How To Ask A Friend Out Without Jeopardizing Your Friendship

Updated August 11, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Many of the best relationships start as strong friendships. When you spend a good deal of time with a person, it is not out of the question that you would develop feelings for that person. The problem is, most people are not very forthcoming when it comes to intimate feelings for others. Sometimes, this is because they are afraid of rejection. Other times, it could be due to fear that the friendship will be jeopardized if these feelings are expressed. So, should I date my best friend? Will the friendship remain if it doesn't work romantically?

While some of these fears could be realized in trying to make the jump, that shouldn’t stop you from doing it. When you want to have a relationship with someone, it is up to you to express yourself and make that happen. If you sit in fear or allow yourself to be immobilized by your emotions, you are doing yourself a disservice. If you want to learn how to ask a friend out, but you are afraid of the implications to your friendship, you can ask them out over text. On the other hand, is asking a girl out over text appropriate? Yes, it is suitable. Also, here are a few things you can try to minimize collateral damage when you ask a guy out or your friend.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Asking Out A Friend Can Be Tricky Learn How To Navigate

Talk About It

You may be worried that this interaction will be awkward or uncomfortable, but change is rarely a comfortable experience. If you want to be in a relationship with this person, it is important to put yourself out there and try.

Begin your conversation by explaining that you have found yourself harboring romantic feelings toward your friend. You might mention that while you would love the opportunity to go on a date, you don’t want to lose the friendship that you have. It is likely that if this person doesn’t feel the same way as you, they will want to preserve the relationship, as well. Good friends are so hard to find these days. When you do find a good friend, most people don’t want to let that go.

During the first date, you should both talk about what your expectations are in the relationship and what you will do if you end up not working out. If it is your goal to remain friends, should you choose to break up, make sure you talk about it. It is important in any relationship to be honest and open with one another. Whether you are setting the foundation for a romantic or platonic relationship, the goals at this stage will stay the same.

Another thing you should keep in mind is feelings can change over time. Maybe you go on a few dates only to realize that you aren’t a good match for one another. If you do come to these crossroads and dating a friend goes bad, you should have the infrastructure in your relationship to discuss how to move forward. By this point, you should be able to continue being friends without a hitch. You can count this as a bump in the road and have an interesting story to tell from it.

In best case scenario, the relationship works out. Much of a happy and healthy relationship entails a strong friendship at the core. If you already have that groundwork set, you are much more likely to have success. Focus on this possibility when you are deciding how to ask a friend out. You deserve the best in relationships and all the happiness in life. If you want to get there, you must take the necessary steps to do so.

Take It Slow

The easiest way to ensure the demise of a relationship or friendship is to move too fast. No matter what is decided in your relationship, be sure to take things slow.

When you are deciding how to ask a friend out, remember that you must take it slow. You may be able to think of various creative ways to ask out a girl, but it's better to start out simple. You can introduce the way you feel to them over several days or weeks. If you were to express all of your deepest emotions all at once, you might come off as overbearing, and it might be difficult for this person to maintain a friendship with you without being awkward. Awkwardness is one of the top reasons why friendships that try to go full relationship end. Keep this in mind when you are learning how to ask a friend out for the first time. You want to do everything you can to make the process as easy to transition as possible.

Let’s say you asked your friend on a date and he or she obliged. It can be tempting to jump right into all the things that couples enjoy. One of the most common things that happen too fast is sex. The excitement of being with a new partner gets the best of us, and we move at lightning speed. This is mostly due to the excitement and anticipation of reaping everything your new relationship has to offer. 

Taking it slow also guarantees you are spending plenty of time building a solid foundation for your relationship. The foundation begins with your friendship, so you would already be off to a good start. Once you decide to be romantic partners, you will have more work to do, though. When you choose to take everything with a slow and steady approach, you will be able to spend as much time as is needed to develop things like trust and confidence in one another.

Getty/Luis Alvarez

Confidence Is Key

Trusting in yourself and having confidence is the best way to convert a friendship into a relationship. The quickest way to crash and burn is to seem unsure of yourself or the things that you want.

When you are learning how to ask a friend out, you want to appear as confident as possible. Many times, people jump into relationships with friends before truly considering all the implications of a relationship. If you acknowledge the way you feel and speak with confidence, you will be able to eliminate a large amount of doubt that your friend might be feeling.

You will also want to exude confidence in yourself. The most attractive thing in a partner is confidence to most people. When you are sure of yourself and sure of what you want, that will show to others around you. This is a universally attractive trait to have. It will be recognized and, in most cases, might be your strongest quality when attracting a new partner.

The downside of this is overconfidence. If you come off as overly confident, it could turn your friend away from you. This is because cockiness or being egotistical is not a desirable trait to have. You must be sure that you are showing a good balance of confidence and care for others, as well. Your friend will want to feel loved and valued in your relationship. If you display an attitude that leads him or her to believe that you will be more focused on yourself, you could ruin your chances and sacrifice the friendship as a result.

Keep It Casual

An easy way to go about learning how to ask your friend out is to keep it casual. If you can manage to put a minimal amount of pressure on your friend, you are sure to have better results.

You can achieve this by mentioning in passing that you are interested in your friend. Be straightforward in your request but be sure you ask them out in a way that is no pressure. You can do this by approaching them and simply asking, “Would you like to have lunch with me?” Make sure this person is aware that you want to do this as a potential couple and not simply as a friend date. If they do agree to go on a date with you, be straightforward with your intentions from the start.

This doesn’t always go as we would hope. There will inevitably be times when your friend refuses your request. If this happens, you must be prepared to take “no” for an answer. The worst thing you could do would be to assume there is something that you can do to change this person’s mind. If you hope to maintain a friendship with them, you must respect their wishes and move on. The friendship should be enough for you if you truly want to maintain it.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Asking Out A Friend Can Be Tricky Learn How To Navigate

Conclusion

Asking a friend on a date can entail some tricky waters. It isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it is possible. If you are struggling with understanding your relationships and you want help, you might consider reaching out to a professional. Studies have shown that online therapy is as effective as in-person, and it can offer greater flexibility, privacy, and affordability. Otherwise, you have all the tools you need to make it happen—all you must do is reach out and grab them.

Counselor Reviews

"My experience with Priscilla has been immensely helpful in better understanding myself and providing me with the tools to see my life and relationships with more clarity and compassion."

“Shannon is very knowledgeable, and skilled in knowing how to use that knowledge to help others. She is also very compassionate and encouraging. I was skeptical about using a counseling service, but this experience has been incredible. I highly recommend Shannon to anyone who needs guidance or help through a difficult time in life. I gave her some enormous challenges, and nothing has been over her head. She has been a tremendous help to me.”

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns

This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.