What Are The Most Important Characteristics Of A Man That Loves You?
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated October 15, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Maria Abada, LPC
Finding the right man isn’t always an easy task. And, even when you find a man that loves you, it doesn’t mean that he’s the right one for you. You don’t want to settle for a relationship that won’t make you happy long term.Instead, it’s important to know exactly what is going to nourish you in a romantic relationship, so you can communicate your needs and look for a partner that is able to satisfy them.
Choosing What Characteristics Of A Man Are Important
Below, we’ll cover some important characteristics that your partner should have for a healthy relationship. However, it’s vital to understand that romantic partnerships aren’t one-size-fits-all. What’s important to one person, may not be as much of a factor to another. That’s why it’s so important to have a clear idea of your own desires and needs.
Not Everyone’s Looking For The Same Person
There are some characteristics like honesty and integrity that should be on everyone’s list when looking for a long-term partner. However, other characteristics may not be as important to some people as they are to others. For example, one individual may find it important to have an extremely outgoing partner; others may prefer being with a homebody.
No One Is Going To Be “Perfect”
If you are looking for the perfect man, then you may find yourself disappointed. There is no such thing as a perfect person. A part of being in a committed relationship is understanding that mistakes can happen, and you can grow together as a couple to learn from them.
However, some things may be non-negotiable for you and those boundaries are important. For example, you need a man that’s going to be faithful to you. On the other hand, you might enjoy a man that enjoys being out in nature, but that might be something that you’re willing to compromise on.
You Also Need To Focus On Yourself
If you’re solely focusedon finding the right person, you may lose sight of your own goals and aspirations in life. Though romantic relationships can be a beautiful part of life, they aren’t everything. By maintaining some independence and autonomy - whether in a relationship or not - you can ensure that you don’t lose sight of what’s important to you in the long run.
Caring for yourself not only can improve your own self-worth and self-assuredness, but can also be extremely helpful in a relationship.
Your Attraction To Your Partner - Physically and Emotionally
Though there are stereotypes of what women find “conventionally attractive,” many people have different ideas of what they find attractive in a person. This is often a combination of physical, emotional and intellectual attributes. For most people - but not all - sexual attraction is a very important aspect of their relationship.
Stephen J. Betchen wrote in an article: “Can a partner who has never been physically attracted to their mate grow this attraction over time? This question has produced some interesting and sometimes heated debates at professional organizations. I have to confess that I err on the side of the naysayers. In nearly 35 years of practicing couples therapy, I’ve never seen a partner “get it” when they “never had it” to begin with. I’ve seen a few who “had some” and “grew more,” but even those that were attracted to non-physical aspects of their partners (such as intellect) couldn’t seem to harvest a physical attraction. In this sense, you either have it from the beginning, or you don’t.”
While not being physically attracted to a partner doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship can’t work, it can definitely hinder a romantic relationship.
It doesn’t matter how much a man loves you if he can’t be honest with you. It’s important to have a relationship built on honesty to establish trust in a relationship. Lying, especially if it happens often, can create insecurity and difficult communication issues within a relationship. Every person, regardless of gender, wants to believe that they can trust their partner wholeheartedly.
Look for a man that has integrity and is honest in all areas of his life. If he is used to telling a “white lie” or being dishonest with friends, family members, coworkers, and customers, then it’s an indicator that he might not have a problem lying to you either.
You want a man who will respect you for who you are, and can support you in what you’re doing. If a man truly does love you, then he’s going to show you respect as well. However, if a man solely loves you for what you can do for him, you probably will not get this same level of respect that you’re looking for in return.
Look at the way the man you’re interested in treats other people. Is he respectful to his family, friends, and coworkers? If he shows a high level of respect to others around him, then there’s a good chance that he will respect you as well.
Has Things In Common With You
While this isn’t exactly a “characteristic,” for some people this is important. This goes beyond sharing hobbies or liking the same books. This also includes things like shared values, same ideas about what’s important in life and similar desires when it comes to family and the future. You don’t have to do everything together or enjoy all of the same things, but it may be helpful in establishing a shared vocabulary.
You want a man in your life that you can depend on. He should be steady and follow through on what he says he’s going to do. You want to know that you can count on him when you need him. Many men will tell you what you want to hear, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but it’s important the man that you’re with is consistent in meeting your needs and showing up for you.
A healthy dose of self-confidence is important for a good relationship. For example, some research found that “those with low self-esteem were not only more threatened by their partner’s imperfections, but they were also more likely to view their relationship in black-and-white terms: as all good or all bad.”
That means if you were having a challenge in your relationship - even one that’s normal for couples to experience - he may behave irrationally out of a sense of insecurity. Being able to understand your individual needs and communicate them is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship.
Those with low self-confidence are also likely to rely on the relationship as their sole means of happiness. Though this may not seem like as much of an issue at the beginning of a relationship, it can become draining long term. It’s important that both of you have a strong sense of self, and that you don’t slip into a codependentrelationship.
While you want to find a guy you can have fun with, you also want to find one that’s mature if you want to have a long-term relationship. He should know how to support himself and handle his finances responsibly. Being mature doesn’t mean that he has everything “figured out,” but it does mean that he’s able to take things seriously when he needs to.
Maturity is something that is developed over the course of our lifetime, and it’s important to find someone who is at a similar level as you are. Issues can arise in relationships if one person in a relationship struggles to be empathetic, understanding and respectful.
The Idea Of “The One”
Knowing your priorities and setting intentions in a relationship can be extremely beneficial as you’re dating, and looking for the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with. It’s important to remember that though you can find an amazing person to share your time with, putting too much pressure on them to be “The One” can cause strain on your relationship. By being open and present as you experience life, you can find the happiness and romance that you’re looking for.
If you are in a relationship with a man that loves you and you can’t decide if you should continue moving forward in the relationship or move on, talking to a therapist can help you work through your decision. At ReGain, therapists work to help you get a better understanding of your own needs in a romantic relationship. Relationships and love can be difficult to navigate on your own, so don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”
“My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now and with her help and guidance we have strengthened our relationship ten fold. Her communication style is amazing and she really strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you’re looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she’s the one to go to.”
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