Dating Someone Who’s Been Hurt In A Relationship? Here’s How To Help Them Trust Again

It's uncommon to move through the world of romance and dating without being hurt at one point or another, and for many, being hurt in the dating scene is almost expected. While the nature, variations, and extent of hurt feelings can vary depending on many factors, learning how to process the experience in a healthy, productive way is essential for healing.

Everyone deals with emotional challenges in their way, but when someone is consistently or repeatedly hurt in the dating scene, they may become jaded. Hurt feelings can cause someone to approach dating from a more cautious angle, requiring more time to open up and develop deep bonds or connections with others.

As you navigate the dating world, you may encounter someone you’re interested in who has been hurt. If you are involved or would like to be involved with someone like this, the experience of dating them may differ from dating someone else. Because of their dating experiences, they may struggle with building trust again. You may not be able to change the past, but there are steps you can take to help someone hurt in a past relationship so you can build a bond and gain their trust.  

Five ways to help someone who's learning to trust again while dating

Helping someone who is learning to trust after being hurt is possible. However, it's essential to approach matters with realistic expectations. You alone did not cause the damage inhibiting their ability to their trust, nor can you solely be the one to fix things for them. You can help, but ultimately, the individual must be receptive to assistance.

With that being said, under the right circumstances, the following steps can be helpful when it comes to helping a person learn to trust again after being hurt.

1. Let them know you're okay with taking things slowly

Trust can be restored, but it won’t likely happen overnight. Even though you are not responsible for the hurts this person experienced, they may still need to take things slowly for their own mental and emotional health. Letting them know you don’t want to rush things and are prepared to move according to what makes them most comfortable can make an immense difference.

When dating someone, taking things slowly allows you to vet one another carefully. This also allows someone hurt in a past relationship to determine whether they feel comfortable trusting you. When you take things slowly, it's also important not to view their hesitancy as a personal slight against you. Learning to trust again after being hurt is a courageous step, but it takes time for each person to work through things at their own pace.

2. Accept them for who they are

Some people enter relationships with the belief or expectation that they can change or mold someone. This is unhealthy, but it also tends to create significant problems later. Accepting someone for who they are is a sign that you value, cherish, and respect them. This goes a long way, especially with someone who has been hurt before. 

3. Be yourself

Authenticity is paramount in life and relationships. When dating and helping someone learn to trust again, being yourself becomes even more important. Not only does it allow the other person to get to know you, but it also sets a positive example. Behaviors and emotions can be contagious, and many individuals tend to pick up the habits of others around them. When you can confidently be who you are, it can encourage the other person to do the same. Over time, this sets a positive tone and lays the groundwork for trust.

4. Be a good listener

Active listening is impactful in many areas of life, particularly for reading others’ emotions.  When someone knows that you're listening and you care about what they have to say, it lays the groundwork for trust between you. It may be tempting to try and carry the conversation, especially when you’re eager to put someone’s mind at ease, but sometimes a listening ear is more impactful than words for cultivating trust. 

5. Encourage them to work on it, too

When you're dating, following the steps listed above can be beneficial in helping someone learn to trust after being hurt. That said, it's essential to remember that cultivating trust in the relationship requires effort from both of you. You can be a positive force in their life, accept who they are, and be a good listener, but ultimately, trusting again after being hurt is their decision. If someone struggles with trust after you feel you’ve done all you can to put them at ease, it’s best not to take it personally. Learning to trust again after being hurt can sometimes take years, and regardless of how much you may care for someone or want to help them, they first need to be ready and willing to receive help.

Online therapy offers couples space to build trust in a relationship

It’s common for people who’ve had a painful relationship to feel vulnerable about letting others in. They may experience isolation and loneliness and, for a while, feel like they have no one to turn to. Trying to help someone you’re dating learn to trust after being hurt in a past relationship may take some time, effort, and cooperation. 

Moving past these feelings is possible with help and support. This can come from you, but advice from a mental health professional can help your partner reach their healthiest potential in a balanced, independent way. Online therapy platforms like Regain match people with experienced therapists from various backgrounds and specialties tailored to the individual’s unique needs. Teletherapy is easy, accessible, convenient, and often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance. 

People using Regain can speak to a therapist on their schedule, anywhere, with an internet connection via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat. According to a growing body of research, online therapy is also as effective as traditional therapy for treating mental health challenges like anxiety and depression that can emerge due to trust issues. 

Takeaway

Whether you’d like to explore individual counseling, couples counseling, or both, a Regain therapist can help resolve issues of past mistrust so your partner can learn to trust again and you can cultivate a healthy, happy partnership together.