Perfect Timing: When Should You Text Her?

Updated April 9, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

How do you know when it’s the right time to text a woman you like after getting her number or going on a first date? How long should you wait to respond when you’re casually dating? Read on to learn more about perfect timing and when to text her. 

The importance of timing: How long to wait before the first text

You may wonder how long you should wait to send a woman you like a text for the first time after getting her number, matching through a dating app, or going on a first date. Ultimately, it’s up to you, but many people consider the period from two to 24 hours after the initial interaction safe zone for the first text.

How long should you wait to text after getting her number?

Texting etiquette

  • Regarding content and time, text as you would like her to text you. 
  • Many consider appropriate response timing between 20 minutes and the end of the day.
  • Wait for a response before sending another message. 
  • Save important messages and bad news for in-person delivery. 
  • Every text doesn’t merit a response. 
  • Remember that everyone can’t use their phone constantly. 

Don't break up with someone over text.

How often should you text her?

Many people don't know how often they should text a woman they’re interested in, but several studies have gathered information from the woman’s point of view. How frequently you text may also depend on your age. Studies show that most adolescents send and receive an average of 67 texts daily, and an additional 45% to 65% of teens communicate with romantic partners or interests via text.

If you just met

You may wonder when to text her if you've just met someone interesting and she gave you her number. Opinions vary across multiple sources, ranging from a quick, flirty message within the first hour to waiting as long as two days to send the first message. Remember, she may not know who you are if you wait too long.

If you’re casually dating

When casually dating a woman, you should follow her conversational cues for texting frequency. Respond quickly enough to show that you’re invested in the conversation but remember that answering too fast may make her think you’re watching your phone. It can be a delicate balance between uninterested and too eager.

If you’re in a relationship

When you’ve moved to a more committed relationship, you should already have an idea of her texting preferences, but consider texts to wish her good morning and goodnight, with a message at midday to ask how her day’s going. 

If you’re married

Married couples typically have a practical communication framework, and you likely know when to text your wife. She may appreciate it when you answer all her texts, and sending a message to check on her throughout the day may make her feel valued and respected in the marriage. Texting to ask if she needs or wants anything before you go home for the day can be a simple habit that makes her happy. 


Times you should text her

  • To tell her good morning and good night
  • Discussing a shared memory
  • Asking for her opinion on something
  • Sharing information about your thoughts or feelings
  • To let her know she’s on your mind
  • Reacting to something she shared on social media
  • To show that you remembered an important event like a birthday, anniversary, or critical job presentation

Why is texting so popular in dating?

Text messaging’s popularity has grown exponentially in recent decades as access to instant global communication made it easy to leave a message for anyone. Texting is a low-cost communication tool that offers the versatility of a phone call without the demanding nature of an immediate interruption. Texting allows you to respond at your convenience, though texting etiquette suggests you don’t wait too long to answer.  

Potential drawbacks of texting

While texting offers many benefits to your social life, you should be aware that there are potential problems. 

Loss of tone and context

Text messages don’t convey the tone of voice, facial expressions, or contextual clues, which can make it harder to understand and interpret what she means. 

The frustration of being left on “read”

Modern text messages often tell you when it's been sent, delivered, and read. You may feel frustrated or ignored if she leaves your messages on “read” without responding. 

Some people develop expectations of an instant response

We live in an age of instant gratification, and some people develop the expectation that anyone they text is free to respond immediately all the time. However, that is rarely the case, and generally an unreasonable expectation to have of another person. 

Many people can become addicted to smartphones and digital feedback

Studies show that text messaging, social media, and smartphone usage can contribute to electronic addiction, making it difficult to function in multiple areas of your life without your phone. 

How to hold her attention in a text

Getting her number is one hurdle you’ve worked past, but how do you keep the conversation going and hold her attention? Try some of these techniques to make your text interactions more productive. 

Use full sentences and correct grammar

While teenagers often use "text speak" and abbreviations, it can seem like another language to anyone unfamiliar. Use complete sentences, correct grammar, and punctuation—and take the time to proofread your message before you send it.  

Consider the time of day

If you only text her late at night, she may think you’re only interested in a hookup. Pay attention to when you think of texting her and what it says about your interest. 

Follow her conversational cues and match message length

When you’re in the early stages of a relationship, the communication methods you use and the effort you show in getting to know her can help her decide if she wants to know you better. Follow her cues, messaging back in a similar time frame with an answer about the same length and tone. 

Keep the tone light and flirtatious

Use a light, flirtatious tone when it fits the conversation, and make sure your messages don’t make you seem disinterested. Use your texts to set up face-to-face plans and ask her out on a date. Ask questions or play "Would You Rather" to find out what she thinks is an ideal date, and then make it happen. 

Don’t worry if she can’t answer right away

If you’re talking during the day, she may be at work or otherwise occupied and unable to respond immediately. Try to remember that and have patience. Some people view texts as more urgent than others, and you'll get a much better reception with a patient attitude. 

Inspire conversation with open-ended questions

Remember that a message with just emojis or a single word or two doesn’t give the conversation anywhere to go. Give her a reason to respond to you. Ask open-ended questions that require more thoughtful responses and inspire conversation. 

Getty/Halfpoint Images
How long should you wait to text after getting her number?

Remember the value of a call

While texting is convenient and the communication method of choice for many people, studies show that hearing your voice may increase the connection and attraction between you

Things To Avoid When Texting Someone You’re Dating

  • Starting a text conversation late at night
  • Sending multiple messages without a response or getting angry if she can’t answer immediately.
  • Do not send photos of a sexual nature unless she explicitly asks for them. 
  • If she says she isn’t interested, believe her. 

How therapy can help you build communication skills

Many people have a tough time communicating with people through text messages. If you feel like you need help expressing your thoughts and feelings, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a relationship-centered virtual therapy platform like Regain. Therapy can teach you communication skills to make expressing yourself and relating to others easier. You can also learn practical coping skills to manage stress and the emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy to recognize, understand, and express your feelings. Parents and guardians seeking a way to support their child through the turbulent adolescent dating years can find online therapy for kids from 12 to 19 at TeenCounseling. 

Recent studies show that online and face-to-face therapy offer comparable outcomes, though many find virtual treatments less expensive with shorter wait times. Online therapy platforms provide patients with access to a massive selection of qualified therapists, making it simple to find a mental health professional who blends well with your situation and personality. Many patients said the physical separation of teletherapy made sharing personal details with the therapist easier. 


When you’ve recently met a woman that caught your interest, she may be hard to get off your mind, so it’s only natural that you’d want to text her frequently. However, poor text etiquette can spoil a potential match. The information in this article offers insight into when you should text a woman you like and how therapy can help you develop communication skills and self-confidence. 

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