What Are The Most Important Traits To Look For In A Spouse?

Updated November 26, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Choosing a spouse might not be easy. After all, this is the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. It may be important to consider what traits you desire most in a spouse. Here are some characteristics you might want to include on your spouse “wish” list.  

Traits to look for in a spouse

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A sense of humor

It has been found that both men and women find humor attractive. An article titled "Science of Sexy" says, "Research shows women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes".

In and of itself, humor may or may not make your marriage more successful, but it can help you to be more attracted to your spouse. And attraction may be important to a successful relationship. 

Honesty

Honesty may be important in your marriage for many reasons. Trust is built on honesty, and a successful marriage needs trust. For example, you may want to know that you can trust what your spouse is saying and that they're going to be where they say they are. If your partner is not honest, it might not take long for the trust to erode in your relationship. This can leave you in a state of constant suspicion as you never know if you can believe what they're saying. 

Integrity

Integrity goes hand-in-hand with honesty. The definition of integrity is "adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty". Finding a spouse who has integrity might be imperative. You may want to know that the person you choose to spend your life with has morals and values guiding their life. This may help them to be a more stable person who you can depend on. Someone who has integrity is someone who follows through and does what they say they're going to do.

Empathy

In a marriage, you may want your spouse to have empathy for you and show you compassion. You may face difficult times throughout life, and when you have a compassionate partner, it can give you the support you need to navigate these challenges. On the other hand, having a spouse who fails to recognize when you're going through a difficult time can be isolating.

Self-discipline

Self-discipline may be an important part of living a stable life. It can help someone to stay in control of their actions and behaviors. If you marry someone who lacks self-discipline, you may find them doing things that hurt your marriage and then making excuses for their actions. They may lack the discipline to make wise choices, and this could have a negative impact on your relationship.

Determination

Relationships can be difficult, and you may go through challenging times in your marriage. This is why it can be important to have a determined spouse. You might want to find someone who doesn't give up easily when things get hard. This determination can also help you and your partner reach the goals you set for yourself in your marriage.

Respect

Respect can play a significant role in love and marriage. You may want to find a partner who you can respect and who shows you respect. Without this fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship, you may find that even small disagreements can escalate into obstacles that seem insurmountable. 

Self-confidence

Self-confidence can also play an important role in romantic relationships. If your partner lacks self-confidence, they may be looking for sources of reassurance to prop themselves up. That could mean relying on you to make them feel confident, or they might step outside of the marriage for validation. Either way, this can be a dangerous pattern to set. When someone has healthy self-confidence, they can accept themselves for who they are, which can contribute to healthier relationships.

Willingness to compromise

Healthy relationships involve compromise. You want a partner that you can have a give-and-take relationship with. There may be times when each partner has to be willing to defer to their spouse or meet in the middle to make a decision. If you marry someone who behaves selfishly or demands their way, it could be detrimental to your marriage. 

Faithfulness

Faithfulness could be crucial to a successful marriage. Some problems and challenges inevitably arise within relationships. Many of them can be corrected, and the relationship can heal and move on again. However, infidelity can be hard for relationships to overcome. That doesn't mean it's not possible, but consider faithfulness as one of the good character traits you look for when choosing a spouse.

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Trouble finding love?

Sense of responsibility 

Unless you want to be the person who gets stuck doing everything within your household and your relationship, you may want to find a spouse who is responsible. You want someone who can see the things that need to be done and play a role in doing them. You may also want a partner who is able to take responsibility when they make a mistake. Someone who cannot do this may also lack the ability to make changes and improvements to themselves, which could affect the relationship in the long term. 

How to identify their best traits

To discover your significant other’s best traits, you may want to watch how they handle other areas of their lives. When people start dating, they tend to put their best foot forward in their new relationship. This can make it tricky to see what they are really like. But if you observe how they behave in other aspects of their life, including how they interact in business agreements, how they treat their family, and how they respond when things don't go as planned, you can get a better idea of what their true character is like.

A word of warning about expectations

While it is important to be aware of the traits you want in a spouse, it could also be important to keep your expectations realistic. There is no such thing as a perfect person. If you set your expectations too high, you may never find a spouse who lives up to your standards.  You might even overlook people who might have made a great partner for you.

Thus, it could be important to understand which good traits are necessary for a healthy marriage. You may find that there are some things about your partner that mildly irritate you, but you may be able to overlook these. A lack of respect or poor communication skills, for example, are traits that could be harder to ignore. 

How online therapy can help

If you want to find a partner but you're confused about what you're looking for, or you've been hurt in the past, consider talking to a therapist. These licensed professionals can help you determine how to move forward despite any doubts, old wounds, or negative thought patterns that could be holding you back from the relationship you deserve.  

Couples counseling

If you're in a current relationship and you're wondering if that person is right for you, couples counseling is another option. This form of counseling can help you and your significant other work through any challenges in the relationship and determine how to move forward in a way that benefits you both.

Online therapy

There may be some barriers to treatment for people experiencing issues in their romantic relationships. You may be embarrassed to talk to a therapist about your love life, for instance. An in-person setting might make things even more uncomfortable. Many individuals and couples find themselves more at ease in an online therapeutic environment. This type of web-based therapy is also more convenient than traditional office-based counseling since it can be started from the comfort of your home. 

Researchers in the field of mental health have found that therapy conducted via videoconferencing is effective, not only for individuals, but for couples and families as well. A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy concluded that this form of remote therapy was both feasible and beneficial. These findings were based on a systematic review of available research. 

Takeaway

Consider that while it's important to know what traits you're looking for in a spouse, it's also important that you work on yourself so you can be a healthy partner for someone as well. If you find that you need additional support, either individually or with your significant other, Regain is here to help. Reach out today to get matched with a compatible counselor and begin making strides towards the loving marriage you desire. 

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