Are Soulmates Real? The Danger Of Leaving Love To Fate
The notion of soulmates may be a romantic one. Believing that the person you've chosen to spend your life with (or the person you hope to find someday) is the only person for you might seem wonderful. In such a scenario, the two of you aren’t merely compatible personalities, but long-separated souls, overjoyed at the prospect of being able to reunite and spend another life together. Although the idea of finding your soulmate might seem like a beautiful prospect, it could do more harm than good.
What is a soulmate?
In concept, a soulmate is someone who is designed or destined to be with you. Some people believe a person can have several different soulmates, some of whom are better than others, while others believe in the idea of a single soulmate. A soulmate is usually considered a romantic partner rather than a friendly or familial partner. With as many people as there are on the planet, the likelihood of coming into contact with that one person designed especially for you is quite low. Thus, most people who believe in soulmates also believe that the universe or some other force is at work to bring the couple together.
Where did soulmates originate?
Soulmates have several reported points of origin. Thus, the most common origin story comes from ancient Greece where two-headed beings were said to be split in two by Zeus to make sure that the beings would not overpower him. According to the story, they were left wandering the earth forever, desperate to reunite with their other half. While most people don't subscribe to this idea of soulmates, many people continue to believe that one perfect person was made specifically for them. This belief may persist regardless of religious beliefs or cultural background.
The dangers of believing in soulmates
Although the idea of soulmates is often associated with romance, hope, and faith, it can be problematic for relationships. Believing that you are destined to be with someone can change how you look at your potential partner and the way you handle conflict and disappointment. Here’s how:
1) You are more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction
People who believe in soulmates are more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction because every instance of conflict feels like a failure. If you come into a relationship recognizing that the two of you will have differences of opinion and real conflicts, you can navigate your relationship more easily because not as much is at stake. Perhaps pain or difficulty in a standard relationship does not bear the same weight as pain and difficulty in a relationship you believe you are destined for.
2) You may assign intense significance to every relationship
Some relationships may start with a little spark of interest and quickly peter out after only a handful of dates or a couple of interactions. Typically, this is not problematic. The two of you can simply say your goodbyes, move on, and search for a better match. However, if you believe in soulmates, you might believe that every spark or connection is an indication that you’ve met your soulmate.
3) You may be more likely to write people off
People may associate soulmates with some powerful, magnificent story of how the two met and use this as proof that they are destined to be together. If you meet someone in a boring way like in the middle of a grocery store aisle, for instance, you might not be willing to overlook your seemingly meager start. Writing people off in this way can limit your ability to see people for who they are and get to know them better.
4) You may not work at your relationship
If you believe that the two of you are meant to be, you may be less likely to work hard at your relationship. You may feel like you don't have to put as much effort in since your relationship was written in the stars. Although it may initially seem romantic, viewing your relationship as a given does not provide much incentive to grow together. Conversely, viewing your relationship as a partnership that requires work, effort, and commitment may motivate you to work harder.
5) You might stay in an unhealthy relationship
If you are in a relationship marked by abuse or toxic behavior, you may feel stuck in the relationship. Specifically, you might feel that you cannot leave your relationship or partner behind because the two of you are destined to be together. If you feel as though you cannot leave someone who is causing you extreme pain or placing you in danger, it could be time to leave behind the notion of soulmates in favor of a healthier, more compassionate mindset.
The danger of fate
Believing that your life and decisions are not yours but are, instead, a series of events set into motion by someone outside of yourself effectively strips you of your power. This idea can make you feel as though you are a servant to the whims of fate or chance. While this might seem like a romantic idea, it may not be the healthiest one. It may be better to recognize that you are in control of your decisions and responsible for your actions. This realization can empower you to craft the life you want to live.
Giving up your autonomy can be problematic because it can create unhealthy codependent tendencies within relationships. It can also make both partners feel resentful, burdened, and frustrated when the relationship is not as smooth sailing as you might expect with soulmates. You could also feel as though you cannot reach out for help since your life is not something to cultivate, care for, and enrich but is instead left up to chance and fate. What initially seems romantic can become a breeding ground for pressure, pain, and resentment.
Healthy alternatives to soulmates
While believing in literal soulmates might be problematic, there is nothing wrong with believing that a person is uniquely suited to be in a relationship with you. These are people with whom you are extremely compatible, share common interests with, and seem to fit into your life perfectly. Believing in compatibility and connection can be less harmful to the relationship than a belief in soulmates.
Having high standards is another healthy alternative to soulmates. Having high standards means knowing what you want from a relationship and a partner and not deviating from those wants and needs. This, too, often gets confused with believing in soulmates, as people who espouse a belief in soulmates may feel as though only a destined match will be able to love, cherish, and respect them in the way they hope for and deserve. Consider that it does not require a soulmate to cultivate a strong, healthy bond. You may just need mutual love, respect, and commitment.
People who believe in soulmates are likely to attract other people who believe in soul mates, and the same is true of individuals seeking a healthy, mature, and stable attachment. If you are in search of a strong relationship that will stand the tests of time and trials, and you are willing to put in the work, you may naturally attract and encourage these types of connections in your life. Similarly, if you have unresolved trauma or desire an unhealthy form of attachment, you may also attract these things in a partner. The way you present yourself to the world and the type of treatment you accept and encourage can help determine whether you enter into a strong and healthy romantic partnership.
Replace unhealthy thought patterns in online therapy
In some cases, finding yourself in a healthy bond is not simply a matter of making sure that you keep your standards high and know what you want, but it can be a matter of seeking out healing and improving unhealthy or destructive habits. If you find that you consistently draw in unhealthy relationships and seem unable to find the love and connection you want, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. A licensed therapist like those at Regain can help you work through any unresolved trauma, unhealthy habits, or familial or cultural patterning that could be holding you back.
If you’re having trouble finding love, with a soulmate or otherwise, it can be challenging to reach out to a therapist for help. You might feel embarrassed about your troubles with dating, for example, or you could just be nervous about talking to a stranger about your love life. Online therapy could be a better alternative for you. Many people feel more at ease in a web-based setting as opposed to a clinical environment like a therapist’s office.
Online therapy is also just as effective as traditional office-based counseling. A comprehensive meta-analysis reviewed nearly 10,000 individual cases spanning various populations and mental health challenges. Researchers determined that people experienced similar outcomes, whether they attended therapy online or in person.
Takeaway
Soulmates might not be real, but loving, respectful relationships certainly are, and the work it takes to get there is worth the fight. You don’t have to navigate the dating world on your own, though. Regain can help—talk to a trained relationship counselor today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Are soulmates found or made?
“Are soulmates real?” is a question that many people have pondered over for as long as time itself. Many Americans believe in soulmates, but the concept is embedded into many parts of human culture.
The idea of a true soulmate may have roots specifically in Greek culture, but the question: “are soulmates real” should only apply to the present. In the eyes of many, you’ve found your soulmate if you believe you have or choose to spend the rest of your life with your partner. In this case, soulmates are not found but rather made through any given relationship's trials and tribulations.
The idea of soulmates as we know it (the idea that there is only being one person for you among the billions of people living) may seem too overwhelming, and you’re not alone if you feel this way. Many individuals don’t believe in the idea of a singular, perfect partner for this reason.
You may date someone you thought was your soulmate, but it may turn out that they don’t fit your personality or treat you with the respect you deserve. Going into relationships believing that your partner is “the one” or a soulmate may make you less critically aware of their flaws and other potential problems in the relationship or more exclusive of their behaviors.
Relationships are supposed to be fun and not stressful. If such a thing exists, a true soulmate will be a person who is always there to support you, no matter what.
Relationships are about accepting your partner for both their strengths and weaknesses. You may find your soulmate by going through life with someone you trust. There are people from all over the world, such as Americans believe in soulmates. Through the experiences that you both endure, such as going out to dinners, adopting a pet, or having a child, the feelings you have about those experiences and how you feel about your partner come together and help you make them your soulmates real.
How do you know you found your soulmate?
If you are in a relationship with someone you deeply care for, you may think or know that they are your soulmate without even asking yourself. If you have a special someone in your life who is with you during unpredictable real-life moments, helps shoulder burdens for you, and helps take care of or support you, you’ve found someone who will likely never give up on you regardless of whether they’re your legitimate soulmate.
When someone asks, “are soulmates real?” they may want to know if there is one person out there that best suits their personality. But, for many, it’s challenging to find one single person who will meet all of your wants and desires.
Instead, one answer to the question: “are soulmates real?” is that they are real if you put in the time and effort into a relationship and make someone whom you care about your soulmate.
Are soulmates meant to be together?
The concept behind the question “are soulmates real” may allude to people wanting to know if they are destined to meet someone and spend the rest of their life with them forever. Many people believe soulmates are meant to complement one another, but whether or not this is true (and whether or not soulmates exist) depends on your opinion and experiences.
The idea of soulmates being fated to spend time together may seem depressing if you have yet to find your soulmate or were betrayed by someone who appeared to be “the one.”
Fortunately, if your concept of a soulmate is someone who will spend their time with you and vice versa, then you may be able to make your fate come true by finding someone whom you like and accepting them as your life partner or soulmate.
In this way, you may find more enjoyment out of your relationships without having to worry that a person’s flaws could be the undoing of the entire relationship. If anything, relationships are about celebrating the strengths and flaws of both persons.
In a sense, soulmates are meant to be together. But your soulmate can be who you choose to be your soulmate.
There is merit in asking, “are soulmates real,” but if you let go of the idea of soulmates and believe in yourself and your ability to find someone who trusts you and vice versa, you may have the best chance of setting yourself up for success.
Remember that it’s okay for things to take time. It does not matter how long it takes to find your soulmate or a life partner. Relationships are not an ending but the beginning of a beautiful future.
Do soulmates cheat?
According to the definition most people have of a soulmate, soulmates don’t cheat on each other. Soulmates often have the interests and emotions of their partner in mind or are believed to.
If you’re in a relationship with someone less than loyal, it can be hard to accept that they might not be who you thought. It can be even harder to let go of the idea of them being “the one” or the image of them that you may be holding onto in your mind.
It helps to remember that soulmates if they are real and if you decide to believe in them, are meant to be those who treat us the best and love us the most. Those who truly love us will avoid hurting us, so it’s likely best to let go of those in our lives who do.
Can soulmates be toxic?
Even if you think you’ve found your soulmate, toxic behavior is something to take seriously. Soulmates, or those we consider to be soulmates, can still exhibit these concerning behaviors. It’s important not to make excuses for your partner’s actions.
Soulmates don’t exhibit nasty, toxic, or abusive behavior toward one another. Soulmates may disagree, fight, and go through rough hurdles in their relationship. But no matter their fight, soulmates are always respectful of one another.
Many Americans believe in soulmates (as do individuals worldwide), and there’s not necessarily any harm in doing so. However, it’s always crucial to remember not to let the belief in soulmates cloud one’s judgment when avoiding toxic people or situations.
Can soulmates forget each other?
Soulmates don’t forget each other, at least not according to how many of us understand soulmates. Most soulmates remember one another because they have a significant and irreplaceable bond, whether platonic or romantic.
You may find your soulmate in a friend, a romantic partner, or another acquaintance. No matter who your soulmate is, you’ll likely keep some memory of them for as long as you live; after all, no one else is meant to be able to replicate this level of connection.
The answer to the question “are soulmates real?” is one that may never be fully answered, but no matter what you choose to believe, choosing to value your connections with others in your life is always worthwhile.
Do soulmates hurt each other?
If you’ve pondered the question, “are soulmates real?” you’ve likely considered how the actions of partners you’ve had, regardless of whether or not they’ve been your soulmate, have impacted your life and your mental health.
Whether or not they’re real, soulmates are meant to be individuals who prioritize their partner or soulmate above all else, including their happiness and ability to communicate their feelings.
If someone in your life is constantly hurting, manipulating, or otherwise upsetting you, it’s unlikely they’re worth spending time around, soulmate or not.
Can soulmates feel each other?
Some believe that soulmates can feel each other’s emotions or other feelings through instinct, experience, and love for one another. It’s certainly possible that, after spending a lot of time with someone, one can predict or read their behavior or facial expressions better than anyone else.
Finding a soulmate may seem like the ultimate end goal in life, but it doesn’t have to be, especially if you don’t believe in soulmates. Some people feel happy when they have found their soulmate. Others are satisfied living independently or focusing on a variety of friendships and relationships.
No matter what, forming worthwhile relationships and spending time on them is sure to bring you closer to others in your life and, as a result, make you happier.
Does everyone have a soulmate?
Are soulmates in your life forever?
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