Getting Over Someone You Never Dated So You Can Move On
Updated June 14, 2021
When it comes to getting over a boyfriend or girlfriend, it can be not easy, but you know how the relationship ends. You know what happened and why things didn’t work out. You understand why you can’t be with that person, whether you were the one to end it or they were. But when you haven’t actually dated the person, it changes things. After all, how can you get over someone that you’ve never dated, and you don’t know what would have happened?
What Makes Getting Over Someone You Never Dated So Difficult?
The biggest thing that makes it difficult to get over someone you never dated is that level of unknown. When you have dated someone, you know all about how the relationship went. When you haven’t dated someone, you’ll always have some unknowns, and you’ll ever wonder what might have been. You’ll always have that ideal version of what your relationship would have been bouncing around in your head, and you might even have difficulty forming other attachments and relationships because you have that idealized fantasy of what things would be like if you were with that person.
Because you’ve never actually dated them, and you’ve never had the opportunity to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly of that relationship, it makes everything seem perfect. It’s easy to assume that person would be perfect for you, and the two of you would never fight or that you would live happily ever after. But that’s not realistic either. It is possible that you would have had a good relationship, but the idealized one that you might have in your head is highly unlikely. That’s why it’s important to get over the other person.
The problem is the lack of closure that your mind is looking for to let you go. If you don’t have that closure, you always wonder ‘what if,’ and that’s where you struggle to move on to a new relationship. You may have experienced something similar if someone you dated ever ghosted you. Maybe the relationship seemed to be going well, and suddenly, they stopped messaging you back. You likely struggled to get over the relationship because you didn’t know what had gone wrong. As far as you were concerned, things were great. The same type of thing happens with these relationships.
Why You Need To Get Over Someone You Never Dated
If you’ve never dated someone, then chances are there’s a reason for it. Maybe you asked them out, and they said no. Maybe you never asked them out but decided against it for some reason. Perhaps they left the area, and you missed your chance. There could be several different reasons that you don’t have the opportunity to ask them out or that you’re not going to have the chance to date them, but no matter what, that reason is you need to figure out a way to get past it.
If you haven’t dated someone, then that ideal version of the relationship that you likely have could be getting in the way of real relationships. You might find yourself struggling to start or even consider a real relationship because you are always wondering what that other relationship would be like, or you are convinced that other people would always treat you exactly the way you want to be treated. You might be convinced that everything would be perfect in that relationship, and therefore you don’t want to settle for anything less.
The problem is that there is no way to substantiate that belief. You don’t have the opportunity to actually have the relationship and see what it would really be like. Your affiliation with that person will always stay in that ideal phase. It will always be just like the relationship has just started, and you’re in the honeymoon phase. Because of that, you’re never going to have any reason to change your opinion about the other person, and you’re never going to give anyone else a fair chance. Any time they fall short of the ideal you’ve created, you’ll assume they’re just not right for you.
How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
If you were interested in this person and you didn’t have a chance to date them for any reason, it’s important to start the process of detaching yourself. But getting over them might not be easy. That’s why you might want to enlist some help with the process. Of course, the first step is recognizing that the relationship is never going to happen. Whether because of a choice that one of you made or because the person is no longer available for whatever reason, you’ll have to accept and acknowledge that there will never be a relationship.
Once you acknowledge this, you can start actually distancing your thoughts and feelings from that person. After all, you want to make sure that you can move on with a real person at some point shortly. So, that means also accepting that this person you’ve never had a relationship with is not perfect. Understand that even though you’ve never had the chance to date them, there are things about them that aren’t perfect. There are things about them that you will never know that might drive you crazy or lead to fights.
While you don’t want to assume anything about another person without knowing them, this is one situation where it’s okay to make assumptions or even to create an entirely different story about the relationship. Recognize that every relationship has problems, and every relationship has arguments. So, if you were to have a relationship with that other person, you would have no doubt had fights and disagreements at some point. It’s important to give yourself that reality so that you realize no relationship is ever going to live up to the ideal you may have created.
During this entire process, keep in mind that the feelings you have for this person and the relationship you’ve created in your mind are very much real to you. The connection that you feel like you have is something that really means a lot to you, and getting over that is going to be difficult. You may be able to do it on your own, but you might need a bit of help in the process. And getting help is always going to be a sign of strength and a sign of you trying to improve your life, not a sign of anything negative.
What You Can Do To Cope
There are plenty of different things that you can start doing to cope with the loss of a relationship, and the loss of a relationship that never existed can be the same as losing one that you were fully involved in. You were invested in this relationship just like a real one. So, look for coping skills that will help you feel better about the situation that you find yourself in. Maybe you want to journal about how you feel or talk to a friend or family member who will be open and won’t judge you.
Maybe you want to take up a hobby that will help you get your mind off of things. Maybe you even want to talk with a mental health professional to help you work through the emotions that you’re experiencing. The most important thing is that you actually work through everything. Don’t assume that you can shove things under the rug, and they’ll be fine. Don’t assume that you can ‘get over it, and everything will be fine. This relationship is just as real as any other that you’ve had, and working your way through it will take time, and it will take patience.
Working on yourself will be the biggest part of the process, and it’s going to help you become the strong and confident person you need to be to get over this other person. Whether it’s a male or a female that you’re trying to get over, working on you and the type of person you are (or want to be) will be a crucial aspect. You need to know that you are strong enough and good enough without that person. And you need to be able to look at new relationships and see yourself and that other person as worthy of trying.
Getting Professional Help
If you’re interested in getting professional help, make sure you reach out to ReGain to find out more. You’ll be able to get in touch with an online mental health professional who can help you with any stage of the process you might be in. Whether you’re just getting started working out your feelings and your emotions on the issue, or you’re already working your way through them, you can absolutely get help from a professional to make the process as easy as possible for you.
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