How Do I Break Up With My Boyfriend And Move On?
Breaking up with your boyfriend can be a heart-wrenching experience. You may long for the feelings you had during the initial stages of the relationship when you were still basking in the novelty of it all and you both felt unwavering affection for one another. Still, not every relationship works out. If it has become clear that the relationship isn’t progressing, you may be left wondering, "How do I break up with my boyfriend?”
And then there’s the other portion of the breakup process that you may have to face after you’ve had the breakup conversation: the aftermath of losing that person. Moving on from the relationship is the second part of the process and can be the most difficult. Even when you’re the one who initiates the split, it can still be just as painful for you. You may even have moments of weakness when you wish to get back together. If you have decided to break up with your boyfriend, here are some tips on how to do so successfully and how to move on from the relationship after you have broken it off:
How do I break up with my boyfriend?
If you're planning to break up with your boyfriend for good, and it's not a break up to make up scenario, then you might be wondering how to go about it. One thing you may need to consider before the "how" of breaking up with your boyfriend is the "why" you have come to this decision in the first place. If you’re unsure, consider making a list of all the reasons for the split. You may need to take some time to search your soul for answers that are true to you. Look at this list and ask yourself if these are good reasons to break things off. If they are, this process can help validate your decision further and make the break-up somewhat easier.
If you decide that you're ready to break up with your boyfriend, you may need to take some time beforehand to develop a plan. For example, you may want to decide on practical details like when and where the breakup will occur. Consider what you will say to him and how you will react if he begs you to stay. This forethought may be essential to solidify the breakup and reduce the risk that you might be convinced to stay in the relationship.
Another thing to consider when breaking up with your boyfriend is how he might react to the news. For example, you might consider whether he sees the split coming or if it will catch him off guard. Consider whether he could become angry or aggressive upon hearing the news. If you're worried that he might react unpredictably or aggressively, it may be a good idea to plan the breakup in a public place or bring a trusted friend or family member with you.
Once you have developed a plan, the next step may be to deliver the news to your soon-to-be ex. It may be best to be fair, yet firm in your approach. You may not want to let him change your mind if you've decided that this is the best move for you right now. He might try to promise that he'll change if you stay with him or play on your emotions to get you to stay. It may be helpful to remember that this is your choice and your life. Consider the reasons for the breakup, and do what's best for you.
Once we break up, how do I move on?
To enter a relationship, we must have feelings for the other person, and these feelings and connections can be hard to reverse once we have formed them. When you break up with your boyfriend, you will most likely feel those connections tugging on your heartstrings. Still, there are some ways that you can move on from the relationship and start your life anew.
Get a clean start
If you find yourself struggling to let go of the relationship, it may be time for a clean start. That could mean getting rid of any mementos of the relationship. Gather up any items that your boyfriend may have given you and donate them or throw them out. You may also want to erase any digital traces of the relationship such as phone numbers, pictures on social media, or social media profiles that you are currently following. There may be some truth to the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind”.
Set boundaries
If you have reasons to stay friends after breaking up, make sure you set new boundaries for the relationship. For example, consider limiting the amount of time you spend together and discuss whether it’s appropriate to spend time alone together. You might also want to regulate the types of things you talk about, including sex and relationships, for example. This can make it easier to move on by redefining the relationship. It's also possible that you won't want to be in contact, which may make moving on even easier.
Find pastimes
Perhaps another way to jumpstart moving on is by keeping yourself busy with work and with other activities. Sitting home alone and reflecting on the past may only cause you to fixate on your ex. This could make it much harder for you to break away and move on mentally. If you find yourself wondering how to fill the time you used to spend with your boyfriend, you could consider taking on more work, rediscovering a hobby or sport, or taking some time for self-reflection.
Spending more time with your friends and family may be another way to keep busy and concentrate on your life rather than on him. Once you have been able to separate yourself from your previous attachment, it may get easier to move on, and you will feel less of that intense emotion over time. If you find you need more support to recover from the breakup, a therapist can help.
It can be difficult to reach out for help after a breakup, though. You may be feeling vulnerable, and a visit to a therapist’s office could make you feel even more uncomfortable. Online therapy might be the better option for you during this sensitive time. Many people report feeling more at ease discussing topics like romance and breakups in an online setting. This type of counseling may also be more convenient since it can be accessed from home or anywhere you have an internet connection.
Researchers in the field of mental health have confirmed the effectiveness of internet-based therapy for couples and individuals. A meta-analysis of published studies found that online therapy is associated with results comparable to those achieved through in-person counseling for a variety of mental health challenges and conditions. The study followed nearly 10,000 cases involving diverse populations.
Takeaway
If you're planning on breaking up with your boyfriend, you might be feeling stressed out or unsure of yourself. This can add to the difficulty of ending the relationship. Perhaps the best thing to do in this situation is to trust your gut, be honest about how you're feeling, and talk to someone who can help you gain some clarity. That person can be a trusted friend or family member. A professional counselor may be a good option if you want unbiased help and support during this difficult transition. A counselor can also provide you with resources, tools, and advice that will make it easier to break up with your boyfriend and move on afterward.
Online counseling services like Regain make it easy for you to connect with a counselor on your terms. Once you sign up, you can send direct messages to the counselor you are matched with and even schedule phone or video sessions. Take the first step today and begin charting your path to healing and renewal.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you move on from someone you love?
When it’s time to move on, and you’re having difficulty doing so, there are a couple of things to make sure that you do. First, cut contact with your ex if you haven’t already. After a relationship ends, it might be tempting to say, “let’s be friends.” However, the hard truth is that most people are not ready for that when they are fresh out of a relationship. Having the other person in your peripheral can make it hard to move on, so stop talking to them past what is necessary and consider blocking them on social media, or at least mute them. If something about them comes up on your feed, skip to content past the post. A social media break can even help in some scenarios. It may be tempting to check up on them, but give yourself emotional freedom from having the other person in your view and stop yourself from looking at their social media accounts. Once you have gotten that out of the way, make sure that you focus on yourself, your other social relationships, and your goals in life. If they are to remain in your life, set boundaries.
How do I move on if I still love him?
It’s tough to move on when you still love someone, so first, give yourself grace and remind yourself of your own personal strength. Focus on yourself and get in touch with the things you desire that have nothing to do with your ex. Make sure that you’re taking the time to think about what you want in life, and before you move to the next relationship, emphasize thinking about what you want outside of romance. Is there a career goal you have in mind? Is there a craft or skill you want to learn? Are there friends you haven’t checked on or talked to in a while? Let yourself feel your feelings, and especially when it first happens, give yourself time to mourn. Know that there will be ups and downs; some days will be good, and other days, the person might enter your mind, and it may be tough. If time goes on and you feel stuck, talking to a mental health provider can help.
How do I start to move on?
Continue to process emotions as they come up. Many people experience ups and downs after a breakup, so remind yourself that you are strong and deserving of joy and care. When some time has passed, and it’s time to move on in terms of dating and relationships, think about the kind of partner that you want. What are your non-negotiables? This doesn’t mean you have to be wildly picky or come up with the most specific person in the world that you would want to date at all. It’s about thinking about who is compatible with what you want and who you are. For example, you might want to meet someone who wants kids or doesn’t want kids. Keep those things in mind when you date and think about the things you are unwilling to sacrifice. Maybe, you let something slide before in a partnership that you wouldn’t let slide now. It’s important don’t let red flags slide, and it’s important, to be honest with yourself. When you start dating, move things along appropriately, and make sure that you bring people into your life who make you feel respected.
How can I move on instantly?
It is not ideal to try to move on instantly or without processing your feelings. You might end up bringing negative emotions into a new relationship or entering a new relationship before you’re over your ex, which could negatively impact a new relationship. Instead of moving on immediately, work on moving on healthily. Please don’t act as though nothing is bothering you when it is. Feeling your feelings doesn’t mean wallowing, and it’s about acknowledgment rather than judgment. Let yourself experience your emotions, care for yourself, nurture your life and goals, and don’t be afraid to seek a professional's support. Once you’re ready to start going on dates, move at a steady pace, and make sure you’re using all of the necessary safety precautions for dating, whether you’re meeting people in person or online. Dating can be a lot of fun, and it doesn’t need to be wildly serious from the get-go. Keep your worth in mind and put your effort into being your best self - not just for a future relationship, but for yourself and the rest of your life, too.
What are the 5 stages of break up?
The end of a relationship is most certainly a form of grief, so that it may come as no surprise, but the five stages of a breakup are the same five stages as the stages of grieving. The five stages of a breakup are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Can you stop loving someone if you truly loved them?
It is possible to fall out of love or to stop loving someone. If it’s been a long time since the breakup and you’re still searching for ways to move on, it’s understandable that this might feel far away. This is when speaking to a counselor or therapist has the potential to be a real game-changer. It’s not a matter of snapping your fingers and pretending as though the feelings aren’t there; it’s a matter of processing and working toward healing. Feelings of love aren’t something we have a lot of control over, but our actions and efforts toward self-compassion and emotional processing are. Especially when it comes to toxic relationships, there might be additional pieces to process, and having support can make a world of difference. You don’t have to go through this alone, and you will move on in time.
Why is letting go so hard?
Letting go is often hard for a number of reasons. If you were together for a substantial amount of time, this person was a part of your daily life, and regardless of the length of the connection, this person was special to you. It might’ve felt like they were the one, or it might’ve felt like what you had together was irreplaceable.
How do you heal a broken heart?
There are steps to moving on the process once a relationship ends. You may notice that you go through the five stages of a breakup listed above, and you might go back and forth in between those stages, too. The healing process is not linear. It’ll look a little bit different for everyone depending on a number of factors such as the length of your relationship, whether it was a long-distance relationship or one where you lived together, any potential trauma from the relationship, and so on. If you were living with your partner, you might have to move homes, where if you lived separately or were long distance, you may not, and you may or may not have to speak to each other depending on if you have kids together. A broken heart is a broken heart, and once the tangible aspects are out of the way, it’s time to feel your feelings, make sure that you’re taking care of yourself, your living space, and so on, and nurture all aspects of your own life, including your friendships, your goals, and the things that bring you joy.
How can I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him?
There is no easy way out of a breakup, and you will inevitably hurt someone even if you don't want to. If you both truly loved each other, it would hurt, even for the person who decided to end the relationship. The ideal way to do it is by having an open conversation with your boyfriend, letting them know your reasons and hearing them out too, and when you have both decided it's time to move on from the relationship, then do it with kindness and grace.
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