The Premarital Counseling Questionnaire You Need
By: Toni Hoy
Updated May 12, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Dutil
Before you get married, you and your partner must understand each other and understand what you're getting into in this type of relationship. Marriage is important, and it's something that you want to make sure you fully understand before you enter into it. So what do you do? A premarital counseling questionnaire can definitely help you get the information you need to know about yourself and your partner. Check out some of these questions and what you need to know before you both consider marriage.
Premarital Counseling Questionnaire
Before you tie the knot, the first thing to do is look over a premarital questionnaire that will help both of you figure out if you're on the same page with important life topics and deal with the things you don't necessarily agree upon. So look at these questions and consider several more before making choices that will affect your entire future.
Do You Want Children?
This is something that most people have strong feelings about. People generally either really want or don't want children, and while it's possible those feelings could change, it doesn't happen often. You want to make sure that you talk to your partner about these plans.
Would You Move For Your Job?
Find out if your partner is interested in moving and whether you would be okay with moving as well. Would you prefer to stay in the same area for any reason? If your partner is open to moving and you're not, it can be a bit of a problem in the long run.
How Will You Handle Finances?
Do you and your partner want to have separate accounts? Will one or the other of you be responsible for all of the bills? Will you split bills evenly? These are things you should think about before you get married, so neither of you is blindsided when it all starts to happen.
How Are Your Finances?
Discuss what your finances look like right now, including any debt you may have and how you handle your money. Knowing how you work with money and whether you're going to be responsible or not is important for your partner before getting married.
What Are Your Household Responsibilities?
Is one or the other of you responsible for taking care of the household? Will, you split the chores a certain way, or will you both be responsible for all the chores? Are you both in agreement about who does each chore? Knowing this can help you avoid problems later on where one of you thinks the other was supposed to be in charge of anything specific.
What Do You Expect In The Marriage?
Are there certain expectations that one of you has? Do you want your partner to do specific things in the relationship, or do you expect to do certain things? Knowing what your expectations are before you get married keeps either of you from being disappointed later on.
How Will You Resolve Conflicts?
Do you agree to discuss problems that you might have? How about going to counseling? Will you agree to specific solutions or ways of finding solutions? Knowing your coping strategy for conflicts and how you react to problems will be important for you and your partner.
What Is Infidelity To You?
While one of you may think of infidelity as only sex, the other may think that there are emotional parameters. Understanding what you think of as infidelity can keep you from unintentionally crossing a line that your partner finds important.
What Are Your Expectations For Affection?
In the days after marriage, both of you will be consumed with taking care of work, a home, and the family. Affection can easily be put on the back burner. Affection doesn't equal sex. It can be expressed in other ways. How do you want your partner to show their affection for you on a regular day of the week? What will put you in the mood for a night of lovemaking? What kinds of touch and where make you feel special and loved?
How Will We Handle Budgeting?
There's a good chance that your spending and saving habits won't line up exactly. How will you handle money for the family bills? Will one account work? Or will it be better to have separate accounts with one account for the joint bills? How much money will you put into an emergency fund? What constitutes an emergency?
How Will We Make Decisions About Grocery Spending And Personal Spending?
There are many good budget software programs out there that can help you budget your money wisely and still allow for extra expenses. What is a reasonable amount of money to allow for weekly groceries? How much do you want to allow for personal clothing, work needs, items for the home, car repairs, and personal savings?
Will We Carry Some Amount Of Debt Or Will We Live Debt-Free at All Costs?
One or more of you may carry over some amount of debt into your marriage. Do you plan to pay that off as quickly as possible? What's the plan to ensure that it happens? Does either of you have one or more credit cards? Have you just been paying the minimum balances? Can you live a debt-free lifestyle? If so, how and when can you make that happen?
How Often Will We Eat Out Each Week?
Eating out is expensive, and if you make the wrong choices, your waistline can also add up. Will you have a goal to eat at home as much as possible? How many times can you agree to eat out each week? Do you have a discount plan at your favorite place? Can you use coupons to decrease some of the expenses of eating out?
How Will You Divide Up Household Chores?
Whether it's a nice home, a small apartment, or a tiny portable home on wheels, homes require clean-up and maintenance. Will you divide the house chores in half? Who will clean up the dishes? Who will buy the groceries? Who will do the laundry? Who will handle the bills? Who will take care of house and auto repairs?
What Role Will Each Of You Play In Your Marriage?
Are both of you working full-time? Does one person make more than the other? Will the breadwinning person remain the same or change if you should decide to have children? If one person leaves or reduces hours of employment, does that change the household's balance of duties? If you both continue working after having children, how will you share duties related to dropping off and picking up children and being available when they're ill or need you to be at one of their activities?
Where Do You Want To Live?
This is an easy question for some. It's a massive contention point for others, especially if you have been geographically distant during the dating period. Will you live in the city, suburbs, or a rural area? Will you rent a home for a while, or can you afford to purchase your own home? Do you want to live in an area where everything is within walking distance, or will you be commuting to work?
What Kinds Of Rules Will You Establish For Your Marriage?
Communication is a big issue. If you need to stop by the store on the way home, does your partner expect you to call or text? If you empty the garbage, paper towels, or toilet paper, are you expected to replace the garbage bag, paper towels and put on a new roll of tissue? If one of you goes out with friends, is there an expected time for you to be home?
What Is Something I Could Do Now Or In The Future That Would Make You Not Trust Me?
Trust is important for a healthy marriage. It takes only one lie or incidence of infidelity to break down marital trust. Many dating and friendship apps can cause concern over fidelity. Can you agree on which apps are acceptable? Are you willing to exchange passwords on your mobile phones, tablets, and computers? Are all past relationships completely in the no-friend zone? Is it okay for one of you to go out or take a trip without the other? How do you define an emotional affair?
What Influence, If Any, Should Our Extended Families Have On Our Marriage?
Most young couples need advice now and then. When you have questions about finances, interest rates, car loans, mortgages, life insurance, and other complex decisions, will you seek out your family, partner's family, or someone else? Where will you spend the holidays? Does one person's extended family have stronger expectations than the other?
How Will We Handle Things If The Breadwinning Career Begins To Have A Negative Impact On Our Marriage?
Is a career worth hanging onto if it helps us reach our financial and personal goals? When is the point when we'd both be okay with giving up a stressful job? How would we manage financially? Would one of us work two jobs? Would we pare down our expenses and expectations and learn to live on less? Would we both be willing to go to counseling to get our relationship healthy and back on track?
By going through these questions and more, you and your partner will be better prepared for a happy relationship together. With the help of a therapist like those at ReGain, you'll definitely be prepared for anything.
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