How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Over On Your Own
Medically Reviewed By Audrey Kelly, LMFTFor those in a relationship that seek therapy and advice, the decision is often made because partners recognize existing issues. Still, they don't know how to begin dealing with these issues, so they require tools and professional help. However, this is not the only time a decision to seek help is made. Sometimes, couples may seek out counseling because they don't think that their relationship will last, and they need someone else to look at the current situation or tell them that it is over.
But let's face it: seeking the help of a third party to tell you whether a relationship is over can be a process that costs you time and money, and you may want to know how you can tell when your relationship is over on your own. Still, this is easier said than done. You want to be sure that a relationship is over. You don't want to break off a relationship prematurely if both parties still want to continue the relationship and are willing to work towards it.
Maybe you've been seeing signs for a while and haven't wanted to admit it to yourself. Maybe you're wondering if those little things you've been noticing are signs or if you're overthinking things and are overreacting. Perhaps you want to make sure that you feel the same way you used to about your partner and that love hasn't been lost over the course of time and conflict. No matter what the reason may be that you doubt your relationship, you want to know how to tell if your relationship is over so that you can figure out what you're going to do next. Here are some helpful pieces of advice that will make it easier to do so.
You're Unhappy, And You Can't Make It Better
If you find yourself unhappy in your relationship, the first thing to do is try to look at what's making you unhappy and whether or not you and your partner together can fix it. Sit down and come up with a list of things that you are unsatisfied with within your relationship, contribute to your lack of happiness and the overall state of the relationship, and then develop some potential solutions. (A lack of solutions is a good indication that there is nothing that can't be done.) Once you've determined what the problem is and how it can be fixed (if it can be fixed), you have a second question to ask yourself, do you want to fix it? Although there may be a problem that is more than possible to repair so that the relationship can return to the way it used to be, other issues may contribute to this minor issue that you can't fix. For example, maybe you have fallen out of love with your partner and don't feel the same way about them that you used to. Maybe you've grown fond of someone else and would prefer to break off the relationship to pursue them. Perhaps you are instead focused on life goals and are no longer interested in keeping a relationship going. If there is a reason such as this getting in the way of your relationship, this is another indication that the relationship may need to come to an end.
If you are unhappy and there's nothing that either of you can or want to do, then your relationship is over, and it's important to look for a way to end things as amicably as you can. At the very least, you want to get out of the relationship quickly, rather than dragging on with something you're not happy with. Your happiness is just as key as your partner's happiness, and you should not stay in a relationship that doesn't serve you. If you no longer feel the need to keep a relationship going, this is a major sign that it is over.
Your Partner Is Unhappy And Can't Make It Better
Another reason your relationship could be over would be if your partner is unhappy, and the two of you either can't or won't do what it takes to make them happy. This can often be harder for you than the first possibility, but it is necessary to approach this situation with the same mindset as you would if you were unhappy. The same rules apply to this issue as the last issue because if one or both of you are unwilling and unable to do what it takes to make them happy in the relationship, neither of you should be in it. After all, it's only going to continue making them unhappy, and at some point, the resentment from being stuck in a relationship that they don't want to be in is going to make you unhappy as well.
Before you decide to end the relationship, however, make sure to go through each of the exercises and questions listed in the section above. You always want to make sure that there are no potential solutions before you end a relationship prematurely, as ending it before it is time could create more issues for you or your partner in the future.
It's best to get out of the relationship while you can and before either of you end up even more unhappy. You both deserve a nice, happy life, and if you can't have that in a relationship, it's better to do without.
There Are Major Issues That Cannot Or Will Not Be Handled
When you're in a relationship that has been strained and has dealt with severe conflict for a long period, it can be difficult to tackle all the issues because it may seem that there are just too many to deal with. Another problem that may arise during this situation is that these issues have ruined your relationship dynamic so extensively that you barely speak with each other and may not feel like a couple at all. Equally, there are some issues that no one wants to deal with or cannot move on from, which presents a problem if you can work through some of the other issues but are still fighting over that major one that acts as a wedge between you and your partner. Sometimes, some major issues cannot be handled, and these existing issues have damaged your relationship to the point where there is nothing that can be done. You may also be in a situation where your partner or yourself refuse to handle some of the issues. If there is no desire to fix these issues, they are never going to be fixed, and you must deal with the fact that a refusal to move on indicates an ending point in the relationship.
It should also be noted that some things should not be moved past and should cause you or your partner to break off the relationship immediately. For example, if you or your partner are dealing with serious issues within the relationship such as serial infidelity, any abuse, or habitual lying resulting in major problems, no partner should be expected to sit around and deal with those issues. These kinds of issues are non-negotiable relationship closers, and you must leave a relationship with any of these qualities as soon as you can. An unhealthy relationship is not a relationship you should, in any way, be engaged in. If you are involved in such a relationship, there are plenty of available resources out there and online that will help you leave these kinds of partners and repair your life. Make sure to reach out for the help you need if you can relate to the above relationship dynamics so that you can heal from any trauma and get back to your life. You are worth much more than a partner who does not treat you how you deserve to be treated!
How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Over
So how do you tell? The best thing to do is look at the relationship itself and think about how it works for you. Are you happy? Are there things that you wish you could change that would make you happy? Is your partner unhappy? Are there things that you could change that would make them happy? More importantly, do you or your partner feel that things aren't the same? If so, do either of you wish to continue staying in the relationship? If the answer to any of the questions listed above is no, then your relationship could most certainly be over necessarily, but you will still need to consider the feelings of you and your partner before you make any decisions. If there is still love and a desire to move forward with the other person, there is hope! However, if one or both partners are no longer interested, there is no relationship to carry on with, and you will want to end that relationship to move on with your life.
In the end, it's important to think about what everyone wants and what will make you happy. Being happy is the most important thing to be in your relationship and is also the most important thing to be in your life. After all, you only get one. So, if a relationship no longer provides you with what you're looking for, don't stay in an unhappy relationship. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to make things work, seeing a therapist could be one way to help you along your relationship improvement path so that you can get back to the relationship that you previously had with your partner. With ReGain, you can get the therapist that you want and set up a session with them without ever having to leave the comfort of your home. If a better relationship is in the cards, seek out the help of a qualified online therapist to get started!
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do You Know When A Relationship Is Really Over?
A relationship can be finished long before you realize it. Just like the red flags that were initially ignored, so are some of the signs a relationship is over. A finished relationship that’s left to fester can cause anger and resentment, resulting in subsequent mental and/or emotional illness. So, know the signs. It may be time to move on if you notice any of these things in your relationship:
- You feel bored with the other person
- You don’t enjoy spending time with each other
- You refuse or neglect to communicate
- You’re afraid to share your thoughts and feelings
- You are no longer interested in sex with your partner
- You’re reluctant to make plans for the future
- You fight often, and usually about petty things
- You’ve become attracted to someone else
- Your friends and family don’t like your partner
- You experience abuse of any kind
If you no longer feel affectionate, don’t get upset when you think about your partner with another person, or stop wanting to work on the relationship altogether; it may be the end of the road. If your problems begin to affect your life or your ability to live it negatively, then make time to call a relationship expert for help. Many times, the issues that cause a breakup can be fixed with some couple’s counseling.
How Do You Know When To Call It Quits In Your Relationship?
Knowing when it’s time to call it quits in your current relationship is important to your mental and emotional health. Long-lasting unions with the wrong person can lead to anxiety, depression, and other disorders so, if you start feeling differently or begin losing sight of reality because of the conditions in your relationship, it may be time to break things off for a bit or seek relationship advice from an expert.
Meanwhile, many telltale signs say something is wrong. Most red flags can be uncovered just by spending time with your partner while observing their behaviors. However, these are some of the other signs that the relationship has seen better days:
- You’re no longer interested in pursuing a relationship
- You don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and emotions
- The thought of sex and/or affection is no longer appealing
- Your friends and family make disparaging comments
- You’re constantly fighting about things big and small
- Your goals, morals, and values don’t align
- You don’t want to spend time with your partner when you’re in a good mood
- You’re not excited about the future and stop making plans for it
- You get abused or neglected in any way
- The lines of communication break down completely
- You feel bored in the relationship
- You and/or your partner begin fantasizing about someone else
If you’re experiencing any of those things in your current relationship, it may be time to break up for a while or time to move on completely. Seek professional counseling for more personalized relationship advice or for help recognizing the signs a relationship is over.
How Do I Know If My Relationship Is Long-Lasting?
There are many signs a relationship is over, but how do you know when it’s long-lasting? In most cases, the beginning of a relationship is no indication of how things will ultimately be. In fact, that’s when you should be spending time with one another to catch any of the telltale signs that something might go wrong. These signs are often called “red flags,” but if you find none, then it might be the start of something permanent.
A relationship expert can help you figure things out more clearly, especially if you’re considering marriage or divorce. Most of the time, they’ll tell you to look for these # hallmarks of love longevity to be sure:
- You feel like you can be yourself around the other person.
- You’re not afraid to talk about the events of your past.
- You’d be happy to help the other person if they needed it.
- You celebrate accomplishments and mourn loss together.
- You’re not afraid to apologize and mean it.
- You both engage in active listening.
- Your goals, values, and morals are very similar.
- You don’t try to hurt each other when there’s a disagreement.
- You’re excited about the future together.
- You’ll confidently try new things with this person.
- Your bedroom life is spicy and adventurous.
- You practice honesty and openness despite life’s challenges.
If you catch many reg flags or suspect something is amiss in your relationship despite having a secure foundation, then it might be time to call a couple’s counselor for help. Please do this before deciding that it’s time to move on because most problems can be solved with the right therapies.
How Do I Break Up With Someone I Love?
When it’s time to break up with someone you love, things can get sticky. That’s because both people aren’t always on the same page about the future of the relationship. Just because you think it’s time to call it quits doesn’t mean they agree. However, there may be signs that your relationship needs to come to an end despite how you feel about one another. And if so, cutting ties is necessary, albeit tough.
Understanding the signs your relationship is over maybe the first step, but it’s not the last. In fact, breaking up with someone you love can be mentally and emotionally draining. The idea is to get your point across without hurting anyone’s feelings. However, that’s not always possible, so many people refuse to break up because of it. Unfortunately, knowing when it’s time to call it quits may help preserve the love and respect left in the relationship so that it may be required.
Therefore, the first step to breaking up with someone you love should be determining whether or not that’s what you actually want. Here are a few signs that might tell you its time to move on:
- The trust is gone
- You’re no longer attracted to them
- There has been too much hurt and trauma
- Your fights are unproductive
- You’re losing touch with reality
- You need space
Afterward, have an open and honest conversation with them about how you think and feel in regard to the relationship. Try to find time to break up in person; don’t do it over text, email, or phone because that’s considered rude. Spend time answering their questions, too, especially if they’re still in love or unconvinced of the signs your relationship should end. Here are some points to keep in mind while you do it:
- Priorities
- Deal-breakers
- Good intentions
- Honesty
- Compassion
Try to prepare yourself for an emotional experience. Understand that this is going to be uncomfortable. So, if all else fails, it may be time to call a relationship expert for guidance or couple’s therapy.
How Do You Respark A Dying Relationship?
A dying spark is a major sign that your relationship is failing. In fact, disinterest and discontent are two of the most common factors that contribute to breakups. If you’re feeling bored, unhappy, unfulfilled, or neglected, it may be time to move on or time to call for help. However, all couples should know that the beginning of a relationship is no indication of how things will end. Just because you’re having problems now doesn’t mean they will last forever.
Fortunately, there are a few ways to revive the spark if both people are willing and able to oblige. So, before chalking the problems up as signs that the relationship is over, do these 10 things instead:
- Take responsibility for your actions and mistakes.
- Apologize wholeheartedly in person.
- Create opportunities to regain trust.
- Be radical about your transparency and accountability.
- Be caring and compassionate about your partner’s anguish.
- Try to manage your expectations according to the new dynamics.
- Set aside time for thoughtfulness, meaningful conversation, and/or romance.
- Get physically affectionate as often as possible.
- Use skilled communication techniques like active listening and openness.
- Seek help from a mental health professional or relationship counselor.
If you notice a sign that the relationship you’re in is dying, start addressing it immediately. The longer you wait, the more difficult your problems will become to manage. For help determining the signs, a relationship should end or be re-sparked, talk to a relationship therapist.
