Important Tips For Dating A Girl With Anxiety
When dating a girl that you care for or even love, it can be quite difficult to see them struggle with something like anxiety. While girls with anxiety don’t deserve any less love, attention, or respect than anyone else, it can also be vital to know how to approach a relationship with them when anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors show up. Understanding what anxiety is and how it can affect relationships can help you learn how be there for your girlfriend. In this article, we’ll be discussing important tips for dating a girl with anxiety that may allow you to act as a more supportive partner to them.
Learn more about anxiety
Understanding more about anxiety and mental health can be crucial when you're going to be dating or living with a girl that struggles with it. At times, anxiety can cause people to think, feel, or behave in ways that don’t align with their true self. Sometimes people with anxiety disorders get into certain moods due to the anxiety that they're experiencing inside. You might see your girlfriend acting differently at times, which could be a result of their anxiety.
Not recognizing your girlfriend or not knowing how to help them during these moments can be challenging as their partner. Additionally, if you aren’t prepared for these moments or don’t understand anxiety, it can be even more difficult not to take it personally. Anxiety is not an excuse for treating you badly, but it can cause your girlfriend to behave differently than you’re used to. Perhaps they need more space or become more withdrawn. Being able to recognize when anxiety is getting the best of your girlfriend can help your relationship.
Not everyone experiences anxiety in the same way. Ask your girlfriend what symptoms they have and how you can most effectively support them through their most challenging moments. Asking these types of questions can show your concern, and it may mean a lot to your girlfriend that you care to learn more about what they’re struggling with. You can read about the signs, symptoms, and treatments online through the Mayo Clinic website. By understanding anxiety, you are showing empathy for your partner and what they’re experiencing. The more you can understand what they’re facing, the more efficiently you may be able to support them.
Try your best to be supportive
Those experiencing mental health struggles need to have a support structure to rely on such as their friends, family members, and romantic partner. Going through life with an anxiety disorder can be difficult, but it can help your girlfriend if you can make it clear that you are there to support them through it. Living with anxiety can create a very resilient individual, but even then, everyone needs some extra support now and again. Simply showing up when your girl is having a hard time can make all the difference. As their romantic partner, you can become one of the most important pillars of support that they have.
Practice active listening
When you’re in a relationship with someone who has anxiety, it can be important to practice active listening. Your girlfriend may have thoughts or feelings that are weighing on their mind that they need to open up about from time to time. Sometimes, they may want advice or reassurance, but often, they might just need you to listen. You don't need to have all of the answers; just being present can show your support.
Communicate with your partner
Communication can be essential in any relationship. When you're dating a girl with anxiety, it may matter even more than usual. Those struggling with anxiety can naturally be very nervous, suspicious, or untrusting. If they sense you’re withholding information from them, it could cause their anxiety to worsen. Of course, every girl is different and affected by anxiety in unique ways.
If you can be open and honest with your girlfriend, it can make a huge difference. They can learn to feel more comfortable with you, which may help quell their anxiety over time as they learn to trust you. Anxiety often causes people to be afraid of what is going to happen in the future. Giving them things to look forward to can allow them to worry less about abandonment, or any other fears they may have.
Patience can be key
Patience can be crucial when it comes to dating someone with an anxiety disorder. You might feel as if your girlfriend tests your nerves sometimes. Certain behaviors may not seem rational, and this can make it tough to do things together when your partner’s anxiety symptoms are particularly debilitating. These moments will eventually pass, though. Your patience might be the key to building a happy and lasting bond with your girlfriend.
Ask them what they need
There are so many ways to cope with anxiety. Some people prefer to manage their feelings on their own or by going to therapy. Usually, a combination of self-soothing techniques, medication, and therapy can be effective, but everyone needs something different. Always consult a doctor before starting a new medication.
There may be nothing you can do to help your girlfriend, but there’s no harm in asking what they need from you. Some partners will say that they simply need you to be present, that they need you to listen, or that they need space when they’re anxious. Do your best to honor their requests. It’s likely your girlfriend will simply be happy that you care enough to ask how you can help them. You can't fix their anxiety, but you can be a supportive partner.
Don't assume it's anxiety
When your partner has anxiety, it can be important not to contribute every issue, mood, or worry to their condition. This isn’t fair to either of you and could be an assumption that harms your relationship. Anxiety does not define a person, and your girlfriend is no exception. Rather than assuming that something is stemming from anxiety, it can be crucial to listen well and let your girlfriend decide what it is for themselves. Mental health conditions can be challenging, but there is much more to life. Human beings experience a wide array of emotions throughout the day, and someone with anxiety knows themselves best. Remembering to treat your girlfriend as a human, rather than an anxious person, can allow you to see them just as they are—a flawed individual, just as you are.
Encourage them to seek support
While anxiety disorders are common, only around one-third of U.S. adults with the condition seek support, even with plenty of treatment options available. One of the most important pieces of advice you may want to take away is that encouraging your girlfriend to seek support for their anxiety can be essential. Getting help for their anxiety can improve their mental health, your well-being, and the relationship as a whole. When your girlfriend starts receiving proper care and treatment for their mental health, they can find new ways to cope with their symptoms, which may lessen the impact anxiety has on their life. They may not be open to treatment, but with your encouragement, it is possible they could change their mind.
Online counseling with Regain
If it feels like anxiety is getting in the way of your relationship, it could be time to consider confiding in a licensed therapist. Regain is an online counseling platform that specializes in assisting couples. A therapist can teach you and your partner how to communicate more effectively with one another and equip you with tools to support your partner through their anxious moments. Individual therapy is also available so that your significant other can work through their issues with anxiety on their own. This can increase the success of couples counseling as both people learn how to cope more effectively alone and as partners. If you believe your relationship is worth the effort to save, it could be beneficial to give counseling a try.
The efficacy of online counseling
Different studies have explored how anxiety may be successfully treated through online counseling interventions. In one study, researchers compared the viability of an internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy program to a face-to-face CBT intervention. They found that each intervention had a similar overall effect on the treatment of anxiety disorders. CBT is a kind of therapy that helps people learn how to recognize and then reframe their unhelpful thoughts into more helpful ones. The impact is often changed beliefs and therefore altered behaviors, allowing the individual to live a more productive and fulfilling life.
Counselor reviews
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and me during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference in our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
Takeaway
If you’re dating a girl who has anxiety, you might run into unique challenges in the relationship that seem tough to get through. Learning more about anxiety could allow you to be there for your partner in the ways that they need. At the same time, it can be crucial to take care of your own mental health and overall well-being. Encouraging your partner to seek help and finding ways to care for yourself can help ensure the relationship remains healthy for each of you. It’s possible that you and your partner could benefit from therapy both individually and as a pair. Regain can provide personalized support and advice as you work through the tough moments together and grow as a couple.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do I date a girl with anxiety?
Dating a girl with anxiety can be much like dating anyone else. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and we all need extra support in certain areas at times. It can be beneficial to learn as much as you can about anxiety so that you can understand how to help your partner when they’re struggling. Asking them how you can be there for them can also be a productive step. This way, your partner can tell you directly what you can do to help them, which may allow you to feel less helpless when your partner is experiencing bouts of anxiety.
Can anxiety ruin a relationship?
Anxiety itself may not ruin a relationship, but the effects of anxiety, if left uncontrolled, can have an impact on the health of the relationship and those in it. If someone has relationship OCD, relationship anxiety, past trauma related to relationships, or an anxious attachment style, these are all things that could impede on or even ruin a relationship, and this could be a source of stress. It can be important for those experiencing anxiety to seek support and to learn how to manage their symptoms. Therapy, whether individual, couples, or both, can also be beneficial. No matter how short or long term your relationship is, it can be crucial to show that you care and want to understand while also encouraging your partner to get the help they need.
How can you tell if a girl has anxiety?
If a girl has anxiety, it may not be apparent on the surface. However, if you see them experiencing things like panic attacks or anxious thoughts, it may be easier to spot an anxiety disorder. A girl might also tell you they have anxiety in some cases, particularly if they trust you. Remember that anxiety doesn't define a person and that anxiety symptoms can differ from person to person. That said, there are some symptoms that you can look for if you think that you or someone else has anxiety. Signs of generalized anxiety disorder or GAD include:
- Excessive worry
- Intrusive thoughts
- Fatigue
- Restlessness
- Trouble focusing
- Trouble sleeping
- Irritability
- Trembling or shaking
- GI issues such as nausea
- Heart palpitations
- Rumination
According to the ADAA, 6.8 million people aged 18 or older in the United States alone struggle with generalized anxiety disorder, making it a very common condition. That said, to be diagnosed, you only need to meet a certain number of symptoms, so where one person with GAD might have GI issues or frequent panic attacks, another might not. When you're dating someone with anxiety, it can be important to get the facts on how they experience anxiety individually. Not only can you learn how the condition manifests for them personally, but you can also gain insight into how to support your partner when they are struggling with anxiety symptoms.
How do you deal with dating anxiety?
Nervousness before a date can be common, but racing thoughts, excessive worry, and other overwhelming symptoms may indicate something more serious, such as anxiety. The root of some dating anxieties could be social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid socializing with others. Other times, a person doesn't necessarily struggle with anxiety issues outside of dating but finds that anxious thoughts arise when it comes to romance.
One of the most effective ways to deal with dating anxiety or anxious thoughts related to dating is to look at where it stems from. If you struggle with perfectionism, feelings of low self-worth, or anxious thoughts about people disliking you, it could be something to explore on your own or work through with a mental health provider. Dating anxiety can be overcome with the right tools and support.
What should you not say to someone with anxiety?
When it comes to mental illness and mental health, there are certain things that may not be helpful to say. A few include "it could be worse," or "someone else has it worse,” or “just stop thinking about it.” When someone struggles with anxiety issues or anything else in life, whether it's related to mental health or any other life circumstances, it can be important not to compare them to other people. Likewise, since people often can’t control their anxious thoughts, telling them to simply stop thinking about their worries can feel defeating and make light of the condition.
People who don't experience anxiety can’t fully grasp how it feels, but they can be compassionate and empathetic to those who do struggle with anxiety. You might make mistakes sometimes when you're first trying to understand someone's anxiety issues but know that that doesn't make you a bad person. Dig deeper and work to understand so that you can support the other person in a healthier way.
Would you date someone with anxiety?
Everyone has their battles, and there may not be any reason not to date someone with anxiety. What may matter most is that you and your partner treat each other well and support each other the way that people in any other relationship would. There are still stigmas surrounding mental health conditions such as anxiety disorders, so it can be crucial to know the facts and to remember that there are a lot of people with anxiety in the world. Anxiety disorders are some of the most common mental health conditions, and research shows that anxiety disorders like generalized anxiety disorder are highly treatable and highly manageable.
What anxiety looks like in a relationship?
The answer to this question can vary significantly depending on what kind of anxiety someone has, as well as how it manifests for them and how self-aware they are. It can also depend on the type of treatment they’re receiving (if they’re getting support at all). Even if someone manages their mental health very well, they might have breakthrough symptoms of anxiety or still experience panic attacks at times.
If someone is unaware of their mental health condition, more issues could arise because they may not have found coping skills that can help them yet. There are also situations where someone might have anxiety surrounding relationships specifically, which can impact a relationship differently than generalized anxiety disorder might.
If someone has an anxious attachment style, they might fear a person leaving to the extent that it could be off-putting, particularly if they aren't aware of their attachment style or if they have severe wounding related to abandonment. In this case, they may ask you for reassurance constantly, fail to trust you without any reason, or believe that you are going to leave them no matter what you say to them. All these things can be a source of stress in a relationship, so if you are dealing with an anxious attachment style or any other concern that's related to your romantic relationships, seeing a professional could help.
How do you calm someone with anxiety?
How you calm someone with anxiety down can depend on the person. If you know the person, you can ask them during a time when they’re calm so that you have that information for future reference. If you’re unfamiliar with someone who has anxiety, you may have to use your best judgement in trying to help them.
If someone has a panic attack, you can ask them yes or no questions to try to get them out of it. For example, you can ask, "Do you want me to sit here with you, or do you want to be alone?" or "Do you want me to get you a glass of water?" In general, can be important not to raise your voice in relationships, but when someone has a panic attack, it can be particularly vital to be gentle. During panic attacks, a person is filled with adrenaline. It is a fear response, and a person's body and mind are reacting in the way it would if they were in a life-threatening situation. When someone's in fight or flight mode, there is a real sense of danger. Some people even feel like they're going to die or have a heart attack. While it can be easy to wonder why someone's reacting or feeling the way they are, remember to support people with anxiety by remaining as calm and patient as you can.
If you're dating someone with anxiety, check in with them when they're in a better place and ask what you can do when they're experiencing anxiety or panic attacks. Some people benefit from mantras such as "I am safe," whereas others find it helpful to hear a partner say, "I'm here for you" if they're around.
These coping skills can help someone's mind and body get out of the state of feeling as though they're in life-threatening danger. Try to be patient and support your partner as well as you can. Even if you don't quite understand the way that your partner is feeling or why they are having a panic attack, remember that the fear they’re experiencing feels real to them. If you struggle with anxiety or another mental health condition, it may be beneficial to reach out to a mental health professional. No matter how long you've been struggling with anxiety, know that anxiety doesn't need to rule your life. Whether you see a mental health counselor or therapist online or in your local area, you can get to a healthier place.
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