How To Make Moving On From Divorce Easier For You And Your Family

Moving on from divorce is rarely an easy thing to go through. Many things may need to be decided on. The logistics surrounding living situations, visitation schedules, and financial matters can be a massive headache for anyone. This is not to mention the stress that often goes into figuring out how the relationship will evolve now that it is legally over. When kids are involved, unfortunately, a clean break from the relationship may not be entirely possible. This can present its own challenges. So, what can you do to make moving on from divorce easier for you and your family? There are a few things you can implement to make this happen.

Focus on the good

Any situation, even the most painful ones, can help us grow as a person. Sit with a pen and paper and write down all of the things you still have that you are thankful for, focusing especially on those things that you didn't have before the divorce. This can but doesn't have to include material things. It could be something like "I get to travel with my friends" or "I'm free to spend more time painting."

If you are still navigating pain from your divorce, it might help to shift your focus to using it productively. Pain can be energy, and although it doesn't always feel pleasant, there are ways we can use it constructively. Write poetry, volunteer at an animal shelter, create something artistic, or take up a new physical activity. Do what feels good to you!

As simple as it sounds, shifting your mindset from “all that I have lost” to “all that I have gained” can help make moving on from divorce much easier.

Set clear boundaries

Setting clear boundaries with your ex can make moving on from divorce more comfortable for everyone.

Doing this can help ensure that each of you knows what’s expected of you at this point in your relationship. The expectations following a divorce can get muddy, so it may be best to have this conversation as soon as possible once your divorce is finalized. Better yet, use the time you have while you are in legal proceedings to get a head start.

The better you know what to expect from each other, the easier the transition may be. If you let the terms of your life after divorce become an experiment of trial and error, it might leave you feeling frustrated and defeated. 

You might, for instance, want to establish who will be your children’s primary caregiver, how you’ll communicate post-divorce, how to tell and talk to family, etc.

Become a master negotiator

You can't always get what you want, but there may rarely be a time when a compromise can't be reached. No matter the situation, your negotiation skills can come in handy when moving on from divorce.

Getting over a divorce can lead you into tricky territory. Each of you may have your own reasons for ending the relationship. Alternatively, you may be in a situation where only one party was in favor of the split. Regardless, it can be hard to collaborate with your ex-partner, which may cause problems if you’ve started a family together.

The best thing you can do may be to try to find common ground. Now that the relationship is over, you can have a chance at a more harmonious relationship. If you find yourself in a disagreement with your ex, do some brainstorming. What can you do to make the situation palatable for everyone? It may not always be easy to come to a consensus, but if you hope to make progress getting over divorce, it may be imperative to find a way to make things work.

Bury the hatchet

You likely didn't divorce your spouse because of minor inconveniences. Instead, there may have been a long list of things that contributed to this decision. Many people find it difficult to move on even after the deed is done due to unresolved feelings or frustration, but for the rest of the family, resentment like this can lead to stress and trouble.

Holding grudges or hate in your heart for your ex may likewise only be impeding you from living your best life. Of course, sometimes, your ex may not be worthy of your forgiveness. Depending on the severity of their actions that lead up to this point, it might seem downright impossible to forgive. The fact is, though, that it may be more healing for everyone if you begin to find ways to truly let go and move on from the past. 

This may not only enable you to put positivity in your world and the people around you, but it may also have positive effects on your outlook and your emotions. When you let go of negativity, you can create much more room for happiness and joy inside.

Communicate

When you have concerns, the best way to fix them is likely to talk about them. Setting aside time frequently to touch base and communicate with your ex can make the transition much easier for everyone.

Try your best not to build up your emotions until you explode. Address disagreements and negative feelings the moment they come up. This can give everyone a chance to take inventory and do what needs to be done to adjust. Encourage your ex to do the same.

Communication may overall be one of the best tools you can use in moving on after divorce. Family units that talk to one another are often stronger and more resilient than their counterparts. 

Keep it civil

No matter how much you may dislike your ex, try to keep things civil. Conflict may lead both of you to waste time and energy, and if you have children, exposing them to parents who constantly argue or openly express their disdain for each other can be harmful. 

For many couples, this part takes time. Immediately following a divorce, a lot of people carry around a great amount of resentment for their former spouse. This may be manifested through arguing or being generally unpleasant to one another. 

When you choose to be civil with one another, however, you are likely setting an example for your children. We all may have been in situations where we don't like a person, but we generally choose to be respectful regardless. So, when you decide to remain civil, you can show your children that you can have a neutral relationship with even those who you share a complicated past or present with.

This can help them to foster better relationships as they get older. If they ever come to a point where it is time to be civil with a partner themselves, they may be more likely to have the tools they need to do so. 

Manage your own emotions

If you are finding the tips above hard to master, it’s okay. Steps like these can take a lot of time, patience, and practice, especially if your divorce is still fresh. There are some additional tactics you can use to help get yourself to a point of stability so that you can begin to move on.

Here are some ways to recover from divorce so that you can be the best parent for your children or family while also living authentically.

Get a counselor 

(This will be discussed in detail below). Divorce can be such a muddy, murky territory that even most therapists seek a therapist when going through a divorce! Having someone to support you can be a big part of moving on from a divorce.

Get in touch with your emotions

Avoid the temptation to soldier on through the pain. You may have to be civil and deal with situations that you don't like in an adult manner, but this doesn't mean you have to deny yourself the right to feel hurt, frustrated, etc. Just taking the time to feel the sensations happening in your body when you are upset can help with recovery.

Focus on yourself

If your whole life was wrapped up in being a partner or parent, it might be hard to imagine being anything else. Understandably, you may jump right into doing for others. Although it can be reasonable to want to shield others, especially your children, from pain, this doesn't necessarily make moving on from divorce easier for you or your family. In fact, it might slow the healing process for both parties. Instead, take some time to figure out who you want to be. This can be a great time to reinvent yourself.

Enlist some professional help

The ins and outs of moving on from divorce can be a lot to manage on your own. Different stages of divorce can likewise leave you vulnerable to different emotions. Some couples struggle to maintain the right relationship despite their best efforts.

If this sounds like you, you may be able to benefit from the help of a licensed counselor or therapist. A professional can help you navigate and teach you ways to get through a divorce. Options like online therapy can make it even easier to get the support you might need. Online platforms can offer the convenience of being available at any time and from anywhere there is an internet connection. 

Regardless of whether you choose to seek professional support for yourself, for you and your ex, or for your family, it’s likely that you can find some benefit in doing so. In fact, one recent study found that 95% of people who engaged in online couples counseling for it to be a helpful experience, which means that you may, too. 

Takeaway

Moving on from divorce can be challenging, but it’s often made easier through open communication, establishing boundaries, and working on prioritizing yourself rather than your past. Speaking to a professional like a therapist can also help you find ways to move on.