What Are The Best Traits To Look For In A Spouse?
Choosing a spouse might not be easy. After all, this is the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. It may be important to consider what traits you desire most in a spouse. Here are some characteristics you might want to include on your spouse “wish” list.
A sense of humor
It has been found that both men and women find humor attractive. An article titled "Science of Sexy" says, "Research shows women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes".
In and of itself, humor may or may not make your marriage more successful, but it can help you to be more attracted to your spouse. And attraction may be important to a successful relationship.
Honesty
Honesty may be important in your marriage for many reasons. Trust is built on honesty, and a successful marriage needs trust. For example, you may want to know that you can trust what your spouse is saying and that they're going to be where they say they are. If your partner is not honest, it might not take long for the trust to erode in your relationship. This can leave you in a state of constant suspicion as you never know if you can believe what they're saying.
Integrity
Integrity goes hand-in-hand with honesty. The definition of integrity is "adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty". Finding a spouse who has integrity might be imperative. You may want to know that the person you choose to spend your life with has morals and values guiding their life. This may help them to be a more stable person who you can depend on. Someone who has integrity is someone who follows through and does what they say they're going to do.
Empathy
In a marriage, you may want your spouse to have empathy for you and show you compassion. You may face difficult times throughout life, and when you have a compassionate partner, it can give you the support you need to navigate these challenges. On the other hand, having a spouse who fails to recognize when you're going through a difficult time can be isolating.
Self-discipline
Self-discipline may be an important part of living a stable life. It can help someone to stay in control of their actions and behaviors. If you marry someone who lacks self-discipline, you may find them doing things that hurt your marriage and then making excuses for their actions. They may lack the discipline to make wise choices, and this could have a negative impact on your relationship.
Determination
Relationships can be difficult, and you may go through challenging times in your marriage. This is why it can be important to have a determined spouse. You might want to find someone who doesn't give up easily when things get hard. This determination can also help you and your partner reach the goals you set for yourself in your marriage.
Respect
Respect can play a significant role in love and marriage. You may want to find a partner who you can respect and who shows you respect. Without this fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship, you may find that even small disagreements can escalate into obstacles that seem insurmountable.
Self-confidence
Self-confidence can also play an important role in romantic relationships. If your partner lacks self-confidence, they may be looking for sources of reassurance to prop themselves up. That could mean relying on you to make them feel confident, or they might step outside of the marriage for validation. Either way, this can be a dangerous pattern to set. When someone has healthy self-confidence, they can accept themselves for who they are, which can contribute to healthier relationships.
They can compromise
Healthy relationships involve compromise. You want a partner that you can have a give-and-take relationship with. There may be times when each partner has to be willing to defer to their spouse or meet in the middle to make a decision. If you marry someone who behaves selfishly or demands their way, it could be detrimental to your marriage.
Faithful
Faithfulness could be crucial to a successful marriage. Some problems and challenges inevitably arise within relationships. Many of them can be corrected, and the relationship can heal and move on again. However, infidelity can be hard for relationships to overcome. That doesn't mean it's not possible, but consider faithfulness as one of the good character traits you look for when choosing a spouse.
Responsible
Unless you want to be the person who gets stuck doing everything within your household and your relationship, you may want to find a spouse who is responsible. You want someone who can see the things that need to be done and play a role in doing them. You may also want a partner who is able to take responsibility when they make a mistake. Someone who cannot do this may also lack the ability to make changes and improvements to themselves, which could affect the relationship in the long term.
How to identify their best traits
To discover your significant other’s best traits, you may want to watch how they handle other areas of their lives. When people start dating, they tend to put their best foot forward in their new relationship. This can make it tricky to see what they are really like. But if you observe how they behave in other aspects of their life, including how they interact in business agreements, how they treat their family, and how they respond when things don't go as planned, you can get a better idea of what their true character is like.
A word of warning about unrealistic expectations
While it is important to be aware of the traits you want in a spouse, it could also be important to keep your expectations realistic. There is no such thing as a perfect person. If you set your expectations too high, you may never find a spouse who lives up to your standards. You might even overlook people who might have made a great partner for you.
Thus, it could be important to understand which good traits are necessary for a healthy marriage. You may find that there are some things about your partner that mildly irritate you, but you may be able to overlook these. A lack of respect or poor communication skills, for example, are traits that could be harder to ignore.
What to do when you're stuck
If you want to find a partner but you're confused about what you're looking for, or you've been hurt in the past, consider talking to a therapist. These licensed professionals can help you determine how to move forward despite any doubts, old wounds, or negative thought patterns that could be holding you back from the relationship you deserve.
If you're in a current relationship and you're wondering if that person is right for you, couples counseling is another option. This form of counseling can help you and your significant other work through any challenges in the relationship and determine how to move forward in a way that benefits you both.
There may be some barriers to treatment for people experiencing issues in their romantic relationships. You may be embarrassed to talk to a therapist about your love life, for instance. An in-person setting might make things even more uncomfortable. Many individuals and couples find themselves more at ease in an online therapeutic environment. This type of web-based therapy is also more convenient than traditional office-based counseling since it can be started from the comfort of your home.
Researchers in the field of mental health have found that therapy conducted via videoconferencing is effective, not only for individuals, but for couples and families as well. A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy concluded that this form of remote therapy was both feasible and beneficial. These findings were based on a systematic review of available research.
Takeaway
Consider that while it's important to know what traits you're looking for in a spouse, it's also important that you work on yourself so you can be a healthy partner for someone as well. If you find that you need additional support, either individually or with your significant other, Regain is here to help. Reach out today to get matched with a compatible counselor and begin making strides towards the loving marriage you desire.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What qualities should a good spouse have?
Everyone has different personalities, traits, and qualities that make them stand out. Whether you’re looking for a good spouse or trying to become the ideal partner for whomever you’ll meet in the future, these are some qualities a good spouse should have:
- Compromise
As much as we’d like to get our way all the time, none of us ever will. The ideal spouse knows the power of compromise when there’s a disagreement. It could be about something small, like where to eat for dinner, or something much bigger, like parent children. In relationships, parenting can cause a lot of strain and tension. Whatever the issue is, compromise shows that your spouse has your best interest at heart just as much as their own.
- Maturity
A lasting relationship requires both spouses to commit to each other for life, which requires a great deal of maturity. The ideal spouse will do whatever it takes to restore the relationship when there’s conflict, and they will love unconditionally. Mature spouses will allow their partner to pursue their own interests and will celebrate the differences between the two of you without feeling threatened. The ideal spouse stands by you no matter what.
- Respect
It has been argued that respect is even more important than love in a relationship. Whether or not this is true, it’s still vital that a spouse respects their partner. Having the quality of respect means that a spouse shows genuine care and concern for their marriage partner. It means they will treat you well, be devoted to you, and consider your perspective. When a spouse respects you, you’ll be even more compelled to respect them in return.
What should you look for in a marriage partner?
What someone looks for in a marriage partner will vary greatly depending on the person. While the presence (or absence) of a certain quality in a romantic partner will be a deal-breaker for some, it will carry little importance for others. Still, there are many qualities most can agree are essential for the ideal spouse to have. A few of these include positivity, empathy, and forgiveness.
- Positivity
According to the Gottman Institute, happy couples have more positive interactions than negative ones. The “magic ratio” is 5 to 1, meaning there are five positive exchanges between the two spouses for every one bad interaction. Look for a partner that keeps things positive even during times of conflict, stress, or tension. A couple’s ability to recover during hard times is very dependent on positivity from both people.
- Empathy
Everyone wants and needs to feel heard and understood. The ideal marriage partner will have enough empathy to be able to put themselves into their spouse’s shoes and see where they’re coming from. This is especially important when conflict arises, as seeing the other person’s point of view will allow open dialogue to mend any hurt feelings.
- Forgiveness
Conflict is inevitable even in a healthy relationship. When a partner doesn’t possess the ability to forgive, grudges and bitterness can build up and drive a wall into the relationship center. Forgiveness can actually make the couple stronger as they work together to solve the conflict at hand. Forgiveness is key to creating a lasting relationship, so the ideal partner should be willing to practice it whenever necessary to make the relationship even stronger than before.
What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?
Relationships can be hard, but they can also be very rewarding. If you focus on these 5 things, you’ll be more likely to have a healthy relationship:
- Communication
It’s important to use your words if your partner makes you upset. The silent treatment, among other methods, will only make the problem worse. Healthy couples know how to communicate well with one another and move past conflict smoothly.
- Honesty
When you’re honest with your partner, you let them know that they can trust you with their true thoughts and feelings. You also signal to them that you trust them with your deepest thoughts. Honesty is the foundation for any great relationship.
- Meeting each other’s needs
Everyone has specific needs, and relationships thrive on the ability to meet those needs. Both partners need to be aware of their own needs as well as their significant other’s needs. When relationships fail, it’s usually because these are not being met.
- Listening
Many people only listen to respond, but you should listen first to understand where your partner is coming from. Once you do, then respond calmly. Everyone appreciates someone who takes the time to listen to them.
- Trust
Trust is necessary for a relationship to grow and thrive. When couples trust each other, they’re each able to do their own things and maintain their independence while not fearing rejection or abandonment. Trust is strengthened through strong communication, respect, and commitment.
What are things to look for in a husband?
More often than not, we assess the people we date to see if they’d make the ideal partner. Everyone will look for something different in a husband because our desires, wants, and needs vary. However, there are some important things to consider when searching for a husband.
They should be easy to be around, and you should genuinely want to spend time with them. When they have a great sense of humor, it can also make a relationship thrive, so look for someone who makes you laugh a lot. Your husband should be kind not only to you but to strangers. In the simplest terms, look for someone who treats the waiter well, and they are likely to treat you well too.
At the end of the day, what matters most is finding someone who will be unconditionally loving and committed to you not only on date night but for life.
What are wife qualities?
The people we date can give us clues about what we do and don’t like in the ideal partner. There isn’t a setlist of wife qualities, but there are some traits you can look for in the ideal partner or wife. You may have heard the saying, “birds of a feather flock together.” It’s true: the more similar you are, the more likely you are to get along. This is especially important if you end up having children together. In marital relationships, parenting is much easier when parents are on the same page.
The ideal wife will love you unconditionally and stick by you through the best and worst of times. They should be your best friend before being your romantic partner. Supportiveness, trustworthiness, and respect are all important qualities in the ideal partner. Everyone looks for something different in a wife, so you should look for what makes you the happiest.
What should you avoid in a partner?
You should avoid the Four Horsemen traits in a partner. These traits are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Criticism describes attacking your partner’s character in some way. It’s different from critiquing the things they do because criticism implies something is wrong with the person being attacked.
Contempt is another way of saying that one partner holds themselves in a higher place and thinks they’re better than their partner. It leads to all sorts of negativity in the relationship.
Defensiveness is a way of shifting the blame from oneself to one partner and doesn’t allow for a productive conversation.
Finally, stonewalling involves shutting down and shutting out one’s partner. They may give the silent treatment or act too busy to engage. The ideal partner won’t have the Four Horsemen traits and will instead know how to communicate effectively. Of course, no one is perfect, and we all get defensive, critical, silent, and contemptuous from time to time. Just make sure it’s not a regular pattern during times of conflict.
What are the 7 factors to consider in choosing a lifetime partner?
What qualities are most important in a spouse?
What are the 4 essential qualities of a healthy relationship?
What are good wife traits?
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