To define unconditional love is to say that a person loves someone unselfishly, that they care about the happiness of the other person and will do anything to help that person feel happiness without expecting anything in return.
To put a definition another way, unconditional love is the type of love that exists between a parent and child, or even between a dog and his owner. It is a love that is given without expecting or even really caring if that love is returned. You love this person wholeheartedly, and nothing is going to change that. Unconditional love means that you accept one’s faults without judgment. While romantic love between two people is a means to love unconditionally, the concept of unconditional love refers to one or both individuals loving the other and expecting nothing back. You may be wondering if you are in a relationship that is defined in unconditional love but are unsure. This article will help you understand what it means to unconditionally love someone else and in return how you show this selfless act of love.
What Is Unconditional Love?
Unconditional love is a spontaneous expression that arises within a person’s heart and reflects complete and total love for someone else without needing any love in return. This type of love is shared without judgement and in complete trust. A simple way to describe unconditional love is to say that you love someone no matter what they say or do. A perfect example is the love a mother feels after the birth of her newborn child. When she looks into her child’s eyes, there is nothing that will keep the love from flowing from her heart into her child’s.
Conditional Vs. Unconditional Love
While we may hope to have unconditional love continue to reign in our hearts for the people we love, many times conditional love can take over our ability to love unconditionally. Conditional love can be considered a feeling of affection, pleasure, and attraction that is based on how completely another person matches our needs, wants, and personal desires. A person who loves conditionally will fall out of love with someone when they realize they do not fulfill their conditions, or expectations, or acts in a way they do not like. An example of conditional love would be loving your car because it's reliable. You love the car because it runs well. But if the car had major mechanical issues, you may no longer love that car. Your love for your car is conditional upon it working well.
Conditional love, therefore, is more about control than real love. You love someone or something because you are under the illusion of control. However, once that person or thing can no longer be "controlled," you no longer love it. This is why conditional love does not make for a healthy relationship whatsoever. If your partner is trying to control how you dress, act, and feel, then they are trying to make you live up to their ideal of you in their head, not the person you are. Accepting you completely for who you are is unconditional love. If there are strings attached to your relationship, such as a certain job, look, or status, then this love is not unconditional.
Passion can be a type of conditional love. Thus, when the passion runs out, sometimes anger or hatred will take its place. Both are incredibly strong emotions, and when someone we're passionate about does something to hurt us or otherwise change our opinion of them, that passion can turn to hatred. Mature, long-lasting relationships may have moments of passion, but not reflected in anger or hatred when the passion is not there. When two people have a stable, consistent, unconditional love underneath the passion, a loss in physical attractiveness or moments of discontent will not spur anger or despicable behavior when expectations are not met.
Falling in love typically does not occur in one day, nor is developing resentment towards one another. Love without conditions is a selfless act where lust and hostility are more self-centered emotions. Even if you find that you have expectations that make you doubt your love for someone when they let you down, you are still capable of loving unconditionally. The next section clarifies this sentiment.
Is Loving Unconditionally Possible?
You may ask yourself: is it possible to fall in love with someone unconditionally, and to keep loving them in an unconditional way? And the answer is: absolutely! Unconditional love is not something that happens naturally and without effort, though. It is an unconditional positive regard for the life of another person. Unconditional love is mature love, or romantic love, and so it may be too much to expect someone to love us unconditionally if we become clingy or overly dependent on the other person to fulfill our needs.
You may have heard that it is unhealthy to make your life all about your partner, and this is true. You need friends, hobbies, and other interests besides your partner to balance yourself. Relying too much on your partner to fulfill all your needs can burn a relationship out, and frankly, it's unfair to your partner.
You need to take care of yourself so that your relationship becomes the cherry on top of the cake, as opposed to the whole cake. Once you ensure that your own needs have been met, then you have a much better chance of seeing your relationship blossom into one that is respectful and filled with love.
How To Know If You Love Unconditionally In A Relationship
Unconditional positive regard for another is not always fluid. It is also found not just the love that parents feel for their children or animals for their owners. Romantic love can become unconditional love, too - in fact, "true love" is synonymous with its unconditional form. You'll know you have this feeling for another person when you do not judge that person for their faults, and when you feel and express empathy when they have had a bad day. Even when they take their frustrations of their day out on you, you still love them.
You may enjoy being around your partner when they are at their best. However, unconditional love is reflected when you accept your partner when they are at their worst. A bit of advice often offered is when you are trying to decide if the person you are with is the person to marry. Unconditional positive regard means if they have seen you at your worst and they are still in love with you, that one's a keeper.
Every person will have a bad day, or sometimes be in a bad mood. We will all have our personal rough patches, which may lead to rough patches in your relationship. However, this means no matter what the future holds, you have the faith and confidence that you and your partner will support each other.
When you have unconditional love and are loved unconditionally, you do not feel the need to play head games with each other. You know not to take it personally when they are in a bad mood. Furthermore, you encourage them to talk about their feelings and offer them the patience and compassion they need to get through it. Above all, you know you are both share unconditional love for the long haul and are unable to see yourselves ever being with anyone else. It means you feel safe with them, and them with you.
The Difference Between Unconditional Love And Abuse
If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.
Some people may misconstrue this meaning by interpreting it to mean that you are justified in loving your partner no matter how they badly they treat you. This is not a healthy relationship with your partner. Unconditional love does not justify abuse.
Healthy boundaries are essential to healthy relationships. If someone consistently violates your boundaries, then they do not love you unconditionally. Their love is contingent on their ability treat you however they want, without regard to your feelings. Furthermore, if you feel as though you unconditionally love someone despite abuse, then this is not true unconditional love either. You be dealing with manipulation from the person abusing you and your own personal anxieties about life without them.
Unconditional love is meant to overlook the little annoyances in a relationship, like eating the last donut and leaving the empty box on the counter or forgetting to put the toilet seat down. Unconditional love is not meant to forgive your partner being physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive toward you. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important that you get help and get out.
Unconditional love is rooted in caring for another person and being cared for in return. It is not supposed to be a reaction to our partners out of an obligation to them because it is expected of us. The main thing to Remember that unconditional love is about acceptance, compromise, and sacrifice. If your partner is not meeting you will the same, you may be dealing with destructive self-sacrifice.
Is Unconditional Love Important When Looking For A Soulmate?
You do not have to be dating someone long to feel unconditional love for that person. Some of us feel it right from the outset. However, it can turn conditional when you begin to be critical of the relationship or our partner, looking for signs as to whether you could live with that person for the long haul.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it might be better for you to be able to change your unconditional love to conditional love so that you can properly evaluate the relationship before going any deeper into a commitment with this person. We all know that couple that married quickly after meeting and only realized when it was too late that their partner was not compatible with them, that they lacked the necessary communication and problem-solving skills that make great marriages work.
The idea of a "soulmate" is that the conditional love and the unconditional love will eventually overlap, making this person your ideal partner. Are soulmates real? A lot of us put stock in meeting our "soulmate," yet it is naïve to believe that in a world consisting of billions of people, there is only one person out there for you.
While the romantic notion of a soulmate is often hoped for, it is important to recognize that many different people can connect with you on that intimate level. The problem is that such a connection is rare, and so while it may feel like you are only able to experience with with one person, keep your heart open to the possibility that you have a choice.
This is very important to remember if you feel you have found your soulmate, and then things go awry. Maybe your partner turns out to be the opposite of who you thought they were. Or, perhaps even sadder, maybe you did find your ideal partner, and then they passed away. It can give you hope to know, though, that there are other soulmates out there for you. You may have to do a lot of work to find another one, but they are out there, which can help encourage you to continue your search.
Reaching For Professional Support
Wanting to share unconditional love in your relationship is a valiant goal, especially when you are just beginning to see someone new that you deeply care for. You may also be in a long-term relationship and are hoping to develop a closer bond or have noticing you are drifting apart. Couples counseling is a wonderful place for you and your partner to work through any obstacles you are experiencing, such as unmet expectations and difficult in resolving conflict. Some people will seek individual therapy to develop relationship skills and heal any past experiences that are keeping them from opening up to unconditional love. Whether you are seeking individual or relationship-based therapy, Regain has a diverse array of therapists available to help you. You can be confident in knowing that online therapy is equally effective as in-person therapy in treatment benefits while enjoying the comfort of therapy in your own personal space. Reaching for professional mental health support can be a difficult first step, but you will be happy to have taken that step towards your mental health and well-being of your relationship.
Takeaway
Therapy is a personal experience. Even when different people are seeking help for the same challenge, for example relationship counseling, they will have a unique path to understanding themselves and their current or future partners. Being open to self-discovery and exploration will help get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.
If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@regain.us. Regain specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns and relationship counseling.