Five Topics For Your Second Date Conversation
Your first date went well and had a great time getting to know the other person. It was fun. Maybe there was even a kiss goodnight. You both had a great time and have decided you want to see each other again.
It's time for the second date. Second dates can feel intimidating because you may feel like you pulled out your best conversation on the first date. You don't want the second date to fall flat, mainly because you had such a good time on the first date. However, what to talk about on a second date?
Here are some topics you can use for your second date to make sure you have just as much fun as you did the first time around.
Ask About Their Passions
While the first date probably covered the basics like family, job, and some flirting, the second date is a chance to see that makes this person tick a bit better. During the second date, ask them about what makes them excited in life. Passions are more than just hobbies and interests; after all, you probably already scratched the surface of that one on the first date.
Passions are things that light us up, things we are excited to do. It may be a hobby, or it could be a side hustle they are working on all the time. Asking about their passions is a great way to get them excited, to let them know that you want to know them and that you care.
Then, don't be afraid to talk about your passions. Is it your dogs or archery or craft beer? When you show that you care about what your date is excited about, they may want to know what your interests are.
Talk About Hopes And Dreams
How do they want their future to look? Asking about their hopes and dreams is a great way to get to know what they are planning in life. This question can help you see if your ideas about the future align, which can be necessary for a long-term relationship.
More than just seeing if you could have a future together, asking about their dreams for themselves can help you get to know them better. It helps you see what drives them, what their goals are. Are they work-oriented, looking for that big promotion? Maybe they want to settle down and have a family. Perhaps travel is on the bucket list, with exotic locations to explore.
Whatever their dreams are, you can be sure they can be exciting.
Remember, this is more than asking, "where do you see yourself in five years?" The second date isn't a job interview. Asking about their hopes is asking about what they would do if money, time, and commitments weren't a problem. Asking about their dreams is wanting to know what they want out of life, not what they need to do.
You Can Check Back In With Them
Chances are if there was a life event going on you would have found out on the first date. Was it something with their family? Did something happen at work? Did they have a birthday coming up?
Try and remember these things for your second date. Bringing the topic back up and asking how it went is a fantastic way to show you are paying attention to them, are interested in them, and that you care about their life.
Don't be afraid to probe a bit about the situation. Questions that push a little bit deeper into the topics are good because this is the second date. This date is another chance to get to know your date. So, thinking about questions to ask a guy or a woman is essential! You don't want to come across as unprepared.
If you brought up something that was happening in your life on the first date, don't be afraid to bring it back up. While you never want to dominate the conversation, talking only about yourself and your life, it's ok to use what has transpired in your life as a conversation topic.
Ask About Their Favorite Things
Asking the other person about their favorite foods, movies, book, music, and more turns the conversation towards your date, letting them know you want to listen to them. Don't let them get away with just listing things off; ask them why they like what they do. Dig in a bit more on this second date.
Be prepared for some rabbit trails. Sometimes when people talk about their favorite things, they can get a bit carried away. Let your date talk as long as they want. You don't need to cut in and talk about yourself at this time. You can, and should, ask clarifying and probing questions, but this is their time to talk, without judgment or interruption.
How Did They Grow Up
Asking about family is a pretty standard topic for a first date. On the second date, you may want to ask about what schools they went to, friends they had, what good childhood memories they have. Show interest in their life; it goes a long way.
Again, this shows that you were listening to them the first time around. It shows that you care about their life. Asking about how they grew up can be an excellent way to get some funny stories and keep the conversation upbeat.
Facilitating The Conversation
It's good to be prepared with some topics to talk about for the second date. To have these conversations, we need to first talk about how to get a second date.
Going on a 2nd date begins with the first date. If the first date ends on a high note, you are more likely to get the second date. Have fun on your first date, keep things light, and don't get too serious. Meeting for drinks, coffee, or dinner provides a great backdrop to a relaxed conversation where you can get to know each other and see if you have a connection that is worth having a second date.
Many people often wonder what should happen on a second date. The answer is: it's up to you. There are no rules to dating. You may want to go to a concert or a movie, play pool or karaoke. The second date is a great time to have a more in-depth conversation than the first date, and many people wisely use the second date for this. You want to get to know your date, especially if you're interested in the long term or more serious relationship. That doesn't preclude you from doing things, plan accordingly.
What Can You Do On A Second Date?
The options for what to do on a second date are almost endless. A fun thing to do is to let the other person plan the date if you planed the first date and vice versa.
Some tips for second dates:
- First and foremost, have fun. The second date is supposed to be a good time. Don't be grouchy or too serious.
- Get your date moving. An outdoor event like hiking or a picnic can be great options. Take your dog to the park. Go to the beach or a lake. It's a great way to have some physical fun together.
- Make space for conversation. Your goal is to get to know this person better to see if there is a potential for future dates and maybe a relationship. Talk it up.
- Make a date longer. You know that both of you like each other, so don't be afraid to spend some extra time together. Who knows, you could get the second date kiss that you've been waiting for! You can take it slower than a quick meeting for happy hour.
Should I Kiss Them On The Second Date
The second date may be a good time to think about kissing your date if you haven't already. The second date kiss is good because you've already invested time getting to know this person, and you know they like you because they've chosen to go out with you again.
A second date kiss may signify that the person wants a third date with you, and possibly a relationship. It is essential to communicate what you want out of the dates and to listen to the other person's wants and desires as well.
Beyond The Second Date
It can be scary to think about getting into a relationship with someone, especially if people have hurt you in the past. Still, you may find yourself in a position of wanting a relationship with this person. That's great.
If you enter into a relationship with someone, there is going to be conflict at some point. It's ok to argue and disagree in healthy ways. Some of us may need help navigating the conflict.
In times like this, an online therapist can be beneficial. A trained, licensed therapist can help you and your partner navigate relationship bumps, conflict, and disagreements in healthy ways. With the help of a therapist, you can make your relationship the best it can be for everyone involved.
Talk It Out
Remember that the second date is a great time to ask more probing questions, get a bit deeper, and begin to know your date completely. Don't let the fear of what to talk about stop you from reaching out and setting up the date. You'll enjoy yourself, and the other person will, too, if you take time to listen, converse, and show your interest in them.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What should happen on the second date?
On the second date, you should focus on getting to know more about each other. The first date may have been short, and of course, it only gave each of you a chance to make a first impression. Even a great first date or the best first date generally includes some small talk, and you probably had nerves or butterflies in your stomach to some extent. Now, you can relax a little bit more. Often, a second date will be a little bit longer. Especially since a lot of people stick to a coffee date or getting drinks for the first date just in case it doesn't go well. You will be able to gauge how you feel about this person as a potential partner a little bit more, but you don't need to put too much pressure on that quite yet. The second date should be fun, and it should serve as an opportunity to ask questions that move beyond small talk or the very first "get to know you" questions one asks on a first date. For example, on a first date, you might ask, "what do you do for work?" Now, you know the answer to that question, and you can spend the second date getting a better sense of their personality and aspirations.
What to talk about on second dates?
As stated in the article above, trying to retain some of the information that you learned about this person on the first date is beneficial. A follow-up question about that information will serve as an excellent conversation starter. You can ask about something they told you last time, or something that you talked about in between dates. You may have texted briefly in between the first and second date, and during that text conversation, your date may have told you something about their life. The same is true for those who met through online dating and knew a bit about each other prior to both the first and second date. For example, they might have mentioned visiting their parents or working on a project with a friend. This is an easy way to find something to talk about!
Should you kiss on the second date?
It's definitely not unheard of to kiss on the second date. If you do exchange a kiss on the second date, it's best to wait until the end of the date, both to avoid any awkwardness and to make your goodbye special. That said, don't force a first kiss. If it feels natural and both of you want to kiss, go for it.
How should I prepare for a second date?
It's a good idea to think of some good questions to ask when you're on a date. Make a mental list of questions to use to keep the conversation going, fill any silences, and to learn about anything you want to know about your date. Some second date questions might be a follow-up question like, "how has work been?" or "how is that art project going?" Other good questions to ask on a second date are slightly more personal questions. Don't go super deep or ask them to talk about something traumatic, but ask about some of the big stuff. Use this opportunity to ask vital questions like "What are your goals in life?" and "Do you see yourself staying here, or do you want to move somewhere else in the future?"
How many dates before you sleep together?
The answer to this question varies dramatically from person to person, so it all comes down to personal choice. On average, people prefer to wait until the eighth date, but there are people who sleep together before the eighth date or years after. Some people prefer not to sleep together until marriage. No matter what the answer is, the important component is that both people consent to sex.
What is the 3 date rule?
The three-date rule is a personal dating rule held by some people who prefer to wait until they go on three or more dates to sleep with someone. A lot of people like to use the three date rule for themselves so that they're able to get to know the other person before sleeping with them, and so that they can gauge the other person's intentions. A lot of people also simply want to know that the emotional connection is there. Again, someone might wait much longer than three dates or decide to sleep with someone before the three date mark, and both of those choices are absolutely okay. If you and the person you are seeing have different views on sex, or if one person is ready before the other, it is crucial to talk it out. You should never feel bad for saying no to sex.
How many dates before you become exclusive?
The number of dates you go on does not define the exclusivity of a relationship. Some people become exclusive after six dates, whereas other people take it slow and see each other for many months before ever becoming exclusive. If you want to be exclusive or if you want to define a relationship in general, you must have a conversation about it. This is not something that can go unspoken. You want to avoid any misunderstandings about the state of the relationship and make sure that you're on the same page.
How many dates should you go on before kissing?
Most people prefer to go on two or three dates prior to the first kiss. The most important thing, however, is that you're both ready and that the moment is right. There's nothing more magical than a first kiss at the right moment, so let it happen when it comes naturally. If you feel the sensation that you want to kiss someone coming on and you're in a place where it feels comfortable to do so, look into their eyes, and say, "can I kiss you?" softly. It's a sweet and sexy way to initiate a first kiss while making sure that the other person is on board.
Do's and don'ts second date?
Though there's the potential for some nuance, there are some general do's and don'ts to keep in mind on your second date. Here are some things to consider:
- Do learn more about their goals and lifestyle.
- Don't have a date night in or head to each other's house after the date.
- Do go somewhere where you have the opportunity to talk. When going over date ideas, pick a restaurant or the boardwalk over a loud movie theater or bar. You want to be able to hear them!
- Don't try to define the relationship yet. Get to know them better first!
- Do listen to your intuition. If the time feels right for a kiss, ask for a peck on the lips. If it doesn't, wait for the next date.
- Don't give your date gifts yet. If it's anything more than the classic rose or flower bouquet, hold off.
If you have any concerns related to dating, relationships, or anything else going on in your life, a counselor or therapist like the ones at ReGain can help. Get started with ReGain today, or look for a mental health provider in your local area who you feel comfortable talking to.