I Feel Like My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore
Updated October 14, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Robin Brock
Feeling loved in a relationship is an important aspect of feeling secure, confident and happy on a day-to-day basis. Though conflict is common in all romantic relationships, it can be disheartening if you feel as though your wife no longer cares for you or your wellbeing. Though people do fall out of love at times, without proper communication, there is no way for you to know how she’s feeling for certain. By opening up a dialogue about your needs and desires, you and your wife can work together to take steps forward.
It can be challengingto feel that your needs aren’t being met in a romantic partnership. Marriage is a big commitment full of optimism, and a promise to take care of one another. As time goes on, life can create stress in a marriage, and make it more difficult to enjoy your love for one another.
It’s important for you to understand why it is that you don’t feel loved anymore. Are you lacking quality time with them? Are you struggling to be intimate? What has changed that makes you feel unsatisfied? Going into any conversation with your wife with a clear idea of the complexities of your feelings can help you have a more productive conversation. By looking for solutions, you can give her tangible ideas of ways she can make you feel loved.
Oftentimes, tension goes both ways. It’s possible that your wife has also felt a shift in your relationship, and may have feelings of her own regarding your marriage. By opening up a conversation, you can share your thoughts and feelings and tackle the issue together. A happy marriage involves two people who are being loved wholly and having their needs met.
Knowing Where You Stand
Though the only true way to know how your wife feels about you is to talk about it, there are some key indicators that she may be feeling distant from you.
- She’s disinterested and unavailable: If you feel as though your wife is unavailable emotionally to you, it may be challenging to feel close to her. In all relationships, we want to feel as though the person we care about is interested in our values, desires and dreams. If you feel her pulling away from you, it’s possible that her priorities have shifted.
- Infidelity: Though not all marriages end after a breach of trust has occurred, it can put a heavy strain on any relationship. If your wife has been intimate with someone else, it can be difficult to accept and work through. It’s important that you are both committed to moving forward if you decide to stay together after an affair.
- Communication is lacking: Though it’s normal to go through ups and downs in a marriage, communication is essential at working through conflict. If you feel as though you can’t talk with your wife about your emotions, it will be difficult for you to work through any issues that arise. Even check-ins every once and a while to see how you are both doing can make a big difference in your overall connection.
- Conflict is constant: If you find yourself in arguments on a regular basis, it’s possible there is an underlying root cause to it. Though disagreements are normal in a marriage, it shouldn’t feel as though you are always at odds with one another. You two are a team, after all.
In order for things to change, a conversation is needed between you and your wife. Though you may feel nervous to bring it up, it’s the only way you will reach common ground. Regardless of the outcome of your conversation, being open and communicating gives both you and your wife the chance to connect and feel heard.
You may also want to preface the conversation by letting your wife know what you’d like to talk about ahead of time. This gives her the opportunity to think about anything she wants to bring up, and prepare herself emotionally. Though it can feel daunting to prepare for a heavy discussion, going into it with clear ideas of your needs can result in a healthier dynamic moving forward.
It’s important to communicate clearly and calmly. Tell your wife how you feel, and give her opportunities to do the same. If you sometimes have trouble expressing your emotions, it’s not a bad idea to write out your thoughts and feelings beforehand. For some people, this gives them the chance to eloquently describe their needs and wants in a concise way.
It’s also important to understand the ways that both of you feel most loved. Many couples find the vocabulary of the 5 Love Languagesto be a great way to assess each other’s needs. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts. By taking the time to understand what activities and gestures make you both feel loved, you can get to know each other on a deeper level. Having different love languages doesn’t make two people incompatible, so long as they are able to adapt to their partner’s needs.
If you and your wife try to have these discussions, but they turn into conflict or become unproductive, then it’s likely time to seek out a marriage counselor. Having a third party there to navigate the conversation can help bring productive solutions forward. Though some people feel intimidated by the idea of speaking to a professional, therapists work as an unbiased party that’s on your team. They can give you both the chance to feel listened to, and facilitate meaningful conversations that help you grow in your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married, couples therapy is a great way to learn tools to communicate in ways that help you both feel supported.
It’s important to understand what your wife is saying instead of getting argumentative or defensive. It’s possible that you may have to make compromises in order for both of you to feel comfortable moving forward. It isn’t necessarily changing yourself, but working on ways for both of you to find happiness in your marriage. Though this can take some effort and be challenging at first, it’s work that comes with a high reward.
After talking about what issues exist in your marriage, it’s important to be patient with your wife as you work through them together. Continuing to communicate about strides you're making, being appreciative of her efforts, and being committed to your promises can help you rekindle your trust and love for one another. Many couples find that continuing to attend couples therapy is helpful, regardless of whether or not their marriage is in a rough spot.
All relationships are a two-way street. Though it can be hard to feel as though your wife doesn’t love you anymore, there is still hope that you can find ways to reconnect and reestablish your relationship. By giving your relationship your time and care, you can grow into something even stronger.
If your partner is unwilling to engage in conversations with you about your marriage, or isn’t interested in working through conflict with you, it will be difficult to reach a common ground. Seeing a therapist individually can help you figure out if it’s possible for your needs to be met in your current marriage. Though love and commitment can be a beautiful part of life, so is your individual happiness.
If you ultimately decide that your marriage has reached a breaking point, then a separation may be the best step forward. At the end of the day, your happiness and wellbeing is important. Not all marriages last forever, but by maintaining respect and care for each other, you can find ways to move forward in a healthy way. This is especially true if there are children involved.
If you’re hoping to work through your feelings with your wife, ReGain has therapy options that can work for both of you. With an online therapist, you and your wife can find solutions from the comfort of your home. Couples counseling is an effective way to open up healthy communication between you and the person that you love. Therapists are specialized in providing tools that can be helpful for both of you, and to open up healthy discussions around the aspects of your marriage that aren’t working.
“My wife and I decided to give online couples counseling a go after finding traditional methods weren’t all that suited to our busy working and parenting lifestyle. Our counselor Donna Kemp has been amazing! We both feel she’s listened to us and given us the confidence to step out of our comfort zone to deal with problems that are easy to avoid. She is encouraging without being pushy. We’ve both responded very well to her and her methods and look forward to continuing on with Donna. Highly recommend!”
“Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and I the skills we needed to change the way we communicated and the way we understood each other. He is very non-judgmental and helps each person make sense of the others' feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal.”
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