How To Get Over Trust Issues To Improve Your Relationship

Content warning: This article includes references to trauma and other topics that may be considered triggering. Please proceed with discretion. If you are experiencing or witnessing any form of abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

You may have heard the term “trust issues” used to describe having difficulty trusting friends, partners, or loved ones. But what does it actually mean to have trust issues, and what happens to a person’s relationships when they struggle to open up to others? We will explore the answers to these questions, as well as ways of combatting trust issues, in this article.

What does it mean to have “trust issues”?

Often, the term “trust issues” is used to refer to a tendency to distrust other people’s words, actions, or promises. When a person has trust issues, they may struggle to believe that other people will follow through on what they say, approach interactions with suspicion, and have difficulty opening up. 

Trust issues can take a variety of forms, and they can manifest in a variety of ways. Common signs of challenges trusting others include, but are not limited to: 

• Constantly doubting yourself or others
• Fear of betrayal or abandonment
• Avoidance of commitment
• Suspicion of other people’s motives 
• Persistent pessimism about relationships
• Distancing oneself from others or sabotaging relationships
• Difficulty forgiving others
  

Trust issues are often grounded in past experiences, mental health disorders, or some combination of the two—whether or not a person’s doubts about others end up being proven correct. Common factors that can lead to the development of trust issues include:

• Previous trauma or abuse
• An insecure attachment style
• Past betrayal—whether in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a relationship with family members
• Childhood rejection, trauma, or neglect
• Certain mental health conditions, such as paranoid personality disorder (PPD), post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder

How trust issues can affect a relationship

When a person has trust issues, this can create challenges in their romantic, platonic, and familial relationships. Not being able to form trusting connections with others can lead to social isolation, a lack of support structures, and other mental health challenges. 

Trust is the foundation of a healthy romantic relationship. In order to make the most of your connection with your partner, it’s important to be able to feel safe, secure, and able to be yourself around them, without fear of judgment or betrayal. Without the ability to be vulnerable around your significant other, or to rely on them when times get tough, you may find yourself feeling insecure, alone, or on edge. This can lead to stress, conflict, and potentially even unfounded accusations, all of which can put significant strain on a relationship. 

Managing trust issues 

Needless to say, trust issues can cause challenges in relationships of all types. However, with time and dedication, trust issues are also possible to overcome. If you would like to improve your ability to trust people, you can start by taking the following steps:

Practice healthy communication. Honest, healthy communication and trust often go hand-in-hand. When you are free to be open about your emotions, and to discuss what’s bothering you without fear of repercussions, trusting others may become easier. Practicing good communication habits, such as being honest about your emotions and challenges, and making others aware that you have difficulty trusting, can be a good starting point for building connections with others.

Find common ground. Sometimes, it can be easier to trust others when you have something in common with them. When you know you share this common ground, you may already have the foundation of an honest and open interaction. Consider topics that you might feel safe discussing openly with others, such as hobbies, current events, or other shared interests, and try building conversations around them. 

Accept that building trust takes time. Trusting others can be difficult, especially if you haven’t known them that long. Trust can take a long time to build in relationships, which is why it may be important to remember that there may be a period of discomfort before you’re comfortable fully opening up. By accepting that this can be normal, and giving yourself permission to experience this part of the process, you may have an easier time getting past this initial stage of relationship-building. 

Consider counseling. It’s not uncommon for trust issues to cause significant distress—both for the people who have them, and for their romantic partners. For those in need of extra support in learning to trust others and foster healthy relationships, therapy may also be a worthwhile investment. A licensed counselor can help individuals identify the root cause of their trust issues, developing a custom treatment plan for learning to open up, practicing vulnerability, and strengthening their relationships. Whatever the source of the trust issues, therapy can be an invaluable resource for learning to manage them, for both individuals and couples.

That said, attending in-person therapy sessions isn’t always feasible. For those whose trust issues are linked to anxiety or previous traumatic experiences, leaving the house to commute to a therapist’s office can be challenging. For this reason, online therapy, through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals) may be an attractive alternative, thanks to the ability to attend counseling from wherever is most convenient. 

Online counseling has been found to be as effective as in-person therapy for helping both individuals and couples. A 2022 study found that couples counseling administered via videoconference led to similar improvements in relationship satisfaction, anxiety, stress, and depression as in-person therapy. Meanwhile, a study published in 2017 found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was effective at treating various mental health conditions, including generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and phobias. 

Takeaway

Trust issues can have a variety of symptoms, including persistent suspicion of others, difficulty being vulnerable, fear of betrayal, and difficulty forming close relationships. There are a variety of potential causes of trust issues, including mental health disorders, childhood experiences, and certain attachment styles. Left unchecked, trust issues can cause challenges in both platonic and romantic relationships, but they can be addressed by practicing healthy communication habits, looking for safe topics to open up about, and accepting that building trust takes time.

If you find that trust issues are causing challenges in your relationships, you can also consider therapy through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals).