How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Over On Your Own

By Dylan Buckley|Updated June 23, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Audrey Kelly, LMFT

For those in a relationship that seek therapy and advice, the decision is often made because partners recognize existing issues. Still, they don't know how to begin dealing with these issues, so they require tools and professional help. However, this is not the only time a decision to seek help is made. Sometimes, couples may seek out counseling because they don't think that their relationship will last, and they need someone else to look at the current situation or tell them that it is over.

But let's face it: seeking the help of a third party to tell you whether a relationship is over can be a process that costs you time and money, and you may want to know how you can tell when your relationship is over on your own. Still, this is easier said than done. You want to be sure that a relationship is over. You don't want to break off a relationship prematurely if both parties still want to continue the relationship and are willing to work towards it.

Maybe you've been seeing signs for a while and haven't wanted to admit it to yourself. Maybe you're wondering if those little things you've been noticing are signs or if you're overthinking things and are overreacting. Perhaps you want to make sure that you feel the same way you used to about your partner and that love hasn't been lost over the course of time and conflict. No matter what the reason may be that you doubt your relationship, you want to know how to tell if your relationship is over so that you can figure out what you're going to do next. Here are some helpful pieces of advice that will make it easier to do so.

You're Unhappy, And You Can't Make It Better

If you find yourself unhappy in your relationship, the first thing to do is try to look at what's making you unhappy and whether or not you and your partner together can fix it. Sit down and come up with a list of things that you are unsatisfied with within your relationship, contribute to your lack of happiness and the overall state of the relationship, and then develop some potential solutions. (A lack of solutions is a good indication that there is nothing that can't be done.) Once you've determined what the problem is and how it can be fixed (if it can be fixed), you have a second question to ask yourself, do you want to fix it? Although there may be a problem that is more than possible to repair so that the relationship can return to the way it used to be, other issues may contribute to this minor issue that you can't fix. For example, maybe you have fallen out of love with your partner and don't feel the same way about them that you used to. Maybe you've grown fond of someone else and would prefer to break off the relationship to pursue them. Perhaps you are instead focused on life goals and are no longer interested in keeping a relationship going. If there is a reason such as this getting in the way of your relationship, this is another indication that the relationship may need to come to an end.

If you are unhappy and there's nothing that either of you can or want to do, then your relationship is over, and it's important to look for a way to end things as amicably as you can. At the very least, you want to get out of the relationship quickly, rather than dragging on with something you're not happy with. Your happiness is just as key as your partner's happiness, and you should not stay in a relationship that doesn't serve you. If you no longer feel the need to keep a relationship going, this is a major sign that it is over.

Your Partner Is Unhappy And Can't Make It Better

Another reason your relationship could be over would be if your partner is unhappy, and the two of you either can't or won't do what it takes to make them happy. This can often be harder for you than the first possibility, but it is necessary to approach this situation with the same mindset as you would if you were unhappy. The same rules apply to this issue as the last issue because if one or both of you are unwilling and unable to do what it takes to make them happy in the relationship, neither of you should be in it. After all, it's only going to continue making them unhappy, and at some point, the resentment from being stuck in a relationship that they don't want to be in is going to make you unhappy as well.

Before you decide to end the relationship, however, make sure to go through each of the exercises and questions listed in the section above. You always want to make sure that there are no potential solutions before you end a relationship prematurely, as ending it before it is time could create more issues for you or your partner in the future.

It's best to get out of the relationship while you can and before either of you end up even more unhappy. You both deserve a nice, happy life, and if you can't have that in a relationship, it's better to do without.

There Are Major Issues That Cannot Or Will Not Be Handled

When you're in a relationship that has been strained and has dealt with severe conflict for a long period, it can be difficult to tackle all the issues because it may seem that there are just too many to deal with. Another problem that may arise during this situation is that these issues have ruined your relationship dynamic so extensively that you barely speak with each other and may not feel like a couple at all. Equally, there are some issues that no one wants to deal with or cannot move on from, which presents a problem if you can work through some of the other issues but are still fighting over that major one that acts as a wedge between you and your partner. Sometimes, some major issues cannot be handled, and these existing issues have damaged your relationship to the point where there is nothing that can be done. You may also be in a situation where your partner or yourself refuse to handle some of the issues. If there is no desire to fix these issues, they are never going to be fixed, and you must deal with the fact that a refusal to move on indicates an ending point in the relationship.

It should also be noted that some things should not be moved past and should cause you or your partner to break off the relationship immediately. For example, if you or your partner are dealing with serious issues within the relationship such as serial infidelity, any abuse, or habitual lying resulting in major problems, no partner should be expected to sit around and deal with those issues. These kinds of issues are non-negotiable relationship closers, and you must leave a relationship with any of these qualities as soon as you can. An unhealthy relationship is not a relationship you should, in any way, be engaged in. If you are involved in such a relationship, there are plenty of available resources out there and online that will help you leave these kinds of partners and repair your life. Make sure to reach out for the help you need if you can relate to the above relationship dynamics so that you can heal from any trauma and get back to your life. You are worth much more than a partner who does not treat you how you deserve to be treated!

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Over

So how do you tell? The best thing to do is look at the relationship itself and think about how it works for you. Are you happy? Are there things that you wish you could change that would make you happy? Is your partner unhappy? Are there things that you could change that would make them happy? More importantly, do you or your partner feel that things aren't the same? If so, do either of you wish to continue staying in the relationship? If the answer to any of the questions listed above is no, then your relationship could most certainly be over necessarily, but you will still need to consider the feelings of you and your partner before you make any decisions. If there is still love and a desire to move forward with the other person, there is hope! However, if one or both partners are no longer interested, there is no relationship to carry on with, and you will want to end that relationship to move on with your life.

In the end, it's important to think about what everyone wants and what will make you happy. Being happy is the most important thing to be in your relationship and is also the most important thing to be in your life. After all, you only get one. So, if a relationship no longer provides you with what you're looking for, don't stay in an unhappy relationship. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to make things work, seeing a therapist could be one way to help you along your relationship improvement path so that you can get back to the relationship that you previously had with your partner. With ReGain, you can get the therapist that you want and set up a session with them without ever having to leave the comfort of your home. If a better relationship is in the cards, seek out the help of a qualified online therapist to get started!

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