How To Get A Second Date

Going on a date with someone can be a great way to get to know them and see if there is chemistry between you. Sometimes, the date may go well, but you both realize there isn't a spark. Other times, one person may enjoy the experience while it falls flat for the other side. Sometimes, however, the magic happens, and you both want to see each other again for the second date.

When that happens, it can be intimidating. Some people may feel unsure of what should happen on a second date. It can be hard to know what to talk about on a second date or what to do on a second date. First dates are typically about getting to know each other. Second dates can be about doing something together.

Getting to the second date

Before we talk about tips for second dates, we need to talk about getting to the second date. Just because a first date goes well doesn't mean a second date is automatically going to happen. You likely need to be intentional about setting it up, planning it, and asking the person out for a second time.

If the first date is boring, tedious, or uncomfortable, the chances of a second date can go down.

So, take your time planning the first date. Don't merely jump at the first idea. Decide what the purpose of the date is and make your plan. Do you want to talk to each other on the first date? It may be a great way to get to know each other a bit more beyond the flirting that may have already been happening. Do you want to go out and do something where you might not talk so much but you could do something together like an activity and see how you work as a team?

Whatever your purpose, you might not want to get too intense on the first date. Keep it light and comfortable. Sometimes something as simple as getting coffee and talking is a great first date. Remember, when the first date goes well, a second date's chances may be much more likely.

If your date is centered around talking, consider letting the other person have more talk time than you do. You don't want to talk so much about yourself that your date feels shut out of the experience. Check in with them and ask if they are having a nice time. You may even be able to change the things you do on the date so it better suits them if you’re paying attention to their thoughts and preferences.

Initiating the second date

When you want to get the second date started, you may need to initiate it. It might not just happen automatically. While you do want to express the good time you had on the first date, right after the date may not be the best time to schedule the second date. You may want to give a day or so before you broach the subject beyond saying something like, "let's make sure to do something again."

Ensure that you have a plan in mind when you text or call the person. Otherwise, you may be putting the responsibility for planning the date on the other person. Alternatively, if no firm plans are made because things remain nebulous,  a second date might never happen.

While it can be essential to have a plan, don't be afraid to be flexible. Maybe the other person has an idea of something they would like to do with you. You can always save your idea for another date. Flexibility shows mutual respect and care about what the other person wants and needs. Compromise can be an integral part of any relationship, even a dating relationship that is just starting.

What to do on a second date

If an event drove your first date, let your second date be more about a conversation (or vice versa). You don't want your second date to feel like a replay of the first date. You likely want variety, so you can get to know your date in various settings.

If you are going for a second-date conversation, a fun thing can be to have prewritten questions you can answer together. They can be serious or silly. It can be trivia or personal questions. Prewritten second-date questions can be a great way to encourage conversation, keep the date moving, and get to know each other differently. Just remember, the questions you ask could make the other person uncomfortable, so proceed with caution and ask before you start the questions.

If your second date is an event, find something you can do together, like bowling or mini-golf, rather than a movie. This way, the second date is less likely to turn into a time where there is no conversation, which can lead to stagnation in seeing if there is chemistry and getting to know each other. 

So, what are some things you can do on a second date? Here are a few ideas:

• Trivia night
• Going Hiking
• Picnic
• Playing pool
• Going to a pottery class
• See a live music concert
• Going to a museum
• Driving to a special spot

Make it a combination of things

One of the great things about a second date is that since you both know that there is at least an initial attraction you would like to build upon, you can plan to spend more extended time together.

First dates are often dinner and drinks - a couple of hours tops. A second date can be drinks, a concert, and dinner - alternatively, hiking and a picnic, even going to a pottery class or a museum, followed by dinner.

What about a kiss?

The second date may be a good time to think about kissing your date if they are open to it. The second date kiss can be one of two things: another good kiss following what you had on the first date or a way to introduce a bit of physicality into the relationship.

Remember that the other person doesn’t owe you a kiss or anything else physically. They are in no way required to kiss you, and the same goes for you. If it doesn't feel like the right time, if you are uncomfortable or aren't getting signals that they want to kiss you, it might be better to hold back. Postpone that second-date kiss for now. 

However, if you are getting signals, then the second date can be a great time to go in for that kiss.

When it comes to kissing, trust your intuition. Does it seem like the other person wants to kiss you? Are they leaning into you, lingering with their eye contact, or touching you more than usual? All of these can be signs they want to kiss you. It might be up to you to take that chance, and the second date is a great time to be daring.

Kissing (or not) can also tell you if the relationship will go further into the third and fourth dates and beyond. Kissing can be a way to test the chemistry and see if you can fan the sparks into a flame.

Setting the foundation for a relationship

Second dates, in many ways, can be the beginning of a foundation for a relationship. You have perhaps already put in the work of getting to know the other person on a basic level on your first date. The second date is usually the time to see if the initial attraction can go anywhere.

Remember, though, relationships can take time. Building a healthy relationship can also take work, commitment, and care for the other person. It can feel overwhelming. Luckily, there are people to help.

Online support for dating and relationships

Online relationship counselors can help you navigate the ins and outs of the work of a relationship. Whether it is with your partner or yourself, having a trained person's perspective can help you achieve the goal you want, no matter if it is to date well or to develop a long-term relationship.

Online counseling is proven effective. In fact, the vast majority of couples who are engaging with an online counselor say that the process has been helpful. There is also evidence to show that there is a close link between your mental health and finding fulfilling romantic relationships, so even going to counseling without your partner can be extremely beneficial to your romantic relationships.

Takeaway

Navigating things like second dates can be hard enough by yourself. Don’t feel like you have to figure out an entire dating relationship, or something more serious, on your own. Let a therapist help you. Then you can go on the first, second, third, or fourth date with confidence.