the second date is a great time to be daring.
Kissing (or not) can also tell you if the relationship will go further into third and fourth dates and beyond. Kissing is a way to test the chemistry and see if you can fan the sparks into a flame.
Setting The Foundation For A Relationship
Second dates, in many ways, are the beginning of a foundation for a relationship. You have already put in the work of getting to know the other person on a basic level on your first date. The second date is the time to see if the initial attraction can go anywhere.
Remember, though, relationships take time. There is no shortcut for that. Building a healthy relationship also takes work, commitment, and care for the other person. It can feel overwhelming. Luckily, there are people to help.
Online relationship counselors can help you navigate the ins and outs of the work of a relationship. Whether it is with your partner or yourself, having a trained person's perspective helps achieve the goal you want, no matter if it is to date well or to develop a long-term relationship.
Navigating things like second dates is hard enough by yourself. Don't feel like you have to figure out an entire dating relationship, or something more serious, on your own. Let a therapist help you. Then you can go on the first, second, third, or fourth date with confidence.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you get a second date?
If you haven’t gone on a first date, don’t worry about getting a second one just yet. One step at a time! If your first date went well and you’re wondering how to get a second date, sometimes all you have to do is ask. Your date won’t know that you’re interested if you are too afraid to show it. Getting a second date can also depend on how you met in the first place. If you met on a dating app, you might have a sense of where the other person sees things going. If it’s someone you have started hanging out with more casually in an attempt to build a romantic relationship, you might date slow. Dating will be different for each person and circumstance, so previous dates won’t always indicate where things should go next. If you want a second date, feel it out with that particular person in question, use clear communication, and try to ask!
How long do you wait to ask for a second date?
A second date may require more immediacy than other dates. If you go on a second date shortly after the first, it’s probably a good indication that you both are excited to get to know each other further. You can still date slow and keep things light, but a second date should probably happen within a few weeks of the first date to keep the momentum up. Did you get a first date kiss? Riding that high can make people anxious about how they should follow up. Most importantly, don’t play games. If your date indicates that he or she wants to go out on a second date soon, don’t be afraid to show the same reaction. In today’s fast-paced world, your date is more likely to value clear communication over old fashioned, arbitrary rules about how long to wait between dates.
How do you get a girl to go on a second date with you?
If both parties enjoyed the first date, the only way to be sure of a second date is to ask. The best thing you usually can do is make a plan, suggest it, and see what she says.
There’s no precise formula for how to get a second date. If the girl you're interested in prefers to date slow or isn’t reciprocating your same eager energy, don’t push someone for a second date. Even if the first date went well, she’s allowed to change her mind. Previous dates don’t necessarily mean there are more dates to come. Always accept no for an answer.
How long will he wait to ask for a second date?
It’s tough to say how long the average man would wait to ask for a second date. Some might be afraid to show their interest, and some might not be interested in another date. Sometimes things fizzle on the first date, whether both parties pick up on it or now. Ghosting is a real thing in today’s society, and it can be hard to know how to navigate casual dating. Ideally, he’ll ask for a second date without letting too much time pass. Some people believe there is a precious window between the first and second date for this person to act on his/her interest. Wondering how to get a second date without being asked? If you get the sense that he wants to go on a second date, but he hasn’t asked, don’t be afraid to ask him instead. Generally, both parties benefit when people communicate well and avoid playing games.
Is it okay to kiss on a second date?
Many people are now meeting on dating apps. This can take away the base anxieties about whether or not someone is actively dating. If people are on a dating app, the typical assumption is that they’re looking for some relationship. Just because someone is open to a relationship does not mean they’re open to a second date kiss. If you met on a dating app, it could take a minute to truly understand what the other person values or is comfortable with. A second date kiss is definitely in the cards for some, but possibly not everyone. Even if previous dates were comfortable with a second date kiss, that doesn’t mean everyone is into it. If either person tries for the second date kiss and doesn’t feel reciprocated, don’t push.
More old-fashioned dating rules you may have heard from relatives or in movies might try to tell you some things are normal or accepted on certain date numbers. This assumes that every person and relationship is the same! As long as both people are comfortable with the pace, there are no right or wrong answers about dating, second date kissing, or relationship goal posts. Being respectful and honest will most likely take your specific, unique relationship in the best direction for those in it.