What You Can Do To Help If Your Boyfriend Is Depressed
Depression is a common mental health condition that affects approximately five percent (280 million people) of the adult population worldwide, according to the World Health Organization. You may notice that your boyfriend shows signs of depression, or he’s been diagnosed, and you're worried he's having trouble with his symptoms. Read on to explore what depression is, how it can affect the way your boyfriend thinks, acts, and feels, and what you can do to support him.
What is depression?
According to researchers at the Cleveland Clinic, depression is a common mood disorder that can have a drastic effect on a person’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. People can experience depression in various ways, with symptoms often unique to each person. Medical and mental healthcare providers have developed several effective treatments for mild, moderate, and severe depression.
Depressive disorders include the following:
Also called clinical depression, MDD can have a substantial disruptive influence on numerous parts of your life.
Previously called manic depression, bipolar disorder causes drastic mood shifts between alternating periods of mania and depression.
Depression symptoms coincide with the beginning and end of seasonal changes, typically in summer or winter patterns.
Chronic, low-level depression symptoms that don’t interfere with your life as much as MDD but persist for at least two years.
A drastic shift in emotional state after welcoming a child into the home. Fathers and adoptive or foster parents can also experience postpartum depression.
Symptoms are similar to MDD with atypical features, such as a temporary mood boost after positive events or other deviations from the traditional criteria.
Understanding how depression affects people
While depression may affect your boyfriend in many ways, you can expect it to influence how he thinks, acts, and feels. Researchers have compiled a list of some common symptoms people with depression often experience.
“Depression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home.” — American Psychiatric Association
Physical depression symptoms
Substantial changes to sleeping and eating habits, weight loss or gain, persistent fatigue, loss of energy, slowed movements or speech, unexplained pain with no apparent cause, and trouble sitting still or restless pacing
Psychological depression symptoms
Anhedonia (loss of pleasure or interest in activities previously enjoyed), trouble concentrating, agitation, difficulty thinking or making decisions, fixating on past failures, and suicidal thoughts or actions
If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 988 and is available 24/7.
Emotional depression symptoms
Persistent or overwhelming feelings of sadness or emptiness, intrusive thoughts of worthlessness or misplaced guilt, and a sense that there’s no hope because it will always be this way
What causes depression?
Researchers don’t know the exact cause of depression, but it is generally believed to be caused by a combination of biological factors such as genetics and brain chemistry and environmental factors like past experiences, personality, and attachment style—which relates to childhood caregiving.
How you can be there for your boyfriend if he’s depressed
You may want to know how you can support your boyfriend if he’s showing signs of depression. Try some of these tips to understand what he’s going through and how you can help him.
Educate yourself
Learning about depression and how it affects your boyfriend can help you understand what he’s experiencing and how you can support him in ways that make him feel seen, cared for, and understood.
Listen without judgment
Your boyfriend may need to talk about what he’s feeling. Let him know that you will listen to whatever he needs to say without judgment and that you’re willing to give him the time and space he requires to work through his emotions. He may not want advice, so ask if he prefers you listen or work to find solutions.
Offer him emotional support
Sometimes, knowing that your partner loves and supports you through the bad times and the good can be a considerable comfort. Let your boyfriend know that you are there for him and want to provide emotional support.
Help him get treatment
If your boyfriend doesn’t have a depression diagnosis, but you’ve seen signs of depression that worry you, express your concerns calmly in a way that doesn’t feel accusatory. Many people resist the idea of being in poor mental health, and he may not react well. Let him know that you don't see it as a weakness or character flaw but as a mental health condition caused by a complex interaction of biological and environmental factors beyond his control. He may want help finding a therapist or need encouragement to go through with treatment.
If he is suicidal, take him seriously
Without treatment, depression symptoms often grow more severe over time. In extreme cases, people may be driven to harm themselves or die by suicide. If your boyfriend says he’s been having suicidal thoughts or has made an attempt, get him help immediately. You can text TALK to 741741 to speak with a trained crisis counselor.
“Someone considering suicide is experiencing a life-threatening health crisis and may not believe they can be helped. Work with them to keep them safely away from lethal means like firearms and drugs and remind them that their suffering is temporary.” — American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Ask him how you can help
While you may have specific ideas about the best ways to help your boyfriend cope with his depression, they may not align with what he needs to feel supported. One of the best ways to sidestep this problem is to ask him what coping strategies help him feel better and what you can do to offer him love and emotional support. Many people with depression have trouble asking for help and may not know what they need if you make open-ended offers.
Help him develop positive coping skills and support him if he needs to use them
Help your boyfriend identify what usually triggers his depression symptoms so he can develop healthy, practical coping strategies. Then, be there to support him if he needs to use them. Mood disorders don’t always present themselves at a convenient time, and knowing you're there to help him no matter what may comfort him.
Find positive things to do together
Activities like exercise can release neurochemicals with mood-boosting effects. If he’s feeling up to it, go for a walk together or see if he’d like to go to the batting cages, challenge him to a race, or explore the city side by side.
Understand that depression treatment takes time, and has ups and downs
One of the most crucial things to understand about loving someone with depression is that treatment isn't fast and usually comes with good and bad days. Genuine support means being there for him on both.
Remember to take care of yourself too
- Practice self-care with a balanced diet, healthy sleep hygiene, and regular exercise.
- Consider working with a therapist to safeguard your own mental health.
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries.
Reach out for help
If your boyfriend is experiencing challenges managing his depression symptoms or controlling his emotions, it can be difficult to know what to do or where to start when you want to help him. You may benefit from speaking to a qualified counselor to help you understand mood disorders like depression and learn the most effective ways to support your boyfriend with the support and guidance of a mental health professional.
How therapy can help you understand depression and support your boyfriend
Many people are in a relationship with a partner living with depression. If your boyfriend struggles to manage his diagnosed depression symptoms or is showing signs of undiagnosed depression, consider working with a licensed therapist online to help you understand the mental health condition and how you can support your boyfriend—while simultaneously supporting your own mental health. A virtual therapy platform focused on relationship issues like Regain can connect you with a licensed therapist to help you learn communication skills, coping strategies, and the mental health knowledge you need to support yourself and your boyfriend. Parents or guardians seeking online therapy for kids from 12 to 19 can contact TeenCounseling.
The past few years have inspired a surge of interest in the effectiveness of various treatment options. Researchers at the American Psychological Association determined that online and in-person therapy provide similar outcomes. Many patients reported that virtual treatments were most cost-effective and required shorter wait times before speaking with a provider. One advantage teletherapy offers are connection to a much more comprehensive network of licensed therapists, giving you a much higher chance of connecting with a treatment provider who makes you feel comfortable and fits your situation and personality.
Counselor reviews
“Working with Ralph was a great experience for me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend was apprehensive about any form of therapy, but Ralph’s approachable and non-judgmental demeanor made it easier for my boyfriend to be receptive to him. He cited a lot of techniques and had us learn and use them in our communication. What helped a lot was also the small attainable goals he helped us set that we actually achieved, which made us feel productive without feeling overwhelmed. He’s very flexible with his schedule and always checked in to see how we were doing. I would highly recommend him to any couple who could use some guidance.”
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
Takeaway
If your boyfriend is living with depression and having trouble managing his symptoms, you may want to find ways to help support him and make him feel better. The information in this article offers insight into what depression is and how it could affect him, what you can do to help, and how therapy can help you understand the mood disorder.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How can you tell if your boyfriend is sad?
Everyone gets sad sometimes, and it is a normal human emotion that should be acknowledged and respected.
People with depression are facing more than just normal sadness. If you believe that you have a depressed partner, you may notice exhibiting some depression symptoms. If you suspect that you or a loved one is experiencing depression, consider seeking help from a medical professional.
Anyone, or especially a man with depression, may not always communicate their depression or anxiety. It is not recommended to try fixing their depression or smothering them. Depression and anxiety can have negative impacts on one’s way of thinking. As such, there is no simple cure that can help anyone or a man with depression. Try being patient with women or men with depression.
A man with depression may not feel better immediately after hearing words of encouragement, but they will know that they are loved. You may notice some depression symptoms in people or men with depression:
- Sleeping too little or too much
- Low energy level
- Indifference toward hobbies or passions
- Putting minimal effort into showering and dressing
What is the single most common cause of depression?
There isn’t a particular cause of depression that is more common than others. Rather, the onset of depression is the result of several factors coming together. A man with depression may feel that they are at a low point in their life, such as being unemployed. Other people with depression may experience depression even when things appear to be going well due to genetic predispositions.
A “downward spiral” is commonly associated with depression. When a person is undergoing a series of distressing events, they may experience symptoms of depression for the first time.
Is it okay to be sad in a relationship?
It is okay to exhibit a range of emotions during a relationship, including sadness. Despite the perfect relationships that social media or pop culture may show, relationships will have highs and lows. Relationships are about supporting each other during your happiest and darkest moments.
If your loved one is experiencing depression is more than just feeling sad. Understanding depression from the outside can be hard, and it may feel frustrating to assume they have a negative outlook on life. If your loved one is experiencing depression, consider consulting a medical professional.
It can help a person with depression to show them that they are loved.
In particular, some societal expectations of masculinity can make it difficult for men with depression and anxiety to realize or admit that they need emotional help. Men with depression need to acknowledge what they are experiencing just like anyone else. But you may be able to help them reach that conclusion by showing interest in your partner’s conversations, doing fun activities with them, and being patient.
What do you say when your partner is sad?
Depending on personality, some people may want company or cheering up, while others may prefer time and space. You can say, “I love you,” “I’m here for you,” or “what do you need?” to try to show your partner that you care.
A person with depression is experiencing more than just sadness and may feel like they cannot rely on anyone for emotional support. But you can try to help improve your partner’s mental health depression by listening and saying supportive things.
Remember that depression isn’t something that can be fixed over a small period of time, and you can’t blame yourself for not knowing the perfect thing to say to a person with depression. Try to be patient and understanding.
How do I help my boyfriend with his anxiety?
People experiencing anxiety to the point where it interferes with their daily life should consider seeking help from a medical professional. As a partner, you can try to help your boyfriend with their anxiety in many ways. While being patient and understanding of his personal process and preferences, some ways to possibly help your boyfriend with anxiety include:
- Encourage your partner and say you believe in them
- Remind your partner that their goal is not to get rid of anxiety but to manage it
- Recognize the symptoms of anxiety
It is important that your boyfriend seek out supportive people and spaces outside of your relationship as well. Having multiple avenues of support is essential for individuals living with mental disorders like anxiety. Encourage your boyfriend to lean on his support network, whether that is friends, families or other loved ones. He might also benefit from researching support groups and connecting with others who understand what it’s like to live with anxiety.
As you support your boyfriend, it’s also essential to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself. Being with someone in a relationship which has anxiety may affect your mental health as well. So, acknowledge when you should take personal breaks for self care.
What is the biggest cause of depression?
People with depression can attribute the mental illness to many causes, or sometimes nothing tangible at all. It can be difficult to pinpoint one cause. Environmental, behavioral, and genetic factors can all be considered and investigated by a mental health professional.
Anyone, including a man with depression, may experience distressing personal events that contribute to feelings of hopelessness, such as getting laid off, getting a divorce, or any other number of reasons.
Substance abuse is also a significant risk factor for developing depression. An individual engaging in drug or alcohol abuse may find that using substances worsens their symptoms of depression.
What is the number one cause of anxiety?
Since anxiety is typically a combination of multiple factors, there is no number one cause for anxiety in all people. However, anxiety disorders are common, affecting an estimated 40 million people in America.
Some causes of anxiety include genetics and environmental factors, such as living in poverty or not having a good support network. Anxiety can have different or even several causes in different people, and a mental health professional can help people experiencing anxiety manage their symptoms and identify triggers.
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