When It Isn't Just Friendship: Signs A Woman Is Attracted To Another Woman
Updated July 21, 2020
In an age of increasing acceptance of many different types and expressions of sexuality, there is still some amount of concern and confusion regarding attraction, friendship, and when and how the line becomes blurred. Reaching out to someone else romantically always has the potential for rejection, hurt, or confusion, but same-sex couples might feel additional confusion and concerns, regarding how they will be perceived or treated. Exactly what are the clear-cut signs that a woman is attracted to another woman?
The Basics of Attraction
Attraction is a three-pronged experience involving someone's physical, emotional, and mental functions. You can be attracted to someone in one of these arenas and not in the others, and most long-standing relationships involve all three of the arenas being stimulated and captivated.
Physical attraction is the attraction most likely to go uninfluenced by any other system. Although it can develop on the heels of mental or emotional attraction, physical attraction is usually instantaneous, powerful, and persistent. Physical attraction often provokes sweating, a racing heart, and may not feel entirely unlike anxiety or confusion.
Mental attraction is the attraction to someone's mind. Most commonly, people refer to intelligence or wit as sources of mental attraction, but might also indicate general speech patterns and communication styles as windows into mental attraction, as well. A large part of someone's personality is encompassed by mental attraction.
Emotional attraction may also be labeled as spiritual attraction, and usually refers to the essence of a person, or the "kind of person" they are. Kindness, benevolence, confidence, and traits such as these often fall under the purview of emotional attraction, and it is these traits that often hold steadfast when the other means of attraction have fallen away.
Female Speech: Verbal Indications of Attraction
The most striking verbal indication of attraction is simple attention. If someone keeps in regular communication, strives to speak on a regular basis, and tries to get to know you as much as possible, she may be demonstrating her attraction for you. Regular communication is one of the first indications that a relationship is in its early stages, as constant communication comes from an overwhelming desire for "more, more, more" of someone.
Plenty of women will be forthright in their communication, too. Some women might regularly indicate their interest in you with simple comments, such as "I like you." These could certainly mean that she likes your friendship and values your company, but could also be a clear indicator that she has an interest in you that extends past the platonic. Pay attention to the way this phrase is delivered (Is it casual, serious, or a mix of the two?) and the context (Are you alone? Amongst friends?) in which it is delivered to derive a more accurate idea of how she means it.
She might also seem to discuss her sexuality with you on a regular basis. Rather than it being occasionally mentioned or accepted as a part of who she is, you might find that she seems to talk about it more than you would consider standard when you are around. This could be done as a means of demonstrating to you that she is interested in you in a way that extends past friendship.
Female Body Language: Signs of Attraction
Body language is an important indicator where attraction is concerned. Just as you might expect yourself to lean into a potential partner, make excuses to touch, or make excuses to be close, you can expect another woman who is attracted to you to do the same. Rapt attention, a gentle touch, and leaning in closer are all signs of strong physical attraction.
A woman's eyes should never be ignored when you are searching for a window into attraction. Women are more likely to look deeply into the eyes of someone they are attracted to, and are also more likely to keep their gaze focused on someone they are attracted to. If you see a woman regularly looking you over, paying close attention to you, or looking directly into your eyes, you might be in luck; eye contact and attraction are closely tied.
Female Emotional Patterns: Friendship and Attraction
This can be the most difficult aspect of attraction; because many women prefer women as their confidants and closest friends, it can be easy to misread friendship and emotional attraction. Feeling safe, free, and connected can happen in a friendship just as often and easily as a romantic relationship, so emotional attraction can be more difficult to determine.
That being said, most couples agree that a strong, powerful friendship is the most important factor in determining whether or not a relationship can last, and should always be considered when looking for a partner. If your relationship feels like a close, incredible friendship, that alone could be an indication that she feels a romantic interest, too; many of the strongest and most stable relationships come from friendship.
A woman who is interested in you-and has more on her mind than friendship-will likely remember things about you that you might consider forgettable. She might remember the favorite flower that you mentioned offhand the first time you met, and bring you a lone flower one day. She might remember the day your cat died the year before, and send you a text to let you know she is thinking of you. She might even remember that your fondest memory is gardening with your parents as a child, and get you a tiny plant with a giant grin and tongue-in-cheek comment. All of these indicate that you are on her mind, and she is going out of her way to connect with you.
Additional Factors to Consider
Although there has been undeniable progress made toward equal rights with regard to same-sex couples and there is, arguably, more inclusion now than at any other point in the past century, there are still many people who cling to outdated, erroneous concepts of attraction, love, and partnership. For this reason, the symptoms of attraction might differ from person to person, region to region, and setting to setting. Someone who is at a bar designed for inclusivity, for instance, might give themselves the freedom to be more forward in their approach than someone who is at a typical bar with mutual friends. Someone who is in a known safe space may behave differently from someone who is in a new or unknown situation. When trying to identify attraction, the setting and air of the room matter a great deal.
The clearest way to know if someone is attracted to you is to communicate. Although doing so opens you up for rejection, it is a far more direct, simple pathway to understanding, connection, and the possibility of moving forward. These types of conversation do not have to bear intense emotional weight, and they do not have to be awkward. If you are unsure of someone's preferences, you can simply speak, share your own experiences, and pay close attention to any romantic history they might have, or any indications that sexual preferences are being discussed or acknowledged. You can also ask, using language as honest and open as, "I feel like there might be something here. Are you attracted to me?" While you might worry a "no" is humiliating, dragging out worry, confusion, or fear for months is far more detrimental.
Many women do not feel safe or comfortable being open about their romantic relationships, and behaviors might differ from one place to another. Although some might see this as a form of inauthenticity, others recognize it as a simple means of protection. If you are unsure or uncomfortable about changes in the behavior of your love interest, this, too, can be addressed and discussed. While it might seem more romantic or traditional to give attraction and romance a great deal of mystery, communicating is always better and clearer than a vague idea of what romance should look like.
Is She Attracted to Women? Attraction and Its Signs
Attraction is a finicky, strange thing, and it can shift and ebb in its expression. There is never a single way that any person, regardless of gender, age, preference, or expression demonstrates interest, as the level of interest, the type of interest, and the goal of interest all vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. The best way to know is to pay close attention to the verbal, emotional, and physical cues being offered to you, as well as the things that are actually and clearly communicated to you.
If you feel as though you are struggling to connect with others, and you seem to consistently misunderstand the intentions, experiences, and wants of others, you can learn how to better interpret and understand other people and their behaviors. Therapists, such as those found on ReGain.Us, can help you develop the skills needed to accurately and carefully "read the room," and determine who genuinely seems to be interested in you, and who is offering friendly, engaging, or otherwise kind communication and interactions.
FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions)
How do you tell if a woman is attracted to you sexually?
There are many signs to identify if a woman finds you sexually attractive. When you’re talking with her, she leans her body closer. She might play with her hair, or touch your arm if she’s giving you her full attention and making eye contact that’s a good sign. You don’t need to get dating tips to know that she’s into you. When she makes you feel special, that means she probably likes you and finds you attractive. Some straight men find it hard to read flirting body language. Men and women use their physical presence to show they like a love interest. When a woman is attracted to you, she will show you. Maybe she asks you out for coffee, or on a date. It’s okay to get dating tips from your friends, other women, or an expert if that happens. You might read about what to do in magazines. Dating tips are useful to explore. You can figure out if she isn’t interested in learning these ideas. You will find out if she’s interested in due time. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out if a woman likes you. If they’re attracted to you, and make it known, it’s okay to move.
How do you know if a girl likes you but is hiding it?
Some women are shy, and you’re unsure if they like you. No matter how many dating tips you get, this situation is tricky. When a woman is attracted to you, she could be scared to tell you. If she’s talking about you to her female friend, that may be a sign she likes you. That means you’re on her mind. She can’t tell you directly, but she trusts her female friend. Maybe she’s getting some dating tips from her. Some women flirt in subtle ways. Perhaps she hints that she likes a particular band and tells you that they’re playing in the area. She’s trying to get you to ask her out to see the show. Some people don’t feel comfortable saying it outright if they like another person. If a woman is attracted to you, it may be subtle, and it’s crucial to read the signs. If you’re attracted to her, and you sense that she’s shy and doesn’t want to tell you she likes you, you might have to make the first move. If you have a female friend and think there’s something between you, it can be hard to change the dynamic from friendship to dating. But, it may be worth it. Some guys find that dating their best friend turns into a fantastic relationship. Pay attention to how the woman acts around you. Maybe she blushes when she sees you because there are feelings there. The thing is, if she’s hiding it, it will come out eventually. But it may be you who has to initiate that conversation or ask her out.
How do you tell if a woman is attracted to you by her eyes?
When a woman is attracted to you, she may make eye contact with you. That connection is powerful. She’s telling you she’s into you. One of the best dating tips is to maintain eye contact. You’re communicating that you’re into you. You can tell by the way she looks at you whether she likes you or not. If a woman is attracted to you, she’ll lock eyes with you. The message she’s sending is in that gaze. She’s telling you that she wants to know more. If a woman avoids eye contact, that could mean she isn’t into you. She could be shy, or maybe she is into or a different man, or another woman. If you like her, keep that eye contact going, or ask her why she’s not looking at you. The answer could be enlightening. Maybe she reveals whether she likes you or not!
What is an unspoken attraction?
Unspoken attraction happens when you and the other person know you like each other. There’s body language or tangible chemistry. One of the dating tips you will read about is to pay attention to what happens when you’re physically together. If you feel something in the air, like electric energy, that could be an unspoken attraction. You don’t need to talk about it, but both of you know it’s there. One of the crucial dating tips to take away here is that you need to know you and your love interest are on the same page.
How do you tell if she has feelings for you?
A sure way to know if a girl has feelings for you is to ask her out. Or, she could tell you that she likes you, and ask to go on a date. It helps to be confident when you’re telling your love interest you like her. Remember that you’re worth loving. Whoever wants to date you is choosing a great person. Show her how you feel and see if she feels the same. If she doesn’t like you, there could be many reasons. Maybe she’s attracted to another woman and doesn’t want to date you. She has her eyes on someone else. She could be into women and not men. That’s not about you but has to do with her preferences. She’s attracted to another woman because that’s her sexuality. She could be a lesbian, or maybe she’s bisexual, pansexual, or demi-romantic. There are many reasons a woman is attracted to another woman. But, ultimately, it doesn’t have to do with you. If she says she doesn’t like you, and she is pursuing some else, it’s important to respect that. If she likes you and is attracted to you, you’ll find that out. If she wants to date you, she will let you know by returning your advances.
How can a girl hide her feelings?
Anyone can hide their feelings regardless of their gender. She may be hiding that she's attracted to another woman. Maybe she hasn’t come. If you ask her how she feels, and she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, that is hiding her feelings. If she talks about other guys, to see your reaction, hiding her feelings is an example. If she is attracted to another woman and tells you that, she’s unlikely hiding feelings she has for you. Or, she could be trying to make you jealous. She could also tell you she’s attracted to another man to make you want her. But, if she is hiding her feelings, you can’t force her to bring them out.
How do you know if a girl really likes you?
If a girl likes you, she will show it. Whether it’s through her body language or what she says, you’ll know. Sometimes you won’t know until you ask. You don’t need to confirm by asking, “do you like me?” Instead, you could ask her on a date. A woman likes you when she reciprocates your advances.
How do you know if an attraction is mutual?
You’ll know for sure if she’s attracted to you in many ways. If she wants to be close to you and likes your smell, that’s a sign she likes you. Pheromones are a powerful force, and the smells of other people draw us toward them. She may ask you about yourself, what you’re passionate about, and cares about what you like. She’s interested in learning all about you. You may be fascinated with each other. When two people want to learn little things about each other, that’s a sign of attraction. She’s probably storing the information for future use.
How do you tell if someone is attracted to you?
One of the easiest ways to tell if someone is attracted to you is compliments. If a woman tells you that she likes what you’re wearing, or thinks you’re a talented writer or musician, that’s a good sign. That means that she finds you interesting and attractive. She wants to know more about you. They might get nervous around you and fumble for words, That anxious energy could mean that the person is into you. They want to make a good impression. Another physical way that a person could display attraction is that they glow when they’re with you. The individual displays that they’re super into you by the way they look. In time you will discover if the two of you are meant to be together. The attraction between two people is exciting and mysterious. Sometimes it’s there when you’re newly dating. As relationships go on, the spark may fade. That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed! If you’re struggling with relationship problems, and you want to work on keeping the attraction going, you and your partner can see a licensed couple’s counselor. A mental health professional will help you two work through relationship challenges and get that spark back.