I Can't Get A Girlfriend - 11 Ways To Manage Social Anxiety When It Comes To Dating

Updated March 21, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Social anxiety disorder is not just being shy or embarrassed. It is a real mental health condition that affects about 15 million people in the United States and can affect your daily life as well. In fact, this condition may cause relationship troubles, job loss, and isolation. It can even lead to depression if not treated, so it is best to talk to a professional if you think you have a social anxiety disorder.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Is social anxiety getting in the way of your dating life?

 How do you know if you have social anxiety disorder?

Are you afraid to go out in public for fear of having to talk to a stranger? Or maybe you avoid certain jobs or situations that have you interacting with the public. Have you ever had an anxiety attack when you know you are going to have to talk to a stranger? These are all signs of social anxiety disorder. Some of the other signs and symptoms include:

  • Avoiding people, especially strangers
  • Fear of being judged
  • Shaking or trembling
  • Racing thoughts
  • Fast heart rate
  • Dry throat and mouth
  • Excessive sweating
  • Blushing
  • Dizziness or fainting
  • Nausea, vomiting, or other intestinal issues
  • Not able to make eye contact
  • Muscle tension and pain
  • Extreme self-consciousness
  • Awkwardness
  • Embarrassment
  • Refusing to talk to or meet new people
  • Being labeled as socially awkward or weird

Tips for overcoming dating anxiety

All these signs and symptoms are stressful and can wreak havoc on your social life. This condition can make you develop a fear of dating. Good luck getting a girlfriend if you throw up when you try to talk to someone. However, there are things you can do to make it easier for you to talk to or meet new people. You do not have to run away every time someone looks at you or tries to talk to you. On the other hand, don't start dating a girl with anxiety just because you're desperate. It'll even be more depressing for you in the long run.

Get some help

First, it is a good idea to talk to a professional mental health care expert who is trained in dealing with a social anxiety disorder. Working with a therapist or counselor can dramatically increase your chances of getting a girlfriend by working through the issues you are having. But there are also some things you can do on your own to improve your dating chances.

Talk to yourself

Seriously, it helps to practice talking to others by talking to yourself. Contrary to popular belief, talking to yourself does not mean that you are "crazy." Get a mirror and talk to yourself like you are talking to someone new. Practice what you will say when you first meet them and continue by answering yourself, and before you know it, you will be having a conversation. With yourself. Study your facial expressions and focus on relaxing your face and smiling occasionally. Do some deep breathing to help you relax.

Role-playing with a friend

Someone you trust who knows all about your social anxiety symptoms. Do some role-playing by pretending that they are someone you are meeting for the first time. Introduce yourself and ask them about themselves. The quickest way to get the focus off yourself is to get them talking about themselves. That way, you can learn more about them while you focus on relaxing.

Be honest

When you meet someone, let them know that you are having issues with a social anxiety disorder before getting too far into a relationship. In fact, you can tell them right up front before you even have that first date. Letting her know what is going on will typically make them appreciate your honesty and many women will even want to help you with how to approach anxiety. This will help them understand if you suddenly start shaking or coughing, getting anxious, and stammering. In most cases, if the girl is worth your time, she will not hold it against you and will encourage you to relax.

Consider trying online dating -- the most popular way to meet people

Believe it or not, online dating is a good thing for those who suffer from social anxiety disorder. Although dating sites have gotten a lot of bad publicity in the past and many say it is not a good way to meet someone, new studies are showing exactly the opposite. In fact, a recent study found that 19% of successful relationships that lead to a good marriage began through some type of online meeting. It just makes sense that people with social anxiety disorder would feel more comfortable talking to someone online rather than in person. Being able to communicate through text, instant messaging, chat, or email is so much less threatening than talking to someone face to face. In doing so, you can let the person know that you have social anxiety disorder and after talking to them for a while, it will feel more comfortable to meet in person. And she will know what to expect because she already knows you have anxiety issues.


Ask a family member friend to set you up on a blind date

Just because you have social anxiety disorder does not mean that you have no friends or family to talk to. Of course you do. So maybe one of your friends or family can help you talk to someone new. They can talk to the other person first and let them know that you have an anxiety disorder, so they know what to expect. Sort of like a blind date with a chaperone, they can introduce you casually, and you can all hang out together the first few times. Eventually, you will probably feel comfortable enough to spend time with her on your own, and you can take it from there.

Get to know coworkers or schoolmates

If you have a regular job or go to school regularly, you probably have several people that you know casually that you see a lot. For example, the girl who sits next to you in class or the woman who smiles at you when you walk by on your way to your desk. This is a bit more difficult than having your loved ones set you up and ease you into it, but it is doable. You can do it if you practice. Start slowly by smiling and saying hi for a few days (or weeks) before asking her how her day is or how she is doing? It is best to start by asking a question to take the focus off yourself at first.

Join a group

This may sound extremely frightening and seem way out of your reach, but there are groups for people who are dealing with social anxiety disorder. Many of them are online, so you do not even have to talk to them in person, which is good for everyone in the group. By talking to each other, you may even meet someone who also has a social anxiety disorder, which is the perfect girl for you. If you are both having the same issue, it can build a strong bond between you and this is a good basis for a relationship. Perfect.

Try exercises to mitigate anxiety

There are also some exercises and treatments you can do on your own at home such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing. Focusing on your breathing is the first step in dealing with anxiety of any kind. Learning to relax is the second step and comes a lot easier once you do some deep breathing. This takes practice. And you may need some guidance at first. You can learn how to do deep breathing and yoga online, too, so you do not have to go to a class or anything.

Download relaxation apps

There are apps for just about anything nowadays, and there are many that are great for helping you relax.Like the above, most of these apps help you focus on your breathing so you can relax. Others play music that helps you relax. Some have games to play that help you learn how to socialize with others without freaking out. All you need is a phone or tablet, and you can start learning how to relax right now.

See if online therapy can help you work through dating anxiety

One of the best ways to learn how to beat your social anxiety and help you find a girlfriend is to get treatment. You can talk to a therapist online about relationships and social anxiety disorder without even having to leave your home. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most commonly used therapies for this issue and is very successful. Just like the relaxation apps, all you need is a phone or tablet, and you can be getting therapy for your anxiety right now. No appointment needed.

Is social anxiety getting in the way of your dating life?

With Regain, you can prepare yourself for a real relationship that will last, and your social anxiety disorder may be a thing of the past. Just answer a few questions online upfront, and they will match you with a therapist who knows exactly what you are going through.

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