How To Stop Liking Someone When You Are In A Relationship
Updated July 07, 2020
Cheating to most people is equivalent to a betrayal of trust, and it is an inherently selfish decision that involves sacrificing the integrity of a relationship on the altar of inappropriate desires. It’s no surprise that 40% of relationships end after an affair.
But in most instances, cheating doesn’t just happen out of the blue; it usually occurs as the culmination of a long-held romantic interest toward a third party. When you start becoming attached or attracted to someone else besides your partner, to the point where you start developing romantic feelings for that person, the chances are that you may end up having an affair with them.
Here are some tips on how to stop liking someone when you are in a relationship.
- There Is Nothing Wrong With You
First off, if you have feelings for someone other than your partner, don’t be dismayed: there’s nothing wrong with you. A study found that 1 out of 5 people in relationships have feelings for a third party. Of course, while it’s reasonable to be attracted to other people, it is a different matter when you choose to act on that attraction.
More than anything, the decision to remain faithful to your partner must be sincere and absolute, and you must have no doubts as regards the reason you want to stop having feelings for someone else. Though it is possible that your partner may be complicit in making you have these feelings, either by being inattentive to your needs or due to a health challenge, but only you can determine the course of action to take as a result of how you feel. Moreover, it is possible to cheat on your partner even when you are happy in your relationship.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings
When trying to solve a problem, the first thing to do is to acknowledge that a problem exists. When you are trying to get over someone, the best way to begin is to confront your feelings, instead of pretending you don’t have these feelings. When you can acknowledge your feelings, it means you no longer wish to be bound by them, and that you are no longer afraid to deal with them. This is what happens when you choose to fight over flight when it comes to how you regulate your emotions.
Suppressed emotions have the tendency to become intense over some time, which can have a crippling impact on your physical and psychological health. In other words, repressed emotions don’t make the feeling disappear, it just increases your inner emotional experience of the thought or feeling you are trying to suppress. Some of the adverse effects of repressed emotions include stress-related illness, anxiety, and depression.
- Consider The Consequences
The moment you are in a committed long-term relationship, your decisions cease being solely about what you want. You would often have to factor in the feelings of your partner, especially when it comes to situations that may jeopardize the integrity of your relationship. If you happen to have children with your partner, you may also need to consider how your actions will affect them.
Think about the implications of your crush on this guy, or girl, and how it could harm your relationship should those feelings result in something you are most likely going to regret or feel guilty about. If you have no real intentions of ever cheating on your partner or ending your relationship, then there is probably no reason to have a crush on this guy, or girl, in the first place.
- Don’t Compare Your Partner
Your partner will never be perfect, but comparing them to the other person could magnify your partner’s flaws and inadequacies to the point where the idea of cheating on them seems justifiable. Think about the reasons you fell in love with your partner, the lovely memories you have shared, and how much they mean to you. You could even write about their most endearing attributes to remind yourself of how special they are.
If you feel your partner no longer possess some of the physical attributes that made them attracted to you at the start of your relationship, think of the possibility of them cheating on you for the same reason, and how you would feel about that. The best compliment you can give your partner is to respect them, but the moment you start judging them by unrealistic standards influenced by your feelings for someone else, you may begin to lose a sense of your partner’s worth.
- Distance Yourself From The Person
When you start liking someone, it’s likely because you spend a lot of time being around them. Limit your interactions with this person as best as you can, and refrain from sending messages or engaging with them on social media. If you are unable to find the emotional and mental resolve to avoid them, it may be hard to resist their sexual advances. But just as recovering addicts have to develop the will to suppress their urges, you have to cultivate an attitude of restraint to stop liking someone you don’t want to. This involves finding ways to stop talking to them.
It can be difficult making the decision to stop talking to the person if you are colleagues at work, but with 85% of affairs reportedly starting from the workplace, this is one of the more effective ways you can stop liking this person. It doesn’t get any easier if the person is a client, a friend, an ex, or the new neighbor who lives next door. In this instance, it is essential to keep your interactions strictly formal and avoid personal conversations. You don’t necessarily have to be hostile or rude in your approach. Still, set emotional and personal boundaries that firmly establish certain gestures or remarks from them are no longer going to be tolerated by you.
- Spend More Time With Your Partner
When was the last time you went on a date with your partner? You can arrange a surprise romantic dinner, go to a concert with them, or agree to see a game with them if they happen to enjoy watching sport. Find creative ways to spend time alone with your partner and rekindle your romance. According to a recent study, investing in your relationship goes a long way to improve your health, and few things are better than the happiness that comes from being with someone you love.
The more quality time you spend in the company of your partner, the less opportunity you will get to fantasize about the other person. Let your partner be the priority in your mind. Keep your phone away if it would cause a distraction, or impede your ability to have meaningful conversations with your partner during these moments. Treat these bonding sessions as a way to renew your commitment to your partner and let their affection remind you of why you need to hold on to them.
- Stop Thinking About The Other Person
This may seem like it is easier said than done, but what matters is that it can be done. One of the first techniques to doing this is to think about other people—your family, friends, partner, children—and other things—work, your favorite meal, a memorable childhood experience. Replace the discomforting thought of this person with powerful ones that give you peace of mind. The aim is not to forget the person, but to reduce their importance in your mind.
If you noticed that certain situations trigger the thought of this person, write them down, and then find ways to either avoid or redefine what those situations mean to you. These situations may come in the form of words, images, songs, mannerisms, and sometimes it could even be a particular place. When you can think about these things without the other person coming to mind during the process, it makes it difficult for you to see them the way you used to.
- Talk To Your Partner
Before you do this, think about how your partner is likely to deal with the knowledge and proceed with caution. If your partner is likely to react strongly or become resentful, then it may help you figure out if you should continue being in that relationship. It may seem counterproductive to lose your relationship in a bid to save it, but being in an unhealthy relationship will only serve to make you think more of the other person.
A better way to approach the subject is to ask your partner in a light-hearted manner if there’s anyone they have a crush on. This may reveal their stance on such matters, which could provide an insight into how they would react to your own feelings. Communication is an essential part of a relationship and having a partner that allows you to freely express yourself without judging, you can be such an empowering motivation, to be honest with your feelings. If that’s the situation in your relationship, then being open with your partner could provide you with the clarity of mind to stop thinking about someone else.
If you need more help on how to stop liking someone, then you may need to speak to a professional therapist or relationship expert about your struggles. ReGain is committed to helping you nurture and maintain healthy relationships that improve your mental and emotional well-being.