Recovering from getting a divorce is difficult for some people. When a marriage doesn’t work out, it may leave you feeling insecure about starting another relationship with someone else. You might very much desire a new relationship, but you could still be afraid of whether things will turn sour as they did with your marriage. Is divorced dating different from dating when you haven’t already been married? Read on to dig into the details.
Are There Kids In the Picture?
When you haven’t been married, one of the biggest differences between divorced dating and dating is that you’ll possibly have kids in the picture. You might have kids of your own, which can alter the dynamic when you’re trying to start dating again. If you’re still young and you have school-aged children, then you’re going to want to find a partner that is comfortable with this. Of course, many people in your age group that you will be trying to date might have children of their own, too.
It is important to acknowledge that your kids and your potential partner’s kids will play a role in the relationship. Even if you aren’t trying to move in with a new lover anytime soon, it still could be a factor. Sometimes children can get a little scared when mom or dad starts dating again. They might be worried that this new person is taking away their parent, which could even cause some behavior problems. Be prepared to assure your children that you will not love them any less just because you found someone new to spend time with.
Divorced dating doesn’t have to be overly complicated, even when you have children. However, it is important to be aware of the potential challenges that can occur. It will also be crucial to find a partner that respects the fact that you have parental responsibilities. If they’re capable of getting along with your children without making your kids feel like someone is trying to replace their mother/father, then that will be even better.
You Might Have Trust Issues
Many people who have gone through a divorce will develop trust issues. This is especially true if your ex-spouse betrayed you somehow, and that was the main reason for the divorce. You might find that you’re more suspicious than you used to be in the past due to what happened. This could lead you to act a little off-putting in some ways, and your new partner could be a little hurt by your lack of trust.
The truth is that your current relationship has nothing to do with the old one. Just because one partner cheated on you in the past doesn’t mean that someone new will do the same thing. Try your best to give new romantic partners the benefit of the doubt. Bringing your past wounds into your current relationship might feel inevitable, but you should try to work through issues healthily. Some people go to therapy to process these feelings, which helps them to remain open to others despite difficulties with trust.
Keep in mind that these problems can happen with the person that you’re dating as well. Dating a divorced person could lead to similar complications. They might have trust issues that stem from coming out of a bad relationship. You have to try to understand each other’s past so that you can build a future together. Being able to communicate your concerns is crucial, and you should know that trust takes time. You can build your bond with a new partner, but you might never be as trusting as you were before your divorce.
Older And Wiser
You may feel like you’re a bit older and wiser now. Going through a major life event such as a divorce can be traumatizing for many, but it can also make you smarter. You went through bad times, and you were still able to come out whole. Even if you have some issues stemming from your failed marriage, you now have an increased understanding of avoiding certain pitfalls. Your next relationship might be much better than your marriage was because you have grown as a person.
Hopefully, the people that you decide to date will be similarly wise. When you’re dating someone who understands what they want, it can make the relationship more fulfilling. You can use your wisdom to help nurture a good relationship that will be healthy for you. This will allow you to build a solid bond over time with your new partner.
The old you might have made certain mistakes or expected too much out of your partner. You might have regrets about how you treated your ex-spouse, and you will want to do things differently the next time. Many people mature quite a bit after going through a divorce. This could very well be the case for you, too.
Your Expectations Might Be Different
It’s also true that your expectations might be significantly different than they were when you got married. In the past, you might have settled down with your ex-spouse with thoughts of starting a family. If you already have children and are content with the number of children that you have, then this might mean that you’re looking for different things now. Instead of looking for someone to settle down with, you might just be looking for someone to enjoy life with.
That isn’t to say that some divorced individuals won’t want to settle down again. It just means that your expectations for the future likely aren’t the same as they once were. You could be looking for a person to fall madly in love with, or you could be seeking out a sex partner. You’re at a different point in your life, and what you needed or wanted ten or twenty years ago will likely be a bit different from what you want now.
Taking Time To Heal
You are taking time to heal after a divorce is essential for moving forward in a healthy mindset. Some people will need months to get over a divorce, and others might even feel like they need several years. How long you need to heal and process what has happened will depend on your specific situation. Remember that you can always seek out professional therapy if you have emotional issues that need to be addressed.
Some people experience depression or anxiety after getting divorced. This can even manifest itself when you start dating again due to not connecting with others as easily as you had hoped. Working with a therapist can help you manage symptoms of depression or anxiety that disrupt your daily life.
Sex After Divorce
Sex after divorce can be somewhat tricky at first. Some recently divorced people will want to go out and find someone new to sleep with very fast. This isn’t always the best course of action to take for your mental health, but it is something that some people will do. Understand that some recently divorced people will have problems forming an intimate connection with someone new.
You could be so used to only having sex with your now ex-spouse that sleeping with someone else will feel strange. Eventually, this will not be the case anymore. It just might not feel natural to think about sleeping with another person. In your heart, you could still feel like you need to be loyal to your ex even though your marriage has concluded. Don’t feel weird if this happens to you because everyone has their process of healing from divorce.
Try Out Online Counseling When You Need Help
If you’re just now entering into a new relationship, then you might need some support to keep things going smoothly. Online couples counseling through Regain is available if you feel your current relationship needs some help to avoid familiar pitfalls. You can learn how to communicate more effectively while also working on overcoming past emotional trauma. Getting through a divorce might be tough, but your new relationship can thrive with the help of licensed online counselors.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How Soon After Divorce Should You Date?
If you’d like a specific time frame, try waiting at least a year. This will give you enough time to a) ensure that you are emotionally ready to dedicate yourself to someone again and b) ensure that you are not just separated but also officially, legally divorced.
However, in reality, many dating sites and dating tips recommend specific timelines for dating after divorce, but the truth is that there is no one set time that you should begin dating again. You don’t even have to date at all post-divorce if you don’t want to.
The only thing that you need to wait for before rejoining the dating pool is certainty that you’re ready to date. It can be hard to tell when you’re ready to date, but in general, if you’re at peace with the idea of moving on from your ex-partner and have considered what you want in a future partner, you’re likely at a good place.
It may take months or even years, but it’s likely that at some point, you’ll feel comfortable and ready to date again. When you’re dating new people, it’s important to keep in mind that the only dating tips that matter are those that feel right to you; it’s important to do what makes you happy even if it doesn’t line up with what others might expect.
There are many options in this day and age, like dating apps and online dating, to meet new people. If dating apps and similar services aren’t your things, though, it’s also fine to wait to meet someone organically. Just try and remember to take things slow and be easy on/kind to yourself.
Is Dating During Divorce Adultery?
Most people in a monogamous relationship (a monogamous relationship is one with two partners only) would consider dating other people during marriage adultery, but what about during a divorce? Technically, in the eyes of the U.S. court, a new relationship after filing for divorce is still considered adultery. For that reason, be open with your new partner about your legal status as a married person. Ask if they would be willing to wait before being together or about keeping your relationship very private until you’re certain that it won’t cause any problems.
With that being said, there are a few different perspectives you can take on that question.
Ultimately, it depends on your situation and your comfort level. Some people find that post-divorce dating (and dating while a divorce is still processing) is a great way to rediscover themselves. Others might feel like they need to wait longer or may otherwise be uncomfortable dating until their divorce is finalized. Many may be concerned about a new relationship affecting their divorce proceedings and decide to wait until they are completely free before seeking out new loves.
You may be legally married until your divorce wraps up, but if you and your former partner have decided to see other people, it’s not necessarily “cheating.” There are many resources available to meet new people and try new things (dating apps, online dating, etc.), so if you’d like to do so, it’s not very hard.
Even if a dating app or dating during divorce isn’t for you, it’s possible to settle into a different and healthy long-term relationship in the future.
Do Relationships After Divorce Work?
Relationships after divorce can indeed work, but there may be some obstacles that you should be aware of. New relationships are already very vulnerable on their own, but dating after divorce is often very different and very shaped by the experiences that you’ve had in past relationships.
Something to consider is that many relationships after divorce don’t have successful survival rates. An estimated 67-80% of relationships after divorce ends with a breakup.
One other main thing to keep in mind is only to pursue dating when you’re sure you’re ready to date. While you may be eager to jump back into dating apps and the dating pool after ending a relationship, new relationships that aren’t founded on the genuine connection (i.e., a “rebound”) are often prone to failure and conflict.
Dating tips for the modern world also may be quite different from what you’ve experienced in the past, especially if you’ve been married for a while. Using a dating app, for instance, maybe totally unfamiliar to you (or online dating in general).
Fortunately, though, resources like a dating app or online dating generally make it easier to meet more people from more places, so the hassle of learning to use these services will likely be made up for by their benefits.
What Does A Divorced Man Want?
Many divorced men may be looking for:
However, many dating sites, dating apps, and dating tips lead us to believe that both men and women have specific expectations for each other. While this may be true for some individuals, it’s not necessarily easy (or possible) to generalize all divorced men into one category. What each divorced man wants out of future relationships will depend on his situation.
If you’re dating a man who has previously gone through a divorce, it’s understandable to have some concerns. You may be worried about infidelity, a lack of commitment, or red flags that might jeopardize your future relationship.
A good way to address these concerns is to voice them honestly, even though it might be hard. Open communication is a great foundation for any relationship but especially necessary when dating after divorce. Even if you communicate via a dating app or dating site, setting things up right from the get-go gives you a great chance at success long-term.
How Often Do Divorced Couples Get Back Together?
Research suggests that divorced couples don’t remarry very often – most dating after divorce is focused on outside individuals rather than a former spouse. Still, post-divorce dating is a thing that happens. Six percent of divorced couples get back together.
From what we know now, it’s not common at all for divorced couples to get back together. Interestingly, though, many of those who get back together stays together (especially if it’s been long since the split). Experts estimate that 72% of couples who get back together after a divorce end up staying together the second time.
If you’ve recently gotten out of a long-term relationship or are going through a divorce, it’s understandable to hold out a shred of hope that things might go back to the way they used to be. While it’s possible, it’s far healthier to focus on ways you can move on and, eventually, begin meeting new people (even if it’s just through a dating site).