How Do I Break Up With My Boyfriend And Move On?

Updated May 4, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Breaking Up Is Never Easy

Breaking up with your boyfriend can be a heart-wrenching experience. You may long for the feelings you had during the initial stages of the relationship when you were still basking in the novelty of it all and you both felt unwavering affection for one another. Still, not every relationship works out. If it has become clear that the relationship isn’t progressing, you may be left wondering, "How do I break up with my boyfriend?”

And then there’s the other portion of the breakup process that you may have to face after you’ve had the breakup conversation: the aftermath of losing that person. Moving on from the relationship is the second part of the process and can be the most difficult. Even when you’re the one who initiates the split, it can still be just as painful for you. You may even have moments of weakness when you wish to get back together. If you have decided to break up with your boyfriend, here are some tips on how to do so successfully and how to move on from the relationship after you have broken it off:

How Do I Break Up With My Boyfriend?

If you're planning to break up with your boyfriend for good, and it's not a break up to make up scenario, then you might be wondering how to go about it. One thing you may need to consider before the "how" of breaking up with your boyfriend is the "why" you have come to this decision in the first place. If you’re unsure, consider making a list of all the reasons for the split. You may need to take some time to search your soul for answers that are true to you. Look at this list and ask yourself if these are good reasons to break things off. If they are, this process can help validate your decision further and make the break-up somewhat easier.

If you decide that you're ready to break up with your boyfriend, you may need to take some time beforehand to develop a plan. For example, you may want to decide on practical details like when and where the breakup will occur. Consider what you will say to him and how you will react if he begs you to stay. This forethought may be essential to solidify the breakup and reduce the risk that you might be convinced to stay in the relationship.

Another thing to consider when breaking up with your boyfriend is how he might react to the news. For example, you might consider whether he sees the split coming or if it will catch him off guard. Consider whether he could become angry or aggressive upon hearing the news.  If you're worried that he might react unpredictably or aggressively, it may be a good idea to plan the breakup in a public place or bring a trusted friend or family member with you. 

Once you have developed a plan, the next step may be to deliver the news to your soon-to-be ex. It may be best to be fair, yet firm in your approach. You may not want to let him change your mind if you've decided that this is the best move for you right now. He might try to promise that he'll change if you stay with him or play on your emotions to get you to stay. It may be helpful to remember that this is your choice and your life. Consider the reasons for the breakup, and do what's best for you.

Once We Break Up, How Do I Move On?

To enter a relationship, we must have feelings for the other person, and these feelings and connections can be hard to reverse once we have formed them. When you break up with your boyfriend, you will most likely feel those connections tugging on your heartstrings. Still, there are some ways that you can move on from the relationship and start your life anew.

Get A Clean Start

If you find yourself struggling to let go of the relationship, it may be time for a clean start. That could mean getting rid of any mementos of the relationship. Gather up any items that your boyfriend may have given you and donate them or throw them out. You may also want to erase any digital traces of the relationship such as phone numbers, pictures on social media, or social media profiles that you are currently following. There may be some truth to the saying, “out of sight, out of mind”.

Set Boundaries

If you have reasons to stay friends after breaking up, make sure you set new boundaries for the relationship. For example, consider limiting the amount of time you spend together and discuss whether it’s appropriate to spend time alone together. You might also want to regulate the types of things you talk about, including sex and relationships, for example.  This can make it easier to move on by redefining the relationship. It's also possible that you won't want to be in contact, which may make moving on even easier. 

Breaking Up Is Never Easy

Find Pastimes

Perhaps another way to jumpstart moving on is by keeping yourself busy with work and with other activities. Sitting home alone and reflecting on the past may only cause you to fixate on your ex. This could make it much harder for you to break away and move on mentally. If you find yourself wondering how to fill the time you used to spend with your boyfriend, you could consider taking on more work, rediscovering a hobby or sport, or taking some time for self-reflection. 

Spending more time with your friends and family may be another way to keep busy and concentrate on your life rather than on him. Once you have been able to separate yourself from your previous attachment, it may get easier to move on, and you will feel less of that intense emotion over time. If you find you need more support to recover from the breakup, a therapist can help. 

It can be difficult to reach out for help after a breakup, though. You may be feeling vulnerable, and a visit to a therapist’s office could make you feel even more uncomfortable. Online therapy might be the better option for you during this sensitive time. Many people report feeling more at ease discussing topics like romance and breakups in an online setting. This type of counseling may also be more convenient since it can be accessed from home or anywhere you have an internet connection.  

Researchers in the field of mental health have confirmed the effectiveness of internet-based therapy for couples and individuals. A meta-analysis of published studies found that online therapy is associated with results comparable to those achieved through in-person counseling for a variety of mental health challenges and conditions. The study followed nearly 10,000 cases involving diverse populations. 

Takeaway

If you're planning on breaking up with your boyfriend, you might be feeling stressed out or unsure of yourself. This can add to the difficulty of ending the relationship. Perhaps the best thing to do in this situation is to trust your gut, be honest about how you're feeling, and talk to someone that can help you gain some clarity. That person can be a trusted friend or family member. A professional counselor may be a good option if you want unbiased help and support during this difficult transition. A counselor can also provide you with resources, tools, and advice that will make it easier to break up with your boyfriend and move on afterward.

Online counseling services like Regain make it easy for you to connect with a counselor on your terms. Once you sign up, you can send direct messages to the counselor you are matched with and even schedule phone or video sessions. Take the first step today and begin charting your path to healing and renewal.  

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns

This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.