What Happens When There Is Sexual Tension Between Friends?
Updated January 20, 2021
In this article, we’ll cover what sexual tension is, what happens when it occurs among friends and whether other people can sense it.
- What does sexual tension feel like?
- What causes sexual tension?
- How do you know if there is sexual tension between friends?
- What are the signs of sexual attraction?
- Why do I feel sexually attracted to my friend?
- Can you be friends with someone you’re sexually attracted to?
We’ll look at questions like these and help you understand why sexual tension can occur between friends and give you some ideas about what to do when this happens.
What Is Sexual Tension – What Does It Feel Like?
Do you find yourself wanting to sit next to the same friend all the time? Do you love it when your arms brush past him or her? Is there a spark when you look into each other’s eyes? That’s sexual tension.
Do you tease each other and find different ways to get close to him or her, different ways to touch them? Perhaps you find yourself tickling each other or hugging them for a little longer than you hug your other friends. That’s sexual tension.
When two people interact with each other, and one or both of those people have a strong sexual desire for the other person, but they don’t act on their desire, sexual tension arises. It’s the feeling that something needs to happen sexually between those two people. This creates a kind of atmosphere. It’s tension.
Sexual tension feels like the only way to make the feeling go away is to act on your desires. You might be sexually attracted to your best friend and wish that you could kiss them, and so much more!
What Causes Sexual Tension?
If two people feel sexual attraction for each other, or if one person is sexually attracted to another, many sexual feelings and desires can build up, which leads to sexual tension.
Often, the two people deny their attraction to each other. This denial of feelings means that the sexual desires are not acted upon – neither party makes a move towards doing anything sexual with the other.
Because sexual desires are denied, it creates an atmosphere of sexual tension. There is sexual chemistry between the two people – they flirt and joke and giggle and touch – but nothing further happens.
Why Do I feel Sexually Attracted To My Friend?
Sexual attraction is completely normal behavior. Most people will experience sexual attraction to another person, and likely many other people, during their lifetime. Sexual attraction can occur due to physical appearance or because of someone’s personality, or because of both, and can often grow stronger as we spend time with a person.
Signs of sexual attraction include:
- Eye contact
- Physical contact
People are likely to share more eye contact if they’re sexually attracted to each other. They might even stare at each other – they might not notice themselves doing it, but it can happen because they can’t stop looking at the person they’re attracted to!
They will likely sit close to each other, touching whenever possible, even if it’s just brushing arms or legs. They will probably smile more, giggle, and make fun of each other. People can also feel nervous around the person they like because they really want that person to like them back.
Can You Actually Be Friends With Someone You Actually Be Friends With Someone When There’s So Much Sexual Chemistry In The Air Every Time You’re Together?
Sexual tension doesn’t have to stop you from being friends. If the feeling is mutual, and both parties are comfortable with sexual chemistry, then there’s no reason why you can’t be friends.
However, if it’s sexual attraction from one person to another – if the other person is not sexually attracted to you, too – it’s important to consider the feelings of the other person. We need to make sure that they feel comfortable being friends with you when they can feel the sexual tension every time you’re together.
Is It Okay To Feel Like This?
It’s completely normal to feel like this. Many people will have strong sexual desires for their friends at one time or another. Don’t feel like you’re alone!
You might think, “Friends don’t feel this way about each other.” Don’t be so sure. Lots of other people feel sexual attraction towards their friends.
Different people might experience sexual tension differently – perhaps some people feel sexually attracted to one or more of their friends. Still, their friends don’t feel the same way, and so nothing happens, and nothing is said.
Perhaps some people have sexual chemistry with a friend – they are both sexually attracted to each other, and their other friends feel the sexual chemistry between them and even comment on it and joke about it.
Some people might have experienced sexual tension so strongly with their friends that they’ve acted on it, and their friendship might have changed because of it. Whether friendship changes for the better or worse will depend on the two people involved, their friendship, and how they deal with what happened.
Should I Act On It?
The answer to this really depends on you and the person in question. What do you want to come out of it?
Do you want a relationship with this person, or do you enjoy being around them and the sexual chemistry you feel when you’re together?
What does he or she want? Have you asked them? It might feel awkward to ask them, but you might never know what it could have been if you don't have that conversation. Maybe they are also wondering if they should make a move.
Do you want to stay friends with this person? If this is the case, then acting on your feelings could jeopardize that relationship. This is why it’s important to talk to your friend, to see how they feel and what they want.
A study in 2000 found that sexual activity between friends can actually improve the relationship. What’s more, the study found that many friends who engaged in sexual activity did not go on to start a romantic relationship.
What’s important is, to be honest with your friend – you both need to understand how others feel and respect each other’s feelings. If one of you wants a romantic relationship, and the other only wants to have sex, it’s not wise to act on your desires, and doing so could have a detrimental effect on your friendship.
If the person you like is of the opposite sex, it might help you study the sexuality of the opposite sex and learn about how it works. Particularly with women, there may be a societal shame or misunderstanding around sexuality. But understand that there is nothing wrong with sex or sexual desires. Look for scholarly articles and do research aside from talking with your friends. Understanding the other person and how their sexuality works will only benefit you in the long run.
Perhaps one or both of you are in committed relationships with other people. It’s important to make sure that you don’t act on your desires if this is the case, because you could end up hurting other people and yourself.
Can Other People Sense Sexual Tension?
Can your other friends feel the sexual tension between you and this person? You might not want to explain to your friends what happens when you see the object of your attraction, but it’s likely they already sense it. When there’s a lot of sexual tension between two people, other people who see you together might well notice it.
This depends a lot on context. Sometimes the sexual tension feels so obvious to you that it seems shocking that others would not notice.
However, you’d be surprised how little the people around you notice, especially when it comes to small, specific cues. Sometimes a very intuitive friend might notice, but if you are worried about people seeing, you can usually rest assured that the smallest cues of sexual tension remain between you and the other person.
Once your flirtatious cues become more obvious, other people may begin to notice the sexual tension. Sometimes, if you want the other party to notice that you are flirting, you need to make your advances quite clear.
If other people noticing the sexual tension is a source of concern or stress for you, then you can keep your flirting discreet. But remember that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Sexual tension is human, and it’s a natural response that most people will experience in their lives.
Sometimes sexual tension even happens between same-sex friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and similar sexual tension has existed since the beginning of man and will continue to exist. Again, you’re not doing anything wrong.
What Should I Do If This Sexual Tension Feels Wrong?
If you find that the sexual tension between you and your friend feels wrong, like it’s getting in the way of your friendship, or is too much for you to deal with, you might not know what to do.
You might feel that you need to hide those feelings away. But there’s nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to a friend. Here are some things you could consider trying if you don’t like what you’re experiencing:
- Talk To Your Friend
Explain to your friend how you feel. The sexual attraction is natural, and they might even be flattered. Talking things out with them is a great way to clear the relationship's tension if you feel you can do it.
There are a million ways to express your feelings to someone. You could say, “I have feelings for you,” “I’ve been interested in you for some time,” or even, “Have you ever thought about being more than friends?” Start gently to open the conversation, gauge his or her reaction, then move things forward from there.
Whether your friend feels the same way or not can be good to have a definitive answer. Don’t just ask your friend how they feel but ask them how they want to move forward. If they don’t feel the same way, it might be a good idea for both of you to take some time and space. But there’s also a good chance that they’ll feel the same way. Many of the best relationships start with friendship, which could be an exciting shift for both of you.
And if your friend doesn’t feel the same way, don’t take it personally. Rejection can sting, but it’s more often a reflection on the other person and their tastes more than you and your personality or looks. It’s possible to be friends with this person still; maybe take some time of separation to sort out your feelings before the friendship returns to how it was. Who knows, maybe your friend will even help you find a romantic partner in the future.
Relationships change and evolve. Friendships change, romantic relationships change, people fall in love, and people fall out of it. These are part of the natural cycles of life, and the most we can hope to do is enjoy the ups and downs.
If this person truly is a good friend to you, they will not make you feel negative about your natural feelings. Speak openly and honestly, but most importantly, treat each other with the utmost respect. This is your friend, after all, and the friendly affection that you share comes first.
- Talk To Friends In The Same Group
If it doesn’t feel right to talk to the friend you’re sexually attracted to, try talking to your other friends. There’s a chance that they’ve noticed the sexual tension, too, so they are likely to understand your feelings.
If it frightens you to address your friend directly about your feelings, an easier alternative could be speaking with people in your friend group. A socially adept friend of yours might be able to gauge this person’s feelings for you gently, or maybe they already know!
This could give you an answer about the other person, but remember that information that comes through other people is always second hand, and it’s entirely reliable. It could be best to speak directly to your friend.
- Talk To Friends Or Family Who Doesn’t Know Your Friend.
Try explaining your feelings to someone who knows you well but doesn’t know the person in question. This can help because you might be less embarrassed to explain your feelings if they don’t know the person you’re talking about.
A good friend with a cool head can lead you in the right direction. More importantly, a good friend will always be there for you. If this other person knows what is going on in your romantic life, then he or she can be there to support you if things don’t work out, and they can be there to celebrate with you if they do.
- Talk To A Counselor
It might help to gain impartial advice from a counselor if you’re struggling with these feelings. You could talk to your doctor or go straight to a counselor, or you could try online counseling services like Regain.Us.Regain.Us offers a free consultation, and after one session, the counselor can let you know if they recommend more meetings.
Our bodies are designed to work in a certain way. We are, after all, animals. Although we do not behave in the same way as wild animals, our genetic makeup and hormones control our reactions to different stimuli. Sexual attraction and tension are completely natural behaviors and, likely. We will all experience them in our lives.
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