How To Get Someone To Open Up Prior To Starting A Committed Relationship

When it comes to dating, many individuals can find it difficult to open up to this new person in their life. While this may be normal behavior to an extent, some extreme situations might require the assistance of a counselor or therapist. Even if counseling is necessary, there can be some key ways to get someone to open up before starting a committed relationship. Below, we’ll explore some ways you can help a potential partner feel comfortable doling out more with you so that you can form a lasting, healthy relationship.

The importance of opening up

If someone you are dating has a hard time opening up, it may be difficult to navigate healthy communication when things get serious. Communication can be a key factor in a successful relationship, and if barriers are in place to limit that communication, it can be hard to productively manage conflict, emotional connections, and long-term planning. To prevent future issues in a committed relationship, it may be best if you attempt to get your potential partner to open up ahead of time. The following tips are just a handful of ways that might work for you.

Avoid being pushy

Although questions can be a very realistic part of a conversation with someone you are looking to get into a serious relationship with, it can help to remember not to push too hard. 

When something comes up that makes your potential partner clam up or seem hesitant, it might be best to avoid prying into it. It may be necessary to back off a bit and redirect the conversation to avoid causing stress or making them feel obligated to relate something they might not be ready to talk about. Driving headfirst into a brick wall may not be likely to get you anywhere; it also might make your partner feel pressured.

Find common ground

It can be far easier to open up to a person that has a similar experience or interest. Start with determining if there is a hobby, interest, or activity that you both enjoy. This might be as simple as liking the same football team or enjoying the same music. Once you have that commonality, it may be much easier to expand the conversation into other areas and topics.

Once you have discovered existing common ground, you can make new memories and develop new common ground. Try something that neither of you has done before together and see if you enjoy it. This might be archery, pottery, or even karaoke.

Listen, listen, listen!

Knowing and remembering little details can help to paint a picture around the person you’re entering a relationship with. Paying attention and really hearing what your partner says can help you show that you truly care. It can also give you some insight into avenues of conversation that might bring them a bit more out of their shell.

Remember to be patient

When getting someone to open up to you, they may likely move at their own speed. You ultimately cannot force someone to be ready. This is why it can help to try and be patient.

Putting a timeline on getting your potential partner to come out of their shell can cause stress and might even destroy any progress made. Having patience can tell the other person that you are willing to wait, potentially making them feel more comfortable about the idea of a committed relationship.

Try to understand

If you're the kind of person who jumps into a commitment with no hesitation, it can be hard to understand someone else's feelings about opening up. There may be several reasons that a person is closed off or guarded. Getting past that often requires some understanding in addition to the previously mentioned patience.

Being understanding might mean avoiding pressuring the individual into opening up. It may mean that you try your best not to put expectations on them or make them feel as though they should be at your level of openness. Understanding their reasons, pace, or their disposition, in general, can be a crucial part of getting them to open up eventually.

Be trustworthy

Gaining someone's trust can be an important part of developing any relationship. 

So, do your best to show that you’re a person worth trusting and who won’t betray that trust. Be honest and open when you can. Show up when you say you will. Respect your partner’s boundaries and help them learn to do the same for you. 

Create a safe space

To create an open atmosphere for discussion, it can be important to make the space you are in a safe one. Places where people go for conversation - coffee shops, restaurants, and other establishments - might be great for the first few dates. Meeting somewhere peaceful like a park or your or your partner’s home might also help you encourage more serious, deep conversations. 

Feeling claustrophobic may do little to help anyone open up. Space can be more than a physical thing, however. Your body language can also convey a willingness to listen and respect what your partner has to say. Attempt to make the emotional atmosphere as safe as the physical one.

Express your gratitude

Some great ways to show gratitude may be with a card or letter, doing something outside of the norm for your partner, or physical touch. A simple squeeze of the hand or hug can say just as much as a verbal thank you. Doing this before your committed relationship begins can also help develop the habit in the long run. Expressing gratitude is proven to help relationships survive.

Seek professional assistance

If your goal is to be in a committed relationship with the person you are seeing, it can be a good idea to try and get through any barriers they have built up ahead of time. While it is not necessary to know everything about your potential significant other before committing, you may want to understand how to get them to open up more along the way. When it is too challenging for you to tackle the issue of being closed off amongst the two of you, seeking professional help via counseling can be incredibly helpful.

Online counseling, whether for couples or individuals, can be a great tool for learning to open up in a safe, controlled environment. Sessions can be joined from home, the car, or wherever else you and your partner feel comfortable navigating important conversations. You can pursue individual therapy, work together, or both.

Research suggests that online therapy platforms may be an ideal way to feel ready to open up to both a licensed professional and others in the session. One study demonstrated that most couples who engaged in online counseling found it was easier to be more open thanks to the sessions’ digital medium. Sometimes, a bit of space can make it a lot less intimidating to talk about things that may be uncomfortable, scary, or that make us feel vulnerable.

Takeaway

Getting someone to open up before a committed relationship begins can be an important step toward forming a healthy, lasting bond, but it can take time and patience. Forcing someone to talk about things they may not be ready for can be unproductive, but approaching serious conversations with empathy, a genuine desire to learn, and a sense of understanding can help.