Start Your Relationship Off Right: Tips For Second Dates

Starting a new relationship with a partner can be a fragile thing. You may feel an intense surge of attraction, but you could still be guarded as you get to know the person better. Still, this can be an exciting time. Getting ready for that first (or second) date can prove to be one of the most memorable parts of a new relationship. The stories that come from that first couple of meetings could last a lifetime.

Many of us may worry most over the first date. We may have been taught the value of first impressions since childhood.  We may become so preoccupied with this first encounter that we don’t even stop to think about future meet-ups such as the second date, for instance. There are certain tips you may want to keep in mind for this follow-up date, which could turn out to be even more important than the first. 

What to do on a second date

Second dates can be a great time to enjoy new, fun things together. Perhaps the best rule of thumb for activities to do on the second date is to keep it interesting. You might want the experience to be memorable to this new person you are seeing. At the same time, you may not want to go over the top or beyond your means. Consider that it doesn't have to be overly costly to be memorable or fun.

For example, you could explore the other person's interests as well as your own. The goal might be to find something that you both enjoy doing and might enjoy doing together. You can start by talking about something you like to do and see if the other person shows interest. If you have no luck, you may want to ask more questions. Ask your date what they do in their free time or what their favorite restaurants or bars are, for example. Here are some other ideas that won't break the bank:

• Hit up a coffee shop, museum, or outdoor market in your area.
• Try a restaurant or bar neither one of you have been to.
• Go hiking, skating, or something physically demanding if you both are active.
• Consider karaoke, a paint-and-sip class, a comedy show, a tour of your city, or a bookstore.
• Go to a local event such as a fair or festival.
• Explore a farmer's market or a dog park with your pups.
• Do something weird like seeing a psychic or going to a haunted house.

Regardless of what venue you choose, you may want to ensure you keep the person you're dating in mind. Showing genuine interest in the other person's life and hobbies can be a big plus. Most people long to feel wanted and cared for in a relationship. If you can show genuine interest and thoughtfulness from the first few dates, you may have a much better chance of establishing a long-term relationship.

What to talk about on a second date

Perhaps the most important thing you can do on a date, especially the second date, is to be yourself. Consider talking about things that interest you rather than trying to impress the person you’re with. When you are not genuine, most people can pick up on that, and it might not make the best impression.  

No matter how nervous or eager you might be, you may want to resist the urge to embellish yourself. Often, the key to building a solid relationship foundation is trust and honesty. You may want to ensure you are making these things a priority right out of the gate.

Your side of the conversation may be important. You may also want to make sure, though, that you are giving the other person a chance to talk as well. If you spend the entire date talking about your hopes and dreams, for instance, you may risk coming off as pretentious or egotistical. Ideally, you want your new partner to feel valued and heard. Perhaps the best way to do that is to make sure that there is a good balance in the conversation. Consider pausing for a moment after you finish a thought to give the other person a chance to respond.

Keeping the conversation going

If the conversation seems to be slipping and you aren't sure where to turn, you may want to ask questions. Good second date questions can be wide-ranging. Talking about family or work might be safe topics that yield plenty to converse about. Chances are, you will splinter off to more interesting topics. 

It could be that you’re both nervous, which can make it difficult to converse on the fly. Consider giving yourself and your date some grace here. You may not want to put too much emphasis on awkwardness or silence. It could be helpful to keep in mind that this is an adjustment period for both of you. If you can’t think of any conversation starters to ask your date, here are some examples:

• Where would you like to travel?
• What pets have you had?
• What's your favorite food that's not American?
• Have you binge-watched any tv shows lately?
• What weird job would you have if you could choose?
• What would you do with 50 million bucks?
• What five things would you need if you were stranded on an island?
• What song or movie do you love/hate?
• What's the most memorable movie you've ever watched?
• Describe your perfect getaway or vacation.
• What was your favorite subject in school?

You could also play the 'This or That' question game by asking things like:

• Hulu or Netflix?
• Call or text?
• Ice cream or snow cone?
• Football or basketball?
• Pop or country music?
• Pancake or waffle?
• Couch or recliner?
• Road trip or flight?
• Horror or comedy?
• Sandwich or soup?
• Book or ebook?

Questions like this might seem silly, but they can help break the ice during the second date and let you know what you two have in common.

Second date subjects to avoid

There are a few subjects that you may want to avoid completely on the second date. Unless you are confident that you have the same views, political topics might be a no-go, for example. These kinds of conversations can get heated and may ruin an otherwise perfect date. You might also want to avoid conversations about previous relationships or partners. These things can be discussed, but you may want to save them for another time.  

What should happen on a second date?

Some people may have an idea that certain things will happen on the second date. If you haven't already kissed, for example, you might be anticipating this to happen. Still, it may be best to approach the date without expectations. Instead, you might want to focus on getting to know your partner to see if they are a good match for you. 

Consider that second dates could be good opportunities to set the tone for the entire relationship. Whatever you do now may be expected of you in the future, should your relationship last. If you act one way now and change your behavior later, your relationship could suffer. It could be best to set an honest and trustworthy foundation for your relationship early on. 

What we can learn on second dates

Additionally, you might find out new things about your love interest on a second date. Now that the ice has been broken, you could have warmed up to each other a bit more. The conversation may be flowing more freely, and you may feeling a bit more comfortable. For some couples, it might take a few more dates to get to this point, and that's okay. Not everyone will follow the same timeline.

The second date could also reveal to you that this isn't the right person for you. You may have a wonderful time on your first date but realize you're too fundamentally different on a second date. The conversation could steer in a direction where you realize certain incompatibilities.  Getting to know a person sometimes means you learn that you want to cut ties with them. It’s okay to end the relationship in the hope of finding a better fit. 

When you can't figure it out

If second dates cause you significant  anxiety or the thought of dating makes you nervous, you might want to reach out to a mental health professional. For some of us, socializing and dating can be awkward or uncomfortable. This is an obstacle that can be overcome with the assistance of a licensed counselor.

Still, some of the same challenges you may face when dating could also stand in the way of seeking counseling, especially in person. If your palms start to sweat at the thought of sitting across the room from a therapist, online counseling could make you feel more comfortable. With this form of remote therapy, you can attend sessions from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Online counseling can also save you time since you can skip the commute and the waiting list. 

Online counseling is a legitimate mode of therapy backed by science. In a meta-analysis of studies, researchers in the field of mental health reviewed nearly 10,000 different cases in which various populations sought counseling for a wide range of mental health challenges, including anxiety. They found no significant differences in the outcomes experienced by those who attended therapy sessions online versus in person. 

Takeaway

Dating can be challenging, and so can relationships. The online counselors here at Regain are here to help. Our team is fully committed to helping people grow personally so that they can be better partners and enjoy the love they deserve. Reach out today.