Breaking up with your boyfriend can be a heart-wrenching experience as those in their initial stages of a relationship are still basking in the novelty of it all, and the unwavering affection, attention, and other benefits come with these kinds of relationships. However, as with other things in life, not everything works out, and you have probably been left wondering, "How do I break up with my boyfriend?" If you've realized that the relationship you're in isn't right for you, you might not know precisely how to break the news to him, as this next step can be just as difficult as deciding to end the relationship in the first place.
Then, there is another portion of the breakup process that you have to face after you have managed to let him know that you no longer wish to see him and that you believe it would be best to go your separate ways: the aftermath of losing that person. For whatever reasons you may have chosen to break up with your boyfriend, that doesn't mean that the split still can't be painful for you, and you may feel moments of weakness where you wish to be back with them and will make attempts to contact them. Moving on is the second part of the process and often the most difficult part. If you have decided to break up with your boyfriend, here are some tips on how to do so successfully and how to move on from the relationship after you have broken it off.
How Do I Break Up With My Boyfriend?
One thing you need to consider before the "how" of breaking up with your boyfriend is the "why" you are breaking up with your boyfriend in the first place. Take out a sheet of paper and start writing a list of all of the reasons why you are doing this and take some time to truly search your soul for answers that are true to you. Look at this list and ask yourself, are these good reasons to break up with him. If they are, these will help validate your choice further and make the process more comfortable once you reach the actual event of breaking up with him.
If you decide that you're ready to break up with your boyfriend, you need to take some time beforehand to start coming up with a plan that will make it easy for both you and your boyfriend. For example, some questions you should ask yourself are, when and where will you do it? What is it that you want to say? What must be said? It's essential to plan before the event so that you will be able to break up with him efficiently and reduce the risk that you can be convinced to stay in the relationship.
Another thing to consider when breaking up with a boyfriend is how he might react to the news of you breaking up with him. Do you think that he sees this coming, or do you expect him to be surprised? Do you expect him to be angry or reactive aggressively towards your choice? If you're worried he will react unpredictably or aggressively, you might want to have someone there when you break up with him or do it in a semi-public place. Safety is very important. If you believe your boyfriend is someone who will lash out or physically hurt you because of your choice, this indicates a toxic relationship that needed to be broken off as soon as possible.
Once you have planned everything out and have come up with a mental list of everything you need to say, it is time to meet up with your boyfriend and present him with the news. Overall, be fair but firm. Don't let him change your mind if you've decided that this is the best move for you right now. He might try to promise that he'll change if you stay with him, but do you really believe it, and is it necessarily something that he could change on his part, or is this choice more about you? Remember, this is your choice and your life. Follow your instincts and do what's best for you.
Once We Break Up, How Do I Move On?
To enter a relationship, we must have feelings for the other person, and these feelings and connections are generally hard to get rid of once we have formed them. When you break up with your boyfriend, you will most likely feel those connections tugging on your heartstrings and pleading with you to go back to your boyfriend, but you must remember to stay strong as you chose for a reason, and you must stick to that choice. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways that you can move on from the relationship and start your life anew.
The first thing that you should consider doing is to delete every shred of evidence from him in your life. Some people may not need to do this as they don't have as much difficulty and may not want to get rid of reminders, but any reminder can bring you another step back to reforming the relationship for struggling people. Gather up any items that they may have given you and throw them away or dispose of them in another appropriate manner shortly after the breakup. Also, make sure to get rid of any digital traces such as phone numbers, pictures on social media, or social media profiles that you are currently following. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind.
Some other ways to move on after breaking up with your boyfriend are by setting healthy boundaries for your new relationship (if there is one), getting out there and meeting new people (this isn't recommended for everyone, but you must know yourself and whether or not this would be a healthy choice for you), and hanging out with friends and family who can replace the time you used to spend with your boyfriend. (If you plan to stay friends when you break up, make sure you set boundaries for things like whether you will hang out alone or what things you can talk about. Otherwise, you may end up getting back into a relationship with him.) This can make it easier to move on. It's also possible that you won't be in contact, in which case this probably won't be an issue or, perhaps, you may want to avoid him entirely. As with throwing everything out, avoiding him and staying involved in your own life is a great way to forget what happened.
Another way to jumpstart moving on is by keeping yourself busy with work and with other activities. Sitting home alone and reflecting on things or constantly having enough time to focus on the breakup will only allow you to fixate on your ex and will make it much harder for you to break away and move on mentally. You can easily eliminate this large gap of time by taking on more work, by engaging in other activities that fill the time between work or other spare moments where you otherwise wouldn't be doing anything, or by finding hobbies that you truly enjoy and that keep your mind off of your boyfriend. As the last section suggests, spending more time with your friends and keeping busy this way will also help you to concentrate on your life rather than on him. Overall, focus on yourself, take care of yourself, and make it so that the only person you can think about is you. Once you have been able to separate yourself from the previous attachment, it will grow easier to move on, and you will feel less of that intense emotion over time. If it makes you feel better, you can also read plenty of experiences online by people who have gone through exactly what you are going through time and time again and who have overcome it! If other people could do it, you are more than capable of moving on as well.
If you're planning on breaking up with your boyfriend, you might be feeling a little stressed out and unsure of yourself, which can add to the difficulty of attempting to end the relationship. If you're struggling to stick to your decision and come up with a plan, the best thing to do in this situation is to trust your gut and be honest about how you're feeling and also by talking to someone that can help you gain some clarity. That person can be a friend or family member you trust or, a counselor is another good option if you want unbiased help and support during this difficult transition. Even better, a counselor is someone who will be able to provide you with a ton of resources, tools, and advice that will make it easier to both break up with your boyfriend and move on afterward.
Online counseling services like ReGain make it easier than ever for you to connect with a counselor on your terms, in whatever way is most convenient for you. You can send unlimited messages to the counselor you are matched with from your electronic devices and even schedule phone sessions if they are needed or desired. If you think a therapist is the best person for you during this difficult time, take the first step today by reaching out to a counselor who can help you with all of these issues and guide you through the many steps that will come after the relationship has ended.