I Can’t Get Over Her – How Can I Move On?

Updated March 16, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Moving on with your life can be challenging if you recently split up with a girlfriend or another woman you loved. It's normal for people to experience profound sadness when things like this happen, so you're not alone if you're having a difficult time.

These feelings are a natural part of the healing process. It might not feel like it, but you'll start feeling better as time passes. 

This guide features advice on how to get over a breakup and move on to the next chapter of your love life, with tips ranging from cutting ties to trying online therapy

Stop talking to her

Heartbreak can be painful and overwhelming

It might seem rude to stop talking to someone, but this is often a healthy decision if you can't get over your ex and she's still a part of your life. Some people can remain friends with their former lovers, but this doesn't work for everyone. Research shows that contact with an ex-partner after separation is associated with psychological distress

You might explain to your ex that you need to work on yourself to move on – there's no shame in admitting you need to heal after being hurt. Your ex will likely understand, but if not, it's almost always best to do what's healthiest for yourself. 

Get rid of things that remind you of her

Another thing that might help get your ex off your mind is getting rid of things that remind you of her. For example, you might own a blanket you used to cuddle under together, and you might think of her every time you see this particular blanket. Is it worth keeping if it's dredging up painful memories? Probably not. 

Don't hesitate to throw things out or donate them to a second-hand store. This approach might seem extreme to some, but it may help if you're struggling to get over your ex.

Don’t live in the past

Many people who remain stuck on a past relationship keep thinking about how things ended. You might be trying to analyze things, wondering where things went wrong or if you could have done better to make her happy. But many therapeutic methods – like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) – focus on living in the present to help get through grief. 

If moving out of this thought pattern feels too challenging, you might ask a therapist for help. A mental health professional can help you stop agonizing over what went wrong with your last relationship so you can accept and let go of the past. And if you're feeling too down to leave the house for mental health treatment, online therapy is an excellent option. It's as effective as in-person therapy while offering greater convenience and lower financial demands in most cases. 

Work on personal goals

You might have lost track of your personal goals due to heartache. But refocusing your attention on these personal goals can help you move on. For example, you may start exercising regularly and clean up your diet to improve your self-confidence and give yourself something else to think about. 

Other goals could include getting a promotion at your job, focusing more on your hobbies, or learning a skill you've always wanted to pursue. If you need help deciding what to focus on, consider reviewing old journals, lists, or possessions to remind yourself what you liked to do before your relationship.

Spend time with friends or family

Your friends and family have the potential to help you get over your ex. Going out with those close to you and doing fun things can help you start socializing again. You might have lost touch with some of these people while dating your ex, which is common in many relationships. 

Reconnecting with good people who care about you can help move your thoughts away from your ex while you build a support network. Look for opportunities to do fun things with people who make you happy. For example, you could see your favorite band in concert, play a game of basketball, or go out to dinner with family. It usually doesn't matter what you do as long as it's a healthy activity that makes you feel better.

Start meeting new people

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Heartbreak can be painful and overwhelming

Meeting new people and dating again is often a helpful way to get over an ex. It's usually best to save this until you've made some progress getting over your ex. But you'll likely find someone you'd like to take on a date or two if you open yourself up to the possibility. 

You can meet new girls at places where you might hang out instead of using dating apps. Research suggests that, while dating apps are helpful for some people, others find them harmful to their mental health.

Many people meet relationship prospects at concerts, grocery stores, the gym, or church services. Local singles groups might also be worth checking out. Try to talk to girls who catch your eye while you're out, and you might get an opportunity to get to know them better and initiate conversations to see if you hit it off.

If this feels like an overwhelming step, it may be best to wait until you've made more progress getting over your ex. Speaking with a mental health professional can help you decide when to date again. Your therapist can help you assess your mental state and use methods like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to manage your emotions and overcome things like anxiety or depression. And if you prefer internet-based treatment, research shows that online CBT can be helpful for a range of distressing emotions. 

Takeaway

Getting rid of things that remind you of your ex, focusing on the present, working on personal goals, and spending time with loved ones can help you get over your ex and feel ready to date again. And if you need help implementing these steps, or if they're not working, speaking with a mental health professional might help you accept and move past lingering emotions. 

Regain is an online therapy platform with professionals specializing in helping people with relationship challenges. We offer individual therapy, and our counselors are available to start listening and helping you with any challenges, including depression, anxiety, or heartache. We'll match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and preferences, and you can connect through your computer, tablet, or smartphone. 

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