How To Overcome Unrequited Love
Unrequited love can be painful. Whether it's for someone you used to be romantically involved with or someone you loved from afar, it can be difficult to pine for someone who is not in love with you and never will be. When the love of your life has found happiness with someone else, it can be even more heartbreaking. But all hope is not lost. It may be possible to overcome unrequited love and move on to the happiness you deserve.
What Is Unrequited Love?
One definition for love that's unrequited is "one-sided love that is not returned by the object of one's affection". The love may not be returned because the person does not feel the same way or may not even be aware that the other person has feelings for them.
Coping With Love That's Unrequited
Unrequited or unreturned love can be miserable. At the same time, though, you may not want to stop loving the person you care so deeply for. You might wonder how you can you cope when you have such a deep-seated love for someone who doesn't feel the same way.
It could help to know that you're not alone. Many people may experience unrequited love, and they may even feel like a hopeless romantic at some point in their lives. It might also be important to pay attention to whether this is a pattern in your life. Ask yourself if you tend to fall in love with individuals who are unavailable or who you know will never love you back. It is not uncommon for people with insecurities to unconsciously seek out unrequited love to confirm their fears that they don’t deserve love.
This could be one reason why some women find themselves falling in love with gay men, men who could never see them as a romantic possibility. Of course, if they came forward with their love, then their advances may be rejected, which is why they may fool themselves into believing they are perfectly happy loving someone from afar.
Another way unreturned love can sting is after a break-up. When a couple breaks up, it may be because one person no longer wants to remain in the relationship. The partner who is on the receiving end of the breakup may feel rejected and may remain in a state of unrequited love for a lengthy period of time. Feelings of love for their ex may persist until they can move forward on their own or find someone new.
Quotes About Unreturned Love
Sometimes, we can find ourselves in so much pain that we can't even think of words to express it. Perhaps we're still in the throes of love that's unrequited, and we feel a bit pathetic. We might feel like no one else has ever gone through this before. Still, innumerable people have suffered from unrequited love at one time or another. It can help to read other people's opinions on the topic when we're feeling especially alone or despondent:
"The knowledge that she would never be loved in return acted upon her ideas as a tide acts upon cliffs." - Thornton Wilder
"The sun's gone dim, and the moon's turned black; for I loved him, and he didn't love back." - Dorothy Parker
"Love may have the longest arms, but it can still fall short of an embrace." - Megan McCafferty
"Too many of us are hung up on what we don't have, can't have, or won't ever have. We spend too much energy being down when we could use that same energy - if not less of it - doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we really want to do." - Terry McMillan
Perhaps the best way to move on from love that's unrequited is to allow time to pass. It may also help to give up on the search for closure. When someone still has strong feelings for their ex, which often happens after a break-up, the person left hanging may not always get the satisfaction that closure can bring. In this case, they might begin to look for closure on their own. For instance, they may check their ex's Facebook page to see if he has moved on with someone new. However, every day that he doesn't post a picture of himself with a new partner, they might also hold onto the hope that he's come to his senses and may return to the relationship.
The trouble is that the hope of reconciling could be holding you back from moving on from the relationship. In the long run, it may be beneficial to accept that the relationship was not meant to be. After some time has passed, and you have recovered from the hurt, you might find that there’s someone out there better suited for you.
How To Find Closure
Even though you may not receive direct closure from your unrequited love, you can still find a piece of it on your own. For instance, you may want to write your unrequited lover a letter (even if you never actually send it). The simple process of writing down your thoughts and feelings can bring you closer to moving on.
You can also talk with friends or begin a new hobby such as a fitness routine or even an art class, for example. Getting in touch with who you are can remind you that you're strong enough to move forward on your own.
Therapy may be one of the most useful tools available to you while moving on from unrequited love. A counselor can be an unbiased listening ear and someone who asks the right questions to understand your current situation better. This understanding can lead to a deeper form of closure and the ability to get over your unreturned love for good.
Reaching out for help recovering from unrequited love might feel intimidating, though. It could be that you’re experiencing some negative emotions like shame, rejection, or humiliation. It’s not always easy to talk about these feelings with a stranger. An online setting could put you at ease and help you to open up about your feelings. Internet-based counseling might also be more convenient since not everyone has the time to drive to an appointment during regular office hours.
This form of counseling is also supported by scholarly research in the field of psychotherapy. A comprehensive meta-analysis performed by researchers reviewed nearly 10,000 distinct cases and found no significant difference between online counseling and in-person therapy in terms of outcomes. The study followed various populations experiencing a wide range of mental health challenges and conditions.
If you are struggling with love that's unrequited, consider reaching out to one of our licensed counselors for help and advice. A professional mental health counselor can help you move forward with your life and eventually fall in love with someone who loves you back. They can validate what you are going through while still pointing you in the direction of moving on. Take the first step today.
Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors from people experiencing similar issues:
"I was really nervous starting because I didn't know what to expect. After a few minutes of talking to her, I felt at ease. So far, she has been understanding and made me feel like my situation isn't completely hopeless. Every time I talk with her, I have felt relief, and my thoughts feel less jumbled than before."
"I don't know what I would have done without Harry. I was in a super low place, and I was not sure what my problems were or how to solve them, but he was able to help me get to the bottom of my problems and work through them. Today, I am happy and feeling like myself again. He was so easy to talk to and worked with me whenever I needed him. Even on vacation, he took time to call me and talk through whatever I was going through. I would highly recommend him."
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I get over the pain of unrequited love?
Love is an emotion that has a powerful effect on us. It is one thing that we do not completely understand, nor can we effectively express it, yet we immediately recognize it when we experience it. Being head over heels in love is beautiful and romantic love can be a thrilling experience. The problem with romantic love is that the object of your love might not feel the same way you do. This is what is referred to as unreciprocated love.
Unreciprocated love can be an awful and unpleasant experience. It hurts to experience unrequited love because your ideal love relationships cannot become a reality. It can also affect a person’s self-esteem because rejection can make us feel like we aren’t good enough for the person we want to be with.
You can take a few steps that will help you get over the pain of unreciprocated love. These steps are part of a practice known as love control. Studies show that love control is effective for the management of intense emotions. These steps are:
Allow Yourself to Feel Sad:
Feeling sad about unreciprocated love is normal. When you’re in love, you experience powerful emotions that can be overwhelming. When you experience unrequited love, you are forced to accept that your ideal relationship won’t be possible; this can be quite tough. It will take you time to fully accept and process the sense of loss you’re experiencing. By allowing yourself to be sad, you’ll deal with the emotions immediately, which is better than bottling them up. This is the healing process that will enable you to move on after you experience unrequited love.
Keep yourself occupied:
This does not mean you should distract yourself. By keeping yourself busy, you will prevent any unpleasant emotions from exacerbating. It will also help you get over them quickly. One of the best ways to address the past is to stay in the present. By moving on, you will get to a place where you can address the past without being brought down by unpleasant emotions. So work, have fun, listen to music and keep moving forward.
Get Back Into The Dating Scene: Once you feel you are ready to get back into the dating scene, you should feel free to do so. This will help you move on from unrequited love and will open up opportunities for you to meet new people.
How do you stop thinking about someone?
Falling in love is an overwhelming experience. You constantly feel affection towards a specific person. This can make you uncomfortable and nervous when you’re around them but lonely and sullen when you’re not.
Being head over heels in love with someone means your attention is almost always on them. It can be annoying to be unable to stop thinking about someone. So what are some tips that can help you stop thinking about someone?
You can do this by focusing on a task or hobby or picking up a new interest and dedicating yourself to it. This allows you to focus on the things you have control over and increase your productivity while keeping you from being distracted by thoughts about that person.
Assess Your Thoughts:
This means you should take a meditative step back and study your thoughts. This allows you to notice patterns that will enable you to understand your emotions. When you understand the reality of your feelings for that person, you will be able to make pragmatic choices, and you won’t be overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions.
Write Down Your Thoughts:
Writing is a more effective form of thinking. It allows you to layout your thoughts and emotions in an observable and decipherable manner while giving you clarity and allowing you to consider things from a new perspective. Writing down your thoughts and feelings will help you understand them and loosen the weight of burdening thoughts. Research indicates that emotional expression can help you get over negative and repressed feelings quicker. Writing is a form of emotional expression.
Keep A Healthy Distance:
This is important. Keeping a healthy distance from your love interest allows you to exercise self-control and lowers the risk of making rash decisions. It also gives you the space to heal and understand your feelings and decide the right thing to do. Increasing your capacity to love yourself will help you love others more healthily.
How long can unrequited love last?
Love is a complex emotion that can be overwhelming and intense. When true love becomes heartbreak, it can be difficult to get over it and move on. The emotions that follow unreciprocated love are not emotions you have control over. These emotions can stay for long periods, and while experiencing them, they might seem inescapable.
However, we can make this experience shorter and more bearable. We can do this by:
- Keeping a healthy distance from the person, you have feelings for
- Focusing on a task or a hobby you enjoy
- Practicing self-love and self-development
- Assessing and understanding your feelings and love situation
- Allowing yourself to have feelings for other people
Can you ever stop loving someone if you truly loved them?
The idea that love can end is a frightening one. There are few things we have control of in life, and love is not one of them. Humans have a huge capacity to love. But, as powerful and intense as love can be, it can also leave and even be replaced by negative feelings. This does not mean you were not in true love. It simply means you were once in love and no longer are. You can stop loving someone you truly loved the same way you can love someone you once hated. The idea that love cannot change is untrue. Emotions change sporadically, and sometimes we have no control over them. However, there are ways to fuel and sustain love, both your love for someone and their love for you. But even then, nothing is guaranteed in a love situation.
What’s the quickest way to get over someone?
The quickest way to get over someone would be to confront your emotions and embrace their reality. Sometimes, we cannot let go of problematic emotions because we are yet to solve them. If you take the time to assess and understand your emotion, your perspective on the situation will become less emotionally fueled and based on reality. Understanding the reality of lost love makes it easier to accept it and move on. But if you attempt to run from your emotions, you might find yourself trudging in them for a long time.
Why is it painful to feel unrequited love?
What are effective ways to move forward and heal from unrequited love?
How do you heal from unrequited love by focusing on other relationships in your life?
Can unrequited love lead to mental health disorders?
Why does it hurt so much to be abandoned by the one we love?
Can a person's lack of feelings develop into something deeper?
Can unrequited love cause physical sickness?
Is it possible to be friends with someone who abandoned your love?
How does unrequited love affect someone's mental health?
Is unrequited love dangerous?
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