8 Tips To Stop Your Feelings For Another When You Are In A Relationship

When you are in a relationship, having feelings for someone else can be stressful. You may wish to “turn off” your feelings, but there is usually no easy, simple way to stop thinking about the other person. Situations like these are typical and often remain harmless when they’re not acted upon. 

But in cases where an individual acts upon those feelings, whether consciously or not, it can cause pain for everyone involved. Cheating to most people is equivalent to a betrayal of trust and an inherently selfish decision that involves sacrificing a relationship's integrity for feelings that may be temporary. 

If you’re in a relationship with someone you care about but have romantic feelings for another, there are ways to temper your feelings to deter the temptation to cheat.

Tips for how to stop liking someone when you are in a relationship

Here are eight tips that can help when you like someone who’s not the person you’re in a relationship with: 

1. Understand there is nothing wrong with you

First, if you have feelings for someone other than your partner, understand you’re not alone. Relationship studies suggest that one in five people report having serious feelings for someone else. Of course, while it’s reasonable to be attracted to other people, it is different when you choose to act on that attraction.

Every situation differs according to context—and some people choose to be in consensually non-monogamous relationships. While being attracted in someone else may be beyond your control, the decision to remain faithful to your partner is within your control. 

2. Acknowledge your feelings

When solving a problem, the first thing to do is acknowledge that it exists. When trying to get over someone, the best way to begin is to confront your feelings instead of pretending you don’t have them. When you can acknowledge your feelings, you can explore why you’re feeling them—for example, it might be exciting to experience attraction to someone new, or you might be attracted to someone else because you’re frustrated by your current relationship. 

Suppressed emotions tend to become more intense over time, which can harm your physical and psychological health. Repressed emotions oftentimes don’t make the feeling disappear; they only increase the adverse effects, including stress-related illnesses, anxiety, or depression.

3. Consider the consequences

When you are in a monogamous long-term relationship, your decisions typically cease to be solely about what you want. You may need to factor in your partner's feelings, especially in situations that can jeopardize your relationship's integrity. If you have children with your partner, you may also need to consider how your actions will affect them.

4. Don’t make comparisons

Your partner will probably never be perfect but comparing them to the other person could magnify your partner’s flaws and inadequacies to the point where the idea of cheating on them seems justifiable. Instead, focus on why you fell in love with your partner, your memories together, and how much they mean to you. You could even write about their most endearing attributes to remind yourself of how special they are.

If you want to avoid making comparisons, it may also be a good idea to stop following the person you’re interested in on social media. Alternatively, you may be able to “mute” their posts, so you don’t see them. 

The best compliment you can give your partner is to respect them, but when you start judging them by unrealistic standards influenced by your feelings for someone else, you may lose a sense of your partner’s worth.

5. Distance yourself from the person

When people develop feelings for someone, it’s often because they spend a lot of time together. Limit your interactions with this person as best as possible, and refrain from sending messages or engaging with them on social media. If you cannot find the emotional and mental resolve to avoid them, it may be hard to resist sexual advances should they arise. Cultivating an attitude of restraint to stop liking someone you don’t want to usually involves finding ways to stop talking to them. You don’t necessarily have to be hostile or rude in your approach. Still, set emotional and personal boundaries that firmly establish certain gestures or remarks from them will no longer be tolerated by you.

6. Spending time with your partner

Dating your partner may be one of the best ways to neutralize your feelings for someone else. You can arrange a surprise romantic dinner, go to a concert, go to a sporting event—whatever you enjoy doing together.  Find creative ways to spend time alone with your partner and rekindle your romance. According to a 2017 study published by Harvard University, investing in your relationship can go a long way toward improving your health.

Make your partner the priority in your mind. The more quality time you spend in your partner's company, the less you might find yourself fantasizing or seeking something else. Keep your phone away if it causes a distraction or impedes your ability to have meaningful conversations with them during these moments. Treat these bonding sessions as a way to renew your commitment and let their affection remind you why you need to hold on to them.

7. Put an end to thinking about the other person

One of the first techniques to doing this is to think about other people—your family, friends, partner, children—and other things—work, your favorite meal, a memorable childhood experience. Replace the discomforting thought of this person with powerful ones that give you peace of mind. The aim is not to forget the person but to reduce their importance in your mind.

If you’ve noticed that certain situations trigger thoughts of this person, write them down, and then find ways to either avoid or redefine what those situations mean to you. These situations may come in words, images, songs, mannerisms, and sometimes even a particular place. When you can think about these things without the other person coming to mind during the process, it makes it difficult for you to see them the way you used to.

8. Talk to your partner

Communication is an essential part of any relationship. Before you talk about your feelings for someone else, consider how your partner will likely cope with that knowledge and proceed with caution. If your partner is likely to react strongly or become resentful, it may reveal things about the nature of your relationship, both positive and negative, that you hadn’t considered before. 

Most people have romantic feelings for someone else from time-to-time while in romantic, monogamous relationships. Having a partner that allows you to express yourself freely can empower you to be honest with your feelings. If that’s the situation in your relationship, being open with your partner could help to destigmatize these feelings, build greater trust and openness, and ultimately reduce the number of obsessive thoughts about others. 

Can online therapy help?

With online therapy platforms like Regain, you can speak to a professional from the comfort of your home on your schedule. Online therapy is available via in-app messaging, video chat, and phone and is often more affordable than traditional counseling without insurance. A growing body of research suggests that online therapy is as effective as conventional counseling, with both couples and individuals reporting overall satisfaction with the results and greater adherence to treatment plans. 

Relationships are often complex, and we may find ourselves in situations that require thoughtful decision-making and delicate communication. Developing feelings for someone else is one of those situations. If you’re ready to work towards a happier, more balanced relationship with your partner, an online therapy professional can help. 

Takeaway

If you’re in a committed relationship and thinking about others, there are many possible underlying reasons. For example, you might be thinking about other people because you’re dissatisfied with your relationship, you’re bored, or this person has something to offer that your current partner doesn’t. 

If you’re thinking about someone else, you don’t have to address it on your own. Couple’s therapy can be an effective way to open communication channels and explore the difficulties you face in your relationship together. 

Regain therapy reviews

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“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”