Getting The Timing Right: When Is The Best Time To Text A Girl?
By: Corrina Horne
Updated May 13, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Tanya Harell
Communicating with a love interest was once a simple thing to do: phone calls and handwritten notes were the only available options, apart from face-to-face meetings. Because options were scarce, choices were similarly simple: you chose one or the other and called it a day. As technology becomes increasingly essential to daily functioning, and the prevalence of social media and other apps only continues to grow, the medium through which you communicate with your crush also grows. From texting to emailing to calling, direct messaging, and more, it can be difficult to determine the means through which you communicate and the timing you decide to communicate according to. When is the best texting time for a woman or potential partner?
The Importance Of Timing
Timing plays an important role in all aspects of a relationship, and texting is no exception. Although many a 90s sitcom would argue that you should never contact someone before three days have passed following a first date or asking for someone's number, this particular rule is outdated at best and altogether fictional at worst. Instead, timing is unique to each situation and relationship, and what is appropriate for one relationship is highly unlikely to be appropriate for another.
When trying to figure out the timing of a text, consider your relationship. If what you have cannot yet even be considered a relationship-or, the start of a relationship-texting within the first few days after asking for her number is reasonable; after all, you asked for her number to get into contact with her. As you proceed, though, please keep the number of times you text her to a limited amount; trying to get to know someone almost entirely through text is difficult and might even be dangerous for a fledgling relationship. In-person communication is the best way to keep a relationship moving forward, while texting is best for making plans and maintaining an existing connection.
Why Texting Is Preferred
Texting is often the preferred method of communicating with someone, especially before a relationship has officially begun or in the beginning stages of a relationship. Texting affords both parties some distance and anonymity and allows both people in the partnership to truly consider and think through their responses and conversation starters. Texting is a wonderful way to begin talking to someone, as you can both retain some distance and comfort as you get to know each other, without the pressure or awkwardness often present in in-person or phone conversations. Texting is also wonderful for its ability to help two people match their conversation habits. As you text, you can regulate your responses according to how often and intensely the girl who has captured your interest texts you.
Texting also allows you to get to know someone on a timetable that can be more carefully controlled than other interactions. If you are not ready to have all-night conversations, or she is not ready to get too deeply into any given subject, redirection and scaling back are both extremely easy to do; you can type out, "I'm not comfortable talking about that. What about this, instead?" or cut back on responding as quickly. Texting affords both of you greater control of the topics, response times, and depths of your conversations with each other while simultaneously removing many of the awkward and uncomfortable aspects of meeting someone new.
The Best Texting Time To A Girl
Texting a woman for the first time is best within a few days of getting her number-if, not within a few hours. This is not the time to begin flirting, nor is it the time to play matchmaker or try to get to know one another; instead, this initial text is primarily to determine whether or not her interest is still piqued and to set up a time and place to get together. Texting her within a reasonable period throughout the day (typically between 8 AM and 8 PM) shows deference and respect and demonstrates your continued interest in getting together.
Broken relationships often require the hard work of the people in the relationship and the work and intervention of a third party. This third party can be a mediator, who works to help the two of you understand where your relationship went south and how the two of you can learn to coexist, or it may be a relationship counselor who can help the two of you improve your communication habits and rediscover why you got together in the first place. Relationships rarely mend on their own; however, some form of intentional, informed practice is usually involved.
Quotes To Help You Move On
Although a simple quote cannot effectively cure you of a broken heart, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not the only one to have experienced pain and heartbreak. Seeing a situation through the eyes of someone else can offer you comfort in the form of commiseration. Still, it can also offer you comfort in the form of hope: someone else has been through heartbreak and has come through it relatively unscathed, and ready and willing to brave the rocky terrain of love once again.
In "A Survival Guide for Landlocked Mermaids," Margot Datz wrote, "To be captured as a trophy and then have our emotions neglected is tragic. We might as well be stuffed and mounted on a wall!"
Datz's words ring true for anyone who has perpetrated or been on the receiving end of relationship neglect. Being in a relationship is hard work, and doing the hard work of maintaining that relationship, only to find your work unappreciated and undervalued, is painful and difficult. Being in an emotionless, neglectful partnership is an awful experience and is one of the most effective and hurtful ways to experience a broken relationship. This type of neglect is unacceptable to anyone in a relationship and is not something to tolerate or bear.
Infidelity In Relationships
"It has always been my opinion," Bea said musingly, "that there can be worse kinds of infidelity than the merely sexual. I'm a simple woman with a very simple outlook on life. I've always found that things work out best if you keep to certain simple rules, right down the line. And one of the first rules for a successful marriage is loyalty to your partner. Total loyalty." -Emma Darcy
Texting a woman is also an important part of following up on plans or creating new ones. Texting is a wonderful way to offer a low-pressure invitation somewhere that does not seem quite as painful or awkward as asking someone in person if they'd like a second date and relieves some of the tension involved in following up on previously-made plans. A quick "Are we still on for tomorrow?" is a great time and way to communicate via text.
Texting is also great when one or both of you has been having a hectic or busy day or even a hectic season in life. Texting can be a small, simple way to connect with someone by offering a small "You doing all right?" or "Thinking of you today! Hope we can get together soon." Neither of these texts requires a lot of forethought or depth to respond but does keep some spark of connection alive and well.
When Texting Is Not A Good Idea
Whether the timing is off or the medium is incorrect, there are times when texting a girl is not the greatest idea. Texting as a medium might not be appropriate if your primary form of communication has been through email or DMs. While it might feel like a natural or normal progression to go from these methods of communication to text, it can also feel too personal or like an invasion of privacy to switch to text messaging without first discussing it with the girl in question.
Texting is also not a great idea if you are feeling particularly emotional, whether you are on an emotional high (experiencing overwhelming feelings of love or affection) or an emotional low (experiencing intense anger, jealousy, or anxiety), as both of these extremes can lead you to send a message you'll later regret. Texting is a simple form of communication and is not an appropriate forum through which to air your grievances or proclaim your love for the first time. When texting, keep your emotions relatively neutral or light, and reserve more intense or rigorous conversations for face-to-face interactions whenever possible.
If texting has become your primary form of communication, it may be time to step back a little bit and focus on other methods of communication. While texting is a wonderful tool to augment existing communication, it should not replace speaking to someone face-to-face, nor should it replace talking on the phone. Hearing someone's voice and seeing someone's nonverbal cues offers far more nuance and insight into someone's thoughts, behaviors, and feelings than texting can. For this reason, many texting conversations involve misunderstandings and missed cues. This is because texting does not offer any nonverbal cues or indications to show the person's state of mind sending the message, which means that much of the actual message is lost in translation. Texting has its place, certainly, but its place should never be at the forefront of your relationship.
Learning To Communicate
Texting can seem like something of a fail-safe when beginning a new relationship. Texting allows people to sit and think through their conversation starters and responses, which can offer comfort to individuals dealing with fear, uncertainty, or anxiety around romantic relationships. However, this same source of comfort can act as a roadblock in your relationship; texting does not provide those involved with the same level of connection or intimacy that phone and in-person conversations do and can stunt a relationship if it is the only form of communication involved.
If you struggle to communicate in relationships and find that anxiety is overwhelming, your ability to function with a new or prospective partner, seeking help from a qualified therapist could help. Whether you meet with a psychologist in your area or reach out to the therapists at ReGain.us, many therapy modalities can help relieve the effects of anxiety and can help you develop the tools and techniques necessary to communicate in healthy, effective, and useful ways in romantic relationships, and beyond the confines of romance.
Getting The Timing Right: Texting And Relationships
Knowing when to text someone can be a tricky business. Although texting seems harmless enough, it does present some challenges. When texting replaces phone calls or in-person communication, it can become problematic, as texting does not offer the same amount of depth, closeness, and clarity that speaking with someone directly does. Because so much of someone's intent and meaning is obscured when visual cues are not available, texting can pave the way for misunderstandings and confusion between two people, particularly in a new relationship.
That being said, there is a time and a place for texting. Sending a text when making or confirming plans, for instance, is a safe and effective use o your phone, as its sending a light-hearted text designed to elicit a quick bout of flirting or bantering. It is when texting replaces other, more in-depth forms of communication that a problem arises. Using properly, texting can add playfulness, fun, and open communication to your relationship. Knowing the best texting time to a woman usually involves knowing the girl in question and what she wants and needs from a relationship.
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