How To Ask A Guy Out Over Text
Medically Reviewed By Aaron Horn, LMFTAsking a guy out is nerve-wracking. Mustering the courage actually to walk up to someone and blurt out, "Do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?" can be too much even to consider. Fortunately, there is no shortage of ways to ask someone out in the current day and age, ranging from social media private messages to the standard in-person ask-out to the always-safe text message request. What is the best way to ask a guy out via a text message?
Asking Someone Out
Asking someone to go out with you is no easy task, but there are numerous ways to do it. The exact phrasing is entirely up to you, as is the weight you assign to it. If you want to see someone in a simple, casual setting, you might ask him for coffee or a movie. If you want something a bit more intense, you might request a date involving dinner or a show. If you are confident, you might request a date that involves several hours of being together. The type of date you request will depend on how familiar you are with the person you are asking out.
When you ask someone to go out, you should take their personality, wants, and needs into account. Some guys love humor and humorous interactions and might prefer a silly or playful request for a date. Some guys are a bit more serious and want to be asked out in a way that denotes sincere feelings or deep interest. As much as possible, learn what type of date will resonate with your guy, and plan to ask him out accordingly.
Ways To Ask A Guy Out Over Text
1) Be Direct
Nobody benefits from you beating around the bush or trying to play it safe and cool. Instead of trying to hint that you want to go out, try being direct. You can say something as simple as, "Hey. I've enjoyed spending time with you at work. Do you want to get a drink sometime?" This is casual and simple but direct enough not to leave room for error.
2) Tailor Your Phrasing To Him
When you ask a guy out over text, try to make it as personal as possible. Text can feel distant and impersonal, so you want to make sure that you craft a message that is as unique to your guy as possible; otherwise, it can feel like a canned response you sent out at random.
3) Leave Room To Get Out
Asking someone out always puts you at risk of getting a "no." Ensure that the person you are asking has a safe and simple way of letting you down if that is what he wants. You can do this by inviting someone to a casual date, such as a musical festival, or by leaving your question open-ended. An open-ended request to go out with you might look a bit like this: "Are you busy this weekend?" If the guy does not want to go on a date, a simple "Yes" will close down the conversation quickly. You can try again later, or, after a second or third turn-down, you will recognize a pattern.
4) Choose A Common Interest
If you know that the two of you share common interests, ask him to go with you to indulge your shared hobbies. If you both enjoy role-playing games, for instance, you can ask him to be your plus one at your next tabletop RPG meeting. If you know that he loves your favorite band and you see that they are coming to town, shoot him a quick screenshot of the date and venue, along with a simple, "You free?"
5) Use Inside Jokes to Your Advantage
If the two of you have spent time laughing over something together, use that as a window into asking him out. If you could not stop laughing over how cheesy a movie is, you can say, "I know how much you loved ___. Want to be horrified by the sequel together?" This is a low-key, low-pressure date, as well as a low-key and low-pressure way to ask someone out on a date.
When You Don't Get a Definitive "Yes."
You will ask someone out in some cases, and you will not get a definite "no," but you won't get a definite "yes," either. In these cases, as much as it might hurt your pride, the best thing to do is try again. You do not want to venture into the territory of someone who cannot take a hint, but it is possible a guy didn't get your message. Maybe he had pressing matters to attend to and failed to respond, or just was unsure what to say. In any case, trying one more time will give you the closure (or window) that you need to move forward in either direction and will give the guy one more chance to take you up on your offer of a date.
In some cases, you won't get a response at all. Although it isn't quite the same as ghosting, some men prefer to stay silent rather than face the awkward nature of turning someone down. If this is the case, you can wait for a few hours or even a day or two before reaching out again. If, after a second attempt, you are still staring at a blank message, it is clear: he is not interested. Feel free to remove him from your mind and phone and move on.
When Not To Ask A Guy Out
Although the idea that women should not ask men out is antiquated and rooted in sexist stereotypes, there are instances when you should avoid asking a guy out. These have little to do with being a woman, though, and have far more to do with reading cues and establishing connections. To avoid unnecessary heartache or rejection, do not ask a guy out when:
1) You Have No Prior History
Asking a guy you have never really connected with is likely to make you both feel awkward and uncomfortable. Even if you met someone online, you should try to establish some amount of rapport first. If you get along well after talking back and forth for a few days or weeks, asking him out is likely to be a great idea. If, however, you merely saw a picture or hung out with mutual friends, and you immediately leap to, "Wanna go out with me?" you may come across as being a bit too forward. That's a trait that men and women both find unpleasant.
2) The Signs Aren't There
If you don't feel connected with a guy, and it feels like pulling teeth when you try to talk, the spark isn't there. Don't try to force it by asking him out. If your conversations regularly devolve into uncomfortable silences, or you can never quite figure out what to say, do not ask him out! No matter how attractive you might find him, if you cannot carry on a conversation over text, you are unlikely to do so effectively in person effectively.
3) You Are Desperate For Connection
No one can make you feel fulfilled or whole. If you want to ask someone out because you feel bored, lonely, or afraid of being alone for an upcoming holiday, take a step back and take your hands away from your keyboard. Asking someone out when you are feeling sad and vulnerable is dangerous for a few reasons. The most important of which is your emotional safety. If he says yes, you might feel great for a moment, but if your relationship starts to go awry, you might be right back where you started. If he says no, you are being wounded when you are already in an emotional, vulnerable state. Avoid asking a guy out when you're feeling sad, emotional, or vulnerable, and wait until you are in a strong, healthy headspace.
Asking A Guy Out Over Text
Asking a guy out over text is a simple, effective way to ask someone out without a lot of pressure. Texting has replaced phone calls for the most part and is one of the most common ways people communicate today. Far from being a cowardly act, asking a guy out over text is in keeping with using the most commonly used means of communication while allowing both of you to maintain your dignity. Asking someone out requires some amount of confidence and courage. If you feel as though you cannot muster either the confidence or the courage to reach out to someone you like, it may be time to speak with a therapist. A therapist can help you sort out why your confidence and courage levels are low and can help you find ways to increase feelings.
Asking someone out is never quite easy or simple, but the payoff can be worth the potential for pain and embarrassment. One way to ask someone out that relieves some of the pressure typically associated with asking someone out is to text them, as it allows you the time and space to craft a carefully thought out message while giving them the ability to do the same. Asking a guy out doesn't have to be a chore, nor does it have to be a long, drawn-out process. For a simple, straightforward way to ask someone out, look no further than your phone and corresponding keyboard, and ask away.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is a cute way to ask a guy out?
If there’s a guy you like and you’ve decided to ask him out, you will want to make it as cute as possible. When you have a crush on someone, the thought of asking them out can be nerve-wracking. In this case, you will be doing something that isn’t commonly done, that is, asking a guy out.
A good tip would be to make it as memorable as possible. This does not mean you should buy him a gold necklace or hire a flash mob. Make the most out of the smaller things. This is why sending him a note would be one of the best ways to ask him out. It doesn’t require any experience, so you don’t have to worry about never asking a guy out.
A note can give you everything you need to make asking him out memorable. Notes give off a romantic air of mystery. A note will make him feel special, especially if you make an effort to decorate it. You also get to take advantage of a trope; there are many examples of people sending romantic notes in pop culture. When he receives your note, he will immediately understand what’s going on because the gesture is recognizable at an almost cultural level. Because the note is written on paper, he can keep it with him and read it repeatedly. This will definitely keep you on his mind.
Writing the note should be fun and exciting. Don’t look at it as a task, rather look at it as an opportunity to express yourself to your love interest. This will make sure the note is genuine rather than carefully constructed.
Start the note with a catchy intro. If you’ve spoken before or been in a funny situation together, mention it. This will help him have an image of you that you want him to see. This also makes sure he pays attention to you in a visual way. Studies show that visual attention increases attractiveness. This will give you an advantage.
Tell him how you feel about him. Mention the way he makes you feel and tell him you want to know him more. Ask if he’d be interested in getting coffee or going to see a movie, suggest activities that aren’t necessarily romantic but can be with a little spark.
How do I ask a guy out over text?
Asking someone out takes a lot of bravery. It also takes a little bit of strategy for you to execute it successfully. According to research, human attention increases when texts are paired with real-world scenes. This means that sending a text guarantees you his attention as long as he opens it.
So whether it is a colleague, friend, or cute neighbor, here are some steps that will help you successfully ask a guy out over text.
Develop a text relationship with him:
This might not be an appealing step because it requires some patience. However, if he is someone you don’t know well, you should develop a text connection with him, so when you ask him out, it doesn’t shock him and frighten him off. Even if you’ve known this guy for years, developing a text connection will still be useful. It will also help you develop an idea of the best words to use when asking him out since you already know what conversations with him are like.
Start with a conversation:
Please don’t leave a note in his inbox. If you’re going to leave him a note, it will be better to send him a physical note in an envelope. When you’re ready to ask him out, start by opening up a conversation. Make the conversation lively and engaging, then segue into your proposal. This will add just enough shock factor to make it thrilling without it is not very comforting.
Read his mood:
This is super important. Try and tell if he is in a good mood or a bad mood. You don’t want to ask him out when he’s not in a good mood; he will perceive the proposal through the lens of his emotions at that specific time. This is why starting with a conversation is one of the best ways to ask a guy out over text. During the conversation, you should gauge his emotions and determine whether to go forward or not.
Don’t hide your intentions:
You have to make your intentions as clear as possible. When you see him physically, it will be awkward if he thought you were joking. Let him know how you feel about him and how he makes you feel. Let him know what you want and make sure he understands you perfectly. Don’t be too formal about it, though, but make sure you avoid using sneaky ways to ask him out.
Be Patient:
Give him time to reply, and don’t leave a stream of anxiety-fueled texts. Let him reply in his own time and when he replies, give yourself time to reply. There’s no need to feel any pressure.
Do guys like it when you ask them out?
Society has placed the responsibility of igniting relationships on the backs of men. Men are the ones who typically do the asking out, and while this a burden on men, it is also a restriction on women. Some people might consider a girl who asks a guy out to be desperate. This is not true.
If you like a guy, you should feel free to ask him out. Most guys will consider it a compliment and will be quite pleased about it. Besides, you probably don’t want to be with any guy that doesn’t like it when women ask men out.
Can the girl ask the guy out?
It is perfectly fine for girls to ask guys out; it just isn’t commonly done. This is, of course, because of social norms and constructs. However, if you want to ask a guy out, you should do so without feeling weird. Men tend to respond positively when women ask men out, so this alone should rid you of any worries.
Should I text him or wait?
Deciding whether to text him or wait can be excruciating because both options carry a significant amount of risk. What if you text him and he doesn’t respond, or it makes you seem desperate? What if you don’t text him, and you blow off a great opportunity?
Considering both risks, you should definitely text him. If he thinks you’re desperate because you texted him or didn’t respond, that should serve as a filter. It probably wasn’t meant to be. But if you don’t text him, you don’t even get any closure. The better option would be to text him.
